Picture Perfect.

By Hercat

Summary: They say that a picture is worth a thousand words. But some photos are priceless.

Disclaimer: The only thing I own is a bunch of DeadLines. Help! They're gaining on me!

Reviews: Yes please.

The whole thing started, as a disproportionate number of things did in Konoha, with Naruto.

Iruka was, also as usual, not aware what the boy was up to until it was much, much, too late.

The first time, he was at the academy.

"Sensei – so kawaii," squealed one of the young TAs, as she darted past, late to the class she was covering.
"Um…Thank you?" She was already gone, so he turned back to his class.

The second time, he was on his way to the missions room, jogging a little, made late by a slew of curious questions.
"Sensei," rumbled a voice.
"Ah, Asuma-Sensei. Is there something I can help you with? I'm in a bit of a hurry, I'm afraid."
"Just wanted to say, nice picture."
"Picture, what picture?" Asuma gave him a peculiar smirk.
"Heading to the missions desk?"
"Un."
"I'll walk with you then. We'd better hurry, it's almost shift change." Iruka shot the smoking Jounin a look, but genially jogged along beside him.

The third and last time happened when he arrived at the missions desk to see Tsunade leaning against it. Iruka shot a panicked look at the clock, but he still had a few minutes. It did not however escape his notice that everyone was staring at him and … grinning. Including the Hokage.

"Tsunade-sama," Iruka said, bowing deeply.
"Ah, Iruka-san! Just the ninja I wanted to see." This could not, in any way, shape, or form, be good.
"Ah, yes?"
"I wondered if you knew who was responsible for the naked picture. I wanted to say thanks to them for livening things up a little around here today."

Naked pictures. No, that wasn't good.

"Why would I…" Iruka was fairly sure he didn't want an answer to that question.
"Why, because it's of you of course." Through the rushing in his ears he could distinctly hear Asuma say 'Twenty he has a stroke. Any takers?' That helped shock him back to himself, along with the realisation that there was only one person who could have taken naked pictures of him…and he couldn't imagine Kakashi sharing.
"Is that so? May I see?" He heard Asuma swear and pass some bills to Genma, but he was more interested in the square of paper the Hokage had. Maybe an altered image? If somebody had pasted his head on a centerfold again he was going to get pissy.

Taking the square, he realised it was indeed a real picture of him naked, helpfully labelled 'Iruka-Sensei' in Naruto's awkward script. I'm going to have to teach him to disguise that part of him thought.

The rest of him though, was taken up with relief that it was in fact a baby photo.

One year old Iruka grinned happily up at him from the bath, hanging on to the side and a tattered brown washcloth. It was perfectly innocent, you couldn't even see below his waist.

"Hokage-sama, as everyone here is obviously lacking for entertainment, may I make a suggestion? We could put up a collection of baby photos of those who work here. I know I have one or two which I'd love to share with everybody."
"What a lovely idea Iruka, we should make this into a contest. We'll give it two weeks I think…I'll have to come up with some sort of prize." She said thoughtfully "Well, everyone give it your best shot, I can't wait to see what will turn up." With that she strode out of the room, leaving several ninja cursing in her wake.

Asuma in particular had good reason to swear. Iruka remembered what he'd been like as a child – hyperactive even for a ninja brat, and there were plenty of photos to prove it.

Iruka thought the one with Asuma's head stuck through the back of a chair would be particularly illuminating for those who'd missed that stage of his development the first time around.

That picture was in fact a big hit, though not as surprising as the one of Ibiki. There was something about seeing the head of the Torture and Interrogation squad in a high chair covered with cheerio's that just didn't seem right.

Though Iruka did notice that Ibiki started getting invited out more.

The fact that he didn't take it down led Iruka to think that Ibiki, strictly speaking, didn't mind everyone being more comfortable with him

Or it could have been the fact that the Hokage had threatened to break the fingers of anyone caught removing photos.

Of course, it didn't escape anyone's notice that she did just that when one of her went up. No one was willing to confess to posting the picture of a five year old Tsunade-chan throwing a full out hissy fit, formal kimono and all.

But Iruka had seen Jiraya-sama wandering through that day and had a pretty good idea of the source.

Comparatively, the shot of Gai in red footie pyjamas was pretty anti-climactic.

Somewhere in the middle, Iruka started wondering if there were any of Kakashi.

His lover was camera shy, and had been for a long time. It was partially for security reasons – there was no point in making it easier for Konoha's enemies to use henge, and partially Kakashi being Kakashi.

That was something Iruka had adapted to, but doubted he would ever get used to.

Iruka spent a while mulling it over. There were compulsory photographs in the files, taken at each rank change, and a current one for…identification purposes, but taking or copying those was forbidden. And besides, Iruka didn't want a picture of a seven year old in uniform, glaring out at him. It would give him the creeps.

The medical files were tightly controlled, but Iruka worked in records, so people generally didn't bother keeping him out.

Kakashi's folder was thick, but Iruka didn't read it. He wouldn't invade his lover's privacy. Kakashi being Kakashi though, Iruka'd bet good money that any piece of paper with either of their names on it had long since been committed to memory.

They were different people though, and Iruka didn't want to see his lover's young face kunai-gouged with a dead child's eyeball stuck in it. Catching the odd word on the reports was enough.

