Well this chapter's rather depressing. Had to do it thought. sighs I'm sorry Erik.

Erik: growls

You always have me, though.

Erik: True. gives her face a kiss

Chapter 12 - What Have I Done?

I blinked stupidly at her, my perfect Angel. She gasped in fright. I moaned, and Aria handed me my mask with resignantion. "I...I'll just be going, then," Aria said, her voice thick with embaressment and tension. I took no notice of her; My eyes were only for Christine. The daroga shut the door behind her and waited outside.

"Chr-Christine!" I stuttered, my cheeks growing hot in shame. She had to see me

with Aria...

Her face was still showing her horror and fear, but she managed not to whimper.

"I'm not sure what I'm doing here, Erik," she said, sighing, trying to ease her tense shoulders.

I laid there silently, my blood racing. She walked over - like a beam of light trailing on a floor - and sat in the chair, playing with her hands.

"I...don't know if you care...but I thought I should tell you anyway...I'm leaving. My friend has requested I join her while she travels into England and Italy."

I'm not sure why she's saying these things; but the thought of her leaving to go so very far away...my heart dies a little. "I...oh Christine...don't go so far..."

Something hardens in her delicious eyes. "Erik." she says in a firm tone. "I cannot give you anything, don't you understand? I cannot be yours anymore. I've said this once. Anyway..." she hesitated, seeing they way my face completely crumpled into unhappiness; unhappiness that had begun to fade came back stronger than ever.

"I..." she sighed. "I am here for a request."

"Yes..?"

"Raoul is staying here, in Paris. I want him to be alive when I return."

I turn from her. "What are you implying?"

"With me safely in England, he wishes to continue his duties as Patron. I want you to leave him alone."

I gulped with some difficulty. It is the hardest thing she can ask from me. But I can deny nothing from my Angel.

"I will not touch him." I whispered.

"Erik..." she began softly. "Do you remember what I told you the last time we met? On the roof?"

I don't respond.

"I want you to move on. She loves you Erik, but you're too blind to see it."

"Who does?" I muttered, my voice dull. I know exactly who she speaks of, but I cannot admit it.

"I guess you'll have to find out for yourself." Christine murmured. I can hear the frustration and anger in her voice.

"Well...I guess this is goodbye, Erik."

I turn my head back to her, trying to memorize her face. She tentitively pats my shoulder and gets up, disappearing from my world.

Tears stream down my face. Oh Christine! I yell in silence. Don't leave me again! Please! I love you, can't you see!

I hear raised voices from beyond my door.

"How can you do such a horrid thing?" Aria hisses.

"What do you mean? I came to tell him goodbye..." my Angel protests.

"It would have been better if you hadn't come! You broke his heart again!"

"Oh...I know! I'm sorry, Aria."

Aria opened the door and walked thru, Christine continued her voyage home.

I glare icy daggers at Aria.

"How could you say such terrible things to her!" My voice must have come back in the night.

"I- what are you talking about?" Aria muttered, the lie apparent.

"I LOVE CHRISTINE! WHY CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND?" I screamed, feeling wretched and furious.

"You're going to lose your voice again," Aria said, her voice soft. It is full of pain, and of sadness. She would not look at me. I felt even more shamed but it does not stop me.

"Answer my question! You're jealous of her, aren't you? Well you have good reason! You will never have her voice. YOU will never be as beautiful as her. YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME!"

Aria's eyes filled with tears. "Your medicine is on the table," she choked out. "I'll send Madame Giry later."

She escaped from the room, but not before I hear her sobs of sorrow.

My eyes widen as I realize what I've just said, what ugly things I've said. And they are all lies. I staggered backwards onto the bed, removing my mask and heaving sobs into my pillow. Oh, I am such a monster!

"You will never have her voice."

My own words taunt me. You have a beautiful voice, Aria.

"You will never be as beautiful as her." You are beautiful, Aria, so so beautiful.

"YOU ARE NOTHING TO ME." Oh Aria, you are everything to me. You are all I have. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it! I cried out in my mind. Oh I didn't Aria; And now I've lost you, lost the only thing in my life that means anything.

Aria, Aria! Please come back!

I thought about her fingers, tracing over my ugly face. It had never bothered her.

I thought about her lips, under mine.

Tears raged down my face.

Oh, Aria. What have I done?

Hours later, I still lie idle. The sobs that racked my body have not halted their torture.

I buried my face in a pillow and pretended it was Aria's shoulder.

A vicious voice slid into my mind. Aria has been lying. You are a monster.

I trembled. I know; I'm a terrible monster. I do not deserve her friendship. Oh, what have I done?

Bad things, dear Erik. Bad things. You can never be forgiven for these crimes.

My eyes snapped open and I whimpered. Go away!

Remember, all those people you tortured and killed for the little sultana? Innocent people.

I continued to deny. But finally, the voices convinced me.

You do not deserve to live anymore.

What should I do?

Wait. Heal. Find a knife...just two little cuts on your wrists.

I whimpered again. Will it hurt?

COWARD! You owe this to Aria! You owe her to leave her life in peace, so she can love Hans!

I gulped and nodded to myself. I owe it to her...

Yes, Erik. Yes. That dangerous voice whispered. It was the voice of the devil; but it was right.

Madame Giry walked into the room. I turned and stared at her. She avoided looking at me, and brought me some soup and more medicine. "H-here Erik. How are you feeling?"

"Better." I replied softly, taking the soup and pretending to be fasinated with it.

When she prepared to leave, I called out. "Wait!"

She looked back to me with fright. I sighed. "Is-is Aria alright? Will- will she come and see me?" I had to see her, one last time before I slept forever.

Madame Giry refused to meet my eyes. "Aria is... rather busy with her rehearsals. She's requested that-that I continue your care so she can... consentrate."

I nod, letting my face fall so she will not see my grief. Tears poured down my face as thought they had never stopped.

The door slammed as Madame Giry escaped the room. I look around for a sharp object, and my eyes rest on Aria's violin. I get up and walk to it shakily, picking it up and fingering the strings. I sit back down, thinking of the time she played her life for me. My tears fall in the beloved instrument as I ease music from it, letting the comfort of music caress my soul.