Story of My Life Chapter 7: Giving up, giving in, a harry potter fanfic

A.N. Hey, im back again  this chapter has some song lyrics in so there in italics

Chapter 7

They went to classes the next day feeling like a slight bubble had swelled in both there chests. That bubble was the feelings they were carrying around for the other. Neither felt like labelling it, but for now it was enough that it was there. Draco was going about his daily routine, when he noticed a nagging in the back of his mind, besides how he was feeling about his mother, which although he had put on hold last night, had not gone away, something else was wrong. It was her, she was crying, and he could feel it? He waned to cry, what the hell was going on in his head? She was hurting, and he felt it? He stopped, his friends continued a few paces, then realising he had stopped turned to look at him; they became puzzled when they saw him leaning on the wall with one had and clutching his head with the other. Slowly he slipped down the wall and tears pricked the corners of his eyes.

Blaise, his best friend, and the smartest one there noticed this first and heaved him up telling the others to "piss off" and pulled him in to a classroom.

"Draco, mate… what's wrong?" He asked in concern, now they were alone they could be themselves, they had grown up in the harsh worlds of there fathers, but Blaise and Draco were always as honest as they could afford to be with one another, and here Blaise was worried, either Draco was in serious pain, or something was really wrong for him to be crying, well almost crying in public, at all really, but in public, that was not Draco.

"Nothing… im fine…" He managed to squeeze out.

"Bullshit" Replied Blaise "Look I don't know what's going on, and you know you don't have to tell me, but we never lie, we don't do it Draco, in this fucked up world we live in, so whatever's going on I cant know but don't lie to me fuckwit, you know you cant anyway, but that was your worst attempt yet."

"IM fine, she's not…I got to get to her, I'll explain later, Merlin, my head is killing" He replied some what cryptically as far as Blaise looked at it.

"What?..." Seeing Draco's urgency he helped him up again and let him leave calling after his retreating figure to come to the common room later and explain his retarded ass to him there.

While Draco may have been fine, Hermione certainly wasn't. She had woken that morning and everything had been fine, but after a talk with some of her old friends, things had gone rapidly downhill. She had gone to the lake, to look at the stillness, to look at the deep, to fill her mind with it, anything to stop her focusing on herself right then. Eventually she had to go back inside, while the cold wasn't bothering her, and the rain had eased her, falling so heavily on her soaking her threw to the skin in what felt like mere seconds. She had to leave the gathering people, many of whom had started to look at her.

She had gone back to her rooms and enchanted her CD player to play her pain out, something she always found helped her express. Right now though it wasn't working, she was nagging herself, ripping herself to shreds; she had told Draco everything last night. She had woken up in his arms that morning and left him there while she went to shower; he had been gone when she returned. She hadn't seen him all day, the talk she'd had with her friends, if she could still call them that had upset her, brought back some memories. She had needed him, not that he knew that or he would have been by her side in a second, but she had needed him just to hold her steady and he wasn't there to hold her. She relapsed in to herself. The music blearing out all around her was drowning her, forcing her to relive, to cry it all out again, forcing her to feel what she tried to escape from. It all routed from having to tell Draco, she never dealt with it when it happened, she buried it so she would have to deal. She ran, liked shed tried to run last night, shed lifted the spell as soon as she knew she needed to escape him, she needed time but he'd held her, he'd been there, and now he wasn't. She knew it wasn't him abandoning her really, but she'd worked herself in to a state where nothing she knew really mattered, all that mattered was she was in that place again, in that place of pain, and she was alone.

I will not make the same mistakes that you did
I will not let myself
Cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did,
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way

To never let it get that far

The song blared in her mind, it had been playing in her head all day, the most painful thing that she had been threw, it wasn't the pain that she had gone threw in captivity, it wasn't the pain her friends put her threw. It was her father. It all came down to him, he chose to leave, he put her mother threw that, he made her lose him, and he made her mother leave her behind. He chose to go, and she paid for it.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you
I am afraid

She shivered, that's all she was right now, afraid. Nothing else mattered, fear was consuming her.

