Disclaimer: I do not own Firefly/Serenity nor do I seek any monetary gain from this work.

Serenity was coasting through space, on course for its next destination. Zoe was at the controls. She was staring out to the stars, but not seeing them. She was distracted: her mind was on a different matter. She didn't even notice the slight sound of bare feet cautiously approaching her from behind.

A hand reached out and gripped Zoe by the shoulder. She jumped in her seat, but did not cry out. True to her instincts, the warrior woman knocked the hand off her shoulder and swung around in her chair to face her molester. She stopped short when she saw who it was.

"River!" she said quite startled, "Been a long time since someone could creep up on me like that. You are just full of surprises today."

"Sorry," said River apologetically, "I didn't mean to scare you."

"You didn't scare me, River. Just surprised me is all."

"You were distracted."

"I was concentrating on the controls," Zoe lied. She turned back to the controls and tried to imitate her previous posture. River knew Zoe was hiding something, but she kept it to herself. There was a moment of uneasy silence between the two.

"So, is our cargo keeping you awake?" asked Zoe, breaking the silence.

"No," replied River. She was staring intently at Zoe.

"Oh, thought our hold full of shepherding dogs might be making a ruckus. Can't hear much of them up here, but the passenger dorm is much closer."

"No, thoughts are keeping me awake."

"Well, guess that can be a hazard for being a reader. I bet all those dog thoughts can be as bad as standing in the middle of an auction house, and you can't even cover your ears." Zoe was still facing forward.

"Not dog thoughts, people thoughts," said River.

Zoe stiffened at this. Focus on the dogs.

"We'll fetch a good price for them on Parsons," continued Zoe like she didn't hear River, "There's been a lot of call for these animals out there, but with the Alliance's rules about shipping animals, they've been hard to come by. Those folks should be very glad to see us. Should be a very shiny day for everyone."

River continued to be silent, and Zoe began to be more confident that she had outwitted the reader.

"They're much like cattle really, but much easier to manage. They don't eat as much, and don't leave as much behind. Plus they're much more likeable and don't cause a fuss. The Captain may be inclined to do more of these runs in the future. Maybe ifhe had listened to Wash…"

Zoe's voice trailed off at the sound of her husband's name. She bowed her head and propped her forehead in her hands as she stared at the deck of the cockpit. The thought of her dead husband had brought it all back, and she knew she couldn't hide it anymore. River had to know by now.

"You wish he was here," River said slowly.

Zoe didn't respond to this, but continued staring down.

"You wish he was here, so you could tell him."

River inched closer to Zoe, reaching out to her once again. She place here hand on Zoe's shoulder and continued, "You didn't know until today. At first, you thought it was just because he was gone. You were sad. Very very sad. You thought it was making you sick. You tried to be strong, but deep down you knew something was different. Weren't sure what was, but you knew. Then, this morning, you hadn't thought about Wash for a week, but breakfast made you sick. You had to know this time. You went to your bunk and found the test kit."

Zoe had slowly turned her head to River and was now looking her straight in the eye.

"It was positive," River continued, "You are pregnant! You were so happy at first, but then you thought about Wash, about what he said about raising a child on the ship. You hadn't planned on Wash dying,and now you thinkMal will feel the same way. You think you might have to leave Serenity to have your baby. You think maybe you'll get off at Parsons."

"Should've known better than to hide this from a reader," Zoe said finally as she lowered her head.

"It's okay, Mal loves you."

Zoe immediately looked back at River with her eyebrows raised. River stopped for a moment, but then clarified her statement.

"Not like that, you're his best friend. He wants you to be happy. It's why he didn't throw you and Wash off the ship when you two married. He also knew you wanted to have children, that you and Wash had been trying for months.He'll be so happy to know that you have one now."

A look of relief spread over Zoe's face. She even made a slight smile towards River.

"River, you must know each one of us better than we know ourselves."

River turned her head towards the stars and made a slight smirk.

"Well, I'm sorry I ever thought about putting you of this boat, honey. You seem right useful now."

River beamed a smile back at Zoe.

"So tell me, little one, should I tell the crew or just Mal next."

"Mal, you'll need him first, but he'll need to feel in control."

"So, I should tell him that I'm leaving."

"He'll ask you why."

"And I tell him."

"He'll try to change your mind."

"I'll resist."

"You must be convincing, say, 'Serenity's a good ship, but no place to raise a child.' He'll talk about me, Simon and Kaylee."

