I only want to be accepted
Chapter 10: confusion
disclaimer: I own nothing
a.n. Thanks for all your reviews.
Anarane Anwamane, bababa, Emma Barrows, lee74, valentines-hater, scorpio-1983, goddess of the rose, Midnight Walker, Egyptian-Princesss
London-brat: No the names not stupid, what part of London you planning on moving to? yeah I'm a London gal. born in Scotland but lived here all my life, can't wait to leave it. what part America you from?
keep reviewing!
Previously
'What happened Sirius?'
'Leave her Harry, it's better she's on her own for a while. We'll get settled and explain everything.'
Hermione had to be alone, she couldn't face sitting in a kitchen with the order and telling them what happened, she couldn't. She ran as fast as she could through the house and out the front door. She couldn't go far because of the spell on the house. It was raining out side but she didn't care. She went out and sat on the green in front of the house. She sat under the oak tree and cried. That's all she could do, cry. If she didn't then she would want to yell at the top of her lungs. Why does everything have to be so complicated? I've only ever wanted to help people, but this is what I get in return. I've only ever wanted to be accepted. She hugged her knees and cried.
And on with the chapter...
Cross-legged, Hermione sat outside for what seemed like hours...
She wanted to kick, and to scream, and to shout; just to let all of her anger and frustration out...and as she sat there contemplating which to do first it began to rain.
Great! Perfect weather!
Flicking her sopping hair out of her eyes; she wrapped her arms tight around her body and hugged herself, trying to keep warm...this weather reflected her state of mind perfectly. The way each of the rain-drops fell to the ground and splattered so quickly reminded her of how she had fallen so many times before...but, they wouldn't brake her, she wouldn't let them...she couldn't...
Failing to keep herself warm, she got up from the now damp ground and made her way back to the front door.
Approaching it she hesitated, did she really want to go in there and face everyone? Have to explain what happened with Jason? See the concern and outrage on Harry and Ron's faces? Did she?
She took a deep breath and pushed the door open, making sure it didn't creak. She crept past the paintings and the stair case and approached the kitchen door. Everyone was still there. Damn...! she thought, steadying herself, she pressed an ear firmly to the door and barred herself to hear what was being said...(a.n. sound familiar?)
It was Sirius's low growl of a voice that reached her first.
'I don't...I...I can't understand how she...how she lived with them for all those years... That...family...is awful.'
You think? You haven't lived with it.
'I can't see, how she kep... -how did she keep this from us...?'
That's Ron's voice...
Well it's easy when you've been doing it for years Ron. Such a perfect life you lead isn't it? Well not all of us are that lucky.
'Mr. Weasley, we all care for Hermione...but...but that really isn't the issue at hand here. It just amazes me how she got away. Sirius?'
'Albus, I don't...I don't know how she did it... I was outside her room because...I...because I knew he had a knife... It's Hermione who can tell us how.'
Please no, I can't relive...anything. Not yet.
'Well we can't push her to say anything. It will be Hermione's choice to say anything to us if she wants.'
Thank you Mrs. Weasley.
Sighing, she figured that this would probably be a good time to involve her self in the conversation; and so, taking another steadying breath, she lightly tapped the door and the pushed it open. She was greeted with dozens of faces.
Great, just-what-I-need.
Mrs. Weasley rushed up to her, conjuring a blanket as she went and then throwing it upon her. Hermione hadn't realised she'd been shaking...
'Hermione dear, your soaking wet!'
'I'm fine Mrs. Weasley. It just started to rain.'
'Hermione, dear... your lips are blue. Sit down and I'll get you a hot drink.'
Mrs. Weasley guided her to the only available seat which was in between Dumbledore and Harry.
There was silence...absolute and complete. Everyone was waiting for Hermione to speak...and she knew it
What the hell are you staring at? Fucks sake.
'Hermione...? We know that you are very upset, but it's important to us that you explain what happened.'
