Thank you to CareBearErin for all the nice reviews! I'm really glad you're enjoying the story! Sionnain

Chapter 3

Unfortunately, things did not get better as the summer progressed.

Kitty and Jubilee were busy with work, and making new friends at their jobs. Rogue couldn't blame them for wanting to exercise their new-found freedoms, but she did miss them. Though she was so mopey lately, she couldn't exactly blame them for not wanting to hang out with her.

At first they'd tried to amuse her with stories about customers, but Rogue didn't like the implication that somehow she was better off not working, and her friends had wisely stopped. It wasn't fair, and Rogue knew that, but she couldn't help feeling left out.

Bobby tried, he did, but he was often busy with the Professor when he wasn't training. He was also very excited about the research, which was nice, but whenever he told her about it, her eyes glazed over. They would laugh about it, and he would hug her and show her how to do unblockable moves in Soul Caliber 3.

Something seemed to be missing between them, but Rogue thought maybe it was her. She'd been so withdrawn lately, could she blame him for wanting to play video games rather than talk?

Cyclops led their training, which had increased over the summer. After Jean's death, he was even more determined to make them capable fighters, and everyone understood that. Not to mention, they'd seen the television and the pickets, read about the riots in neighborhoods and schools. This increase in training was sort of a mixed blessing for Rogue. True, she was always in better mood after exercise, and she liked having something to do that was physical, but it was hard to watch the rest of them train with their powers, while she couldn't.

Oh, she'd practice on simulations in the Danger Room, but with her teammates she had to rely mostly on physical skill. Her mutant power was only useful at close-range, and was sort of the "last resort" attack. Everyone else could use theirs—and she had to practice acrobatic-like moves to get out of the way of most everyone else.

They all looks of such joy on their faces, when they used their powers. She understood it, of course. They lived in a society where they were often reviled for having these gifts, so using them freely was probably very liberating.

I wouldn't know.

Rogue really hated feeling sorry for herself, but it was either that or turn into a grade-A bitch, and she was moody enough lately that such a transformation was absolutely the last thing anyone around the Institute needed. She trained hard, but quietly; she turned away from the others when they laughed and re-hashed their best moments, she read the X-Jet manual at dinner and ignored the rest of them. At first they'd try and cajole her—tell her she'd done well maneuvering through something, praise her handling of the X-Jet—but eventually they just gave up.

Sometimes she'd look up at see Professor Xavier looking at her at dinner, appearing concerned. She would stare at him for a moment, and her eyes would fill up with tears, but she would never say anything. Once when she was leaving the dining room, she heard him in her head;

If anything is the matter, Rogue, do come and tell me.

She didn't, though. Maybe it was because she hadn't faired so well following the last helpful advice he'd given her, or maybe it was because she was ornery and stubborn, but she couldn't make herself go talk to him. Deep down, though, she was rather expecting him to insist upon it.

He didn't, but one day after a training session when she'd let everyone go out ahead of her, Scott did.

ooooooooOOOOooooooo

"Rogue, I think I know what's the matter."

Rogue sat on a crate in the Danger Room, wondering why they were meeting in here instead of Scott's office. That is, if Scott even had an office. She'd always assumed he did.

"Do you?" She was wearing her uniform, a nice leather outfit that covered her from head to toe. She even had matching leather gloves. Kitty had once joked she should take out stock in Isotoner.

"I know about what happened with the job thing," he said slowly. "I know how that must have felt."

She'd heard that so many times, her automatic response of I don't think so immediately rose to her lips and died there as she realized he, of everyone at the Institute, probably did. "Guess you'd have had to check yes, too, huh?" She didn't mean to sound unkind, just truthful.

"I would have, yeah. Can you imagine showing up to work in sunglasses every day?" He gave her a small smile. It was sometimes hard to tell with Scott if he meant it, when he smiled at you. Since you couldn't see his eyes and all.

Of course, Scott didn't smile much, not after Alkali.

"You could have worked at the Sunglasses Hut," she joked weakly, and he actually laughed. That made her feel better, somehow.

