A/N: Hey everybody. Between gift shopping and homework I managed to get another chapter out. This one is rather long, so this'll have to get you through the holidays. I really don't have time to write another one (I think, but I'll try. I like writing them). Anyway, read this first and then read the author's note at the end. Enjoy!

Helping out

Chapter 6

I open the door while struggling with the bags and I let Carter in. I'm actually really glad he offered to help me get Maggie inside, because I don't want to deal with her. It's so quiet when she's asleep and I like that. Now Carter stands in the hallway with a sleeping Maggie in his arms, looking at me questioningly. Oh, that's right. I can't let him just stand there.

'Oh right, sorry Carter,' I chuckle. I point to the guest bedroom. 'You can just put her on the bed, I'll tuck her in later'

He nods and walks into the bedroom. I see him disappear in the room and then grab the bags and walk to my bedroom. I put them on the bed and then sit down for a second. How can I still be tired after I just slept through most of the ride? I take a deep breath and then I hear a grumbling sound coming from my stomach. I haven't eaten anything since the bagels this morning, no wonder my stomach is making noises. Carter probably hasn't eaten anything either. Maybe he wants to stay for dinner. I have to talk to him anyway. I think he deserves to know what happened with Luka on the phone, since he's been so sweet and concerned for me. He's done so much for me that he doesn't deserve to be in the dark about it. I hear Carter call my name and I stand up. Wooh, head rush! I really need to eat something. I walk out of my room and I see Carter standing by the door.

'She's still asleep. I covered her with a blanket. I think she'll be out for a little while longer so that should give you the chance to rest some more. Do you think you're gonna be okay?'

'Yeah, I'll be fine, thanks Carter, but-' I say, but he cuts me off.

'Okay, well, I'm gonna go then. I'll call you later' he already has the knob of the door in his hand and he's about to turn it.

'John' I say softly. He turns and looks at me.

'Do you want to stay for dinner? I was just going to order in pizza and you haven't eaten anything today so you must be hungry' he looks at me like he's debating it. 'And I was hoping we could talk a little…' I say shyly. He now looks at me and smiles a little.

'Yeah sure, I'd like that' he says. I smile and take his coat. He walks into the living room and sits down on the couch. He's never really been here at home with me before. Only when he came to pick me up for that charity-event his grandparents were having at the museum. I remember that day like yesterday. It's the first time I realized I maybe had more feelings for him then just friendly feelings, only I didn't know then, or maybe I just didn't want to know. I realize now that I'm staring at him so I ask him what kind of pizza he wants.

'Doesn't matter, I'll have whatever you're having'

'Okay, I'll just order in the kitchen – that's where I keep the menus' I add, when he gives me a weird look. He laughs. 'Can I get you something to drink while I'm there?' I ask with a smile.

'Eh, sure… Just a soda or something like that'

'Coming right up! I'll be right back. Watch some TV if you like' I say, and then I disappear in the kitchen. I order two pepperoni pizzas with extra cheese. They should be here in half an hour. Good thing too, 'cause I'm starving. I poor 2 glasses of coke and take them back to the room. I see Carter sitting on the couch looking through a photo album. Where did he get that from? I didn't even know I had that one. Now that I think of it, it isn't mine; it's Maggie's.

'Here' I say, setting the drinks on the table and sitting next to him on the couch. 'Where did you get that?' I ask, pointing at the album.

'It was on the floor of your living room' he says, looking at me as if I'm crazy. 'Isn't it yours then?'

I swallow a lump in my throat and shake my head. 'No, it's Maggie's. It must've fallen out of her bag when I put them away. I haven't seen these pictures in ages. I can't believe she carries this thing with her'

'I can. There are a lot of pictures of her children in here' Carter says. I look at him and he smiles at me. 'She loves you very much Abby, even if you can't always tell'

I can feel tears stinging behind my eyes, but I manage to hold them back. I smile back at Carter and mouth a silent 'thank you'. He just nods and hands me the album.

'Here, why don't you look through it. I have to go to the bathroom'

'Down the hall, second door on your right' I say. He weaves to let me know he understands and I avert my attention back to the album. I open it on the first page, and start looking through it. There are some really nice pictures in here. I find a very cute one of me and Eric when we were little; running on the beach totally naked. I smile at that. I turn the page and find a picture of Eric and I on the couch, me reading to him. Anyone looking at those pictures must think I've had the perfect childhood. On the next page is a photo of Maggie and Eric in the garden. I guess I must've taken that one, because it's a little tilted and not sharp. I chuckle to myself. On the next page in a picture of the three of us. Maggie is sitting in a chair, Eric is on her lap and I'm hanging around her neck from behind. We all smile and look very happy. Why can't I remember those happy times? Why can I only remember the messed-up times, when Maggie was off her meds and that I had to raise Eric. Why can't I remember the times we had fun? I angrily wipe the tears that had started to fall from my cheeks. I hate to cry, but lately it seems to be all that I can do, and it's driving me crazy. I can't even make them stop. Suddenly I see a tissue dangling in front of me. I laugh at that and follow the arm of the hand that is holding it 'till I find the face of its owner.

