Dunno if it's canon or just fanfic, but normally Lucius is older than the Marauders. Probably canon. Ah well. In this he's younger, because KawaiiMegami86 and Sirius Lupin asked for him. And very sorry- I can't write Frodo very well.

I must say thanks for ideas. I've thanked you more in the responses at the bottom, so I'll shut up now.

I own nothing, not the plot, or the characters, or even some of the jokes.

"This is Marcel Johnson, welcoming you this fine day to Radio M. As all you fine people out there know, exciting news has come from Tilly's chocolate factory. The mysterious owner, who has not stepped outside his own front gates in five years, is allowing five children to enter, along with an adult each. The rumours that this is purely to prevent future court cases are, as yet, unsubstantiated. One ticket was found last week, by someone who wishes to remain anonymous. The Moon newspaper is offering a large reward to anyone who comes forward with information on the winner. They'll pay for any information- family background, kiss and tell stories… Anyway, I'm not here to talk about that! No! The second Golden Ticket has been found! A young gentleman by the name of Frodo Baggins has just secured the second place into Tilly's. So, Frodo, where are you originally from?"

"The Shire."

"And that is…"

"In Eriador."

"Right. So, how are you feeling about this exciting news?"

"It's one of the most exciting things I've heard all year. It'll be an adventure."

"Cool. How old are you, Frodo?"

"I'm…er… sixteen."

"Just the right age, huh?"

"Yes. I can't be any older."

"Well, no. Let me tell all you listeners out there, when you see the pictures in the paper you won't believe Frodo is even sixteen!"

Nervous giggle "Thanks. Must be a good moisturiser, huh?"

"Yeah… So, will you be bringing your mother or your father with you?"

"Neither. They both drowned when I was young."

"Oh, I am so sorry. So, who are you taking?"

"Gandalf the White. He's a family friend."

"Very good. Well, I'm sure we'll be speaking to you again soon. Good luck!"

"Thanks."

---

James walked into the dorm. "Why're you two sitting in the dark? Or don't I want to know?"

"Shut up!" Remus threw a pillow at James.

Sirius slipped off the bed and walked across to James to whisper in his ear. "It's Marcel Johnson on Radio M. He's the only one allowed to announce the winners of the Golden Tickets, so Re- Moony's listening to the radio. But the damn thing is too quiet, so we have to be silent."

"Will you two stop talking!" Remus squeaked. "I want to know!"

The two boys looked at each other, widening their eyes, but collapsed onto the bed either side of Remus to listen with him.

"I am proud to announce that the third Golden Ticket has been found! I have the lucky winner sitting here with me. What is your name, young man?"

"Lucius Malfoy."

"What?" James shot up, whacking his head on the bedside table as he did so. "That bastard? No, this can't happen."

Remus hit James on the shoulder. "Shut it, I want to hear the interview!"

James settled down, pouting slightly. It was a habit he'd picked up from Sirius, but because his looks weren't of the puppy dog eyes and perfect hair kind… "Prongs, don't pout. You look like a stranded fish," Sirius said.

"So, Lucius, how old are you?"

"Fifteen."

"How do you feel about winning the Ticket?"

"I always knew I would win one. So I do not feel any kind of emotion other than satisfaction at being proved right."

"How do you feel about this competition? One of the five of you will be winning a special prize. What do you think of your chances?"

"I will win it. There is no doubt. Two tickets have already been found, one by someone without the courage to step forward, and the other by a country yokel. Neither of these will present any difficulty. In any case, the prize should go to someone who deserves it. I am of an old pureblood family. There is no one else who deserves the prize more than me."

"Ok… So, what's your favourite chocolate?"

Malfoy snorted. "Chocolate? I don't eat chocolate. It would spoil my complexion and go straight to my hips. To get the Golden Ticket I had to feed the chocolate to my… friends, Crabbe and Goyle."

Remus switched off the radio angrily. "How the hell is he allowed to win a Ticket? He hates chocolate, and he's an arrogant, stuck up, prick."

"Moony, dear boy, there is something I must tell you know. I am passing on my wisdom. Life sucks. Bad guys win." Remus pouted at Sirius, who smiled indulgently. James reached across the werewolf and hit Sirius' shoulder.

"How come he gets a smile when he pouts, and I get told I'm a fish?"

Sirius opened and shut his mouth a few times. Remus laughed. "Now Padders looks like a fish."

"Oi! At least I don't smell like one!"

