Disclaimer: I don't own it. Of course, since I'm writing fanfic, that should be obvious, but…you know.

AN: To those of you who are reading The Come and Get It Dress, I'd like to, one, take a moment to thank you, and two, tell you that this is something of a prequel to it. And I do have another chapter of TCAGID, so that will be up soon. Hopefully.

Chapter 3- Oddball

As I settled into the warmth of my shower, I continued to mull over the last two weeks. Tank had moved me up to the fourth floor offices the moment I'd gone into work for my second day, put me in a cubicle with enough technology inside to communicate with Mars, and a drawer filled with the essentials: coffee creamer; sugar; a standard RangeMan cell; a dangling keychain with a keypad that had a security button for my brand new black Mercedes, a security button for the gates at the Haywood offices, and a button that looked ominously like the one on Rangers, used to get into his apartment; and a Glock, loaded and ready for action. Which I was to carry, concealed or no, under no uncertain terms, at all times. Or I was fired.

Security men,I thought scornfully, the voice inmy head laden with animosity.

Like I'd remember a gun.

To add to that, Ranger was being decidedly weird. He'd been flirty and sexy and all innuendo the day I started working at RangeMan, but the next day, when I'd come in and Tank had escorted me to the fourth floor, he'd been…mercenary Ranger, all monosyllables and grunting. Which I wouldn't have minded so much, except the grunting waws leading to nowhere. A brick wall, maybe. Or a dead end. But not anyplace pleasurable, in any sense of the word.

And for two weeks he'd been like that. It felt like we were back at square one, like I was sitting down at a table and pointing to a piece-of-shit Nova and he'd never seen me naked or covered in garbage before.

And now that I had finished mourning Joe, it really, really sucked.

Usually, Ranger and I were in a game of tug of war, where Ranger would pull, and I would pull, and halfway through my pull Ranger would drop the rope and disappear before I'd righted myself.

Right now, Ranger wasn't even near the rope, and I didn't know what to do about it.

Sitting in the perfectly heated, soft leather interior of the command center that was my car, I dialed Joe to see if we were still on for the game tonight. It was our first stab at the friends thing, and Joe was bringing Bob to chaperone.

Like that ever did us much good. Bob was probably a porn fanatic because of us.

He picked up on the third ring just as I slammed on my brakes, nearly tail-ending the ice cream truck in front of me. I let a string of curse words spew from my mouth, made a hand gesture that came entirely from my Italian heritage, then pressed on the gas the moment the ice cream truck moved forward, swerving into my right lane and missing the bumper of the car behind me by about half an inch. It was rush hour in Trenton.

"Stephanie?"

"Hey Joe. Just making sure we were still on for tonight."

"I'm bringing Pino's."

"I'm out of beer."

"I'm bringing that too."

"I have no dessert."

"Add that to the list of things I'm bringing."

"No napkins."

"I'll ask for extra."

"And, you know, come to think of it, I haven't been shopping in a while and I could use—."

"Goodbye Stephanie."

"All I need is a little—."

"See you at six."

"All you'd have to do is—."

I was met by dial tone. I grinned a bit, switched lanes to pass a grandpa in a Caddy, and turned up Metallica for the drive home.

Halfway through the game, with the Rangers miles ahead of the Sharks, I popped open my third beer, brushing pizza crust off my chest.

"No way. The Rock would win, no doubt. The Rock over the Flash? There's no competition."

Okay, so I was buzzed. What could I say? I'm not a drinker. Joe, of course, was perfectly sober. He'd been practicing abstinence. Which was why there were two beers left.

"Okay. How about me over Ranger?" He asked, a smirk on his lips.

My eyes bulged out,and beer sloshed out of the bottle as my stomach shook in silent mirth. When I'd sobered…well, calmed down enough to speak, I chuckled. "No offense, but Ranger is Batman. You can't win against Batman."

"You're saying I'd have no chance?"

"One very tiny, itty bitty, teeny weeny, extremely small chance," I said elongating the "e" in extremely for effect. And because I was inebriated.

"And what chance would that be?"

"Duh. If you hit him with a couple horse tranquilizers."

"This hero complex isn't safe. Does he know you call him Batman?"

"Sure he knows. About the Batmobile and the Batcave…"

Joe frowned a bit, and for the life of me I couldn't figure out why. If I hadn't been drunk off my ass, I would have realized it was probably a mix of jealousy and concern (for my safety or my heart, no one would ever know).

"So, if we got into a fight right now…"

"You'd be dead. Especially now." I stumbled across all the 's's. "He's in monosyllabic mercenary mode now." I giggled. "Say that ten times fast."

Joe seemed even more concerned. He was quiet, his gaze on the TV, his eyes unseeing. He was broken from his reverie by my voice. "What about me and Wonder Woman?"

"Cupcake," he began, "you'd probably trip over your own feet and crush her. Or a car would explode nearby and she'd catch fire."

I continued to pair superheroes and humans alike, speculating with my intoxicated mind who would win each match, not noticing Joe's sudden withdrawal from the proceedings.

At eleven, Joe took his leave, casually suggesting that Bob sleep over. This momentarily cleared my mind.

"If you leave Bob here tonight it is very likely that tomorrow morning, Joyce will have me arrested and you'll have to bail me out and save Bob from being raped," I told Morelli, my eyes half closed.

"Is that a threat?" Morelli asked, and I could feel the grin tugging at the corners of his mouth.

"Promise," I stated. "Much more serious than a threat."

Joe smiled, moving toward the door, Bob at his heels. "Night Steph."

