I only want to be accepted

disclaimer: i own nothing!

A.N: I'm so sorry that i haven't updated in so long! im not going to insult you by giving you stupid excuses, please except my apology!

sporty12gd4u: Thanks for your review

Midnight Walker: Thanks for your review i hope you like this one!

wiseupjanetweiss: Thanks

NicksterPotter : sorry i kept you waiting

honeyduck: cheers

malfaldaweasley: of course im writing more!

noy Majere: im sorry i made you cry!

chapter 13: sexual favours!

Hermione walked into the kitchen after her meeting with Snape. She had to get out of that room as fast as possible. How could she face him, knowing that he had seen her in her most vulnerable moments? She wasn't embarrassed, she was ashamed.

Ashamed that, that had ever happened to her, ashamed to be related to those monsters, ashamed to be her.

Perhaps if she was a better witch then she could have prevented anything like that from ever having happened. Perhaps if she were a better person people would have treated her better.

There was only one person in the kitchen when she went in - Harry. A sly smile crept on to her lips as she approached him from behind. Maybe she could tell him what she was feeling. He would listen, he was her best friend. But it seemed that he was in a world of his own.

I've got to tell her, face-to-face. But what if I get shot down? O come on take the risk! Harry you can do this just tell her. She's your best friend.

'Tell her.'

'Tell who what?'

Harry spun around and saw that Hermione was inches away from him. Did I just say that out loud?

'I erm. Nothing.'

He blushed, it could have put the Weasley's hair to shame.

'Come on Harry tell me.'

She sat down beside him, and took his hands in hers. His heart skipped a beat, he looked up and met her eyes,

those eyes will be with me 'til my grave I swear it, so beautiful, so clear, so full.

Come on it's now or never, be a man about this!

Hermione's mind was racing, did he like her? Some how she could almost feel the attraction between them. She was going to take her chance. Harry took a deep breath and looked at her again.

'Look Mi, erm, I need to tell you something -'

'Orh when's dinner? I'm starving.'

Ron.

I'm going to kill him!

I swear Ron, I'm going to strangle you in your sleep!

'O, hey Hermione, how's training going?'

'Fine Ron. Harry I'll be back in a minute.'

She brushed her arm over the back of his shoulders and walked out of the kitchen.

Please follow me, come on Harry.

'You. Ron. Are an idiot!'

Harry walked out after her, fuming at Ron's idiocy. He almost had her.

Ron stood looking at the kitchen door dumbfounded.

'What did I do?'

Jogging slightly up the stairs to catch up with Hermione, he saw her round the corner to the bathroom.

'Hermione!'

Yes! She turned around to face him, and waited for him to catch up. A smile played on her lips as she watched him approach.

'Hey, what's up? Anything wrong?'

'O No, well yes, erm no.'

His nervousness was cute. She flashed him a smile which made his heart skip. Just look at her, so bloody sexy without even trying.

'So what is it? Yes or No?'

'I. Look I'm just going to come out and say this, you've been my best mate for how long? And I know this may be sudden, But I erm-'

She wasn't sure how or why but she knew. She knew that he felt something more than friendship for her. She knew he wanted to kiss and feel her. She knew. The nervousness radiated from him.

'-Harry?'

'Yeah?'

'Shut up.'

Hermione closed the gap between them, never braking the gaze between them. She leaned up to him and kissed him.

Is this for real? Is she really kissing me?

I'm Kissing him!

Harry snaked his arms around her waist and Hermione's crept up to his neck. She lightly nipped at his bottom lip opening her mouth slightly. Harry wove his tongue into her waiting mouth. Their tongues battled for dominance, too long had they waited for this from one another. Her stomach was in knots and she loved it, he could make her feel so good. She moaned against his lips, driving Harry's senses wild.

God, her lips are so soft.

I can't believe it.

Their hearts were beating a thousand miles an hour. This felt so right.

Harry pushed lightly at her waist and she backed herself against the wall. The sudden impact against the cold wall made her gasp. They broke apart, looking at each other. Not really knowing what to say.

'Wow.'

'Yeah wow.

Look I hate to do this, but we better get to dinner of people will start to look for us.'

'You're right, as always.'

She smiled at him and they linked their hands, making their way down to the kitchen. Before they entered Hermione pulled Harry to one side.

'Harry, I don't know about you, but I don't want to broadcast this to everyone. Can we keep it our secret?'

'Sure whatever you want sweets.'

Giggling slightly she looked up at him

'Sweets?'

He shrugged his shoulders and let go of her hand. This little action sent a funny feeling through the both of them. A cold unwanted feeling. Harry ignored it and pushed the door open. Hermione however didn't know what to make of it. How could she feel all of these things? What was going on?

