Nobody Wants To Be Lonely

Part 1 of 2

"Nobody wants to be lonely"

That's the song I was listening to when I was sat in my room in California during Summer break. Well it's obvious that nobody wants to be lonely, but I was always used to being surrounded by people. I wasn't used to the whole 'being on your own for quality reflection time' thing. I just don't know how Lucas managed it.

Lucas. That name plays over and over in my head. Since he kissed me-a kiss full of passion and need, I haven't been able to think of anything else. He knew what effect that would have on me.

I've been through so many stages. Upset, angry, regret, but the stage that I'm in now, and have been for days, is being in love. And I'm angry at him for doing this to me, because it's all I can think about. He's all I can think about, and it's practically killing me.

I thought California would be a new start. Not just for me, but for everyone. My parents, Lucas, Peyton. But it didn't turn out like that. My parents never spend any time with me. I don't even know why I thought things would change, just because we moved to a different state. I thought that being away from Lucas would help me forget about him, but that kiss we shared destroyed any chance of that. I miss having Peyton around to talk stupid nonsense.

There you are, in a darkened room

And you're all alone, looking out the window

Your heart is cold and lost the will to love

Like a broken arrow

Here I stand in the shadows

I sit here and think about Brooke everyday. Everyday that she's been gone is another day that my life has felt empty. This room means nothing to me now. There's no 'Brooke' left in it. All of her things have gone, the only thing I have left is the grey hoody that she likes wearing so much. Her sweet perfume is still lingering on the material, so I clutch it next to me, almost like a security blanket.

I'm listening to the radio and I'm getting lost in the song which is playing. What if she's sat alone in her room? What if her parents aren't trying to have a relationship with Brooke? What if she's loosing the will to live?

I need to make sure she's o.k, but I don't know how to find her. She didn't write or phone when she got there. She emailed Peyton, but that's it. Nobody knows where she is, and California is such a big place. I think I can safely rule out the poorer areas though. Brooke would only be living in the biggest house with the best view because…..well, that was Brooke.

Nobody wants to be lonely

Nobody wants to cry

My body's longing to hold you

So bad it hurts inside

Time is precious and it's slipping away

And I've been waiting for you all of my life

Nobody wants to be lonely

So why, why don't you let me love you?

I know the answer to that last part. She won't let me love her because she's petrified that she'll get hurt again. I can't forgive myself for what I did, because it practically broke Brooke. I was selfish and I thought that there was something better in Peyton, but I realised how much I actually loved Brooke. As soon as I saw her after Peyton and I did what we did, I wished I could take it back.

When I saw what it had done to her, I wanted to disappear, in the hope that it would make things easier for her. I could see the pain in her eyes when she saw me and pretended that she hadn't. I was so proud of her at the cheerleading competition, and I wished I could have shared the experience with her the way that Nathan and Haley did, but I blew it, and I'm amazed at the fact that she has been able to forgive me and become friends.

But friends isn't enough. I feel too strongly about her to ever be 'just friends'.

Can you hear my voice, do you hear my song

It's a seranade, so your heart can find me,

And suddenly you're flying down the stairs

Into my arms

The way we left things back in Tree Hill was probably the worst way we could have done it. I hate him for making me feel like this all Summer when I'm supposed to be out having fun. But then I still love him. I never stopped, and I tried to bury my feelings just like I'd always done.

I wish he knew what I was feeling now, I wish he knew that I need him to come get me, to make everything o.k again.

I look through the doorway at the stairs twisting around the entrance hall, almost expecting Lucas to come, but after staring for what seems like hours, I give up, realising that he won't find me because he doesn't even know where I am.

He hurt me more than anyone has ever hurt me before, but I know he's sorry and that he didn't mean to hurt me in the way he did. I just don't know whether I could trust him fully again. I don't want to ever feel like that, because at times I felt like I couldn't go on. The only guy who I'd ever loved, who I'd ever felt anything for, cared about, had made a fool of me. I was embarrassed because I'd always felt like I wasn't good enough for him, and when Lucas cheated in me, it confirmed my feelings.

I wanna feel you need me

Just like the air you're breathing

My eyes are stinging with tears the more I think about her. Maybe, just maybe, she's listening to this song too, and she's thinking the same thing about me.

I couldn't let her go to California without telling her how I felt. I thought that if I did that, then she might stay, give me a second chance, but it didn't happen.

I look at my computer and then at my wallet on the shelf by my desk. I know I have enough money for a plane ticket to California, and nobody needs me here. My mom is with Andy in New Zealand, Keith still hasn't come home, so it wouldn't matter if I left.

