AN: Here I am again, lovelies, with yet another installment for you to read. I hope you find it to your taste. So on we go!
Knightly Duties
The Fat Lady watched helplessly from her portrait as she watched Filch grumpily hang Sir Cadogan's portrait right next to hers. Nobody had asked her permission to see if they could hang up his portrait next to her. It was outrageous! It was a scandal! It was—
"Yer turning quite red in the face, my fat maiden," said a sly voice from behind her.
The Fat Lady turned around in alarm. Oh no. Not know. It was barely ten seconds ago that they had just hung his portrait up. Why did he have to come annoy her now?
"I believe your eyes are turning against you, then, Cadogan," she snapped.
Sir Cadogan swung his visor up. "And 'tis no wonder why! The very sight of ye could destroy anyone's eyes."
I've never seen him with his visor up. He looks— "Rude," she sniffed. I suppose I should just ignore him. Maybe he'll go away.
However, Sir Cadogan did quite the opposite. "How now, am I having hallucinations? For once, the fat maiden's ignoring me! Heavens above!"
"I could ignore you all century if you want me to," the Fat Lady retorted. "It's your own fault, coming to my portrait this way. Why can't you stay in your own landscape, where you belong?"
"Alas, 'tis no fun without a fat maiden to harass."
"Impertinent."
"Bossy Bulges."
"Metal Face."
"Double Chin."
"Knight Fall."
"Chubby Cheeks."
"Horrible."
"I see ye don't have a good comeback for me, eh?"
"The same goes to you, Cadogan."
The two glared daggers at each other. Finally, Sir Cadogan regained his composure and dusted his mail vest off. "I call it a draw, fat maiden. But we shall see each other again, no doubt about that."
And with that, Sir Cadogan left her portrait to meet his other new neighbors.
All the while, the Fat Lady realized that her heart was beating rather fast. Seating her large rear end on a tasseled cushion, she realized that she actually liked fighting with Sir Cadogan. It wasn't just the quick-thinking, the smart-mouthing, and the clear composure that had to be used in every fight against the portly knight—she didn't know for certain what it was—but it was pleasant.
"Are you done daydreaming yet?" asked a cheeky voice.
The Fat Lady looked left, right, up and down, and finally resting her eyes on a small first year girl with long pigtails riding down her back.
"Oh, er, yes, sorry—password?" The Fat Lady coughed.
"Enchantsmentus Spectacularis," the girl stated clearly.
The Fat Lady nodded, impressed. "Correct," she said. The other first year Gryffindors she had seen earlier in the week had a lot of trouble pronouncing the password, and she seriously considered changing the password unless a first year could pronounce it.
Changing passwords. The Fat Lady despised doing it—and it was only two months into the new school year! It reminded her horribly of Sir Cadogan and his insane passwords that changed every other hour. She took a peek into his portrait—which was empty, except for his fat, dapple-grey pony, who was grazing lazily in the meadow.
The Fat Lady glanced at her Inventory—two large chocolate bars, which her painter had so generously painted for her—a bottle of gin from her best friend Violet, who had a painting downstairs—a peppermint stick from Father Christmas, a new painting who was down the hall—and a sweet dandelion bar from a flock of geese who had a painting on the floor above.
She looked over at the pony, who was nudging stale weeds pitifully. She looked down at the dandelion bar. Ponies ate dandelions, didn't they? And Cadogan wasn't anywhere nearby… and she had nothing against his pony…
So the Fat Lady did something she never thought she'd do. She crept into Sir Cadogan's portrait. "Pony? The Fat Lady has something for you…"
The dapple-grey pony stared mournfully at the Fat Lady, who was approaching him slowly with a sweet smelling something in her hand. The pony neighed and raised his head up higher, allowing the lady to come closer.
Finally, she reached him, and he lowered his nose to the treat in her hand. Dandelion! Sir Cadogan never did things like this for him…
"Oi! Fat maiden! What're ye doing with my pony?"
The Fat Lady looked up, almost getting whiplash. Oh no. Perfect timing, Fat Lady. "I'm being affectionate with it, something you never are!"
Sir Cadogan flicked his visor up casually, exposing his slightly handsome face, causing the Fat Lady to shudder pleasantly on the inside.
"Now, really, fat maiden, why art thou here?"
Curse his cute Olde English. "Your pony looked hungry, so I decided to feed it."
Curse her sweet nature and soft spot for animals. "What do ye mean? There's a whole field of—"
"—stale weeds, Cadogan. Honestly, you had better get a bucket of water from the Portrait of the Mermaid down by the bathrooms and water this dump."
Two pink spots appeared on Sir Cadogan's cheeks. "'Tis just fine like this. My pony prefers it this way."
The Fat Lady looked down at the pony, who was devouring the bar hungrily like a lion eating a steak. "Oh, I can see that."
All of a sudden, Sir Cadogan's stomach grumbled. The pink spots on his cheeks became darker. Perfect timing, Ca-dope-gan. "Er…"
However, instead of looking large and angry like Sir Cadogan thought she would look like, the Fat Lady looked at him with a softened expression. "You're hungry?" she asked, more kindly than she meant.
Sir Cadogan shrugged and toed the grass with his metal shoe. The Fat Lady nodded. "I have a bit I can share with you." She said quietly, disappearing into her own portrait.
Mere seconds later, she set a basket of sweets down on the field at Sir Cadogan's feet. He was about to chuckle and mention something about her only being fast when there was food around, but promptly bit his tongue. This was one of the pitiful few times when the Fat Lady was nice to him—he decided to make the most of it, and, hell, be nice back.
"Looks grand," he complimented.
The Fat Lady nodded. "I didn't make any of this myself, though," she said apologetically.
The portly knight shrugged. "As long as it was given to me by you, and better yet, if it tastes well, 'tis all a wonderful gift."
"Knightly duty, eh?"
"Indeed, fat maiden!"
And for once, the two sat down together as civilized people, not noticing the other portraits watching on in interest.
AN: What do you think? This particular chapter wasn't exactly the best, I know. But then... one more chapter to go! I'll see you when I see you, da.