Chapter 5: Doubts

By: Almicene Melwen

Updated: August 12, 2004

A confused young lavender-eyed witch sat, tucked away forgotten by all of Hogwarts' students. All except for one, who studied the heartbroken girl, muffling her sobs into the sleeve of a faded purple sweater that her mother had given her so long ago. The looming shadows and cold stones arched around the girl, hiding her away from the world, but not reality. Wild thriving ivy crawled up the ancient castle as she curled into a ball into a limestone bench roughly etched into the building itself. The soft hoots of the owls and the chirping of crickets were the only sounds she heard.

She had no one.

There would be no home to go back to for the summer, no more family dinners or the teasing of her father about any new boyfriends. She'd never get to smell the warm coffee mixed with a unique scent of security that was always embedded in her father's shirts. Persephone would never hear her father call her "squirt" again while holding things above her head, teasing her.

She had no father, and no mother. Not even aunts, uncles or any relatives she knew of. It had always been them against the bitterness of reality. They had kept her safe and loved tucked away in her mother's embrace as yet another boy broke her heart, as the world became dangerous from Death Eater attacks and Voldemort.

And Lily had taken it all away from her. If she hadn't reported Lucius and his horrible Death Eater friends, then she would still have her parents. But then why was guilt clutching her heart when she remembered the hurt etched on the face of her best friend when she blamed her. It was all her fault wasn't it? If only she hadn't been friends with her then she'd have her family back. She'd give anything to see her parents waiting for her at the train station at the end of the year. But she would not be given a choice. Death did not bargain.

Persephone wrapped herself into a tighter ball, her large soft sweater protecting her from the cold of the night, but not from reality. She buried her eyes into the folds of her arms. Her hair was in a hastily done French twist, but at least out of the way of her seemingly infinite tears.

And he just watched her, underneath the silvery folds of the Invisibility cloak he had 'borrowed' from James. He stood, long lean legs crossed as he supported himself against a young oak tree just watching. And she became a real person to him that night. He knew exactly how she felt – to have everything ripped away, to have no family to go back to.

Sirius knew that this private display of grief was not meant for him to see, but he couldn't break himself away from her pain and her need. It beckoned him and in response he took a couple of steps toward her. He wasn't any good at comforting anyone and it scared him to see the raw emotion this girl he had thought of as tough was showing. But he braved the fear that gripped him and took another couple of steps forward.

He knew was unworthy, but Sirius felt she deserved at least the little he could offer – empathy.

Suddenly the wildflowers he had held in his hand seemed inappropriate and inadequate to give her. He stopped walking towards her, and froze as his worn brown dragonhide boots stepped on dry leaves.

Crunch.

"Bloody hell," he cursed to himself quietly.

Persephone whipped her head up, her hand reaching for her wand immediately. She hastily wiped at her eyes, trying to cover her tears. "Who's there?" she demanded shakily.

Sirius remained undecided, and his heart reproached him for his reluctance to comfort her.

The dirty-blonde haired witch laughed softly, bitterly. "I hope whoever or whatever is hiding kills me. I can't take this any more. . . I just can't." Her soft lavender eyes began to leak with crystalline liquid again. Unknowingly her eyes met Sirius's and he was taken back by the hollowness he saw. She quickly turned away and began to cry into her arms again.

That made up his mind. He removed the cloak with one fluid motion of his hand and walked in long, quick strides towards her. Persephone sniffled, and her eyes widened upon seeing her visitor. She waited to speak as his legs brought him over to her. He crouched down in front of her and almost shyly brought out the splendid bouquet of pink, purple, and white flowers that he had picked earlier. He felt like a small schoolboy giving a pretty teacher too small a gift.

"Sirius?" she asked uncertainly. She didn't understand what he was doing there, or if it was just her imagination. Confusion was etched onto her features.

"I wanted you to have these . . . but they seem . . . now. . ." he said, hesitatingly. The flowers were wilted from the heat of his hand and the hours he had held them with indecision. He had made sure no one saw him picking . . . flowers of all things. He couldn't imagine the fun Snape would have had with that.

She stared wordlessly at his outstretched offering of small white blossoms mixed with the red daisies, the Forget-Me-Nots and the purple lilacs. It was strangely appropriate. His thoughtfulness touched her.

