A.N/Ok so this is just a little shot at a different side of Herms – hope you like:

Disclaimer: I own nothing you recognise

She looked down at her feet, he hadn't meant any of it, everything he ever said – it was all lies. Her mind was racing. Why... Why would anyone do that?

She had never felt so alone. She could hear her ragged breathing. It was abnormal, her face was wet, and her eyes were puffy. She couldn't even remember starting to cry. The words echoed in her head I don't love you anymore. Goodbye.

Her father – how could he even do that? – She could understand him not loving her mother, but he was her father. How could he possibly not love her? She had previously thought that the love a parent feels for a child could withstand anything, any disappointment, any lies, any mistakes one could make. The confusion was overwhelming.

She was due to go back to School next week but she couldn't sit there any longer. She had to leave, now. She threw everything she could in to her trunk and put it in her car. Thankful for passing her test and that at this time of night the roads would be clear she set off. Unsure of where she was going. The tears were falling freely down her cheeks, rolling off on to her baby blue sweater. As if the world were crying with her the rain came down, she turned on the windscreen wipers and put on a cd. The music was blaring out. Unaware of what song was on she just sat there, driving on, for no reason other than if she stopped she'd have to think and thinking was too painful.

After a few hours she woke up from a trance. She had know idea where she was, but there was a hotel sign in front of her. She pulled in to the car park. She entered the lobby and booked in, after stowing her things in the tiny room she went to the bar and proceeded to drink as much as they would give her. By the time she retired to her room that night she could barley stand and had know idea why the floor seamed to be moving closer to her face as she walked/crawled to her room.

The next morning she woke up with the worst hangover she had ever experienced, thankful for witchcraft she cast a few spells and the worst wore off. Deciding she still wasn't ready to stay still she set off in her car again. This time more clear that she needed to get to London. She'd stay in a pub down there and use her savings to buys anything she needed. This morning things seemed clearer, she didn't need them, she didn't need her alcoholic mother, she loved her but the depression had changed her, she was no longer her mother, just the simple shell of the woman she was, and Hermione needed someone who could support her, someone who could hold her and make her feel safe. If she couldn't have her mother and her father had found another family and no longer loved her then she could do it alone. – That was her decision.

She hadn't heard from Harry and Ron all summer, she dint end things exactly well at the end of last year with them anyway, they had just gotten way too possessive over her and she needed space. She wished she hadn't shouted at them so much but they were trying to control her every move, and yes she had been making mistakes, she had been having her problems, but she was growing up and changing. As much as she hated to admit it she wasn't sure if she liked the changes she was making but she didn't care now anyway. She had been drinking and spending more time with mixed house groups at school. More time with the Slytherin's. It wasn't supposed to be that way but she just wanted to have fun, get drunk, smoke and have a laugh. She was fed up of being what everyone else wanted and with her problems at home school was her only release and she was damn sure they weren't going to ruin it for her.

She arrived in London tired but resolved, this year was going to be different, and she was going to look out for number one. She was fed up of being trampled on. She was fed up of being hurt, being squashed. She wasn't a punch bag, emotional or physical pain, shed felt enough, she dint want to hurt anymore and if that meant turning in to a bitch, if that meant turning in to a selfish person then that's what she was going to do.

She cried herself to sleep every night that week. To the world she was strong; she presented herself as an independent young woman, making it on her own. Inside she was screaming. Her soul, her heart was broken; it felt like it was torn in two. How can a parent hurt their child that much, every time he'd said he was proud, every time he said he loved her, it was a lie, he had made her life a lie, and she hated him for that. But one thing she knew, from now on, if he ever came back he would not, could not ever hurt her again.

When it came time for her to leave she looked at the little room she had stayed in for the week, it wasn't much but it had provided her with some privacy for the last week and she was sad to leave, she gave it a parting smile and walked out, leaving the memory behind her. She arrived at the train platform alone, no one waiting for her, no one looking for her, and boarded, alone.

She found an empty compartment and entered, she put her music in her ears and closed her eyes, and she longed to do something. Feel something; she reached for her wrist, tracing the old scars with her fingertips, feeling the cold skin, the slightly paler colours with her nails. She wouldn't cut again, she had promised herself, but things were different now, her reasons were different. The funny thing was that it was the same thing that had brought her to that place, the need to feel something, even if it was pain. That longing was powerful as she stared at her arm she felt more than saw someone else enter the compartment. She pulled herself out of her daze – It was an angel, wait no, it was Malfoy.

"Granger?" he asked, "What the fuck are you doing?"

"What's it to you?" she responded in a dream like voice, detached rather than her usual tone when he was around.

"You're missing the meeting in the Heads compartment, that's all. What's wrong with you?" He asked, simple curiosity being his reason, he wondered why she would be staring at a scar on her arm.

"Nothing, lets get going" she answered leaving her seat and leading him out of the compartment, ending there brief moment lacking the usual hostility that usually plagued there conversations.

A.N/Ok… what do you think? Please review and tell me, this was just setting it up so you know where she is coming from in this story. Im trying to put her in a different light in this fic. But if you don't like it then I may not continue. Please review… thanks for reading. x