I lose my way
and it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
because you know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake
A smile, a laugh everyday of my life

She could never take her pain outside of this room, outside they judged her, pitied her, thought they knew, BUT THEY DON'T screamed her mind, they know nothing, they know what they want, they make me who they want, they see what they want and turn a blind eye to the rest.

My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

I watched you die
I heard you cry every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry in the middle of the night
For the same damn thing

She reached out her arm grasping her wand from the desk and 'achioed' a bottle of firewhiskey and began to drink it.

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I try my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you
Because of you

She was sobbing her heart out by the end of the first verse, she had been hearing it all day and she couldn't hold it in any longer. She couldn't let anyone in, what she had done last night had been wrong, he had left her, she was alone. Her life was empty and she couldn't take it anymore, she had watched her mother die, watched her crying her soul out before she turned to alcohol to numb the pain. Hermione felt so lost in those moments, there was nothing else to do, she took another swig from the bottle, enjoying the burning it left in her throat feeling it meant she was still alive. She sighed, 'alive… is this life?' is this all there is? If this is living I think id prefer death' she thought to herself calmly, as if death were nothing but the next class behind the next door.

She stood up, somewhat wobbly from the now empty bottle of firewhiskey limply hanging from her left hand, she looked down at its, taking the final drops out of the bottom and throwing it across her beautiful room, watching it hit the wall without a care, not even flinching as the crash and the shards fell around her. She suddenly decided, its over, she wasn't sitting there and taking this anymore. No more, she couldn't and she wouldn't take it. She turned around and pulled open her door she bolted, no idea where she was going, but the castle was suffocating her, she needed to leave.

She began to run, tears still pouring out of her eyes, no distinct path threw the castle pushing anyone out of her way who happened to cross her path, no care, no fear, her mind swirling, her pain deafening, her tears blinding she ran.

Draco arrived at her bedroom door only 2 minutes after she had left, hearing the blaring music coming from it he slowed and entered through the still open door. He listened for a second before he crossed the threshold. Her song still singing out her pain even in her absence. The second he crossing in to her room, the song changed, to one slower, one that Draco had not heard, but one that sang out his intentions. He stood, transfixed by the music, it was on one of the CD's that Hermione had, and had come on because it had been enchanted to read the person in the room and play there feelings out. Draco stayed to listen for a few moments longer.

Spend all your time waiting

For that second chance

For a break that would make it okay

There's always one reason

To feel not good enough

And it's hard at the end of the day

I need some distraction

Oh beautiful release

Memory seeps from my veins

Let me be empty

And weightless and maybe

I'll find some peace tonight

In the arms of an angel

Fly away from here

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort there

So tired of the straight line

And everywhere you turn

There are vultures and thieves at your back

And the storm keeps on twisting

You keep on building the lie

That you make up for all that you lack

It don't make no difference

Escaping one last time

It's easier to believe in this sweet madness oh

This glorious sadness that brings me to my knees

In the arms of an angel

Fly away from here

From this dark cold hotel room

And the endlessness that you fear

You are pulled from the wreckage

Of your silent reverie

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort there

You're in the arms of the angel

May you find some comfort here

It was a beautiful song, and had Hermione heard it play when Draco entered the room, although she would have been distraught still, inside she would have known his intentions were good, this spell proved it. He had come to be her angel, and he was only a second too late.

She was running, full pelt to the lake, why it was there that her feet had taken her she could not say, but it was there that she had ended up. The tracks of her tears were still clearly visible on her face, clinging to her skin the only two imperfections on her face. She was frightening to behold in those moments, and if anyone had come across her they would have turned quickly away. Her eyes were like pits, looking in to them you could see no end, drawing you directly in to her soul, her pain, it would have torn someone else apart to look at her, seeing the amount of pain in her eyes, seeing how lost she looked, how lost she felt, drifting, with no one to save her and no will left to save herself.