One of the sheets in the report was covered with bloody fingerprints. Kakashi's? The doctor's? It didn't matter. He copied the page over, replaced it in the file, and destroyed the original. Leaving a special Jounin's blood where anyone could get to it was a stupid risk.

Iruka could think of several nasty ways to use it, and he was hardly the most creative in that department.

But in the end, there wasn't anything Iruka wanted in there; the file began with Kakashi's field career, and that was already too late.

Iruka spent the next couple of days hunting around Konoha for baby pictures in every spare moment he had. Somewhere along the line, this had turned from an abstract 'what if…' to a quest for Kakashi's innocence. To know that there was some left, even if only on paper. Something Iruka could give a man who was just farther ahead, even if Kakashi had never, not even once, made it a contest between them.

Iruka still made a point of going by the board daily. There were a lot of interesting photos going up, but somehow it had become less important.

He didn't have any luck going around the former area of the Hatake clan, from what the neighbours said, they'd been antisocial, even for ninja.

He'd tried tracking down Kakashi's mother, and had found an unholy mess that put the one with his father to shame.

He'd even considered poking around the abandoned Uchiha complex, but the chances of finding anything there were minimal. From what little Kakashi had said, he'd met Obito after he'd become a Chuunin. Besides, there was something…off about that part of town.

Iruka had more or less run out of ideas (not given up, if eight years of bludgeoning knowledge into thick little skulls hadn't done that, nothing would), before it occurred to him to wonder where the rest of Kakashi's medical file was. Yes it started with Genin status, but what about the training? What about childhood immunizations? Baby photos?

Iruka knew for a fact they hadn't been thrown out. Bureaucracy never threw anything out, it didn't know how.

Two hours later, he was sipping tea in a small house on the edge of Konoha. It was one of the poorer districts, but the house itself was spotless.

"Of course I have pictures dearie, one of every baby I delivered." Sato-san chuckled. "Reckon I might have held half of Konoha in these two hands, one time or another. My question is why should I give them up? And to someone I hardly know at that."

Iruka struggled with his answer. Something told him that offering money would be an insult, but he couldn't be honest about why he was looking either.

Finally Iruka settled for asking if there was anything he could trade.

"Hmm, tell you what dearie," Sato said with a bright smile "Pictures aren't labelled. If you can pick out the one you want – only one mind you, and put the right name to it on the first go round, you can keep it. Sound fair?"

And so in short order, Iruka was leafing through a truly massive box of photos. If they were in order, it wasn't one Iruka recognised.

There were babies from every clan in Konoha, big and small, squalling and asleep, even some from clans Iruka didn't recognise. Who were the people with the green hair?

"Hana clan, the treetalkers," explained Sato. "Yondaime trained with them, but their complex was outside the great wall to the west so…" The Kyuubi had come from the west.

"Is this my father? Did you deliver him?" Iruka had been sure his father had been born in Wave country.

"Actually dearie, that's your uncle, the youngest of the three." Iruka nodded, there had been almost a dozen Umino in Konoha at one point. He'd been the only one for a very long time.

There were more pictures. Iruka had been so sure he'd know Kakashi's when he saw it, but now he was starting to doubt. All the faces were starting to look the same, unmarked by time and misfortune. Had he already passed it? Would Sato-san reach into the discard pile and pull Kakashi out?

He stopped frozen at one infant.

"Is this me?" He looked so small, lying on the blanket.

"Indeed it is dearie. Day after you were born. That the one you wanted?" Iruka shook his head mutely. He was about to put it down when he noticed something.

"Where's the birthmark on my foot?"

"Second toe on the left?" Well, Sato-san might be pushing eighty, but there was obviously nothing wrong with her memory. "That's no birthmark dearie, it's a scar. Ingrown toenail when you were two. Your father was frantic with guilt – you'd think he'd cut your foot off, the way he went on. Then your mother got home from her mission to find you in the hospital – now there was a dustup! Half the doctors were in hiding, and the other half were laying bets."

"I don't remember that at all," Iruka murmured. He took the next photo out of the box.

There had been green haired babies, black haired babies and babies with blond hair so fine it looked white. But even though this baby was as bald as a mushroom top, Iruka knew it was Kakashi.

"Found it then?" Ironic really, that in this whole big box they'd been right beside each other all along.

"This is Kakashi isn't it?"

"The Hatake boy? That's who you were after?" She sounded a little surprised, which make Iruka smile.

"Well the one of Anko-chan sucking her thumb is nice too, but this is the one I want." Besides, the one that had already gone up of her waving a handful of half-eaten worms was so much more charming.

"Well, you've found it then." Sato sounded a little put out, Iruka noticed. "If you ever get tired of it…"

"I'll return it. And if you ever want to see it, I will be pleased to return your hospitality. Thank you for the gift Sato san. I greatly appreciate it."

As Iruka walked home, he looked at the photo again.

Kakashi, Iruka was amused to note, had been quite an ugly baby. He was red and wrinkly, and from the looks of things, howling at the top of his lungs. Not a trace of the gorgeous determined man he would become.

Iruka decided that out of all the photos he'd seen this week, he liked this one the best.

This picture was perfect.

OWARI