A/N Ok I know it's been a good long while, but I've been really busy – and don't know if im really gonna continue with this or any of my stories.

Disclaimer: I don't own it; if you thought I did I suggest you seek help… quickly lol.

Chapter 4:

On the way to see the headmaster Draco began to doubt whether it was a good idea. He mused to himself on if they would just sound strange or if the old man would just laugh them off. Or what if he wanted to break the connection? – Even if they didn't understand what it was or how it happened he didn't want that to happen, he needed not to feel so lost and alone, Hermione for whatever reason made him feel like there was something keeping his mind intact. He thought again of his mother and the manor, it would be like hell without her, why couldn't he see her? He needed to see her. Maybe he could convince Dumbledore to let him go home.

'I need to see her, I don't care what dad wants, she's my mum, I need to see her one last time' with that thought a tear rolled down his cheek.

Hermione turned to him, 'you know we don't have to see him now? We can go back to the dorm if you like?'

"No, I mean no, I just… I need to ask him something" Draco tried to remain calm. He had decided to ask for permission to go home and quietly resolved to go regardless of the answer to his proposition.

"Draco, I heard you… I don't think it's a good idea to see her, your father said you couldn't go home, maybe that's for a reason. I…" she trailed off seeing his reaction.

"You don't understand, I need to see her, its almost like I cant believe its true like I'll wake up tomorrow n she will send me an owl and she will be getting better, I need some kind of closure" He finished some what lamely

"I get it, but if your father didn't want you to go, surely there is a reason. Maybe you should go and not tell him or something" He looked up at her

"I know, I was thinking that, maybe I shouldn't tell Dumbledore anything yet. What do you think? I think I should go tonight."

'Lets get back to the dorm, people around here are looking at us, we can make plans for getting there and back together' she looked in his eyes urging him to understand what she meant.

They walked in silence the rest of the way back, Hermione was beginning to feel tired and strained like she was physically exhausted just because her mind was too full of emotion. She slumped in a chair and closed her eyes, how were they going to pull this off and not get caught by anyone, they would be roasted by the teachers and who knows what by Lucius if they were caught.

"Hermione, I think I have a plan" Draco finally came out with after much thought.

"I will go to the forest, under an invisibility spell of course, apparate to my room and go to my mums room from there. I think that's where she will be, if I call for an elf I can see where dad is hopefully he wont be in, but if he is I will give them a letter and get them to say I owled it. Ill get one to leave it in his study if he is in the room with her or too near to it. I can go in, and… I don't know talk to her I guess. Then I can go back to my room n apparate back to the forest and come back the same way, its simple enough."

"No" she said quickly

"No?" He raised an eye brow

"What's wrong with the plan?"

"I'm not in it… and don't look at me like that I'm going you need me and I will not let you do that alone."

"Hermione I know you think that I need you and it's a nice offer but there is no way im letting you come with me it puts you in too much danger and im sorry but im not doing that to you, I've grown quite accustomed to you being here and im not losing you as well I need you right now."

"Stop, I don't care im going with you or im telling Dumbledore your going, im sorry but when I said work out the plan together, I meant that we'd work out how to do it together and go together. That's final"

Draco resigned himself to the inevitable but he didn't like it. "What time are we leaving?" she asked

"I suppose we could just go before dinner, I mean I expect everyone knows why I won't be there and you could pull of being in the library or something"

"Yeah but Dumbledore might come check on us or something, then what?" She looked at him sensing his urge to leave as soon as possible.

"Well, you could go and ask him if its ok to get food brought to the room because im not feeling like seeing everyone and you don't want me to be alone I guess" He looked at her as he said this 'and I could go without you and probably be back before you finish eating' He was deciding how fast he could be back when Hermione burst in "Do not ever think it Draco! I can hear you stupid. And if you think your leaving me behind you are wrong. Ill owl Dumbledore and ask him, no sneaking away for you"

"Damn it Hermione, don't you get it I don't want you to go to the Manor, its too dangerous and, if I get caught I know what to expect and I can take it… but you… I couldn't take seeing you put through that"

She looked at him, trying to choose her words carefully; this was his father after all. "Draco, I know what you're thinking, I know what could happen and im not scared… well I am, but not because I might get hurt, but im scared of seeing you hurt, im used to feeling pain too, its not like I've never felt it you know" she finished looking at the ground.

"You don't know what your talking about" He looked at her willing her to understand he couldn't protect her from his fathers curses. Willing her to understand that he couldn't lose her, in some way she had taken the place of his mother, she had become his anchor… which he had to admit was strange but he didn't care they had a bond and had become some kind of friends which was fine by him and he didn't want to lose her, like he lost his mother.