"I should give in then?"

"Not then, but soon."

A wry smile crossed Zoe's face as she lifted an eyebrow towards River.

"I'm beginning to think this life is rubbing off on you. You have the workings of a regular criminal mastermind."

River blushed and said, "Just wanted you to stay."

Zoe responded, "Didn't really want to leave, just didn't know if I could stay."

Zoe lifted River's head to look her in the eye and then took hold of her shoulder.

"Thanks for helping me think this through, River," she said firmly, "Now, get on to bed. I'm sorry if my worrying kept you up."

River's eyes suddenly became downcast as she turned to leave. Zoe noticed this and realized something.

"Hold, River," she said before the young woman had reached the hatch. River stopped then turned around slowly.

"You may be good at reading minds, but I'm fair at reading faces," Zoe stated, "There is something on your mind and it ain't my thoughts."

River stepped back towards Zoe's seat and leaned up against the console. She was facing Zoe, but her head bowed down. She was absent-mindedly fiddling with a hem on her sundress.

"Okay, honey," Zoe said assuringly, "when you came in here and said people thoughts were keeping you up, I reckoned they were mine, but they ain't are they?"

River shook her head.

"Are they from the rest of the crew?"

River shook her head again.

"So, are they your thoughts?"

River gave a slight nod.

Zoe reached up and started rubbing River's arms.At the same time, sheasked, "River, what's on your mind that you can't sleep?"

River looked embarrassed.

"C'mon, River, I can't read your mind and tell you what's wrong. You're going to have to tell me."

"I feel...," River said reluctantly, "I feel...alone."

Not believing what she heard, Zoe pressed her, "You feel alone? There are five other people on this ship and a cargo hold full of pooches. Why do you feel alone?"

"Not like that," River said as she looked up for a moment, "It's, it's just…"

"Just what?"

"It's just that,…" River said waivering, then she found her resolve, and continued very quickly, "It's just that Simon has Kaylee, Mal has Inara, you now have a baby, and Jayne...Jayne…"

Zoe's eyes became wide at the sound of the mercenary's name. River turned her head back to the crew quarters and said fiercely, "Jayne has Vera!"

River turned her head back down and started sobbing uncontrollably. Zoe, for the moment, was at a loss. She knew River would start having normal feelings after Miranda. It would only be natural for to start thinking about boys, especially how Kaylee and her brother had been carrying on lately. Could her feelings for Jayne, however, possibly be considered as normal?

Looking at the crying woman before her, a thought crossed her mind: One thing at a time.

"Come now, River," she said as she guided River onto her lap. Zoe held River comfortingly, stroking her hair, and then continued, "You're not the first young woman to feel this way. Hell, how do you think it was for Kaylee when Simon was all worried about you. You know,she would try so hard to get his attention, but he was always so distracted. She tried to be understanding, but sometimes it'd get too much for her, and I'd hear her sobbing away in her bunk.

River's crying lifted a little as she said, "He can be such a problem sometimes."

Zoe giggled a little and continued, "Shealmost cried the whole way back to Beaumond when your brother said he and you were getting off."

"Will I cry like that?"

"Let's hope not. You're too pretty to be spending all your time weeping."

Zoe wiped away River's tears with her thumb, and made the young woman sit up and face her, before she spoke again.

"Now how about youtell me where all this trouble with Jayne started."

River cast her eyes down, and began very slowly, "It was back when we did the train station job for Fanty and Mingo."

"I remember," said Zoe, "It would've gone way south if you hadn't sensed the Reavers coming. What'd Jayne have to do with that?"

"When I felt the Reavers coming, it was overwhelming. Like a huge black wave, covering me. All that hatred and anger. I was lost, andI couldn't find my way out."

River shuddered at the memory.

"But you did, River," said Zoe, "You managed to tell Jayne they were coming, and he told us."

"I couldn't have done it without his help."

Zoe looked doubtfully at River and asked, "How'd Jayne help you?"

"When he came to see why I fell, I felt the good in him. I concentrated on his concern for me, and it brought me back."

Zoe was really having a hard time believing this, and River read her disbelief.

"You don't know him like I do," River claimed.

"Can't argue with that," replied Zoe shaking her head, "So you're saying that you been havin' feelings for him since then?"

River nodded.

"Evenafter he tried to throw you off a couple days later?"

