Mirror Me Dark
By Semdai Bloodquill
Part Two: Daughters and Sons
The future is a mysterious thing, presumably explained in two theories. One theory favoring choice, the other siding with fate. The concept of fate is that no matter what you do or whatever choices you make, your life has already been preordained by some deity or supreme power or anything fitting in that class. Choice favors the power of beings choosing their own destinies.
The way I see it, there are those, people who believe in fate, who think that everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by accident, the genocide displayed in the ancient times against the dragon elves was inevitable, the drow elves were meant to be driven into the Underdark by their light skinned cousins, I was meant to lose my eye to my wicked twin and even more wicked mother. I see that as a veil, a veil that gives the mind a reassurance that there was nothing we could have done to stop the awful things that happen everyday. It's a sense of security, a dog for the blind whose bark is a voice saying, "there was nothing you could have done." (A phrase that for me only promotes the guilty or hopeless feelings) It ties with religion in the sense of giving the idea of a greater purpose beyond the here and now.
Choice is a belief for those who can't, or won't, except the idea that they are not in control of there own lives. The light elves slaughtered the dragon elves and drove my people into the Underdark of their own free will, I could have avoided the loss of my eye had I been more alert and careful. I saw much of this belief during my years at Tier Breche, the Academy. There I watched my classmates (my twin brother among them) tell themselves time and time again that they would be the head of the class. They were (and many still are) convinced that if they are smart enough, they shall come out on top. I still wonder why I finished at the top of my class when I had no desire to do so while so many others did.
There is also a third belief. One much more commonly recognized by reasoning beings. That is the theory of Cause and Effect. I find myself comfortable with this third belief for it ties the other two together in a way. If I insult my Matron, I will be beaten (proven by experience). If I cut myself, I will bleed (also proved by experience). If I throw a torch into a spider nest, I will have to run very quickly in order to get away from the rushing mob of angry females (perhaps I should not try to test this example). This belief relies of the word 'IF' heavily. The outcome in question doesn't have to come to pass but IF the proper instigation takes place then it will happen. It seems perfectly logical. If I DID throw a torch into a spider nest, I WOULD have to run VERY quickly.
I look out at Menzoberranzan, the city of my birth, and see both Fate and Choice, yet I cannot see any other than myself and my father who embody Cause and Effect. The songs praising Lloth, the merciless Queen of Spiders, resonate with the teachings of Fate. All is done for the glory of Lloth. The female half of my race readily embraces such concepts. Such hidden lies.
Among the fighters of this city I see how bent upon personal glory and achievement my people are. Young males who polish the statues in the family chapels for hours on end to escape being beaten. Weapon Masters who trained for years to attain their titles and skills. But nowhere is such a concept as Choice more deeply embraced than the training grounds of Melee- Magthere, the school of fighters. That place is truly the breeding grounds for Choice. There I saw drow who could have conquered the city had they only learned to work together fall to the greed that eventually consumes almost all of my people. Such sadness it brought to my heavy heart.
Perhaps it was such feelings that first allowed me to intentionally open my skin with my own blades. Despair is a powerful force when it touches the few drow who see outside the delusions of the Spider Queen. So it was with myself. I was not strong enough to slay myself then (as most drow with my beliefs have) and I doubt I could do it even now (though my life has only become more bleak); therefor, I resorted to cutting myself. Somehow, it gave me some control over my own suffering or perhaps it only made me think so. I could increase my pain if I chose. If only I could have reduced it as well. If only I could slow myself down enough to clearly see where I am going.
Though I am still quite young in terms of the age expectations of my race, I feel much older than my thirty-four years. Perhaps I think too much for my station. After all, I am but a worthless male in the eyes of the Spider Queen, what right have I to challenge such principles as Fate and Choice? Even the priestesses of Lloth may not harbor such thoughts, why should I, a mere male, be permitted such blasphemous concepts? My native language has a phrase for those like myself, repeated for centuries untold since we were first driven into the Underdark. The phrase is 'Quenshin ful biazz coppon quangolth cree a drow.' In the tongue of the surface dwellers this phrase means, 'Doomed are those who believe they understand the designs of the drow.' Perhaps I try too hard to understand the world around me. Perhaps I am just a captured pawn clinging to the chess board.
Whatever the belief may be, Fate or Choice or Cause and Effect, I care not. For I truly have nothing to gain from either beliefs. I have only my hope that one day I will gather the audacity to abandon this awful city and walk into the light of the sun. And when the light elves drive a sword through my heart because of my white hair and black skin, I will sing a denouncement of Lloth with my last breath and rejoice that I fled the darkness that is the world of my kin.