Breathing, I need you here in my life

I do need him here in my life. No matter how much I've tried to convince myself and other people that I don't, I can't deny it any more. He changed me in the way that I needed. He made me see that there's more to life than parties. He helped me live a real life, not some fake existence that I lived to make myself feel better.

Once you open your heart like that to someone, you can't just go back to how you were, not if that person really meant something to you in the way that Lucas did with me.

That's it. The ticket's booked. I have to be at North Carolina airport in 2 hours. Just enough time for me to pack a few things in my bag, making sure that I have my grey hoody on. The comfort from Brooke's smell would be enough on its own to get me through the flight without freaking out.

I have enough money left over for a taxi, and to call god knows how many numbers to see if I can find out where she is.

Don't walk away, don't walk away

Don't walk away, don't walk away

There's no way that I'm walking away from her now. If I find her, I'll never let her go until she knows just how much she means to me.

Nobody wants to be lonely

Nobody wants to cry

My body's longing to hold you

So bad it hurts inside

Time is precious and it's slipping away

And I've been waiting for you all of my life

Nobody wants to be lonely

So why, why don't you let me love you?

I look at my clock, realising that I've spent all morning crying over Lucas and looking out of the window, hoping that he'll come find me and tell me that everything's o.k.

He's not going to come, and I have to realise that. It's my own fault for not telling him where I was staying, or what my number was. My gaze turns to my computer. I could send him an email, not telling him where I am, but I would if he asked. I could tell him what California is like, and what I've been doing. (I guess I'll have to lie for that one. He's not gonna expect me to say that I've moped around hoping that he would come)

So the song's ended, and now they're playing some upbeat record that would normally get me up and dancing wildly, but that was when I was back in Tree Hill. Things certainly weren't easier or simpler back there, but I felt better, safe. I had Lucas back in Tree Hill, and out here, I have no one.

I've landed in California and it's so hot! Way hotter than Tree Hill in the Summer. The place is so beautiful, I can see why Brooke hasn't come home. I think about it for a minute, and then realise that maybe this is her home now. I don't blame her if she's staying. She'd get a peaceful time, no drama and lots of sun. Everything she deserves.

I'm really not sure where to start, but after getting my bag from luggage reclaim I can get something to eat and then start phoning numbers I guess.

I've sent Lucas an email, but he's not online, which is weird because his computer is always on. I start to think about the time when I walked into his room and saw him and Peyton on the webcam. That's the moment I realised that he didn't feel the same way about me that I did about him, and it hurt me so bad that the one guy I wanted, didn't want me back.

I have to stop myself from thinking about that moment every time I see Lucas and Peyton together. It still hurts, and I guess it always will.

I'm going to take a shower to make myself look a bit better. My face is tear-stained and puffy, but not once has anybody heard me cry. I make sure I let the tears fall silently in case the maid or the gardener hear me. There's no chance of my parents hearing me, because they're never here.

As I let the warm water wash over me, I think about all of the times when Lucas and I showered together to 'save water' as I put it. I'd never felt so at ease with anyone as I did when I was in his arms. There was just something about the way that he held me which was so soothing and comforting.

I'd give practically anything to be back in his arms right now. If I hadn't left a few weeks ago, then we would be together right now, doing god knows what, but it would have been fun and made both of us laugh.

A smile plays on my face as I think about what we used to do together. We always did something crazy and stupid, but it made me feel so alive and happy. When I was with Lucas, I didn't have to put on an act, a fake smile, a fake laugh to convince other people and myself that I was happy. I was always happy when I was with him.

I've rung loads of numbers and finally I've got 4 addresses scribbled down on a bit of paper.

One in Laguna Beach, one in Long Beach, one in Beverly Hills and one in Manhattan Beach. I've decided to start in that order because Laguna Beach is the closest. Somehow, it just doesn't sound like Brooke would live in Long Beach or Manhattan Beach. There's just something about he names that don't make me instantly think of Brooke. Each time I look at Beverly Hills on the piece of paper, it's where I can imagine Brooke living. A big house with a pool and a hot tub.

Every time I see a hot tub, or think about it, or even hear the word, I think back to the time we 'borrowed' some random person's hot tub to make out in. Brooke was so full of life that day, well she was pretty much all the time, but there was something about her that day which always makes me smile. The look on her face, the way she took off her clothes, not afraid to let me see her naked.