'Thanks' I say when I grab the tissue from him and dry my eyes, well, try to dry them at least.

'You're welcome' he says, while he sits next to me again. 'Is everything okay?' I nod. 'What was in the album that made you cry? Or was it something else that caused those tears?' He moves a thumb up to my face and wipes a falling tear away. I shake my head.

'No, it's just that… I saw all those pictures and we looked so happy, like a happy family and I am just so mad at myself that I can't remember those times. All I remember are the bad times and Maggie doesn't deserve that. I mean, look at those pictures! Obviously she's been a good mother too. I'm a terrible daughter that I can't remember those times!' I shout now, very angry and upset with myself.

'Hey, hey, hey!' Carter says, and he pulls me against him, but I push him away.

'No, don't! I don't deserve that. I just… I don't know' I sigh. 'I don't know anymore…'

'Abby, listen to me. You're a great daughter. Possibly the best daughter a mother could wish for. Of course there were happy times, but there were also many sad times. And it was you who helped your mother and your brother through them. And hell, just now you went to Oklahoma to help your mom. If you really were such a bad daughter, you wouldn't have done that' He looks at me and I look up at him. Maybe he's right. I look in his eyes and I can see he means what he says. He nods at me, never breaking eye contact, silently asking me if I understand him. I nod back and wipe the last tears from my cheeks. I open my mouth to say something to him, but I then hear the doorbell. Doorbell? Oh yeah, that's right. I totally forgot about the pizzas. I want to stand up when Carter beats me to it, putting a hand on my leg holding me down.

'I'll get it' and he stands up and walks to the door. I walk to the bathroom to splash some water in my face and then grab my purse on the way to the living room. Carter has already put the pizzas on the table in front of the TV and he's sitting on the floor. I open my purse to get some money for him for the pizzas, but he blows me off.

'It's on me. Here, sit!' and he pats on the floor beside him. I smile and put my wallet back in my purse and sit down next to him, immediately digging into my pizza. It smells great and I'm famished. I hear Carter laughing beside me and I look at him.

'What?' I ask him, with a mouth full of pizza.

'Nothing' he says still smiling. We eat the rest of the meal in a comfortable silence. We both have a lot to think about after the last two days but there's really not much to say right now, except maybe that phone call. I just don't know how to bring it up. Maybe just saying it is the best way. I don't know why I can't just tell him. I shouldn't be scared, because there's nothing to be scared of, right? I'm pulled out of my thoughts when he starts talking again.

'Have you had enough to eat?'

'Yeah, I'm totally stuffed, thanks. Have you had enough?'

'Well, I could do with a cup of coffee' he says smiling at me. 'I'm actually more tired then I thought. You and your mom had a chance to catch up on sleep when you were in the car, but somehow I didn't think that that was the safest thing for me to do'

'Good point' I say laughing. 'I'll make some coffee. But if you really are tired you can just go home. I don't think that Maggie is going to be much trouble tonight so I should be alright by myself'

'I know that you are, but you said you wanted to talk so I'm staying.' He says this as a statement, like there's no point in trying to talk him out of it. Apparently he didn't forget. Well, this makes it easier, because now I don't have to bring it up. I stand up and clean the boxes of the table and take our now empty glasses with me.

'Okay, I'll go make coffee. Make yourself comfortable, I'll be right back' I say, and then I disappear in the kitchen. I put on the coffee brewer and then lean against the counter. I can hear the news in the other room. I guess Carter's watching TV. I close my eyes for a second and take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. It doesn't work. I open my eyes and see that the coffee is done. I take the two cups and take one last breath, and then walk back into the living room, to Carter.

I put two cups of coffee on the table and once again I go sit next to Carter. He looks at me and then turns of the TV. I don't really know where to look. I shouldn't feel as uncomfortable as I'm feeling now. I look at the clock and find that it's only 8 o'clock. I grab my coffee and settle back into the couch. If we're going to have a talk I might as well get comfortable. He's been following my moves but hasn't said anything yet. I think he's waiting for me to speak. Well, I might as well talk then.

'I wanted to talk to you' I start. I look at him, uncertainly. He takes this as a cue to also get comfortable. He shifts and now we're both leaning with out back against the sides of the couch, so out feet are almost touching in the middle of the couch and we're facing each other. He nods to let me know that he's listening.