There was panic in the castle, everyone who had see Hermione Granger was afraid, they had never seen anything like it. They said they had experienced her emotions as she passed, many were still crying, most were simply in shock, others were looking at those who knew her for answers. Dumbledore was on the search for her, which didn't take him long, he could feel her, it was difficult for the old man walking in to cloud around herself she had created. He traced her down to the lake; it seemed the rain had once again decided to join Hermione in the pain she couldn't express. She was standing with her toes directly to the water as if she had run all the way there and her body stopped but her mind had continued out in to the vast empty waters.

She was singing, quietly, to herself;

Where is your heart?
'Cause I don't really feel you
where is your heart?
What I really want is to believe you
Is it so hard
to give me what I need?
I want your heart to bleed
that's all I'm asking for
Oh, where is your heart?

Dumbledore reached out to her, but she had already gone, fallen in to the water, and simply fallen down in to its depths, lost to him. Draco arrived, seeing her fall as he ran he screamed her name "Hermione" such pain was in his voice that the head teacher turned to him, taking his eyes of the place where they were momentarily glued, where she had disappeared. He fixed his eyes on Draco, "Mr Malfoy" He began but it was too late, Draco was next to him, in front of him, and under the water.

He resurfaced, pulling her up with him. She looked deathly pale; she hadn't been under the water long enough to be that pale, it was like she'd just given up, given in and death had come all the quicker because she wanted it. But Draco wasn't giving up, he wasn't giving up on her, he knew something had happened and he needed to know what it was, he needed her and he wasn't letting her go. He couldn't think of what to do he shook her "Hermione…. HERMIONE… come back to me! I need you!" tears were leaking out of his eyes before he could stop them. He pulled her to the back of the lake and laid her down. He looked in to her eyes, they were still open, the pain still evident, she wasn't dead, she just wasn't coming back either, and not because she couldn't, she had locked herself in her mind, away from him; she thought he didn't want her. Well, she was wrong, he thought to himself. By this point there was more than Dumbledore and Draco on the banking, Harry and Ron and Ginny had pushed themselves forwards. They were stood there transfixed in horror at what was happening, confused and completely unaware of what to do. Draco reached down to her face and cupped it in his hands, "Hermione…." He whispered "come back to me… I…" His voice broke as the tears continued to slide down his face, falling on to hers "… I need you… p...please." He reached down and placed a kiss on her mouth, pouring all his love in to it, praying that she would believe it. He connected there foreheads again, hoping against hope it would work, and he saw her, alone, nothing around her she was curled up in a ball, crying, sobbing her heart out;

Hear me
I'm cryin' out
I'm ready now
Turn my world upside down
Find me
I'm lost inside the crowd
It's getting loud
I need you to see
I'm screaming for you to please
Hear me
Hear me

"No Hermione, no! Don't give in. I need you to come back, I can hear you, im here" He ran over to her, and pulled her in to his lap. He never stopped to notice there physicality in this link, he could hold her and that's all that mattered.

He held her and she opened her eyes, as she did so he became aware of the real world again and they were in it, he pulled his head back and looked down at her face, he saw recognition there. He breathed a sigh of relief. She was back, he pulled her in to a bone breaking hug and she held him back, for dear life she clutched at his clothes, still soaked from the lake they both leaned on each other and cried silent tears.

Dumbledore called the heads of houses and got them to clear the rest of the student body, Harry and the Weasleys complained that they needed to see Hermione but Dumbledore was having no one stay with them. He waited for them to regain composure and then cast a drying and heating spell on them both. He then asked them to accompany him to his office. He needed to know what had happened, and so they set out behind him, following him to his office, where they had intended to go at the beginning of this link issue, and where it had no inevitably lead them.

A.N. Well… im not sure – hope you like it Review please –x-

Oh, and the songs are;

Kelly Clarkson – Because of you

Sarah McLachlan - Angels

Kelly Clarkson – Where is your Heart

Kelly Clarkson – Hear me