That was the thing I loved about Brooke when I was with her. She didn't care what anyone thought, or what they said. But now, she lives her life cautiously, the sparkle in her eyes has dulled a bit. It's still there, but it's not as obvious, and I have a feeling that I did that to her too.

Wincing when I see the faire on the cab meter, I go back to looking out of the window, not even needing to convince myself that Brooke is worth all of this money, because I know she is.

My wardrobe doesn't have the same appeal to me any more. I used to love picking out an outfit when I was dating Lucas. I always wanted to impress him, make him feel proud to be seen with me, but now I don't have anyone to impress, I just don't really care much.

Still, I take time in deciding what I'm going to wear, and finally decide on a shortish stoned-coloured skirt, khaki green tank top and khaki flip flops. Maybe some sunbathing would do me some good.

Well Brooke didn't live at the first address, so I'm trying Long Beach now. The area isn't as nice as the one in Laguna, but I've seen a giant mall that I'm sure Brooke would love.

The house is right on the beach, but it doesn't look like the kind of house where Brook would live. It's just not fancy enough-it's a simple beach house, and Brooke doesn't do 'simple'

I laugh to myself thinking of what she would say about this house.

"A pool is a must ya know Broody" That's what she had said to me when I first saw her swimming pool.

Just imaging her smile with the dimples either side of her lips, and her laugh which always made me laugh too, brings a huge smile to my face.

I knock on the door, but as soon as I see who answers it, I know that Brooke doesn't live there. The woman says she's never heard of Brooke Davis, so I get back into the cab, ready to try the third address. Something tells me this is more likely than any of the others.

Brooke Davis, Beverly Hills sounds right.

I look around my room, surveying the mess that is my life. Clothes are scattered all over the floor and the curtains have been shut for days. I do love this room though. It's so pretty, but you can't really see past all the mess.

I've decided I'm going to tidy it up a bit, make it a bit more like my room back in Tree Hill. This room will never be as good as that one, but I guess I can at least make it look presentable.

As the cab is driving past all of the houses in Beverly Hills, I can imagine Brooke living in a place like this. Everything is so neat and orderly, and every house has a pool.

We stop at the address which I have written down. The house is enormous, and I ring the doorbell, my hands starting to sweat with anticipation. As soon as the door opens, my heart drops. A guy about my age answers, wearing only swim shorts. I'm kind of relieved when he says that Brooke doesn't live here, but then he says he's never heard of her.

Surely if Brooke lived here, people would have heard of her. It's not like her to live a quiet life.

I get back into the cab, ready to try the last address. This is costing me almost all of my money, but if I find Brooke, it will be worth it.

Just as we are about to turn the corner, a house catches my eye. It's huge and very ornate. I tell the cab to turn back, so I can get a better look. As we get nearer I can see there's a pool in the back yard. But my heart leaps when I see the house close up. It has a red door.

My room now looks how it did when I first moved in. Everything is neat, well everything in the room is neat apart from me. My life is a mess, and I've tried to do so much to cover up the fact. I've tried to loose myself in cleaning or shopping, but I can't. The beach just makes me think of Lucas. The time when he came back from Charlotte when Peyton and I were on the beach. I saw him standing there and I just wanted to run to him, I wanted him to hold me and kiss me and tell me everything was going to be o.k. But I didn't do it. I hid my feelings again, and now I'm standing here regretting every minute of it.

I head downstairs to the back yard to sunbathe but I'm stopped by the door bell. At least when I answer it I'll look presentable. I look down at my outfit, thinking if anything, I actually look kinda hot. I shake the thought out of my head and make my way to the door, setting my towel on the sofa in the entrance hall.

I open the door and see grey.

There she is, standing there looking shy, but as beautiful as ever. Her hair is wet and wavy, and I can smell the perfume that is faint on my hoody. She tries to force a smile but I can see the tears in her eyes. The hurt, the pain, the disappointment.

He's stood here at my door in that grey hoody I've always love so much. His hair has grown over the past few weeks and I can see that he's really tanned. I'm not sure what to think, but it's certainly not what I expected. I can feel the tears pricking in my eyes, and I give him a strained smile. He knows I'm faking it because he's looking at me in that way-pleading with me to show him how I really feel.

She opens the door widely, wiping at her face with the back of her hand when she thinks I'm not watching. My heart lurches, and I whisper that I have to pay the cab driver.

She waits at the door while I hand him most of my money and take my bag from the car. I'm not expecting to stay at Brooke's, I can get a hotel room, but I don't want to waste any time that I have with her.

