Thank you for your reviews. Here's the next chapter.
Warnings: Spoilers for "The Hive". Swearing.
Disclaimer: I don't own it, I make no money, yadda, yadda, yadda.
x-x
Rodney paced the length of the dark lab in unconscious imitation of John's earlier movements, the feeble glow from his nearby laptop lighting his path. It was unbelievable - this whole situation, unbelievable. It was John's fault, at least in part, at least according to what John had said, and now it was Rodney who was off the team.
Rodney stilled his frantic movement. No. He didn't blame John. He couldn't.
He started pacing again, his arms and hands moving as if he were speaking aloud, illustrating each point with a sharp motion. The decision had been his, Rodney's, and he'd made it fully conscious of the possible repercussions of taking that much enzyme. But...
Rodney froze in place. But he'd figured he was already addicted, so...
He turned and stared at the door. He wondered, if he'd known that he'd been taking a lower dose, if he'd known that he might not be quite as dependant on the enzyme as the others, would he have -
He shook his head in frustration and started pacing again. Of course he would. He'd needed to get out of there, to warn Atlantis, and to do that, he had to overcome the guards, and to do that, he needed to take more of the enzyme, a lot more.
But that much more? Rodney stopped pacing again. And would he be this "Fucking obsessed?" he shouted aloud into the empty room.
He sank onto a nearby stool and sat there, staring off into space. It was all in the past, anyway. No need to dwell on it. He just -
Rodney pushed against the floor with his feet, allowing the stool to roll backwards. He just needed to figure out a way to get past all this. To get on with his life. To make John realise that he should put him back on the team, with Ronon and Teyla. No, wait - sure, they'd had lower doses than his last one, but higher overall, so they must also be -
The stool came to a rest against a wall, and Rodney sat there, unmoving.
He wondered if they were off the team as well.
He wondered if they'd still take the enzyme, given the chance.
He wondered how long it would take for this feeling to stop. Just thinking about the enzyme now, God, he'd, in a heartbeat, he'd -
Rodney stood suddenly. He needed to get out of there. Now. He -
The door opened in a flood of light as he stepped through it, leaving the dark lab behind him.
x-x
Rodney walked out onto the shadowed balcony, his eyes immediately going to the ocean. The lights of the city cast a soft glow over its surface, illuminating it despite the darkness of the night. He stood against the door, allowing his eyes to adjust as he stared at the water.
There was a movement nearby, and Rodney realised that someone was there, hidden in the shadows. He was about to leave with a muttered, "Sorry," when the person turned and the light caught his face - Carson.
Carson seemed a bit caught out and Rodney watched as he shifted awkwardly, one hand pushed behind his back. Despite the darkness, Rodney noticed a slow blush rise on the doctor's cheeks.
Rodney crinkled his brow and said, "Sorry, I'll just, um..." His voice trailed off as he noticed smoke trailing from behind Carson's back. "Smoking?" Rodney asked in surprise, eyebrows creeping to his hairline.
Carson's blush worsened, but he pulled his hand out from behind him, revealing a lit cigarette. "Filthy habit," Carson said firmly. "If you'd like, I'll..."
Rodney cut across him. "No, no." He stepped further onto the balcony. "It's fine, really." He moved to Carson's side and looked out over the water. He glanced at Carson from the corner of his eye. "I just didn't realise that you smoked."
"Occupational hazard," Carson replied flatly, taking one last drag before flicking the butt over the balcony.
"I guess I'd figured, you being a doctor -"
"That I'd know better?" Carson shrugged. "I should do, I suppose." He shrugged again. "Addictions are not a logical thing." Then he seemed to realise with whom he was speaking, and he looked a bit chagrined.
Rodney smiled slightly.
"How are you?" Carson asked, snapping into his doctor persona.
Rodney dropped his smile. "Fine."
"You don't look fine."
Rodney simply stared at him.
"You should be resting," Carson added.
Rodney rolled his eyes. "I felt trapped. Had to get out," he said quickly. "Couldn't possibly rest right now, after all that happened." His hands made motions like wheels spinning. "Mind running. Anyway, I had enough rest in the infirmary."
Rodney knew that his words were spinning out at a mile a minute, but he couldn't seem to stop himself. And with Carson there as an audience, he realised that he was a bit, how to describe? "Manic," he unintentionally said aloud. He broke into nervous laughter. "I can't seem to stop talking."
Carson's expression showed his concern, but his voice was calm. "It's probably side effects of the enzyme withdrawal. I could give you something for the anxiety."
"Another drug is the last thing I need. I'll deal." Rodney frowned. "I thought the withdrawal was done with?"
Carson stared at him appraisingly. "It seems there may be lingering after-effects."
"Teyla and Ronon?"
"Both released," Carson said. "I'll ask them if they are experiencing anything similar." He cocked his head to the side. "I think you should come to the infirmary."
Rodney took a quick step back and his hands came up defensively. "No, no. I'll be fine."
"You don't seem fine."
Rodney smiled, consciously trying to calm himself. "Just - the Colonel took me off the team."
Carson looked surprised. "When?"
"Just now."
"Did he say why?"
"Not in so many words." Rodney winced and stepped forward to the balcony's edge. Hands clenched around the rail, he stared off at the sea. "But it had to do with my taking the enzyme." Carson was about to interrupt, so Rodney ploughed on. "With my still wanting to take the enzyme."
"Ah," Carson said quietly, joining him at the rail. "Do you mind?"
Rodney glanced in his direction and saw him holding up a pack of cigarettes. "No, go ahead."
Carson tapped the pack twice, then lifted a cigarette to his lips. He lit a match, a flare and hiss in the darkness, and the end of his cigarette glowed red. He took a long drag and exhaled the smoke away from Rodney.
Carson leaned forward on the balcony, his arms draped along the rail, cigarette in one hand. "I'd imagine you're all in the same boat - you, Teyla, Ronon. All pretty well past the physical withdrawal, but each of you still psychologically -"
"Yeah," Rodney interrupted.
"You'll get past that. With time."
Rodney nodded, still staring at the water. He focused on the area where the sky met the sea. The sun was just starting to rise, and there was a faint pink glow along the horizon.
"I understand why he did it," Rodney said quietly. He leaned forward over the railing, looking down at the pitch-black water below him. He could hear the waves slap against the walls of the city, and he clenched his hands on the balcony rail, his knuckles white. A team is based on trust, he thought, and you can't trust an addict. Then, aloud, he said, "With me, Teyla and Ronon all out of commission, who's doing missions?"
"Bates' team," Carson answered.
"So, John's grounded too?"
"Aye, that he is."
"Good," Rodney replied with more venom than he'd intended. He turned to Carson.
Carson looked at him, surprised. "I'm sure John agonised over the decision -"
Rodney nodded impatiently. "I know, I know. And I understand, I do." He started speaking faster. "And it's necessary, I get it," he said, pointing to his head. "I get it. But punishing me for something he helped create, or at least contributed to..." He shrugged and looked at the water again. Dropping his voice, he added. "I know it's irrational, but it shouldn't just be me, you know?"
Rodney saw Carson nod beside him. He watched as the doctor took a drag, then exhaled gently, the smoke rising above him.
Rodney draped his arms along the balcony rail and stared out at the horizon. They watched the sunrise in silence.
x-x
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