I woke with a mantra in my head that sounded suspiciously like an Offspring song. And as the morning went on, the theme of the song continued.

In front of the coffee pot, I told Rex, "I'm never going to drink again."

Ordering The Cure at McDonalds, I told the man in speaker box, "I'll probably never drink again," and visiting Lula to steal a doughnut, I told Connie, "I may not ever drink again."

But the time I made it to the office my prospects her much brighter. I sang the last part silently, making my way to my cubicle to start the day.

At least not 'til next weekend

I was startled when Tank called my name, and my head shot up. "Yeah?"

"You've got a call on line 3. Mary something."

I nodded my thanks, and turned to the phone. Ugh.

I pressed line 3, pressed "speak" and picked up the phone. "Hello?"

"Hey Steph."

Her voice carried throughout the room, and the men looked curiously up at me.

"Crap," I intoned softly. "Yeah, hey, it's me." Trying to play it cool, I began to press buttons all along the keyboard. I could see the men laughing silently in their respective places.

"Yeah, so I came to visit you last night, and guess what?"

My heart skipped a beat, and I searched frantically for a button to fix it. "Um…what?"

Panic spread when her voice continued to issue from the ceiling.

"Joe's truck was there."

I continued to press buttons. "Oh, Yeah. We were watching the game. With Bob. You know, Pino's, dessert, Ranger's kick Shark ass."

"Right. You told me. And that's what I thought when I saw his truck, so I figured I'd wait for the game to finish and come visit."

"Oh," I said, pressing buttons at random now, hoping something would work. Damn buttons.

"Now here's the funny part."

"There's a funny part?" I whined hopelessly.

"The game ended at 9:30." Mary paused. "I was out there until almost 11."

Damn. If she'd stayed a few minutes longer…

"We had dessert. It was one of those cheesecakes that you have to leave out to thaw, and Joe wouldn't leave until he got some."

"Right. Until he got some."

Oh god. I was never going to live this down with the Merry Men.

"So, how was it?"

"The cheesecake?" By now it was all I could do not to pound my fist against the board in the hope that something would hit the right button.

"Yeah. Sure. The cheesecake."

"Well, it was…good."

"Good as in not bad, or good as in great? Because I always thought, with all the fights you two had—."

"Mary Lou, you're…" I tried desperately.

"—the makeup sex had to be great for you to stay with him."

"…on speaker phone," I finished softly.

I felt the hairs on the back of my neck stand on end, and Ranger's voice filled my cubicle. "You just press 'speak' again," he said.

I did so with haste, trying to ignore his presence long enough for Mary Lou to finish her conversation.

Unfortunately, today Ranger wasn't monosyllabic man. Today he had the rope in his hands, and he was going to pull it until he ran out of rope and all that was left was me. I could feel it, even though I refused to turn and look at him. Gulp.

"Oh god. They all heard? All the Merry Men?"

"Yep."

"And…Ranger."

"Yes," I said slowly.

"Shoot."

"That sums it up."

We were silent, and Bulgari continued to assault my nose.

"Okay, so…I gotta know. Are you and Joe back together or what?"

"Mary, I already told you that."

"Well, did you have sex with him or not?"

"No. I didn't."

"For real? Well, when did he leave then?"

"Eleven."

"You were really just eating cheesecake."

"Sorry."

"You're no fun anymore. You need to sleep with Ranger or something."

"Mary."

"He's right there, right?"

"Mmhm."

"Right. I'm gonna go before I find another way to completely embarrass myself around the hottest man in existence. Anyway, the kids are having a disagreement with the restroom facitlites."

Which meant that they were fighting over who got to drink toilet water first. Ah, the joys of children.

I turned my attention slowly to Ranger, who looked at me with some emotion I couldn't decipher. Probably there was a lot of mirth in there.

"Busy night?"

I shrugged. "Just the Ranger's game."

"This is the part where I tell you I'm seeing an unhealthy pattern."

"What?" I asked. "No pattern. The pattern is done. Over with. Finito."

"So Morelli slept on the couch?"

I crossed my arms indignantly over my chest. "No. He ate his strawberry cheesecake, took Bob and left at eleven. So there. Pattern over Batman."

Ranger's eyes darkened. "Don't play with fire, Babe. I let you talk to me like that in front of the men they'll think they can do the same."

"Yeah, well, you were assuming thing. And you know what they say about assuming things."

"What's that?"

I fumbled. "Well. That you…shouldn't." I stuck out my lip in a pout, and Ranger gave me a feral grin, moving closer to me. Of course, I was standing now, so we were inches about at about a stride and a half.

"So, you and Morelli are really done this time?"

"Yeah," I said on a breathy sigh.

His smile widened. "Good."

He tucked a curl behind my ear, kissed me softly on the lips, then turned and began to walk away.

Bam. Stephanie falls on her ass and get whipped by the rope.

"What good? Ranger! What do you mean?"

Surprisingly, he turned back around, and strode to my cubicle, leaning over the side of it. "Ella's making lunch upstairs. Use your keypad."

"Um…"

He gave me another one of those odd looks again, tugged on a stray curl, and then he was gone.

AN: I have to give credit where it's due, so number one, the "assuming bit" was taken from my memory of a Gilmore Girls…if I remember it well enough, the episode is Rory's Two Birthdays, or something like that. And the Offspring song is "Worst Hangover Ever" and if you've heard the song, you'll understand exactly why I used it. If you haven't heard it…find it and listen to it, because it's the hilarious and slightly painful truth. Hehe. Hope you likey.