'At first I wanted to thank you. I know that I've said this before, but I want to say it again. I don't think you can begin to understand how thankful I am that you came with me. I used to deal with this alone and I still could if it was necessary, but it was a really good feeling that I had someone I could count on; that there was someone who was there for me. I'm really glad I didn't have to do this alone this time, so thank you' I take a breath and look at him. He's still looking intensely at me.

'I'm always here for you Abby' he says seriously.

'I know, and I'm very grateful for that. I don't know what I would do if I didn't have you as a friend' I say.

'You'd always have Luka' Carter then says. I look his way and see him staring at his hands. I'm not really sure, but I could swear that there was a jealous tone in his voice. Well, he has nothing to be jealous of anymore.

'No I don't. Not anymore' He looks at me, like he's not sure he's heard me right. I take a breath and then I continue. I have to tell him now. 'I don't think I ever had him' Carter looks thoroughly confused now. 'I had to call him back remember? Well, at first he just wanted to know how it was going, but then he got mad at me that I took you with me instead of him and that it was more like I was in love with you instead of him, and then I told him he had no right to be mad at me, because it's my mother and my life and my business and that he couldn't understand. And he then said that you couldn't understand it either and I don't know why, but he just went on and on about how he could never do anything right and how I always turned to you first and that that was stupid because he is my boyfriend and you're not and then I just got so mad at him that I… broke up with him' I say the last part very softly. I'm very upset about the whole situation all over again. 'I just don't understand why Luka said all the things he said. I was trying really hard to keep that relationship alive, dealing with everything and now this stuff with my mother, and if he just can't respect that, then I don't want to be with him. So I told him I couldn't do this anymore and he said that that was the smartest thing I'd said in the last couple of days and then I said that we were over and then-' I stop to take a breath and I look at Carter who's looking at me with his mouth open, listening to my tirade. 'I'm sorry I didn't tell you before. It's just that, I'm still so mad about what he said and I guess I just wasn't ready to talk about it and I'm sorry'

'Abby, you don't have to apologize to me' he says. 'How are you feeling about it now?'

'I still don't really know that. I guess I'm relieved that it's over between us. We were always better of as friends, I just don't know if we can go back to that. But it wasn't working for a long time, so maybe it's better for the both of us'

'So, you don't regret it?'

'No. Well, at first I did, because I thought that now I was alone again, but then in the car, when I saw you, I realized that that wasn't true. Right?' I ask carefully.

'Abby, like I said before, I'm here for you, whenever you need me'

'Thanks Carter. You're really the best friend I have. And now also my only friend' I smile a little at him, trying not to let my last statement get to me, but it doesn't work and tears spring in my eyes again. I was wondering where they were. I'd made it through that whole speech without them; I was almost starting to miss them. I quickly turn my head so that Carter doesn't see them, but I think he knows.

'Abby' he says, trying to get my attention, but I don't look his way. 'It's just that, if you ever want to talk about anything, you know where I am' he says, and then he gets up from the couch. I look at him standing and I get slightly panicked. I don't want him to go just yet. The most important thing I haven't even told him. I just don't know if I can now, but still, I don't want him to go.

He stands there in the room and looks at me. 'I'm going home now, let you get some rest. Call me if you need anything okay?' I just look at him while he gets his jacket and he then walks back over to me and gives me a kiss on my cheek and then he walks out of the door and I hear the door close behind him. I sit paralyzed on the couch for a couple of seconds, but then I spurt back to life. I don't want him to go. I don't want to be alone. I want him to know everything and I want to be totally honest with him. I just can't stand this anymore. So I stand up and run out of the room, through the hall, open the door and go down the stairs. I see him walking to the car. He's almost there.

'Carter! Wait!' I shout. He stops and turns. He sees me running towards him and he steps away from the car, looking at me. 'Wait!' I shout one more time, totally unnecessary, because he doesn't look like he's going anywhere, but I really don't know what else to say. Well, I do know it, but I just can't find the words right now. I'm only a few meters away from him but I keep running, straight into his arms. I'm sure he doesn't know what's going on, but I don't care. I wrap my arms around his neck and hug him very tight, resting my head on his shoulder. I can feel him slipping his arms around my waist and pulling me close against him. 'Just wait, don't go, don't leave me. I don't want to be alone' I say, and I feel the tears coming again. Normally I would curse them but now I don't care. I can feel Carters lips pressing on my hair and then I hear him whisper something in my ear. 'Shhh Abby, it's okay. I'm not going anywhere.' And then he hugs me even tighter, if that's even possible, and I sigh. This is where I want to be. Now all I have to do is tell him…

A/N: Hi, me again. Did you like it? I hope so. I ended it here because the next chapter is going to be from Carter's POV. It'll also explain his reactions in this chapter, which you might think are a little weird. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Please let me know! I love all the reviews you give me; they really keep me motivated. And if I don't get another chapter soon: Merry X-Mas and A Happy New Year!!