"Neither do I! And you smell like dog."

Sirius leapt up. "You're gonna pay for that one, wolfie." He jumped onto his own bed and picked up his pillow. He then brought it down on Remus' back. Remus squealed and tried to roll out of the way, only succeeding in rolling onto James. James sighed, extricating himself from the bed and walking across to his own. It may well have taken him six years to get through to Lily, but he wasn't completely stupid when it came to matters of the heart (he did however know that if Sirius knew he called it matters of the heart, then he'd be told he knew nothing). The constant flirting between his friends was wearing on his nerves, and he needed to know when exactly they were going to get together. He was planning on getting them a joint Christmas present, but that wouldn't work if they stayed coy and didn't confess to each other.

God, if that happened, and he had to spend any more time with the flirting, he'd undress them himself and stick them in bed together.

---

James and Remus watched Sirius. On the other side of the table, he was falling asleep. His head was getting nearer and nearer to the porridge. Peter was sat next to him, also watching curiously, but eating at the same time.

"Five Galleons says he hits it in the next minute," said James.

Peter reached across and shook his hand. "You're on."

Remus sighed. "You're both insensitive idiots."

James hushed him with one hand. Sirius' head drooped. And plopped into the porridge. "Ha! Pay up, Wormtail."

"I've got the money upstairs."

Sirius was blinking owlishly. "Huh? Wazzat? Where's the pineapple?" Remus took out his wand and passed it across Sirius' face to clear it of porridge. Sirius smiled distractedly, and began to fall asleep again. To prevent another bet, Remus propped Sirius' head on his elbow.

"Moony, you're really no fun at times."

Remus stuck his tongue out at James, but his retort was silenced by the arrival of the post. Remus' owl dropped a paper in front of him. Remus opened it out to see the front page.

FOURTH TICKET FOUND

The fourth Golden Ticket was this morning found by Cole Sear, 10, of Philadelphia. Cole says his first reaction was to tell his mother, and then his child psychologist, Malcolm Crowe. When our reporter tried to contact Mr Crowe we were informed no one of that name has lived in Philadelphia since the death of Malcolm Crowe, an eminent child psychologist shot by one of his former patients. Cole says he is excited about his win, and will be attending with Mr Crowe rather than his mother.

This means only one Ticket is left unfound. Rumours as to whether or not this Ticket will be found before Thursday (the day of the opening). Bets are being taken all over the world. Where will the next winner be from? How old will they be? If you have any information, Floo the Moon offices. We'll pay thirty Galleons for any story relating to the Ticket winners.

Turn to Page 4 for Gilderoy Lockhart's story- My life at Hogwarts with Lucius Malfoy.

Remus folded it up and tossed it down onto the table.

James spoke through a mouthful of toast. "Fanifin mtrstin Ooy?"

Remus ran the speech through his internal 'Marauders with Mouthfuls' translator, and came up with 'Anything interesting Moony?' "Fourth Ticket's been found. Some kid in America."

"It's nearly nine, and Padfoot's still asleep," Peter observed. In fact Sirius was now drooling, and moaning indistinctly.

James grabbed the nearest cup of coffee and pushed it under Sirius' nose. The aroma wafted up to his nostrils, and with his eyes still closed he picked up the mug and brought it to his mouth. Remus watched him, a smile playing on his lips.

Sirius' eyes sprang open and he smiled crazily at the other three. "Yo, wasson? What time is it? PPProngs, what's on with Evans? MMMoony, what's the day? PPPete, what's the story, morning glory?"

"Do you think he ought to be blurry like that?"

Sirius was bouncing in his seat, creating the impression that he was blurred round the edges. James shrugged at Remus' question. "Who knows? I'm going to speak to Lily."

---

Sirius lounged in his seat and hit his head against the wall. He'd give anything not to be where he was, but he had to be in order to get a pass at Potions. He was with the Slug Club.

He lifted his head slightly to see the others, and sighed. Mostly Slytherins, including Snape, Malfoy and Regulus, Sirius' brother. There were a couple of Ravenclaws, one solitary Hufflepuff in the corner, and only two Gryffindors. Sirius himself, and Lily Evans.

Sirius really didn't know much about Lily. Sure, James had been obsessed with her since fourth year, and Remus always seemed to be studying with her, but apart from that- nada. He smirked at her, and she sighed.

"What, Black?"

"Lily, my dear. Don't you think we should at least be civil, seeing as you're now shagging my best friend."