Sirius became nervous and began to retract the flowers, thinking he had been right in the pettiness of the gift but her voice stopped him.

"Thank you," she whispered, her eyes meeting his. Her voice was hoarse from crying and the coolness of the night air.

He pulled her into his embrace and away from the coldness of the stone that had once supported her.

She didn't turn into his arms, instead she kissed his lips hungrily, desperately trying anything that would take the pain away. Initially Sirius kissed her back, his hands pulling her body closer to him. She tasted so wonderful and he had wanted to kiss her for a while. Persphone moaned, opening her mouth to him, slipping her hands under his shirt.

That was when Sirius pulled away, breathing heavily. Her hands underneath his shirt had shocked him back to reality. "No." She reached for him again, thinking that at least it would numb the pain. She didn't want to feel the heartache. Sirius kept her at an arm's length distance. "No, don't tempt me Seph. I know what you're doing, and I promise that when you're feeling better that if you want to continue this I won't say no. But not now, love. This isn't what you need."

She just nodded as tears began to form again. Sirius pulled her to his chest.

She'd give anything to have her parents back.

Lily found herself in the arms of the Gryffindor Quidditch captain the next morning. His messy black hair was still untamed and ruffled from sleep. His glasses were halfway down his nose, but his warm arms were still around her. She enjoyed the guilty pleasure of having him wrapped around her for just a few minutes and then slowly got up. What was happening between them? Why was James being so nice to her? She wondered if he pitied her, or someone had told him about her parents. But she doubted the second reason, only Persephone knew part of what had happened to her parents.

Smoothing out her black work robes, she drew her shapely long legs to her, and carefully dislodged herself from James. Freeing her hair, the soft curls flew down. She combed her hands roughly with her fingers and then stretched her slender form. Her eyes wandered around the room and she caught sight of something on the carpet.

It was a twig oddly enough, and she quickly transformed it into a flower using the spell Professor McGonagall had taught them a few days before. She had finally gotten the spell down after hours of practice in her room. Lily had cursed James more and more vehemently as the hours had passed for being able to do it so effortlessly.

Twirling her wand, and softly uttering the incantation, the small stalk changed into a delicate stargazer lily.

The redhead raised her eyebrow in amusement. So James had been around lilies recently then or had them in his room. The only way that the twig would have turned into this particular flower was if it was from a dead lily stalk. She left the flower on top of the thick red blanket she placed on James.

Quickly writing a note, she smirked as she reread it before attaching it to the flower:

"For the git who I couldn't help but notice . . . thanks. P.S. Poetry isn't your best point."

The following days were some of the hardest Lily and Persephone had been through. The lavender-eyed witch pointedly gave her old friend cold stares, and looks of intense hatred, as if her pain would lessen by passing it to Lily.

Lily was barely managing to cope with Persephone's attitude towards her let alone Head Girl duties, and classes. But the more Persephone distanced herself from Lily, the more James insisted on getting closer to her, for reasons the redhead suspected but wasn't sure. She didn't know how much of an effect she was having on James. He used to go for strolls in the forest as his stag counterpart after Friday classes. And now he was actually doing next week's homework on Friday! She couldn't understand the Quidditch Captain's sudden interest in her wellbeing and told him so while they were studying in the library on the Friday after classes.

"James . . ." Lily began, bringing her pensive green eyes to his dark blue ones.

"Hm?" he asked in a deep voice, distracted by the beautiful shade of green in his study partner's eyes.

"Why didn't you get to know me before this year?" she asked, studying his reaction.

The black-haired wizard was taken back. He ruffled his hair with his hand, thinking. "I suppose . . ." he said after a while, looking deep in thought, "it's because Hogwart's requirements for the length of girls' skirts have gotten shorter this year. I mean you've got the nicest pair of legs that-"

Lily's foot immediately shot out towards James's most sensitive spot. He managed to block in time, thanks to Lucius no less. The Slytherin's slight limp for a couple of days after 'The Incident' had done wonders to remind guys of Lily's strength and particular adeptness. James had definitely not forgotten as he almost winced in sympathy for the Slytherin every time Lucius cringed as he sat down.

