Chapter Six-Of Things That Leave and Really Bad Hair Days
Author's Note: No, the story isn't dead, it was just in a coma there for a while. Ehe. Sorry, and I feel horrible, I just could not for the life of me figure out what to write. Anyway, forgive the eight-month hiatus, because I'm really fond of this chapter. Thanks!
----------
It was morning.
The sun shined in an open window onto Squall. He was sleeping at the foot of Rinoa's bed. Slowly, unwilling to give up his sleep, Squall opened an eye and peered around. Ugh. He was in pain. Those brainwashed Festival Committee members had freaking TACKLED him. There were bruises in more places than Squall liked to consider at this point.
And his head hurt.
Which meant a hangover.
Which was really actually pretty scary because Squall didn't even drink any alchohol at the Garden Festival.
- - -
Zell, after finally managing to tear his ear off the frozen side of his prison, hacked and chopped at a hunk of ice in the middle of the freezer. He laughed maniacally and turned to Wilson, the hot-dog-drawn face on the left wall. "It'll be beautiful, Wilson! BEAUTIFUL!"
Wilson was beginning to worry for Zell's sanity. That's saying something, considering Wilson was just a stick-figure.
- - -
Squall the Chocobo rolled over. He wasn't ready to ge up just yet. Not yet. A tuft of pink fuzz flew off of him has he got comfortable. Squall watched it float lazily in the morning sunshine, attributing the hair-loss to stress and bad dye-jobs. He reached out and grabbed it.
There was a pause.
Everything seemed to stop.
Chocobos cannot grab things. Chocobos lack opposable thumbs Chocobos have feathers, not hair.
Squall panicked. He jumped off of the bed, and ran full-out into the ajoining bathroom. With one anguished cry of "KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Squall fainted, and his world went black.
- - -
"You know," Irvine said, pausing for a moment with a piece of French Toast on his fork, "I know it's only been one day, but doesn't it feel like we've been sleeping for, like, eight months?"
Selphie, sitting across from him in the Cafeteria, nodded. "It does, doesn't it. How odd. But then again, you're eating French Toast. What's a French?"
The pair of them shrugged, deciding it's best not to question an author's writing habits.
Rinoa came into the cafeteria and plopped down in a chair next to them.
"What's wrong, Rin? You look like your puppy just ran away," Selphie asked, concerned.
The girl in blue burst into tears and said, "My chocobo just ran away!"
- - -
"KKUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Quistis, just waking up with the most fearsome hangover ever to hit mankind, peered around out her window. A partially-pink, mostly-shedding Moogle ran past, screaming it's head off. Deciding she was probably still quite drunk, the instructor decided to go back to bed.
- - -
Squall the Choco--Moogle, ran panicked around Balamb Garden. Due to the fact that the pink-dye job given to him by a rabid Selphie and Rinoa, his moogly-fur was falling out in chunks, leaving an altogether too-visible trail where he had beenr running.
"I DON'T WANT TO BE A MOOGLE! THIS IS SO EMMASCULATING!" he shouted, the words coming out sounding like, "KUUUUPO! KUUUPPPPPOOOOOOO! KUPO KUPO KUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
Luckily for Squall, in the midst of his moogle-panic attack, Headmaster Cid shot him down with a tranquilizer gun. Striking a heroic pose, the infamous Headmaster/Moogle Hunter/Derranged Maniac Cid said, "Cid one, Moogles zero."
Edea came out of the elevator and stopped next to her husband. "Dear?" she asked, one eyebrow raised, "Have you been hunting Moogles again? We'ved talked about this, dear."
Cid the Pansy pouted and walked slowly back to his office.
- - -
Rinoa, meanwhile, was sobbing hysterically into Irvine's newly renamed FH Toast. "I just loved him so much!" she wailed. Selphie patted her back comfortingly, and Irvine stared morosely at his breakfast. "But he left me! Everything I love leaves me!"
"Not everything, Rin, you still have Angelo!"
"Who cares about a dumb dog? I had a chocobo and he left me. And Squall left me! And my mother left me and my second-grade hamster left me and..."
Sensing that Rinoa would be going on the same fashion for quite some time, everyone made to settle themselves comfortably.
- - -
"Just one more chip, Wilson! Just one more!" The demented look in Zell's eyes glinted as he held a sharpened-hot dog over his head. With a whooooshing sound, he brought it down and onto the ice-chunk.
Zell's eyes filled with tears, "Look at it, Wilson, it's beautiful. My ice sculpture is complete." He got down onto his knees and bowed to his statue. "Oh, mighty and merciful Hot Dog Goddess, I am not worthy! I am not worthy!"
- - -
Squall opened his eyes. Feeling as though he'd had enough reawakening scenes to last him a lifetime, the moogle-boy looked around him. He appeared to be in some kind of laboratory somewhere. A short little man waddled in on stubby legs, and Squall suppressed the groan rising in his throat.
"'ello, Mistar Squall!"
"Kuupo! Kupo kupo! Kupoooo!"
"Yes, Mistar Squall, it iz I, Doctor Odine. And yes, Mistar Squall, I can understand you."
"Kupo? Kupo kupo Kkkupppooo!"
"Vell, Mistar Squall, what I can assume is that you are 'aving a very 'orrible reaction to radiation off of a 'ot dog. You 'have been a chocobo, 'aven't you?" Rather than make another devastatingly feminine squeak, Squall just nodded.
"Ah, yes, yes. Vell, you have a few more transformations to go, Mistar Squall. Since most of the meat in the 'ot dogs was that of a chocobo, you were a chocobo for most of the time. Now you are going through the other meat products in the 'ot dog, Mistar Squall."
The look of abject horror on Squall's face said all too well what he though of this.
- - -
"…and my kitty when I was six, and my favorite television program when I was eight, and that butterfly I caught on a field trip that one time, and…"
----------
Author's Note: Crappy chapter, I know, but please bear with me, I'm still getting back into the swing of this. Next time, on IWATC: Squall's quest to find out what exactly was in those hot dogs, Rinoa's quest to find her lost chocobo, Quistis' quest to get over her hangover, Irvine and Selphie's quest to right the wrongs of fanfiction, Zell's quest to get out of the freezer, Wilson's quest to get another dimension, and Seifer's quest to get back in the story!