Chapter Three-Of Bad Days and Nonsensical Authors
Author's Note: I am not nonsensical! And I resent their saying so. -pouts- What's that? I'm getting paid? Oh. Well then. That changes things. Let's try again.
Author's Note: Black is white. Red is night. Sunlight, sunlight! esnesnoN si nuf!
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HOW'S THAT FOR NONSENSICAL!
"Today has been the worst day ever!" Rinoa cried. Her white tank was stained with ketchup, and her new jeans were ripped and grass stained. Hot pink dye was smeared over her face. The sunset in the distance did nothing to calm her frayed nerves.
Squall the Chocobo leaned against Rinoa, trying to hug her, and did his best to comfort her (good boyfriend that he isn't), but, as he was lacking arms at the moment, this was quite difficult. His new pink-tipped feathers gleamed in the fading sunlight, and aggravated him.
Rinoa patted her pet on the head and said, "This is ALL my IDIOT boyfriend's fault."
FIFTEEN MINUTES BEFORE…
"NOOOOOOO!" Rinoa's anguished screams echoed in the annoyingly spherical Garden. "NOT MY FACE, MR. CHOCOBO!" But it was too late. Squall had moved, and a neon pink smear appeared on Rinoa's face. She sniffled. "This is permanent, isn't it, Selphie?"
Selphie tried to stiffle a laugh as she said, "Yup."
THIRTY MINUTES EARLIER THAN THAT…
"C'mon, Rin!" Selphie called, holding up the hot pink bottle. "I've got the hair dye!"
Squall froze, much like a deer in headlights. They say that if you hold completely still, a normal predator will just simply give up.
Rinoa and Selphie are obviously not normal predators.
They tackled Squall and held him down. Selphie began to mix the evil potion.
"Are you sure this is okay to use on animals?" Rinoa asked, afraid for her pet's welfare.
Selphie shrugged. "I dunno. It says the dye was never tested on animals. Come on, what could happen?"
Famous last words.
AN HOUR BEFORE THAT…
"Ya know," Rinoa said, looking around the newly decorated Quad. "I think this is really cool. But you know what?"
Selphie, standing in the middle of the stage, took the bait. "What?"
Rinoa, giddy with excitement, said, "We need an appearance from the brand new Garden mascot!" She bounced up and down a few times from happiness.
"Oh, Rin!" Selphie cheered, "That's a great idea! We should totally do that!"
"But he will need a little more primping before he's ready for a public appearance," Rinoa said, thinking.
"Well, duh!" Selphie agreed.
"Hmmm…What can we do?" Rinoa wondered.
"I've got an idea!"
AN HOUR AND FIFTEEN MINUTES EARLIER…
Lunchtime ended calmly at Balamb Garden. Outside the shiny chrome hallways of Squall's alma matter, the turquoise seas rose and fell with the changing of the tide. Inside the cafeteria, a fustrated black chocobo with a pink bow superglued to his head squawked, "WARK!" in his fury as the ketchup he was working with squirted the wrong way for the thirteenth time.
"Mr. Chocobo, what did I just say?" Rinoa reprimanded, removing the ketchup packet from Squall's beak for the thirteenth time as well. "No more wasting condiments!" Of course, knowing Squall's luck, Rinoa did not see the message written in the red sauce all over the cafeteria floor. It read:
HELP! I've been turned into a chocobo and Rinoa is forcing me to wear pink! Please somebody help me before it's too la--
Unfortunately, Squall's message had been cut short before Rinoa could see it. The cafeteria ladies did, however. They glared menacingly in Squall's direction, and made threatening gestures with their spatulas. He fled behind Rinoa.
Slowly, oh so slowly, he reached up with his black plumed wing and attempted to remove another ketchup packet from off the table. Rinoa saw him. Fed up with her unruly chocobo, she smacked her hand on his wing, causing Squall to yelp with pain, and the ketchup packet to burst, spurting all over Rinoa's new white shirt.
"I WILL KILL YOU IN YOUR SLEEP!" Rinoa screamed at her cowering chocobo.
AN HOUR BEFORE THAT…
"Miss Rinoa?" Nida whispered quietly to Rinoa and her darling chocobo as they sat reading silently in the school's library.
"AHHHHH!" Rinoa yelled, falling out of her chair and earning a half-hearted glare from the librarian. Apparantly she remembered Rinoa's death threats still.
"Oh, Hyne, I'm sorry!" Nida tried to help Rinoa up from her seat on the floor, but tripped over the upside down chair, and fell too, right on top of Rinoa. Squall growled angrily, as Rinoa pushed Nida off of herself.