Dinner went without any problems, Harry and Hermione sat in a world of their own. Talking and laughing like they were the only ones in the room, oblivious to them were the conversations and thoughts around them.

Snape was talking to Dumbledore, explaining to him what he saw.

'Albus, I'm not sure if she can take it. The flashes I saw, I'm surprised she has stayed fine this long.'

'I understand Severus, but she's a strong young girl. Let me have a word with her. See if she has any doubts. Then we can talk about this.'

'I know, but Albus I felt it. It was awful, the shame, the pain, the anger, the fear of her own family. Nobody should have to ever experience that.'

'Just out of curiosity, what did you see? And tell me what you felt.'

Severus knotted his brow, trying to remember. Flashes invaded his mind.

'Some sort of battle between Black, and Lupin. She was crouching behind some boxes. She felt powerful and excited. Really driven and determined.'

The headmaster nodded for him to continue, he knew this already, he wanted some past memories.

'Merlin, her and Potter - that I didn't need to feel, teenage lust.'

He smiled weakly at the potions professor. He was the only one that knew him for the true man he was, under the cold exterior was a man who was battered and torn. He knew Snape was not like the facade he gave off.

'After that was some sort of family gathering, they were screaming at her, she was only about 10. Telling her she was worthless, obviously they were intoxicated. She was frightened and nervous, like she knew they were going to hit her or something.'

This is what he wanted to know. Her background, and as much as he possible could. There was no way she was going to re-live it again. If his assumptions were correct then she would have forced all of these memories right back into her mind. But he knew that one day she was going to have to face all of these memories. If she was going to unlock her full potential then she would have to face all types of pain and hurt. Especially the ones that caused the most fear in her life.

'Afterwards was her that same day, probably after, crying in her room. That was horrible, seeing a frightened little girl cry, but at such a young age she was feeling outcastes and ashamed to be her.'

She was having more of an effect on Severus than Dumbledore realised. Very rarely did he show compassion towards another, but being forced to see her painful memories must have been terrible for him.

'The tragic thing is Severus, that I believe that she still believes that to be true. Miss Granger is a very good actress and an extremely talented witch to keep this from everybody. If there was anything we could do for her now, don't you think I would have? We just have to give her time, these wounds are going to have to be healed on their own. But please continue with what you saw.'

Severus sighed. He didn't like to think about these things. He'd been through terrible things being a Death Eater yes, but being forced to recount these, that somebody else experienced was just as troublesome.

'There was a male family member hitting her, that I assume was quite recent because I recognised him, the one that cut her. She - actually it was like she was expecting to be hit that time. But after it was pure anger and pain.'

'And the last was the one where she was, erm assaulted. The shame she felt, she was blaming herself at one point, it was appalling. Albus, you know I'm not a man to express sympathy for anyone, but Miss Granger has certainly been through it and experienced things at such a young age. The range of emotions - most people would never experience them.'

Dumbledore nodded towards the younger man. They would just have to help her when and If she ever came to them.

Across from them Remus and Sirius we also discussing the pair.

'Moony I hate it when Dumbledore is right. He knows everything that man!'

'I know, but aren't you happy for them? They've both been through so much, they deserve each other.'

'Yeah, you're right. Perhaps my God-Son can find comfort in her. Merlin knows he needs something to go right in his life.'

'As does she.'

They looked over at the pair, they were laughing.

'Harry, he's really not that bad!'

'He's a slimy git! I don't know how you can stand being around him.'

She shrugged her shoulders.

'We've come to an agreement.'

Curiosity got the better of him. He narrowed his eyes at her,

'What sort of agreement?'

'That's my business!'

'O come on! I want to know if my girl is giving her potions professor sexual favours!'

Hermione looked at him shocked. Did he just call me his girl?

DID HE JUST SUGGEST I GIVE SNAPE SEXUAL FAVOURS!

'Harry you're sick!'

'I'm sorry.'

'Did you mean what you just said?'

'What?'

'About me being your girl?'

'Of -'

'Miss Granger? Can I speak with you?'

'Of course Sir, I'll speak to you later Harry.'

Hermione followed her headmaster out of the kitchen

A few minutes later they were seated in the lounge, with tea and biscuits in front of them. It seemed like Dumbledore was waiting for something, what, she wasn't sure of.

She didn't have to wait long to find out either, there was knock at the door and in came Sirius, Remus, Snape and Mad eye. Hermione was shocked to see them all in there. Had she done something wrong? What was going on?

'Can I ask what's going on?'

'No need to worry Miss Granger, we just want to talk to you.'

'Ok.'

The four sat next to Dumbledore and watched her. Five pairs of eyes on her made her feel nervous to say the least. She sat opposite them wringing her hands in her lap.