I watch as Lucas pays the cab driver the fare, and then hands him a tip. He's always been generous like that. He turns around and gives me one of his 'brooding' looks and I can't help but smile. In return, he smiles back and jogs up the steps to my front door.

"I see you have a red door" Lucas laughed

"Yeah" Brooke smiled. She didn't want reminding of her life back in Tree Hill, but she insisted that her parents get someone to paint the door red.

"So I'm sorry about turning up here unannounced, but I just wanted to make sure you were o.k"

Brooke gave him a grateful smile. So he did care, and he wanted to know if she was o.k.

"So Broody, you gonna come in or are you just gonna stand out there all day?" she said, using her deep whisper-voice that Lucas loved. He went inside of the house and Brooke shut the door, walking ahead of him to grab her towel off the couch.

"I was just going to do some sunbathing, you wanna come join me or do you want something to eat?" Brooke asked.

"No I'm fine-I ate at the airport, I'll just come sit outside with you if that's o.k?"

"Of course, although you already look really tanned, next to you, I'll look like a ghost" she laughed.

There it is. That smile that shows off her dimples, the one where her eyes sparkle, the one that makes me want to kiss her so much. It's her real smile, the one she reserves for the people she really likes. That's got to mean something?

He's all it took for me to feel happy again. Lucas and sunbathing. Who'd have thought something so simple would have made my life so much better in a matter of seconds?

Lucas looked around the room in awe. Her house back in Tree Hill had been nice, but he'd never seen anything like this before.

"Broody, you're really gonna have to stop all this... well... brooding" Brooke laughed. "Come on"

She dragged him outside of the house to the back yard, which of course had a huge pool and was landscaped to perfection.

"Brooke, your house is amazing" Lucas said, looking around as if to find some more suprises. Brooke giggled, but then her face turned sad.

"It's not amazing when there's nobody here to make it happy"

So obviously she wasn't happy here. Her parents weren't in, and it didn't look like they spent much time here. She had put that fake smile back on her face, which I don't like. It didn't show her dimples and her nose didn't wrinkle up like it did if she was being herself.

The sun was really hot, and I could see why she was wearing such a skimpy outfit. Not that weather ever stopped Brooke from wearing what she wanted. I took off the hoody, glad that I'd brought it with me, and threw it down by the sun loungers.

Wow, he really was tanned. He'd obviously been working out because I could see the muscles under his shirt. He really did look hot. I felt that familiar smile take over my face when he did that. I knew this was my 'Lucas smile' I only smiled it when I saw him.

What are you smiling about cheery?" Lucas asked, glad that her natural smile had returned to her face.

"Nothing, I was just watching you that's all. You look so hot" Brooke replied, closing her eyes as she said the last part. Lucas laughed and she immediately opened them.

"Oh my God, I said that out loud didn't I?"

Lucas laughed again, watching her face turn red, but the smile stayed there.

"Well I guess that's what kind of effect I have on people"

Brooke's smile disappeared quickly, and Lucas mentally kicked himself for saying that. How could he have said that? Of all things to say, and he brought up Peyton.

"Brooke, I didn't mean…"

"Lucas it's fine"

She turned away from him, laying her towel down on the sun lounger and kicking off her flip flops.

"Did you want a towel?" she asked.

"No It's fine, I'll just sit here" Lucas replied, sitting down by the edge of the pool and dipping his feet in the cooling water, getting his jeans wet, but not minding one bit.

"You want a drink?" Brooke asked after a few minutes. "I'm going to get one for me"

"Yah, that'd be good thanks, do you want me to come help you?"

"I think I'm capable of getting two drinks Broody" she laughed, rolling her eyes. She walked to the house, the smile still on her face, knowing that he was watching her walk away.

She still has that effect on me. She makes me feel like I might fall over whenever she laughs or does that thing with her eyes. All this time and now we're finally seeing each other again. I wish I'd done this sooner, I can't believe it took me this long to come see her.

I can't believe he came to see me. Oh my God, and I don't have any make up on. Good thing I put that spare mascara in the kitchen drawer for emergencies such as these. Sometimes I surprise myself with the great ideas I come up with.

Brooke poured the drinks and rooted through the freezer until she found some ice cubes. Putting them in the drink carefully so that no lemonade spilled over the side, she put the spare cubes back in the freezer.

She looked through the drawer until she found the mascara. She pulled out the compact which was laying beside the tube, and opened it, shaking the mascara so that there wouldn't be any clumps.