"He was scared, confused. Thought it might be best for everyone, even if Mal didn't see it."

"You're sayin' he wasn't just thinking of just savin' his own ass."

River nodded.

"And you forgive him?" asked Zoe.

River nodded again.

"You're thinking he might act like that with you? If he liked you?" Zoe probed.

"He likes me."

Zoe looked at River curiously

"He's liked me since the fight with the Reavers. He didn't think I could do it. Thought I would die, but still liked me for trying. Then when he saw me again, he was surprised. He thought I was a great little girl…" River became silent, then she began to cry once again.

A knowing look was now on Zoe's face as she pulled River into a comforting hug. "So Jaynestillthinks you're a child," Zoe stated.

River nodded as she whimpered some more. Zoe continued to hold River, but remained silent.

"He doesn't like me the way he likes you," River said breaking the silence. "He likes you because you are strong and you stand up to him. He likes Kaylee because she is sweet and happy. He likes Inara because she is so fancy and beautiful."

"Didn't know he liked us all so much," replied Zoe.

"He tries not to show it. Thinks it would be weak."

"Sounds like him. I know he stood by Kaylee, though,near the whole time while she was shot."

"Stood by you, too"

"Really?"

"When we had the fire, you were badly hurt."

"I see. Our rough mercenary can be a real softy when he wants to be. Maybe even loveable."

River giggled some.

"I suppose that's why you've got your eye on him," Zoe surmised. "But the problem is that he doesn't see you like a woman."

"Thinks I'm a little genius girl," River hissed.

"River, you may be the one to blame for that."

River sat up and looked at Zoe with a shocked expression.

"Think about it," Zoe continued. "You were being pretty harsh with Jayne this morning. If I had to guess, you were pretending to be like me."

River blushed and nodded.

"If I recall, it was Jayne who said something aboutyouneeding tobe nicer."

"Like Kaylee," River admitted.

"Like Kaylee," Zoe nodded. "And so, this afternoon you were helping her out in the engine room."

"Got myself all dirty."

"To be like her, huh?"

River nodded.

"And whenthe Captain sent Jayne to fetch Kaylee, he must've seen you."

"He made fun of me, said Inara knows how to keep herself clean and shiny."

To Zoe, the pieces were falling into place. "That nowexplains dinner," she said, "when you came in looking all shiny. You went to see Inara, didn't you?"

River nodded and said, "I asked her for help with my face."

"Smart thing," Zoe assured her, "It was your first time. Best to go to someone who knows about those things. She did do a wonderful job. We all thought so."

"Jayne thought I looked like a wobbly-headed geisha doll," said River tremorously.

"Likely Jayne ain't used to seeing pretty on you," Zoe comforted. "Point is, River, you've been spending the whole day trying to be other people, and changing each time Jayne had some words about it. It's like when little girls play dress-up with their parents' clothes. They are pretending to be grown up. It's likely Jayne thinks you're pretending. He may even be pretending with you to see how you change each time."

"I'm not pretending," River said indignantly.

"I know," said Zoe, "but it looks that way to Jayne and some of the rest of us. You see, a woman doesn't go around changing herself just because of what one says about her. She may change a little if she sees reason in it, but not completely. A woman believes in herself, has confidence in what she does.

"How do I start being a woman?" River asked intently.

"I guess you need to think about what you like to do," responded Zoe. "Find out who you are that way."

River turned and looked out at the stars. Gazing out she said, "I like it here. Much simpler. Roll, pitch yaw, throttle. I feel connected, connected to the ship, connected to the 'Verse. Everything makes sense. It's why I came, I wanted to make sense of Jayne, but I need to make sense of myself instead. Will it take long?"

"I don't know, River. That's up to you, but you'll know when it happens. Just be patient."

"What should I do with Jayne?"

"Probably nothin'. He's not goin anywhere, so he'll be here when you're done. May be best just to ignore him for now."

"It will be hard."

"I didn't say it would be easy, but that is part of being a woman."

River stood up, turned to Zoe, and gave her a look of acceptance. Zoe then gripped both of River's hands and asked, "Think you can sleep now?"

"Yes, thank you," River responded as she headed back to her bunk. Zoe watched her until she reached the hatch, then turned back to the stars.

River turned back briefly and said, "You'll be a great mother, Zoe," before leaving the flightdeck.

"I'll do at that," Zoe said with a smile.

My first fanfic. Please review.