Marie: 'Nother chappie for ya! Hope you like it!
"Legolordas, what do you Elven eyes see?"
"I don't have elven eyes, I have blue ones!" Legolordas wondered what this word 'Elven' meant. Was he insinuating that he wore contacts?
"Whatever! What do you see?"
Legolordas squinted. This was a fine job for a Bell! Being reduced to the level of being the look out. Stupid blind man…
"They've turned left…no right…now they've made another left…and…" He gasped as he realized that this course was obviously the Dorks following the signs leading to… "They're taking the bobbits to Iceemart!"
Thonagong growled. "Taraman…"
XXX
"Now my little cactus children, what are we going to do?"
Taraman's army of man-eating cacti all growled in unintelligible noises. Well unintelligible to you and me…and everyone else except for Taraman the Creamy Meannie, the only man in all of Central Earth who had learned to speak Cacti! He continued with his spiel in his high squeaky voice.
"That's right! You're going to go to that big land that's filled with all the nice villages…AND KILL THEM ALL! MWAHAHAHA!"
The evil laugh could use some work since it sounded like the screeching of tires on asphalt. His minions laughed with him.
"Okay that's enough."
He paced back and forth in front of his prickly troops, looking them up and down, basking in the drama of the moment, his speech well rehearsed.
"Now that you have your orders JUST DO IT!"
Sure he had stolen the Nike slogan, but whatever works, right?
At the same time, in the big land that's filled with nice villages, some very blonde men rode into a town carrying another very unconscious blonde man. They rode to a large building that shined brightly in the sun because it looked to be made of some sort of metal. The lead blonde carried him inside.
"Your kid's, like, um, really hurt."
A very blonde girl sat by an old man, twirling her hair and chewing on a piece of gum. The old man was also blonde and he looked like he was under a spell…or stoned…
"He was ambushed by Taraman's Dorks." The lead blonde from the group of riders watched from a distance.
The blonde old geezer was sitting in a large throne-like chair decorated with holly and ivy. He also had on a very large red suit.
"That's a lie!" whined a voice.
Emerging from the darkness was a man…or at least we think it was a man…with stringy hair and a whiney voice (resembled Taraman but not nearly to that squeaky extent). He seated himself next to the blonde king.
"Hey, where did you put your suit?" demanded the lead blonde.
"Hey, Homer, where did you put your brain?" he shot back.
"You listen to me, Tina Maggotnose, if you try to continue to poison King Theo's mind I'll squash you like the bug you are named for!"
"Hey, Homer, Tina's not a bug's name, it's, like, a girl's name." The blonde girl popped a gum bubble loudly.
This sudden noise caused King Theo to jump up suddenly and yell, "HO, HO, HO!"
Everyone glared at the girl but she continued chewing.
Maggotnose turned back to the previous conversation. "For your information I am the personal assistant of…"
"…Taraman the Creamy Meannie?" finished Homer for him.
Maggotnose started to nod but he took a double take. "ye…I mean, NO!" I'm…"
"…possessed by chickens?" That was from the blonde girl.
Both men looked at her strangely. Possessed by chickens? That was a horrible accusation and almost harder to prove than if you'd accused someone if they were a witch. I mean if they were a witch they would weigh as much as a duck, but possessed by chickens? That was tricky business…
"I am personal assistant to the king so therefore I have the authority to…"
"…be a squirrel?"
Once again the interruption was followed by the two males staring in the girl's direction. Her eyes were wide and she looked extremely serious, but…a squirrel?
Tina was getting very annoyed. "NO! I have the authority to…"
The girl opened her mouth but as quickly as that occurred Homer had clapped a large hand over her chewing mouth.
"Just shut up, Mayotin, pleeeeease! Go make some mayonnaise or something…"
The blonde brightened up and went skipping off in search of her favorite thing- mayonnaise.
Homer turned back to Maggotnose. "What were you saying?"
"AHEM! I have the authority to banish you, Homer, withforth from…"
"FORTHWITH!"
"HO, HO, HO!"
"How can she hear me all the way out here?" asked Tina, puzzled that the girl had supersonic hearing waves yet ultra stupid brain waves…
"And how did she know you made a grammatical error?" added Homer.
"I made a grammatical error?"
"Just get on with it!" exclaimed Homer. Grr…interruptions…
"Okay, you're to leave and never come back."
"Or else what?"
"Or else we kill you until you are dead."
"Seems simple enough."
So that was how Homer, Rider of Noblonde, was banished from the Silver Mall.
End note: Gosh it's been a while since we updated. Truly sorry. Hopefully we'll have a couple more chapters for you in the future. PLEASE REVIEW!