Lucas decided to go see what was taking Brooke so long just to make two drinks. He dried his feet off with his hands, not wanting to wet Brooke's towel, or his hoody, as he had only brought two other tops with him.

He made his way to the house, taking in its beauty, knowing that his mom would love this house, although she'd probably say it was a bit much. He saw what looked like the kitchen, so he made his way towards it.

"Hey, watcha doing?" Lucas asked, making Brooke jump

"Jesus Broody!" she cried, dropping her mascara brush on the floor. "I'll have a smudge all over my face now" she laughed

"Sorry, I just came to see what was taking you so long" Lucas laughed, looking at the black smudge underneath Brooke's eye.

"You needn't laugh Lucas Scott! I was doing fine until she frightened me to death"

"Why are you putting make up on anyway?" he asked, picking up the brush off the floor.

"Because I look hideous without it. My mom always told me that you need to wear make up when you're with a guy" she laughed.

"Brooke..." Lucas started, moving closer towards her "You don't need to wear make up around guys, especially me. You always look beautiful"

I'd love to shout at her mom, making Brooke think that she wasn't good enough without make up. It's made me realise why Brooke lived her life like she did before she met me. Nobody had ever told her that she didn't have to put on a front, create this false exterior to make people like her.

She always looks perfect in whatever she's wearing, at whatever time of day.

He's looking at me in that way which means he's angry about something, but not at me. He always looks so cute when he's brooding like that. He's moved so close to me that I can feel his breath on my face. He's looking at me right in the eye, and as much as it's making me uncomfortable, I can't look away.

He reached up to wipe the mascara smudge off of her face, brushing her skin delicately with his thumb. He saw Brooke shut her eyes, letting him wipe away the blackness, and he smiled, feeling the familiar shivers that he felt whenever he touched her.

After wiping away all traces of the make up, Lucas grabbed both of the drinks, while Brooke cleaned up the smudge on the floor and put away her things. She met him back outside after a few minutes, with a devilish grin on her face.

"Brooke, why are you looking at me like that?" Lucas laughed, setting the two drinks down on the table in between the two sun loungers.

"Like what Broody?" she asked innocently, the smile still on her face as she nearer Lucas. He stopped walking backwards and waited for Brooke to sit down. Instead of doing that, she grabbed hold of Lucas and pushed him into the pool, falling in herself during the process.

Lucas could hardly keep himself afloat with laughter.

"Your little plan didn't quite work out there cheery" he said, splashing water at her. Brooke rolled her eyes, knowing she had been defeated.

"Well you weren't exactly that strong were you? Aren't you supposed to be this big strong basket-ball player?"

"Right, that's it" Lucas said as he ducked under water and swam underneath Brooke, picking her up on his shoulders as she shrieked and screamed at him to put her down.

"Lucas Scott, put me down right now!" she shouted, pointing to the water.

"O.k, you asked for it" Lucas laughed as he launched Brooke off his shoulders, sending her flying across the other end of the pool. She landed back in the water with a big splash.

Brooke re-surfaced after a few seconds, coughing and spluttering, swearing that she would get Lucas back for that sometime.

They splashed around in the pool for a while longer, both at ease with each other's company.

"I'm going to get dried off now" Lucas said as he got out of the pool, taking off his wet shirt so that he was topless, and then grabbed Brooke's towel off the sun lounger and wrapped it around himself. Brooke followed him out of the pool, stopping when she realised that he had taken her towel.

"Lucas! You got my towel all wet!" she shrieked "Now what am I supposed to do?"

"Here" he replied, holding the towel out at the front, still keeping it wrapped around his top half. Brooke rolled her eyes again, but went over to Lucas to get dried.

"It's not going to reach if you stand that far away" he laughed. She moved closer so that their wet bodies were touching, their clothes soaked to their skin. Brooke felt herself shiver, partly from being cold, partly from the feeling of Lucas's naked chest touching her clothed one.

Lucas felt her shiver, and moved even closer, rubbing her arms and back with his hands in an attempt to warm her up. She saw his mouth open as he moved closer to her, letting out warm breath that made her cheek feel like it was burning as it touched it.

She looks so cute standing there with her dimpled smile, her hair all wet against my skin. It's taking all my willpower not to kiss her right now. That's not my decision to make. She knows how I feel, and she wants someone who she can trust, and that's not me.

I'm sure he can feel my heart beating, it's all I can feel and hear. His mouth is so close, yet he has no intentions of coming onto me. He's been so sweet, telling me I didn't need make up, and warning me up now. I can't not kiss him.