"Guess so, unless the customer wanted to try mine on, and then ask me how they look," he joked back, and Rogue laughed. It was the first time she'd honestly laughed in days, and it felt good.

"Doesn't it make you mad?" She cocked her head at him thoughtfully.

He snorted. "Of course it does, Rogue. I hate it, just as much as you probably do. And you know, I imagine the worst part is everyone telling you, 'Oh, but you're not dangerous!'" He smiled a little. "Am I right?"

"Yes!" Rogue said eagerly, feeling a bit pleased someone finally understood. "I mean, I am dangerous. Just not, you know. On purpose."

He nodded. "I know. I hated hearing that too, until I realized what they were really saying." He paused for a moment, but she didn't say anything. "They're really saying they trust you, Rogue, not to hurt them. It's an honor, that trust, don't you think?" His voice was very gentle.

For some reason, that made her want to cry.

"Guess so," she whispered, having not thought of it that way before.

"And I know you're upset that you can't work this summer, and that you have to rely on completely different methods of training, but Rogue...you're a part of this team. And...I'd like you to remember that, and start acting like it a bit more."

She hung her head at that, feeling a little ashamed. "I'm trying, I really am. I just...it's so hard, because I want to use my powers, too," she blurted out, wincing at how juvenile she sounded.

"I felt the same way, Rogue, when I first came here. Before I got my visor, if I opened my eyes, I could kill people easier than you can." He gave her a rueful sort of smile. "It also didn't help that Jean—even if she was still working on the psychic powers—could use her telekinesis to do mundane things like levitate a can of soda over to the table in the kitchen if we were studying. I couldn't do anything but obliterate the can just by looking at it," he said wryly.

She looked up and smiled, just a little, at that. "I could find the Coke manufacturer and learn the secret formula by touching his hand," she joked.

He laughed again. "There you go. What you have to do, Rogue, is find a way to work with who you are."

That annoyed her again. "Yeah, well, what good is that going to do me if no one else ever lets me have a fair chance at things?" She realized she sounded whiny again, and hated it, but he'd started this little conversation, hadn't he? Besides, it was how she felt, and he at least deserved the truth from her.

"Rogue," Scott said, sounding very tired, "I think you need to admit a few things to yourself, right here, right now. The world is not fair. It will fear you and your abilities. You have to make peace with that, before you can move forward, or you're going to be unhappy and miserable the rest of your life. I don't think you want that."

Rogue looked down at her hands, which were trembling a little. "I think I already know that," she whispered, unable to look at him.

"No," Scott said slowly, "I don't think you do. Look, Rogue. The world isn't an easy place to live in. That's true for anyone, humans, mutants, whatever. You just have to find a place you belong, and find something worth doing with the talents you do have."

"All I'm good at is hurting people," she said, voice thick with emotion. "At least you can do things to help people, with those eyes of yours. I've seen you," she protested, when he went to speak. "I've seen you help people, Mr. Summers, you can't deny it. And when have I ever helped anyone?"

"Maybe you don't help people with your mutant powers, Rogue, but that isn't all there is to you," he said, exasperated. "You're more than just your skin, you know."

"I know that," Rogue snapped, standing up. "No one else will ever see anything else, don't you understand?"

"Oh, more than you think," Scott answered, expelling a breath. "I know, it sucks, okay? No matter how smart, beautiful, kind, whatever you are, all they'll ever see is the deadly skin. You'll have to answer questions for the rest of your life, why you wear so many clothes and always have on gloves. Just like me and the sunglasses."

There was a horrible feeling that her wise teacher, Scott Summers, was about to tell her the equivalent of "Life isn't fair, deal with it." Rogue took a deep breath, thinking very carefully how to answer him. "Don't you wish you'd had another choice? Sometimes? Didn't you want to be something other than a teacher?"

"I'm quite fond of being a teacher," he answered, sounding wounded. "I'd thought I was a good one."

"You are," Rogue said hastily. "Don't you wish, though, that you could have been something else? That you didn't have to be the X-Men field leader because you couldn't do anything else?"