Hermione swallowed hard and stared into her cup. She could feel everybody's gaze on hers.
Just leave me the hell alone why don't you?
Hermione swallowed hard and instead of replying right away stared deeply into the murky depths of her cup. She could feel everybody's eyes on her and for a while she just pretended that this...none of it...Jason, Dan...becoming a witch...going to Hogwarts...and that Dumbledore, and Ginny...and...Ron...and...and Harry had ever happened;and that right now, she was the star of a lavish dinner party of which only the richest and most important guest could attend; and that the only reason everyone was staring at her was because she had just reach the climax of a very funny joke.
J...just-leave-me-the-hell-alone...why can't you just-leave-me-alone...?
'I don't want to go into detail. You can probably guess for yourselves what he tried to do. I don't know how I got away I really don't. I just felt something inside me trying to escape. Something or someone in my head was screaming for me to do something. Just to outsmart him. I don't know how but it was like somebody else was there with me, helping me...'
Hermione put down her cup and pulled the blanket closer around her. She looked up at the people around her.
Ok I said it, now can you leave off?
To her left, Dumbledore wouldn't meet her eyes. He starring out the window, brown knotted in concentration, ever since she'd finished talking. She wondered what he was thinking about...
What's up with him? metal note: ask about Charlie.
Next to him sat Sirius, who was looking at his feet. She could tell that he felt guilty about what happened back in her bedroom...but it wasn't his fault. He had been through enough...he didn't need that too.
She scanned the rest of the room until she fell upon Ron's face. He looked deep in thought which was strange for him. She had never seen him concentrate on something like that before, she wondered what was bothering him.
Next to Ron was Harry. It had taken her a few seconds to realise that he was looking at her...his deep green eyes searching her own, for answers, she supposed. She gave him a weak smile and turned away quickly. She didn't want him to see the pain she had buried within her self for so many years...not now...and maybe not ever...And for whatever reason, Harry seemed to sense this and grabbing her hand gave it a reassuring squeeze, this made Hermione catch his eye again and blush.
What would I do without him?
'Hermione?'
She looked up to see Dumbledore focusing in on her, the twinkle that had once been in his eyes gone, only to be replaced by a cold and stony look mixed in with concern and confusion.
'Yes sir.'
'When you were in your bedroom, you said that you felt the presence of somebody else? In your head?'
'Yes,'
Dumbledore turned his back on her and stared out the window.
'Curious, how very curious.'
Hermione didn't know what was curious and looked up bewildered at Harry, he too shared the same look of blankness and shrugged his shoulders. She looked back at her headmaster who was now shaking his head and muttering under his breath.
'If you don't mind my asking professor, what's so curious?'
Spinning round once more he looked into his favourite students eyes. He was saddened by what he saw, pain. Nothing but pain. he sighed and gave her a smile, I better tell her.
'...Hermione I'd like you to stay where you are. Harry, Ron, Molly, Arthur, Sirius, Remus, Minerva, Severus, If you could stay as well? Everyone else, we can call it a day, go back to your stations...and remember to contact me with...anything, out of the ordinary.'
Dumbledore waited a few moments for the kitchen to filter out. Everyone was sitting around the table confused and looking up at their mentor
He sat his weary legs down and looked around the room. Everyone were waiting for him to speak.
Dumbledore examined a picture on the wall, apparently trying to figure out exactly what to say, while waiting for the kitchen to filter out. Finally, it having grown clear, the remaining people sat stiffly, waiting for him to speak.
He took his seat once more, and clearing his throat imperiously, began to speak.
'Hermione, ever since you came to Hogwarts, I have watched you. I've seen you fail, I've seen you fall, and I've even seen you cry...but I have never seen you give up. You've grown into a strong young woman, a lovely young lady, and as powerful of a witch as I have ever met, and for a Muggle-Born such as yourself this has been exceptional. I've never seen anything like it before, and I am and old man, Hermione, I've seen a lot of things.