Beads of sweat glistened on his head as the wizard breathed in a sigh of relief. That had been much too close for any measure of comfort. James grabbed her hand, just as he had done a few nights ago. "Relax Lily! I was just kidding."

She didn't say anything. Rather she stood and raised her eyebrow at his comment. Lily was a little annoyed at James's ability to dodge questions he didn't want to answer by turning them into jokes. She couldn't know that it was because of years of practice of being hounded by girls in France.

The Gryffindor chaser realizing what he thought was his mistake quickly rushed out his next few words: "Er- I mean your legs are really the best-"

Lily stood wordlessly and raised her eyebrow even higher, crossing her arms and hiding a smile.

"Forget that last part. I-er- Lily!" he yelled across the library since she had walked out after his last statement. Grabbing his things he ran after her, not waiting for the librarian's reaction.

She took off to the grassy grounds of Hogwarts, by the lake and he easily caught up. "Lily-"

The redhead witch burst out laughing. "That- that was so funny. James- James," she said, clutching her stomach as she fell on the ground, still thinking about the distress on his face.

The tall young wizard frowned deeply, looming over Lily. "That wasn't funny. You know I was worried that you were actually mad at me!" he said waving his hands. He pouted and crossed his arms, now upset with her.

That only caused her to laugh more. "You're scared of me being mad at you?!" She lay completely on the floor, holding herself, trying to stop laughing. It was quite painful by this point and Lily knew she would be sore tomorrow.

"Yes, would you like to be reminded who got voted 'Most Knowledgeable of Wicked Hexes?' A certain Gryffindor redhead, and there's only one in our year before you ask. And I KNOW Lucius wasn't grimacing from the thought of having to sit next to Snape every hour," he defended himself. When Lily still laughed at his fear of her, he got annoyed and leapt at her, his fingers outstretched, aiming for her most ticklish spot.

"NO!" Lily screamed, seeing his intention, trying to back up, but failing. Grinning madly his quick fingers reached their destination and he tickled her mercilessly.

"Take that you little witch!" James said, his eyes gleaming triumphantly as Lily's eyes filled with tears from laughing too hard.

"I-i-s that supposed to b-be an insult?" she choked out, trying to back out of James's reach.

He grinned wickedly, throwing her question right back at her. "Is 'git' an insult coming from you? Because I'm starting to take it as a term of endearment."

She rolled her eyes as he finally stopped tickling her. "Please James. You're starting to sound like Lockhart."

"Hey!" James gave her a mock frown. "Take that back! I'm not Lockhart in any way, shape or form!"

The redhead looked him up and down pointedly. James puffed out his chest proudly and flexed more muscles than were necessary. "You're right," she conceded, getting up slowly.

The corners of his mouth moved up in a smile. "Of course I'm right-"

She interrupted him with an impish smile, stretching her legs.

"He's got a better body."

She ran as quickly as her legs could carry her, laughing merrily as James grabbed both of their bags and sprinted to get her back.

And in those few hours, the worries of Voldemort, the decline of the wizarding world, prejudices were all forgotten, as two Hogwarts students lived out a part of their young lives.

His new favorite place had to be the patch of stargazer lilies he had found growing near a small stream in the Forbidden Forest. It had nothing to do with the fact they reminded him of Lily of course. Pawing the ground with his hoof, James laid down near the flowers as he sniffed the air with his nose. He was beginning to neglect his friends and his duties as Head Boy and Quidditch captain for Lily. James rarely had time to himself because he was so busy. It was moments like these that soothed him. The slivers of moonlight shone on the forest, illuminating the silver water, and called to the night creatures. Pixies flitted about glowing mushroom groves, busy preparing for the winter as a family of unicorns played under the luminescent moon.

The peace of the moment didn't escape James as he thought about the chaos he would have to face when winter break came. Reporters seriously needed to take vacations too and leave him well alone. The stag snorted. As if that would ever happen as long as he remained one of the richest bachelors in all of France.

James's thoughts traveled from one thing to another as he thought of the upcoming Quidditch game. He wondered if Lily would be there cheering him on. He thought of their brief friendship and wondered why the hell it had taken him so long to notice her. She was quickly becoming one of his closest friends. James thought he could even tell her the truth about what kind of life he led at home. He decided he would ask his best friends about the dilemma and what they thought of the redhead. They would give him more perspective on what to do.

