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Back in the Saddle

Chapter Three – Sleepless in Atlantis

Rodney watched Colonel Sheppard walk away from the table and drained the last dregs of coffee from his mug. He was about to rise when a hand pushed down on his shoulder keeping him in place.

"Rodney. How are ye feelin?"

He looked up as Dr Carson Beckett walked around and seated himself opposite.

"Fine," he said warily.

"Oh?" Carson raised an eyebrow. "Elizabeth tells me you have quite the headache. In fact she gave me the impression you were in some pain and that you had gone for a lie down after all your excitement."

Oh Crap. "Right, yes. You saw that, huh?"

Carson nodded and leant forward across the table watching him. "Aye, saw the whole shebang." He waved his fork in the air for effect before pointing it at Rodney. "Elizabeth was actually worried about you. She thought maybe I had released you too early."

The scientist felt himself begin to squirm under the close scrutiny. "No, no, no, not at all. Just did a little too much too soon and had a little relapse."

"It didn't affect your appetite then," Carson noted.

"Well I figured it best. You know…wouldn't want to add a hyperglycaemic attack to my list of recent woes now, would I?"

Carson reached over and lifted Rodney's mug to his nose.

"Coffee," the doctor observed. "Not so good for headaches."

Rodney pushed himself away from the table and stood.

"Yes, yes, you're absolutely right," he said clicking his fingers. "That's why it's probably hurting so much now – so I guess I'll go and get that lie down."

"Well, make sure you do lad. Otherwise, I'll have ye back in the infirmary where I can administer some pain relief," Carson said and looked pointedly at him.

Sadist! Rodney nodded and turned to leave.

"Oh, and Rodney?" Carson called out, smiling sweetly. "Make sure ye make it to your quarters without any detours or distractions lad. No stopping off at the lab….no more making like you're an extra from 'Top Gun.'"

Rodney took that as his cue and left the mess hall as quickly as decorum would allow.

The threat of pointy needles carried Rodney straight to his quarters where he changed into sweat pants and t-shirt, before climbing into bed. He was actually tired, and the ache in his head was making itself heard again. Closing his eyes he drifted off into a fitful sleep, tossing and turning as he had the previous night.

He woke with a start, and sat bolt upright in bed looking around confused. Someone was banging on his door and he padded over to it.

Rubbing a hand over his sweaty brow he opened the door.

"Elizabeth?" he spluttered. "What are you doing here?"

"I did say I was going to check on you," she said amusement evident in her voice. "How's the head?"

"Still there," he said running a hand through his dishevelled hair. He shook the grogginess away and focused on Elizabeth who was watching him carefully.

"Are you okay? You don't seem to be operating on all thrusters Rodney. Do you want me to get Carson?"

"No, no, no, just had a bad dream, that's all," he said pointing over his shoulder at the bed.

"You're having trouble sleeping? Maybe you should speak to Kate," Elizabeth said.

Rodney tried not to flinch at the suggestion. "That seems to be your solution to everything these days," he snapped. "What is there a chapter in Atlantis' standing orders? Pack any and all personnel with the slightest display of emotion off to the shrink?"

Elizabeth visibly recoiled from him and he immediately knew he'd gone too far. But damn it, he hated people thinking he was nuts.

"Rodney," she said quietly.

"Sorry," he interrupted. "That was…uncalled for – I'm sorry." He tapped his forehead and offered a weak smile. "Head hurts, y'know."

"Yes I know. That's why I'm here."

They both stood there for a moment not saying anything until Rodney began to fidget.

"You know, if you don't want to talk to Kate, you could always talk to me," Elizabeth said.

Rodney stared at her. He hated all this touchy feely stuff and felt right out of his depth.

"Really I'm fine," he said.

"You're not fine Rodney."

"Look, I promise you I'm as fine as a big fine thing on St. Fine's Day."

She chuckled and regarded him with one of those raised eyebrows of hers. The one that always let him know she could see right through his bluster. How did she do that he wondered.

"No you're not," she said smugly.

