Satan's Day Off
By: Jesus Loves Meh
Chapter 1
"Oh crap." The demon cursed as a huge pile of paper work tumbled off the mighty wooden desk and onto the cold marble floor. Sucking air in a hiss the demon wince as he watched the paper scatter across the entirety of the office. However one paper remained on the desk, mostly due to the fact it had been taped on. It read:
Dear Leviathan,
I'm going on a mortal run to see if I can't get anymore "followers" for the annual Angels vs. Demons softball game. Please make sure that everything's going smoothly and don't do anything rash or stupid. Just keep the party going and I'll be back before you know it.
Your Boss,
Satan
P.S. I'll know if you sit in my seat or eat my secret candy stash, so don't even try it.
"Why me? Why not pick someone else, anyone else?" Leviathan, Grand Admiral of Hell, whined as he started to pick up the massive amounts of paper that now littered the floor. His long hair fell into his face as he bent over and lifted the slowly forming neat stacks up and onto the table. "I'm no good at this stuff. Causing chaos of course, waging naval battles against God is my forte, but this…anything but this."
Satan was gone and he was in charge of Hell for the next couple of hours and Leviathan was miserable. Valafar was probably laughing himself silly somewhere in his sixty regions of hell. Snorting in disgust at the mere thought the giant Grand Duke was laughing his hideously large ass off Leviathan worked to get the office straightened once more.
Once done Leviathan sat in one of the comfortable chairs arranged before the mighty desk of Satan. Head in his hands he sighed and pondered how he could keep the regions of Hell running smoothly. It was chaos down here even under the best conditions, but thankfully Satan was usually here to keep everyone from crossing that line between having fun and destroying everything.
"What's the matter? Finding Lord Satan's shoes too much to handle, Grand Admiral?" Baalberith the Chief Secretary and Archivist of Hell came waltzing into the room with a look of amusement on his face. The handsome demon smirked as he came up beside the rather cross looking Leviathan. "Or, is it that you can't?"
"Silence, Berith." Leviathan snarled and stood to his full impressive height, towering over the shorter Secretary. Crossing his arms he gave Berith an imperious look and growled deeply. " I can do this. It's nothing. I just can't see why he couldn't have Adramelech do this. Isn't he the Chancellor of Hell? "
Baalberith sighed and rubbed his aching temples, forcing his spectacles higher up on his nose in the process. "That's because Lord Adramelech is on vacation in France at the moment. I have no wish to fill in for Lord Satan, the Princes' are busy with their own agendas and Lilith and Hecate are off shopping in SoHo. So that leaves you, my dear Grand Admiral." Baalberith shook his head and replaced his glasses back on his nose properly.
"Well, what about Baal, he's Lord General of the Infernal? Or Leonard that bastard of the Inspector General, or Rimmon the Chief Physician, or Nergal the Chief of the Secret Police? Aren't they free to do this job?" Leviathan began to look over the procedures that his boss had jotted down for him to use whilst he was away. Why was it that out of all the more capable demons in Hell, his master had chose him?
Berith rolled his eyes and took a seat before the desk, setting down his clipboard and sheathing his pen in his jacket pocket. "All of them are busy doing their own jobs. Right now you aren't busy and his lordship wanted to see if you could handle this. Think of it as a battle, Grand Admiral, and maybe you'll find it easier." Berith knew better, he was going to be stuck here all day playing nanny to Leviathan. He had his own job to do but it seemed the day would be a loss for him.
Leviathan nodded as he finished reading the list. It basically spoke of pulling the lever to the side of the desk if things got out of hand and if things really got bad to just go out and let Samael have a spot of fun. It wouldn't be that bad would it? "Well, it seems easy enough. I don't understand why he's complaining half the time about this."
Berith leaned back and rested his chin in the palm of his hand. "You'll see, soon enough." He sighed and closed his eyes; maybe things would be all right. After all it was only one day. How much harm could come from just one day? Really.
"What do you mean?" Leviathan asked warily as an alarm went off near by. Startled he took a look as a red light with the name "City of Dis" flashed. "What does that mean?" He took steps closer and observed that it was on a map of Hell, with all the different regions named and marked with lights.
"It means there's trouble down in the City of Dis, Grand Admiral, and it means you have to do something about it. If I think it is what I think it is, it may be some souls trying something because they know Lord Satan is away." Berith sighed and placed his stuff upon the desk, knowing full well what would happen if he brought it with him. Last thing he needed was his paper work being destroyed by some over zealous spirits.
Leviathan watched the Chief Secretary get up and brush his slacks off before righting his spectacles again. "Why don't I use the lever?" He reached toward the said lever as Berith laid a hand upon it, preventing him from pulling it. "What are you doing?" he snarled, feeling more like a child that was being baby-sat then a full fledge demon trying to run Hell.
"Preventing you from doing stupid things, as Lord Satan asked me to do." Berith sighed and shook his head again. "That's for extreme cases only. You need to go there and dispel the insubordination immediately. Come." He motioned for Leviathan to follow him as he walked out of the lavish office and into the corridor, which lead to both stairs and an elevator.
"Fine." Leviathan grumbled as he swept past the Chief Secretary and stepped into the elevator, the more preferred mode of transportation in Hell. He'd show that damned uppity bookworm he could do this. He waited for Berith to enter the elevator before he pressed the button labeled, Level 6.
"Better get ready," Muttered Berith as he grasped at thin air only to have his staff appear in his grip. "This is going to be real ugly."
"Why is that, Chief Secretary? Think I can't handle a few rebels?" Leviathan asked as a hand sneaked down to touch the hilt of his sword reassuringly.
"Oh, you'll see."
End of Chapter 1
A/N: I happen to somewhat quasi-study demons. I thought this would interesting and fun to write. Satan takes a day off and forces his staff to deal with Hell while he's away. Hilarity ensues, but that's next chapter. Oh well, enjoy.