Lily jumped in her seat, her eyes wide. "I am not shagging…" she hissed.

Sirius sniggered. "I know, but it was worth it to see the expression on your face." He made his voice more serious. "How are things going?"

"It's none of your business. Anyway, who're you after this month?"

Sirius let his head fall back again, not trusting himself to keep his face straight. "No one."

"Oh come on. What about Katie Walling?"

"Not my type."

"'Not your type?'" Lily did a scarily good impression of Sirius. "Black, she goes in and out in all the right places."

"Don't care. She's still not my type."

Lily dragged her chair in front of Sirius'. "OK then- tell me. What is your type? What colour hair?"

Sirius looked at Lily's serious face. "Blonde."

"Eyes?"

"Don't care, but I like eyes to be striking."

Lily nodded thoughtfully. "Height?"

"Smaller than me. Kinda petite, I suppose, and delicate."

"Personality?"

"Intelligent, good sense of humour, independent, strong."

"So, who would be your ideal partner?"

Sirius managed to stop himself before saying the name that came to his lips. He stared at the glass in his hand. Was Slughorn giving them a potion? There really couldn't be any other reason for what he had nearly said to Lily.

"Sirius, Lily, m'dear, have some chocolate." Above them Slughorn beamed over his ample stomach. He held out a bar to each of them.

"Thank you, sir."

"I don't normally eat chocolate-"

Slughorn waved Lily's protests aside. "Oh, nonsense. This is Tilly's chocolate, best in the world. I insist everyone gets one bar."

Sirius opened his bar and began to eat. Feeding himself definitely wasn't as fun as Remus feeding him.

"Oh my- a Golden Ticket!"

The screech from the middle of the room brought silence for one moment, followed by a scramble to see the Ticket and discover the winner.

Sirius stood on his chair, still eating his chocolate. He saw Snape emerge from the crush, a flash of gold clutched in his hand. Sirius swore, creating a strange sound through the chocolate mush in his mouth. The last thing he wanted to do was spend a whole day with Snape. On the upside, he was spending a whole day with just him and Remus. And that was a good thing because he hardly ever got any time when it was just him and Remus. And he liked Remus. As a friend.

Sirius collapsed down. Too much thinking gave him a headache.

Just in case anyone didn't get it- Sirius nearly said Remus when asked his ideal partner. And Katie Walling- if you ever read this, my dear, I am completely utterly sorry for nicking your name.

Oh, and does anyone here understand Latin? Please tell me if you do!

LoneWolf2005- I know people who would fight you for him… Not me! KawaiiMegami86- Johnny Depp is PERFECT. I have a lot of spare time at the mo, so I'm writing almost constantly. elvencherry07- He was amazing- "Mumbler!" Also when he walked into the glass… hehe… I did see it coming the second time, but still funny… newcomer- I have one joke coming up for Frodo, so he's staying. Well, actually it's for Gandalf, but hey! SlashyKitty- I will supply you with slash. Slash deprivedness is not good. carpe-nox-sulum-nox- Ta! Someone appreciates how hard it is for me to write long things. And wait for a Tilly joke later. Go eat a Popsicle for being so nice. I-Shave-Clowns- It is amazing. My friend and I were in hysterics throughout most of it. And Johnny still manages to be hot, even with that haircut! Jedi Master Moose Ass- Doesn't everyone? Love chocolate, not my story. Dudey name. lauren- You didn't review the last chapter of Seeing :sniff: I feel deprived. Send me your fic! Lykaios Nyx- You can actually buy those bars, and I swear they are the most gorgeous chocolate I have ever eaten. Moonglo- Hyper!Remus was v fun to write. But difficult, in a way. aishteru- Someone else suggested Snape, so he's been included! Icy Sapphire15- That was my favourite part/s. Hee hee… Holy Snappers- Of course it's a ripoff, but in my own special way! Sirius Lupin- I am so using that idea. Boredom is my middle name- No Lockhart, because the things you mentioned him doing is gonna be what someone else is doing… read the next chapter and you'll understand. Kiss Death Back- Déjà vu, my best friend's fav word is cringe…dancing in daydreams- Lovely long review! Great minds think alike, dahling. And ta for the idea!
Also, thanks to LuH, Shadow Cat17, siriusly delusional, RonaldYHarry, Kurai Shinigami, Sirius's Daughter, checkmarks, Nina, Albino Redneck and Queen of the Paperclips