'Miss Granger, I've been speaking to Mr. Black, Mr. Lupin, Alastor and Mr. Snape about your experiences today. They have all said the same thing to me. Do you know what that is?'

What could all four of them say about her. What is going on?

'No I'm afraid not sir,'

'Well Miss Granger, they are astounded by how much you can take. Do you realise what it means to beat 3 fully grown wizards in a duel when you are only 16?'

She heard someone suppress a laugh. Dumbledore sent Snape a warning glare and continued.

'I am worried that your powers are growing too fast for you to handle. It was only a few days ago when you lost you temper and caused damage, and today you are doing things I expected of you only after months of training.'

'I don't understand. Why is this such a bad thing?'

'Because Miss Granger, at the rate you are going I'm worried that the training scheme you are on won't be worth it. We are afraid that you won't be able to control it. That it might be too much for you.'

They don't have much faith in me. How do they know I can't handle it? They don't!

'Right.'

She got up from where she sat and walked towards the door. The five men on the sofa sat confused.

'Miss Granger, where are you going?'

She spun around in a blaze of anger.

'I mean no disrespect, but I'm not going to sit here and listen to you saying that you don't have faith in me. I've had that all my life and I thought taking this mission on would help me to be accepted. Obviously I was wrong.'

Dumbledore waved his wand and locked the door before she got to it.

'Open the door.'

'No Miss Granger. Not until you understand what we are saying.'

'I understand perfectly fine, please open the DAMN DOOR.'

Anger got the better of her, she wasn't sure how it happened but the chandelier broke away from the ceiling and smashed the coffee table in front of them. They all sat staring at her in awe.

'This is what we are saying Miss Granger. You can not control what you have.'

'Mad eye you won't let me! You don't have any faith in me and let me try.'

'Hermione we aren't saying that! We want to help you, but we are worried about the consequences it will have on you. Especially after everything-'

'Don't you dare! Don't you stand there and think you know of anything I've been through. If you did Sirius, then you would understand that I have to do this. You have to give me a chance.'

She looked around the room at the five men. None of them stared at her, what was it? Guilt? Did they feel guilty?

'You feel guilty. Why?'

'What?'

'One of you, Snape or Dumbledore, one of you feels guilty.'

Lupin, Sirius and Mad eye looked confused at the other two. Dumbledore had a small twinkle in his eye. Maybe he was wrong. Snape however looked at the floor.

'Professor Snape it's you. What do you have to feel guilty about?'

'Miss Granger. How do you know what I feel?'

'I don't know. I can sense it. Isn't this what was supposed to happen. I start to feel people's emotions?'

'Yes, you are right Miss Granger. I think I may have miss judged you. I can see the determination in your eyes. Perhaps, perhaps you will be ok.'

'It still doesn't answer my question. Professor Snape, you feel guilty about me, why?'

He sighed and faced her. Suppose I better tell her.

'Earlier...when I was teaching you occulmancy, and you had those flashes, you are aware that I saw them also?'

She nodded her head. Where was he going with this?

'Well it was me that went to Dumbledore with the worries you couldn't handle this. I didn't just see what happened. I felt what you felt. I think that has something to do with your power, but what I felt from you, made me think that you had been through far to much to have this burden on your shoulders as well.'

'Thank you for your honesty. But you of all people should know now, because of you feeling that, that this is a way for me to gain acceptance. To be me. And not what people want me to be.'

They stood there looking at each other, it made sense and he wasn't sure how to respond to it.

'Miss Granger are you sure about this?'

'Yes, I want to do this Professor, please don't stop me.'

'Now who am I to get in the way of a young witch determined?'

'Thank you.'

Hermione turned once again to leave until she heard Moody's voice.

'I think Mr. Potter is waiting outside you room for you.'

Hermione reddened. Why did Moody have to say that? Now the five of them know!

'Don't worry Hermione, we won't say anything.'

'Thanks Sirius.'

Hermione left the room as fast as possible. That was embarrassing.

She walked up the stairs with butterflies in her stomach. Was she nervous to see Harry. This was defiantly a new feeling. She liked it. She crossed the landing and saw that Harry was waiting for her.

'Hey,'

'Hey yourself. How'd your meeting go?'

She didn't answer him. She stood two inches from his face and leaned in and kissed him, for the second time that day. This time it was different. This time there was heat. She pressed her body against his, he instinctively put his arms around her waist.

She didn't know why she did it. She could just feel the need from him. She pulled away from him in the need for air.

Maybe this can be useful after all.

so what you think? i know the kiss was very cliche but how are you supposed to right that sap?

and i promise you the next chapter is so much better!

raven

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