"Who says I couldn't do anything else?" he challenged, and she heard a little hint of anger seeping into his tone.

She smiled, but it wasn't friendly. "You just did. Isn't that what you meant? Find a place where you belong...."

"Rogue, Professor Xavier found me, sheltered me, raised me. I owe him more for that than any piece of machinery on my head that lets me walk around with my eyes open. Do you understand? I belong here not because I'm a mutant, but because I'm a teacher, and because I can help others just like he helped me."

"I didn't say what you did wasn't noble, or didn't mean anything," she explained, wanting him to understand. "It's just...what are we fighting for, Mr. Summers? Aren't we fighting to live in a world where humans and mutants can live together?"

"I like to think we're trying to make the world a better place for everyone, Rogue, humans and mutants alike. Because we're all the same, when it comes down to it." He crossed his arms over his chest, and his voice was even, but somehow she was detecting he was sad.

"But Mr. Summers...what's the point in fighting for something that will never happen?" She looked off towards the wall of the Danger Room, lined with equipment to simulate battle. "We're training for battle, aren't we? Against whom? Magneto and the Brotherhood or humanity?" She laughed bitterly. "Maybe we're fighting the wrong people."

"Rogue, listen to me. When we become adults, we learn there's no easy answers, and that the world isn't all black and white. Yes, we may face threats—human or mutant—as we have in the past. But we have to have something to believe in, don't you see? Or else what is the point?" He was standing close to her, closer than he usually did, and she heard the truth of what he believed ringing in his voice.

"How are you so sure?" she asked, distraught. "Tell me how I can be sure, too. Because I want to. I want to believe, I want to be part of the team." She looked up at him, eyes intent.

"I can't tell you," he said quietly. "You have to figure it out for yourself, Rogue.

That's all I can say, I guess. Just...there is so much more to Marie than just Rogue, all right? Why don't you spend some time developing all those other talents you have?"

She sighed. "I'm trying, Mr. Summers. I really am." Maybe it would fade, in time, this feeling of being left out of things.

"I know," he said, and patted her on the shoulder, very briefly. Knowing Scott, it was more to keep from doing anything that might be improper than to avoid touching her well-covered skin. "Go get changed. Dinner's in an hour. And Rogue...please, feel free to talk to me, okay? I think maybe of anyone here, I might understand what you're going through."

"Okay," she said, unsure if she felt better or worse after this little talk of theirs.

He left her there alone, and Rogue thought for a very long time about what he said. She knew he was right—life wasn't easy, of course, and she didn't expect that one day she'd wake up and there would be peace amongst humans and mutants everywhere.

What she still didn't understand, however, was what could possibly be gained from fighting for something that might never happen? Where was the hope that things might get better? The Professor had it, and Scott seemed to, but...

Did anyone else? Did Kitty think about it, when they practiced? Did Bobby? Was she the only one that thought maybe, just maybe, this was all hopeless? That she'd grow up, and end up teaching just like Mr. Summers, and it would be an endless line of students becoming teachers, on and on?

No. It'll only be that way for those of us that can't pass. Mutants like Kitty and Bobby will be accepted into society long before mutants like Scott and I ever will.

Sighing, Rogue left the Danger Room and went to the locker rooms, carefully storing her uniform away and heading off to the showers. She stood under the hot water for a long time, thinking. She wasn't happy, and she didn't like to think that about the place that had become her home.

This is where I belong. This is my family, my friends, my team! I'll just have to find a way to make myself believe, that's all. Determined, she began scrubbing herself with the loofah, with far more strength than was necessary. She scrubbed at her skin harshly, as if she could wash away all her thoughts of unhappiness and dissension, and emerge some clean and shining example of what an X-Man should be.

What will you do if you can't, Rogue? Can't believe, can't be one of the team? Run away again?

"No!" she cried out, at last, leaning her forehead against the tile wall of the shower. The sound echoed oddly in the shower room, and she hoped fervently she was in there alone. "No," she whispered, pushing her hair back off of her face, shaking her head. "I'll just have to make it work. No matter what."