"Draco, I have been taken to the Dark Lord you know… there is very little your father could do to me that would be worse than that pain." She stood up and turned her back to him. 'I've met him you know' she sighed as a tear ran down her cheek, the 'event,' which few people knew about had taken place in 6th year, they had gotten away and the papers never found out but things had been different since then and only Dumbledore and Harry had known she was gone, only Lucius and Voldemort had known of her capture because it was so short lived and therefore unorganised which had helped the 'rescue' of course and therefore neither side considered it a triumph over the other.

Hermione's memories were jumbled of the event because of all that she had suffered through it. It was her fault, and that's all she really thought she needed to remember, she had caused herself the pain and therefore the humiliation was too much to bear and so she asked Dumbledore to keep it quiet. Seeing no reason to put her through more he told no one and neither did Harry. It was then that the distance began to grow like a gulf between them, they didn't understand her. She had been to a few parties before 'the event' as she called it to herself but one time some Slytherin's had carried her back to the dorms so hammered she didn't know who she was never mind the password. It blew up that night, the row might as well have been one she was having with her mother, the only difference being that she was the one yelling in drunken slurs. It was that thought that made her mad; she was turning in to her mother, more than mad that thought scared her. She had taken off that night, left the dorms, left the castle, left the grounds and stepped in to Lucius Malfoy. She shuddered, how foolish could she be? When she got back far from leaving the drinking she threw herself in to it. She had changed, and she didn't care about changing back all she cared about was never having to face them again.

"Hermione?" Draco looked at her confused, he turned her around gently pulling her in to an embrace when he saw the tears leaking out of her closed eyes.

She couldn't bear to tell him in words so she pulled back, pushing her head to his standing on tiptoes she willed him to use there connection to sift through the images, sift through the confusion to the memories that she had buried deep within herself and tried to deny had ever happened.

He saw them, felt them flash through him, tears began to well up in his eyes when he saw her, battered and bruised in some corner, alone and broken. His father was in the corner of this memory, apparently talking to someone through the floo network. Then he was towering over her, telling her the Dark Lord was coming, and there he was. He paid her little attention as the two began to plot how to lure Potter in to a trap. Then he felt her pain, not as intense as if he were under the curse himself, but he could hear her thoughts, how she felt at the time – like she wished death would come simply to save other people this pain, her pain, the pain she caused to everyone. Then he was gone, but Dumbledore was there, apparently they were still in the village, she had no idea where but Dumbledore was carrying her body to the hospital wing, he had never explained how he found her or how he even knew she was gone, he allowed Harry to see her and then swore him to secrecy.

He pulled away, looking in to her eyes, 'I wont make the same mistakes, I wont let him catch me, but ill face him, for you' she thought looking in to his eyes, glistening with tears, feeling ashamed of what his father had done to this girl, what he had done to her and wondering why she wanted to help him, wondering how she even got out of bed on a morning wondering what that feeling behind all those memories was, a loss so much deeper, that had come since, but tainted all the memories she had.

"What happened? – Who did you lose?" He asked.

She turned, 'what? How did you know I…'

'I felt it, there was someone you wanted to see, in those memories, someone who you still held a candle of hope for, who you felt could take away the pain… who?'

She scoffed, "that's the problem with candles…" she brushed his arms away from her, not in a harsh way but moving away from him again she went to the table to write a letter "they blow out so easily in the wind" no tears left her eyes now she was writing to Dumbledore asking for food.

He walked over; stopping her he knelt down beside her and looked in to her eyes 'who' he thought in earnest.

"My dad" She said her voice breaking, her eyes welling up with tears she would not cry.

"Its ok to cry you know, what happened to him?" He asked quietly

"I wont cry another tear over him Draco, I don't need him, I don't want him back, im fine on my own, I've learned how to be fine on my own."

"What happened?" he repeated gently

"He left." She said in the same whisper

"Ok? My bastard dad left me and my drunken whore of a mother for some skinny bitch in his office ok?..." She looked at him seething with rage, not angry at him but angry he pushed her to tell him when she was... What was she? Ashamed of him? No. She didn't care enough to be ashamed, she wasn't angry anymore, she refused to believe she was upset over him because she refused to believe that he still had power over her to upset her. "… He left, told me he didn't love me anymore and goodbye…" she turned to get Draco's owl from his perch and tied the letter to his leg. "For Dumbledore" She said stroking him gently and watching him take flight she moved to the window.

She wasn't angry anymore; she just needed to get out of the room.

"Ready to go?" She asked turn to him with half a smile

"Hermione… I really think that you should rest I…."

"No" She cut in "I don't need your sympathy, your pity or anything, im over it. I just need to get on with life, and this isn't about me it's about you, and you need me so let's go"

She grabbed her wand and walked up to him, 'come on' she thought when she was directly in front of her, 'let's go.'

'Fine' He grabbed his cloak and took her hand leading her to the fireplace and taking the floo powder.

A/N ok I wrote this in sections, I am changing my feelings all the time so I don't know if I even like it tell me what you think