Kakashi's Life- Scarring Nightmare: Attack of the Mary Sue
Disclaimer- I don't own Naruto or anything trademarked or copyrighted by Naruto, even Kakashi- sensei…. I only wish I did.
Warning: Hide your loved ones from the perfectness, otherwise they may be scarred forever.
A/N: This is an idea I was inspired to write and jotted down quickly. Feel free to leave constructive criticism; this is my first Mary Sue Parody. However, do not be too mean, please.
Everyone's favorite Sharingan- wielding sensei steps up to a podium. His silver hair is messier than usual and sticking out in more directions than usual. The one eye that is not covered by his forehead protector is wide open and surrounded by dark circles. Even worse than all of this, he had appeared on time. He clears his throat and starts to slowly speak.
"I, your beloved Hatake Kakashi…" He is barely able to sidestep in time as a bunch of screaming fan girls rush at him, arms extended, screaming 'Kaki- sensei!' "… have experienced something horrible. It is nothing that any ninja, kunoichi, or otherwise should ever have to face.
"I was walking through Konoha, reading my favorite book Come Come Paradise, as usual. I had just gotten to the climax of the story, when, out of nowhere, SHE appeared.
"Her hair was a 'natural' silver, red, and blonde, and it flowed through the wind without a single strand out of place. Her huge, perfect eyes contained a Byukagen and a rare purple Sharingan. There was not a single flaw on her entire 5ft 5 in body. I was overwhelmed by her perfectness and lost all control. As if that was not bad enough, she smiled. Her smile showed shining, pearl white teeth. By this point, I was completely under her trance. She had even forced me to lose interest in my wonderful book. I could not escape. For not even the most skilled ninja can escape the smile of one of THEM.
"She said her name was Sue, Mary Sue. She started to walk towards me, and I started to wish she would walk faster, even run, into my arms. She would have had me too, if it had not been for the emergency Mary Sue Anbu team. They came in with blind folds and captured her. She, of course, struggled valiantly, but to no avail. She sobbed perfect tears, and I wanted to save her. Thank Paradise that the Anbu team did not allow this. They held me back and went to dispose of her.
"The memory continues to haunt me. I only wish that I had stayed in Anbu long enough to learn how to fend THEM off." By now, Kakashi was looking extremely distressed. He then grew more serious and stared at each and every listener. "Just remember, THEY are out there. THEY will put you under their spell. Travel in diverse groups. Perhaps there are a few out there who cannot be put under their spell. One can only hope." Kakashi- sensei stopped. His eyes widened fearfully, and he shouted, "She's back!"
The perfect girl ran through the crowd, suddenly able to fight off everyone around her. For she was perfect, and she WOULD get her Kakashi.
Suddenly Uchiha Itachi appeared. "Mangekyou Sharingan!" The Mary Sue screamed and fell. She was finally no more. Her perfect body lay broken on the ground. The crowd sobbed, but then they cheered when her body was taken away, as should you. For, the world is better off with one less Mary Sue.
Kakashi gives an exasperated look"Itachi? This is my story. I am supposed to be the hero that gets the girls."
Itachi enters with several girls on each arm"Jealousy leads to revenge; foolish Kakashi, if you wish to kill me, hate me, detest me, and survive in an unsightly way. Run, run and cling to life." He turned and walked off.
Kakashi stood, staring with a hateful glare, as Itachi walked off with the girls. Girls that looked like the ones from Come Come Paradise! He hated the damn bast—
Sasuke walked up and put his hand on Kakashi's shoulder, "So he got to you too?"
A/N- for those who did not recognize Itachi's last line, it is his famous quote that he told Sasuke. So basically, he got Kakashi to hate him with the same line he got Sasuke to. I just decided to be witty like that…