'And now when I see the way you were raised, I find myself unable to imagine how instead of swallowing your pride and becoming like the rest of your family, you kept your grades and your high standard up.'
What? I'm just smart and I read a lot. What's so hard about that?
'Professor Dumbledore, I mean no disrespect but where are you going with this? I kept my grades up because I threw myself into my work. That's it.'
'My child I realise that now, and you can not have done a better thing.'
Ok, now I'm confused, what's he on about?
'It's only speculation at the moment, but I think you posses a rare gift, it's Latin term is ''portella morbition'' - '
'-Easy vision.'
'Right, I didn't realise you spoke Latin?'
'I don't I've read about it.'
'Something's never change.'
Everyone turned and glared at professor Snape. He just rolled his eyes. Why does he insist on picking on me? I bet he's still sore about what happened in that meeting, Haha that was funny.
'Do you know anything about it Hermione?'
She knotted her brow and thought about it.
'No, I can't think of it.''People who posses this gift don't usually come to power until there 16th birthday, and if I'm correct yours was last week?'
She nodded. What a crappy birthday that was too. I did get a really sweet card from Harry though...
'So it wouldn't surprise me if you start passing out, you'll also be able to with stand a lot more physically and mentally, depending on the amount of power we you posses. And knowing you, Hermione, I think you'd be very powerful.
'The actual 'power' it self is like having an inner demon that can sense raw emotions - pain, love ect. But you can eventually sense all emotions - fear, doubt. With such a powerful gift it has immense side effects. You'll be able to feel these emotions from the people around you. It's like a form of mind reading, And if I'm correct in thinking you'll be able to sense what spell a person might use.'
Everyone but the professors sat there trying to take it all in, Harry was stealing glances at Hermione but she didn't move and inch.
I have this? why haven't I realised it before? Why are they telling me now?
Snape and McGonagal kept shooting worried looks at each other, could she handle it?
'Tell her Albus.'
Hermione's head shot up and everyone turned to McGonagal.
Tell me what? What else is there to tell me? S
he was staring pointedly at Dumbledore
'Tell me what?'
'Easy vision can also allow a person to be able to do certain amounts of wandless magic which is powered by your emotions. You will certainly be above the curriculum based spells. Sometimes you might be able to do a spell without realising you did it, it really depends on your emotions and what you are thinking. That's the demon coming alive.'
'And the rest.'
The rest? Merlin I wish he would get on with it. I'm tired.'
The rest? Can you tell me everything at once?'
'Because this is a very powerful gift, Voldermort might want to use it... Use you. But I am confident in the fact that if we train you right and train you in channelling your emotions and power, you can use it to your advantage. So with your consent, I think it best Moody and Sirius train you in defence, I will teach you Occulmancy and if Minerva can teach you how to channel you emotions and powers. Severus will give you background and the actual mission meetings -'
That's a hell of a lot to take in. When would I do all of this?
'Whoa, hang on you actually want her to go through with this?'
Everyone turned to see Ron with a face like thunder, now on his feet and leaning towards Dumbledore.
'Mr Weasley.'
'Ron, sit down.'
'No, Hermione, I don't think -'
'Ron, we'll talk about it after.'
'Hermione-'
'Ron!'
Silence. They had just witnessed the kitchen door slam close, with nobody even near it. Hermione, who was clueless to what just happened rubbed her temples, a headache was forming with all of this new information. She looked up and saw that everyone in the room was once again watching her.
'What!'
'Hermione, dear, did you -I mean to say, erm were you particularly angry a minute ago?'
'Mrs Weasley, what do you want to know that for?'
'Hermione, please?'
'Well yeah I was annoyed at Ron's persistence, but why do you want to know? what's going on?'
'Because something just caused the door to slam close and crack all the wood.'
Well what you think? sorry for the delay people! review review and did I forget to say review?
raven
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