Squall took a snap at Nida, but missed unfortunately. Nida may be weak, but he was quick.
"What do you want, Nathen?" Rinoa demanded, upset about having to stop reading her nice book.
"Um, it's Nida, actually, but I wanted to talk to you about Squall's mission to Esthar," Nida tried to say.
"No, no no no no no no!" Rinoa chanted, holding her hands over her ears. "I do NOT care about what happens to that IDIOT of a boyfriend!"
Squall nodded his chocobo head in agreement.
"Disappearing five days before our anniversary! I canNOT believe him!" Rinoa grumbled, and Squall (if he was human) could have kicked himself. Their anniversary! Of course!
"Well, yeah, about that…" Nida tried again.
But Rinoa shooed him off. "I have no time for non-playable characters right now!" she said, returning to her book.
HALF AN HOUR EARLIER…
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Quisits screamed, running out of the cafeteria stockroom.
"Heh. Guess I'm getting an A," Seifer said, smirking in satisfaction.
AN HOUR BEFORE THAT…
The bell rang loudly in Quistis' classroom. It was time for lunch. Not wanting to be late, Quistis quickly gathered up her papers and left the room, making a beeline for the cafeteria.
"Hey Quisty, you ready?" Selphie asked, shaking her ochu bank.
"Why don't you just give me the money now, Selphie?" Quistis suggested, "It'll save you time later."
Selphie rolled her eyes and merely answered, "You tell the ghost that I said 'hi,'" she told her friend.
Quistis took a deep breath and entered the storeroom. It actually wasn't that scary, she thought to herself. It was dark though. And quiet.
THUMP.
Quistis jumped. What was that? "Who's there?" she called, her hand already on her whip. No one answered. "You can't scare me, Selphie!" Again, there was no response.
Then the voices started.
"DAMN YOU TO HELL!" something yelled. The voice echoed demonically in the confined space.
Quistis shuddered. Just think about the money, she told herself. She really did need the money. Teacher pay sucked.
But the cursing and shouting continued. Quistis wasn't sure how long she would last.
MEANWHILE…
Zell stood in his small prison cell, holding a frozen hotdog to his mouth. His breath came out in little puffs, one at a time.
"Please thaw," he prayed to the Hot Dog Goddess. "Please?"
Nothing happened. Zell gave a huge angry kick to the door.
THUMP.
"Who's there?" someone called. "You can't scare me, Selphie!"
But Zell did not notice.
"DAMN YOU TO HELL!" he yelled. For the next hour, he vented his fury and screamed his curses against the Hot Dog Goddess.
AN HOUR BEFORE THAT…
"C'mon, Mr. Chocobo!" Rinoa called back to her chocobo, who was staggering under the weight of fifteen boxes, three bags, and twelve shoeboxes. Who would've thought Rinoa could buy so much!
"Wark? Wark wark warkwark!" he yelled to no avail. Rinoa kept walking.
"Let's look in here, Mr. Chocobo!" Rinoa suggested, stepping into another store in Deling City, shopping capital of the world.
In about six seconds, Rinoa had picked out a white tank top and a new pair of jeans, and put them on in the store dressing room. When she reappeared, Squall's jaw dropped. Whoever and whatever else she was, Rinoa looked good in a pair of jeans.
"I'll take them!" she told the store clerk. "Just put them on Squall's tab, please!"
When Squall saw the price tag, he nearly fainted. Another month's pay, gone in sixty seconds.
Outside the store, a dog began to bark at what he thought was a pile of moving shopping bags.
Squall, feeling the chocobo instincts in him take over, began to run. Rinoa, who was holding Squall's leash, was thrown to the ground and dragged over a freshly cut lawn.
When the dog stopped barking and Squall regained a hold on reality, Rinoa stood up. Her brand new, deathly expensive, designer jeans were grass stained and ripped.
She sniffled. "I guess today'll be the only time I wear these."
Squall had trouble breathing.
HALF AN HOUR EARLIER…
Rinoa yawned and stretched in her moogle-covered pajamas and sat up in bed. The beautiful Balamb sunshine shot through the window. Squall, curled up on the end of her bed, opened an eye.
"Mr. Chocobo," Rinoa said, "I think today's going to be a very good day."
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Author's Note: Umm…I've got a few disclaimers for you all. First, GothicAngelEyes came up with the idea for Squall's feathers becoming pink-tipped. Thank you to her. And late night Seinfield reruns gave me the idea for a backwards chapter. I hope you all got it. If you don't, well, tell me! I'll probably rearrange it if nobody can read this. So, um, yeh. Kuahhh! This is the longest chapter I've ever written!