"FINE Elizabeth, I'm not fine! Happy now?" he snapped throwing his hands up in the air and as he retreated back into his room. He walked over towards the window and stared out. When he heard the door close, he shut his eyes and dipped his head towards his chest.

He didn't need to turn around to know she was there. He could sense her presence and more over, he could smell her perfume. He wasn't getting out of this. "I watched a man die Elizabeth, and not for the first time," he said quietly. "Griffin died, so that I could live. Why do people feel the need to do that for me?" he asked wrapping his arms tightly around himself.

He felt a pair of tentative hands on his shoulders and felt his body tense. "You know lately – even before the crash, I've been having trouble sleeping. We've lost a lot of good people Elizabeth, and as callous as you all may think I am…it…it bothers me," he said frustrated at his lack of eloquence.

"I don't think your callous Rodney. In fact, I think you're rather vulnerable. It's one of your more endearing qualities – saving graces you might call them."

"Oh. Thanks…I think."

He turned around and her hands dropped from his shoulders to her side.

"Seriously, I'm okay. There's no need for you to worry," he said.

"Actually there was another matter I wanted to speak with you about," she said.

Rodney tried not to look surprised and waved his hand at a chair. Elizabeth sat down and he leaned against his desk. "So?" he prompted when she said nothing.

She looked up at him, opened her mouth, promptly closed it and looked down again.

Rodney smirked, amused at seeing the trained diplomat struggling to find the right words. Then he got worried. If she was this hesitant, whatever she wanted to talk about had to be bad.

"Elizabeth what is it? Is everything okay?"

She chuckled quietly. "It is now you're back."

That threw him and he scratched his head.

Elizabeth took a deep breath and looked up. "This is a little embarrassing, but here goes. When you were missing I had some time to reflect on the way I've treated you off late. I've been distant from you, and well….let's face it, I've been a poor friend to you."

"Really? Can't say I've noticed," he lied.

Elizabeth looked at him again with her mind reading eyebrow and smiled knowingly.

"You see, you think you have all the time in the world to fix things, but the crash reinforced the fact that you can't be complacent, especially out here. You never know what's going to happen from one day to the next and…and," she faltered not finding the right words once again.

"Elizabeth is this leading somewhere?" he asked.

"Yes, Rodney this is leading somewhere, and if you'd just let me finish I shall lead you there. Okay?" She smiled.

Rodney smirked. "Lead away."

"Well, it struck me that I...Oh God," she sighed and cradled her head suddenly in her hands.

Rodney knelt in front of her and gently pulled her hands away from her face. Her eyes were suspiciously watery and Rodney did not know what to make of it. "Hey, what's wrong Elizabeth? What is it you're trying to tell me?" He watched as she struggled to find the right words and then gave up, looking at him instead.

Rodney locked gazes with her. "Look, as you've pointed out on numerous occasions, I'm no good at subtleties and nuances so you're just going to have to spell it out for me."

Elizabeth smiled at him and reached down cupping his face in her hands, her eyes never leaving his. He froze and watched in slow motion as she leaned down and kissed him chastely, before resting her forehead on his.

"Oh," Rodney said.

"Yes. Oh," she chuckled. "I just need you to know that I care about you very deeply. More than I should do. If I push you away Rodney, it's because I don't trust myself. I'm the leader, I have to be strong and I can't be seen to play favourites."

Rodney laughed and she pulled her head back to look at him.

"So the last few months have been the equivalent of you pulling my metaphorical pigtails because you liked me?" he said grinning.

Elizabeth smiled back and nodded. "I guess."

"Okay. Good to know," he said and drew her into his arms.

"I don't know if we can make this work," she said.

Rodney closed his eyes and held her tighter. Just a few days ago he'd been tired, and had felt out of sorts. Now after a horrifying incident he was realising that things were actually very good. He and the Colonel's friendship was back on track, he had a new respect for his fellow scientists, and the one woman who made this all worth while cared for him.

"We'll find a way – I always do," he said.

FINIS

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