All right. Time for another completion. Time to tie everything together the best way I can…Okay, not the best way, but…
On the last episode…chapter…yeah, chapter, the race for PIE's attainment went like so. Old School crashed into a grocery store. The Italians and The Three Brave Swordsmen chased after The Spacemen and Girl Power in their spacecraft. Jigglypuff hijacked a bus. Mr. Game & Watch hitched a ride on a fire truck. The Brat Pack, Bowser, and DK reached the Monkeyshine taping first, where The Cute Ones were the contestants. Many crashes ensued after that. After everybody arrived, Mewtwo swiped the pastry at the last second. On his flight back, several Phantom Ganons encountered him. The electric blast they created forced PIE out of Mewtwo's grip and into the Ice Climber's car. Totally happy, they began racing back to wherever the hell Master Hand was. The hijacked bus served as every Smasher's last rushing vehicle.
In short, the chase was on. The reason I didn't say this from the get-go isn't important. Anyway…
"Popo, drive faster!" Nana screamed. "This sports car should be faster than a bus you know!"
The bus was right behind them.
"Dammit, I know that! My feet don't press the pedal too hard due to my shortness!"
"Stop yelling!"
"I'm not yelling!"
"Yes you are!"
"No I'm not!"
The two screamed while Popo dodged a missile blast from Samus. Technically, the homing missile homed in on an unfortunate ambulance, but the point is, it missed.
"There's too many cars in the street! Fire a regular missile!" said Peach.
"For the 8th time, I'm out of regular missiles and super missiles," said a frustrated Samus.
Bowser stepped on a monkey. "Just stop trying and let someone else get a turn!"
The two vehicles made it to the long dirt road leading to the mansion. Mewtwo was now flying right above the sports car.
"Okay…we're screwed over, aren't we?" said Fox.
Mewtwo created a large, blue bubble that engulfed the sports car and carried it (and himself) into the sky.
"Yeah, I think we are," said Falcon.
"Oh, no he's not," said Ness, climbing through the bus's emergency exit to the roof. He watched the bubble rise higher and higher. He watched it as intensely as he could. He extended his hand towards it and shut his eyes tight.
He focused.
He focused.
He focused some more.
Mewtwo found his concentration dwindling. He knew his bubble was getting weaker, but couldn't will it back to its proper strength. It had to be Ness. He'd punish him later. Now, the car plummeted back to the ground, with PIE still inside.
Bowser chuckled.
The Ice Climbers fell through an open window, almost getting run over by the bus.
The sports car fell on its hood and began rolling, rolling, rolling at high speed. It almost crashed into the bus, but the Smashers swerved out of the way just in time. Ness fell through the emergency exit and onto Yoshi's back.
"See? We should've known Mewtwo was gonna do-" Link's comment was cut short by the bus landing on its side. Every window shattered. Then there was silence.
Just silence. Minus Nana's distant crying.
"Damn…" muttered Roy.
"Think PIE's still safe?" asked Luigi.
"Shouldn't you have asked if everybody was okay? I mean, that seemed rather unimportant given what just happened," said Pikachu.
Then there was silence.
"Somebody go check on it," said Marth.
Pikachu groaned.
"I'll do it." Falcon sprang up and jumped through a window. He quickly observed the distant wreckage.
Mewtwo was trying to lift the car's remains and get PIE. Falcon ran over as fast as he could. A slight breeze passed him, something of a blue blur…
As it passed, the car was completely destroyed. As the parts fell back to the ground, an anthropomorphized blue hedgehog stood where the car once laid, holding PIE.
"Sorry I'm late! I heard Eggman wanted this to increase production fourfold…or something."
"We took care of him already," said Falcon.
"Really? Oh. Okay…Hm. Well. That…kinda sucks. Oh well. Here." With some effort, he tossed the PIE at Falcon, who, with some effort, caught it.
"See ya!" Sonic sped away.
"Don't even try taking this away," Falcon commanded Mewtwo.
"This is ludicrous. Whatever Master Hand has to give you fools…I do not trust it. It was not worth all of this trouble."
"Yeah, great. Go somewhere. Fox! Falco! Let's go! Move it!" he yelled as Mewtwo teleported back to the mansion.
In the bus…
"Crap. Forgot we weren't on one team," said Marth.
Fox and Falco jumped out of the bus and ran towards Falcon, who was already running the half-mile to the mansion.
Bowser punched the bus so hard he cracked it in half. "What the (beep) are we doing SITTING HERE?"
"We lost, dude. Get over it. None of us are fast enough to actually catch them," said Yoshi.
"Well, Fox and Falcon, anyway," added Kirby.
"Well…let's go see what they won," said Dr. Mario.
10 mins later…
Everybody made it back to the mansion safely. Except the Ice Climbers; they were totally forgotten.
Now, The Spacemen faced a little dilemma. Master Hand was nowhere to be found. At all.
"…Okay…" said Falcon.
Yoshi ate PIE, turned it into an egg, grabbed the egg, and rolled away in an egg.
"…" Falcon pounded the floor. Kirby and Pikachu cheered.
"Let's wait it out…" suggested Zelda.
3 days later, Dining Room, 9:23 a.m.
"Anyone know where Yoshi is?" asked Mario.