- Zandrath Baenre
By Semdai Bloodquill
Part Two: Daughters and Sons
The future is a mysterious thing, presumably explained in two theories. One theory favoring choice, the other siding with fate. The concept of fate is that no matter what you do or whatever choices you make, your life has already been preordained by some deity or supreme power or anything fitting in that class. Choice favors the power of beings choosing their own destinies.
The way I see it, there are those, people who believe in fate, who think that everything happens for a reason. Nothing happens by accident, the genocide displayed in the ancient times against the dragon elves was inevitable, the drow elves were meant to be driven into the Underdark by their light skinned cousins, I was meant to lose my eye to my wicked twin and even more wicked mother. I see that as a veil, a veil that gives the mind a reassurance that there was nothing we could have done to stop the awful things that happen everyday. It's a sense of security, a dog for the blind whose bark is a voice saying, "there was nothing you could have done." (A phrase that for me only promotes the guilty or hopeless feelings) It ties with religion in the sense of giving the idea of a greater purpose beyond the here and now.
Choice is a belief for those who can't, or won't, except the idea that they are not in control of there own lives. The light elves slaughtered the dragon elves and drove my people into the Underdark of their own free will, I could have avoided the loss of my eye had I been more alert and careful. I saw much of this belief during my years at Tier Breche, the Academy. There I watched my classmates (my twin brother among them) tell themselves time and time again that they would be the head of the class. They were (and many still are) convinced that if they are smart enough, they shall come out on top. I still wonder why I finished at the top of my class when I had no desire to do so while so many others did.
There is also a third belief. One much more commonly recognized by reasoning beings. That is the theory of Cause and Effect. I find myself comfortable with this third belief for it ties the other two together in a way. If I insult my Matron, I will be beaten (proven by experience). If I cut myself, I will bleed (also proved by experience). If I throw a torch into a spider nest, I will have to run very quickly in order to get away from the rushing mob of angry females (perhaps I should not try to test this example). This belief relies of the word 'IF' heavily. The outcome in question doesn't have to come to pass but IF the proper instigation takes place then it will happen. It seems perfectly logical. If I DID throw a torch into a spider nest, I WOULD have to run VERY quickly.
I look out at Menzoberranzan, the city of my birth, and see both Fate and Choice, yet I cannot see any other than myself and my father who embody Cause and Effect. The songs praising Lloth, the merciless Queen of Spiders, resonate with the teachings of Fate. All is done for the glory of Lloth. The female half of my race readily embraces such concepts. Such hidden lies.
Among the fighters of this city I see how bent upon personal glory and achievement my people are. Young males who polish the statues in the family chapels for hours on end to escape being beaten. Weapon Masters who trained for years to attain their titles and skills. But nowhere is such a concept as Choice more deeply embraced than the training grounds of Melee- Magthere, the school of fighters. That place is truly the breeding grounds for Choice. There I saw drow who could have conquered the city had they only learned to work together fall to the greed that eventually consumes almost all of my people. Such sadness it brought to my heavy heart.
Perhaps it was such feelings that first allowed me to intentionally open my skin with my own blades. Despair is a powerful force when it touches the few drow who see outside the delusions of the Spider Queen. So it was with myself. I was not strong enough to slay myself then (as most drow with my beliefs have) and I doubt I could do it even now (though my life has only become more bleak); therefor, I resorted to cutting myself. Somehow, it gave me some control over my own suffering or perhaps it only made me think so. I could increase my pain if I chose. If only I could have reduced it as well. If only I could slow myself down enough to clearly see where I am going.
Though I am still quite young in terms of the age expectations of my race, I feel much older than my thirty-four years. Perhaps I think too much for my station. After all, I am but a worthless male in the eyes of the Spider Queen, what right have I to challenge such principles as Fate and Choice? Even the priestesses of Lloth may not harbor such thoughts, why should I, a mere male, be permitted such blasphemous concepts? My native language has a phrase for those like myself, repeated for centuries untold since we were first driven into the Underdark. The phrase is 'Quenshin ful biazz coppon quangolth cree a drow.' In the tongue of the surface dwellers this phrase means, 'Doomed are those who believe they understand the designs of the drow.' Perhaps I try too hard to understand the world around me. Perhaps I am just a captured pawn clinging to the chess board.
Whatever the belief may be, Fate or Choice or Cause and Effect, I care not. For I truly have nothing to gain from either beliefs. I have only my hope that one day I will gather the audacity to abandon this awful city and walk into the light of the sun. And when the light elves drive a sword through my heart because of my white hair and black skin, I will sing a denouncement of Lloth with my last breath and rejoice that I fled the darkness that is the world of my kin.
- Zandrath Baenre