Animal instincts taking over, James rolled around in the grass near the lilies, scratching his back against small pebbles in the lush grass snorting happily.

"Absolutely not," said Peter. "You should not tell Lily about your life in France. What happens if she's one of those women that throw their bras at you to get your attention so you might give them a chance."

Sirius, Remus, and James raised their eyebrows. James was the first to speak.

"What kind of women have you been hanging around Pete?"

"Obviously the ones I want to be around!" Sirius jumped in. His eyes gleamed mischievously. "So where is this?"

Remus frowned. "Back to the original question. I have to say give it more time James. You just started getting to know her. No need to give more information than necessary at this point. You two aren't even going out are you?"

James ran his hand through his hair and shook his head. "That's the thing Remus, I don't know how far I want it to go. I just don't know." He sighed and looked at his watch. James headed for the door. "Thanks guys. I'll have to think things over. Meanwhile I have to tutor some 6th year."

The raven-haired girl smiled flirtatiously at her tutor, wrapping a strand of hair around her finger. She smiled, nodding at whatever James explained. Finally he realized she wasn't paying attention to the transfiguration text. "Did you even hear anything I said?" he said exasperated.

Rhea nodded again, still smiling at James.

He frowned. Sure she was pretty with her black hair, fair skin and big brown eyes, but he was beginning to wonder if she even spoke English. "Can you even speak English?"

She blinked, batting her eyelashes at the handsome wizard. She nodded.

"Argh," James growled. This had been a complete waste of effort on his part. He could have read French literature to her and she would have learned just about the same amount. "Okay, I'm leaving now. L-e-a-v-i-n-g. It was nice meeting you. Goodbye." James got up quickly, trying to avoid any form of conversation, but not fast enough as Rhea came out of her trance.

"What? Why? I haven't learned anything yet." Her brown eyes pleaded with him to stay longer. She was so enthralled by how handsome he was that she could care less what came out of his mouth.

James snorted. "That I can't help you with." He shook his head at her, gathering the books that he had brought and left the library. His patience was shot and he was aggravated by having wasted his time. James smirked as he realized Quidditch practice was in 15 minutes.

It was time to out his frustrations.

The British born reporter sat, legs on his desk, chewing the end of his quill. He had recently been transferred to this office as his wife wanted to stay with family during her pregnancy. That had been fine with him, but as the newcomer to the office he had gotten the worst assignments, such as the thrill of pet owners at the opening of a new park in their neighborhood. He snorted, grumbling to himself and promising that one day he would be ordering his boss around on dirty assignments. His co-worker, Pierre passed him as he was daydreaming, accidentally dropping a piece of parchment.

Matthian, or Matt for short, picked it up and noticed the headline before handing it back. His curiosity got control of his tongue before his brain could, "Why are you reporting on him?"

Pierre gave him a strange look, "Because he is one of the hottest topics in France." Pierre didn't think Britain was that outdated, but if Matt didn't know this person then . . .

"Really?" Matt frowned, thinking back to his days in Britain. "I didn't think he was that popular in France as well as Britain. I mean he's not even known to most people unless they're looking for a potential Quidditch superstar."

"What?" Pierre almost dropped his papers in surprise. Perhaps the newcomer could help him with the story every reporter was trying to get.

"You have a picture of him?" Matt asked, ideas forming in his sandy blond head. "Maybe we are talking about different people."

"Non. No one has been able to get a good shot of him. They call him the Elusive. He's very camera shy and very well guarded. We don't even know where he goes to school or if he is home schooled." Pierre did hand a wizard photograph of the family to Matt, watching his features very carefully for any sign of recognition.

Matt's eyes narrowed, trying to see under the cap the youngest Potter was wearing. "So there's more to you than just Quidditch star eh?" he thought. He recognized the parents immediately and an idea struck him. "I'll make you a deal Pierre."

The Frenchman listened intently, trying not to get his hopes up. But if he were the one to get a story on him. . .

"No more crappy assignments for me, I work with you on the headline stories, and I get a better office. Then I'll tell you where he is."

Pierre's eyes sparkled as he shook hands with Matt without any hesitation. "Deal, but you are coming with me to find Elusive."