The breakfast-eating group (which didn't have Mewtwo and, obviously, Yoshi) looked around, forgetting that Yoshi had been hiding all this time.
"I can't believe you forgot about us!" whined Popo.
"Really?" Bowser sipped his orange juice. "You learn something new everyday."
"I REMEMBER! I was looking for a portable record player!" Jigglypuff suddenly shouted.
Then there was silence. Yoshi walked in the room while Jigglypuff puffed out.
"Where were you all this time?" asked Kirby.
"Supply closet. I got hungry, and…we're totally out of brooms, mops, a vacuum cleaner, and that hole in the wall needs to be fixed."
A brown Yoshi walked in the room.
"Who's that?" asked Peach.
"Um…" Yoshi scratched the back of his head.
"No…you didn't…" everybody said.
"Yeah. Forgot to break the egg, and by the time I remembered…this guy hatched. Sorr-"
A brick knocked out Yoshi. Everyone groaned in frustration.
"That was the biggest waste of time I've ever endured ever in my life. Ever," said Ness.
"Not for me. I'm well respected on, like, 10 forums already," DK said, eating a banana.
"And I gots the grillz," Ganondorf said, flashing his bling-bling.
"Ow, my retina…s," said Young Link, covering his eyes.
Master Hand and Crazy Hand busted through the ceiling, ruining everyone's breakfast plates with roofing.
"Everybody, listen up!" Master Hand boomed.
"Like we have a choice," said Bowser.
"3 days are over. Who got my PIE?"
Everyone looked at the brown Yoshi. Who smiled and waved. Then, shortly after that, got stabbed by Crazy.
No one really cared, but the filling oozing out intrigued even Master Hand.
"I get it…" He slapped Crazy. "Get him a Band-Aid! Don't you see what this means?"
"Pi…(No…)"
Crazy Hand got a giant Band-Aid out of nowhere and wrapped it around the brown Yoshi.
"This…PIE-Shi…I need a better name. This thing…is basically a living, breathing PIE. And a Yoshi based one, at that. Knowing that Yoshi reproduces more than super horny bunnies, I can create a whole legion of these…PIE-Shies…and then…well…"
Then there was silence. Pikachu raised his hand.
"Excuse me. Yoshi was on our team. What's our prize?"
"Oh, right, that…prize, prize, prize- how about this? You three get…6 PIE-Shies, a month's vacation with pay, and…I'll leave it at that."
"Nice," said Kirby, who was promptly hit with a brick.
"Where do you keep getting those?" Peach asked Ganondorf.
"Wait! Don't I have a say in my ultimate fate?" the PIE-Shi asked.
Then there was silence.
"Let's go, Crazy," Master Hand said, grabbing the PIE-Shi and flying away with his brother.
"I'm leaving," Pikachu said, walking away to wait for his teammates to wake up from their unconsciousness.
"Yeah. Total waste of time…" said Roy, sipping tea.
"…Grillz," Ganondorf said quickly.
"Did anyone see my wallet?" asked Falcon.
Later, at a suspiciously white building…
"I think it's here."
Jigglypuff approached the huge, pine doors.
"My portable record player awaits me here…"
She tried to open the doors, but they were too heavy, so she knocked.
"Wonder if anyone's home?"
A man in a suit answered the door.
"Hi. Do you guys have a portable record player I can buy?"
"Orange Emu, this is Blue Hippo, we got ourselves a C-92A at the front, report here immediately, shoot to kill, don't give a crap, over."
"…What?"
Dozens of men in suits surrounded the puffball, armed with rifles. Jigglypuff whimpered.
"Who told you about the project?"
"Nobody! I just wanted one!"
"Don't make us shoot you. You are kinda cute."
"Yeah, I know. Can I get one please?"
"Willing to be killed after you get it?"
"…Well…"
A helicopter flew overhead, shooting down each and every suit with a machine gun. Jigglypuff instantly recognized the pilot.
"White tux guy!"
"Jacobs!" he said over a megaphone.
"Oh!"
"Hurry! Go! Go!"
Jigglypuff ran inside the white building, searching frantically for any sign of a portable record player. 5 minutes passed. Jigglypuff ran into the basement…
And there it was. As large as a record, mostly plastic mixed with some metal. Not exactly digital, but easy to operate. And…a headphone jack! Jigglypuff had found heaven. And the thick plastic casing surrounding it meant nothing since someone left the key in the lock.
She took it (it was so light, too!) and ran outside, where Jacobs still hovered in the chopper. He let her in, and they flew toward the mansion together.
"Somebody should clean all that blood up," said Jigglypuff.
"Don't worry about it. Good work, uh…"
"Jigglypuff."
"Yeah. Good work. You saved a lot of lives today."
"So what? It's finally mine…" Jigglypuff giggled giddily. Jacobs sighed.
"All's well that ends well. Wonder what exactly that means…?"
Jigglypuff walked through the front door of the mansion, waved at Jacobs, and walked inside. As she approached the area where the original player exploded, she stopped, with a look of horror on her face.
"I don't have any records…"
A brick knocked her out. Bowser and Ganondorf laughed in the distance.
That's it. The PIE Chronicles is over. Hope you enjoyed this little pointless venture.
Damn, this is over 2,000 words long…