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"Ssee! I led you out!" Melvin turned to Spam, glared and said, "I told you sssoo!"

Dodo ignored their quarrel and looked around him. They had just exited the lightening valley and luckily no one had been injured…well not too badly. Spam did get hit but it only made him look like he'd stuck his finger in an electrical socket for about a day. Melvin told him by the time he was 40 his hair follicles would start working properly again.

Of course now they had to face an even worse peril- the perfume marshes filled with terrible things that no one would even speak of. Blini told them it was like going through the perfume department only magnified about ten thousand times. The horror!

We better keep moving or else we're going to get ambushed by beavers. You know they're quite common in these parts.

Dodo scoffed at his voice again. Beavers? What could be so threatening about beavers?

Well you know, they have those really sharp teeth that bite things and then those tails that slap things…you don't want to mess with them.

Then Dodo's voice went into great detail about what happened to a friend of his who got attacked by a beaver. The bobbit shuddered at the description and quickened his pace.

"Ugh! It smells awful!" exclaimed Spam.

Melvin looked around anxiously. "Yess, that it doess. We found it, the way through the perfume marssshesss becausse we didn't want to take the sstupid buss tour offered by the travel agency. Takesss too long. Thiss way iss much better."

"So suffocating yourself is better than be stuck in a tour bus?" said Spam. This British thing was definitely a strange creature, you could tell by the Speedo. Shudder.

Melvin sighed. "Would you rather be ambusshed by Dorkses? They often attack the tour bussess." Everyone knew that.

"Dorks!" exclaimed Spam in horror.

"Dorkses," replied Melvin with a nod. "But Dorkses don't usse thiss way. They're too afraid of the clownses."

Dodo stared at him wide-eyed. "Clowns?" He gingerly rubbed his shoulder where he had been stabbed accidentally by the vampiric clown Nasal a while ago. He didn't want a repeat of that any time soon.

Melvin cackled. 'Yess, clownses. Fortunately clownses don't like Sspeedoses." He snapped the small swimsuit he was wearing, making the bobbits painfully conscious of it once again.

"Clowns don't like Speedos? Why?" asked Spam, carefully picking his way along, holding a cloth up to his face to avoid breathing in more of the toxic fumes than necessary.

"No, mooodie, they don't like them because…"

Spam suddenly jumped and yelled, "Ack!"

"No, it's more of a back of the throat thing. Aaagh…" Dodo suggested.

"No, I mean ack! There are dead things, dead clown faces in the water," exclaimed the bobbit, staring down at the perfumed water. No wonder they died in this place…

"No, they're hibernating," said Melvin sarcastically.

"Really?" said Spam, looking at him bewildered.

Melvin sighed at the bobbit.

Sstupid fat bobbit. Doessn't know what ssarcassm iss, mooodie. He shook his head.

"They're leftover from the great war between the clownses and the beaverses, back in the firsst age…The perfume and toxinses apparently presserve the bodiess." Melvin continued on his way, but stopped, turned around and said, "Don't ride the unicycless."

He was right. There were clown unicycles littered everywhere. Apparently this was clown's main mode of transportation, although the vampiric Nasal clowns preferred cows since they got great gas mileage.

"Well that's the freakiest thing I've ever seen," commented Spam as he studied the clowns wide open eyes, bulging red nose, and pale white face with its huge smile imprinted on its features, lying in the purple tinted waters.

Let's go over there!

Dodo pushed his voice aside. Not now!

Try one of the unicycles! They look like fun! Besides, it's not like it's hard to balance on only one wheel!

Dodo had to admit, they did look like fun, in a disturbing clown and pain inflicting sort of way. He wandered away from the group and went over to a nearby unicycle, glancing around to make sure the other two weren't watching. Spam was too busy hacking up a lung and Melvin was adjusting his Speedo.

Now's your chance! Go for it!

Dodo leapt onto the unicycle and tried to pedal it. Of course, it would've helped if he had some sort of ability to balance such a vehicle…or knew how to pedal. This lack of talent caused him to fall headlong into the perfume laced water…right into the small body of a midget clown.

Even though it was a midget it was still about the size of the bobbit. Dodo opened his eyes under the water to see something…which wasn't the smartest thing to do since IT BURNED!

So Dodo screamed in pain which was also stupid since that caused him to fill his lungs full of water, make him gag and swallow more water making him choke causing him to…you get the picture.

As Dodo was floundering in water that was only about 2 feet deep, standing on top of a dead midget clown, Spam finally turned around when he heard splashing. He saw his master in the water and gasped.

"Dodo! Now you have to take a bath? You had that opportunity in the lightening valley!"

Spam, of course, didn't mention that this is what had caused him to get struck by lightening. Well, Melvin had told him to lift his back scrubber as far in the air as he could to ward off vampires…

The Brit in the Speedo leapt into action. Well actually he didn't leap per say, he kind of dove into the water and started doing a lovely breaststroke over to Dodo. Apparently he wore that Speedo for a reason.

The strange creature dragged the wallowing bobbit out of the perfumed water onto the pink grass. Dodo coughed and choked and gagged and was finally able to utter…

"Ack! Ack! Melvin…?"

"Don't ride the unicycless!" he exclaimed.

XXX

"Sssoo colorful…sssoo MOOODIE!"

Dodo was jarred from his day dream about his mood ring when he heard Melvin talking about it. He walked over to him and asked him, "What did you say?"

"None of your beesswax!" he exclaimed and stuck out his tongue.

He was not very different from a bobbit. Lived with the water people.

Dodo repeated this to Melvin, realizing that if he was one of the water people this definitely explained the Speedo.

Melvin just sat there with his fingers in his ears yelling, "BLAH, BLAH, And BLAH!"

"Your real name is Beagle, isn't it!" he yelled. "And remember, anything you say and do can be used against you in a court of law!" Dodo stopped, bewildered.

Me thinks you've seen way too many cop shows…

"B…b…b…" Melvin closely resembled that of a sputtering motor boat. "Beagle…?"

Suddenly an ear shattering moo could be heard above them and the aroma of smelly feet filled the air.

The two bobbits and Melvin/Beagle looked up and the sight that met them filled them with horror. If Dodo had thought he had seen a lot of terrifying things in his lifetime nothing prepared him for this.

Flying through the sky was a Nasal, mounted on a new way to get around- a Smells Feet! The Ringrose was riding a giant foot with wings!

"A Ring around the Rosy!" exclaimed Melvin.

"Actually it is a Ringrose, my dear Beagle, not the popular children's nursery rhyme you suggested," started Dodo until he had his arm nearly yanked off by a hysterical Spam who was pulling his master to a bush to hide.

They sat there for quite some time while the Nasal and the Smells Feet flew around above them.

"Do you have any Dorks?" asked Dodo.

Melvin glanced at his hand. "No, Mooodie, go fissh!"

Finally the creature left them and they were able to travel again, although a little more cautious than before.

Spam shuddered. "Dodo, I don't think we're in the Choir anymore…"

Note: Still no reviews. You…sniffle…don't…like us! Wah! Sniff. Well, life goes on…