Chapter Two: Animal Problems
First day of farm life…dull.
Second day…dull.
Third day…even duller.
Who knew owning an entire farm could be so boring?
Sky fanned himself in the heat as he went into the chicken coop where five puny chickens lay. Out of the five, one was male. The four females somehow only managed to produce three eggs.
"I should fire you." Sky said to the fourth chicken, who clucked and ran for it's pathetic life.
Sky held two of the eggs.
"I hold your life in my hands." Sky said in a deep Transylvanian accent. "Shall you die, or live?" He looked at the two eggs and shrugged his shoulders. "Die. I'm hungry." He took all three eggs and headed towards the metal building. As he left, the chickens clucked at him angrily.
"Dude, it's called the food chain. I eat you, the chicken, and I eat your babies too." He said and left with the eggs. He shoved them into the metal building and wrote down what he wanted to do. (By the way, this was nearly 5am in the morning. He never got much sleep on the wooden board that was called a bed.) He was tired, and decided to go and see Betsy. (Who he hadn't seen since that day with Takakura.) Unfortunately, he managed to forget his turn and went straight into the tool shed.
Yawning, Sky blinked to see where he was. Suddenly his eyes went wide.
"Pretty…pointy…things…" Sky said, his heart full of happiness. He was surrounded by many sharp things, some where even hanging from the ceiling. No wonder Takakura hadn't let him in. Sky used extreme stealth as he approached the pointiest knife of them all. Making sure to disarm the carefully set security system and narrowly dodging some lasers, Sky grabbed the knife and shoved it into his pocket. He then triumphantly went into the barn.
"MOOOOOOOOOO!" Betsy cried as soon as she saw Sky. He noticed that there was dung surrounding her, and spiders climbing around in her food bin.
"Yeah, yeah, quit complaining. I'm here already."
"What took you so long?" Betsy asked.
"I was busy! I had other very important things to do."
"What things? I am very hungry."
"Hey, it was top secret things! You understand, I'd have to kill you after I told you and…HEY I'M TALKING TO A FREAKING COW!"
"MOOOO." Betsy complained.
"Well, according to Takakura I can make big bucks by selling your milk. So…" Sky approached Betsy's udder. He crouched down and examined it. "So…yeah…I just pull this thing and…" He pulled at it, and suddenly milk squirted into his face.
"UG! THAT'S DISGUSTING!" Sky yelled, wiping his face.
"That's what you get for leaving me in here." Betsy said.
"Hey, I'm done talking to you, cow."
Like walking through a mine field, Sky once again approached Betsy and carefully squeezed her udder. He eventually devised a tactic using a robe, hay, and glue that allowed the milk to squirt into a can and magically turn into a milk glass. Exhausted, Sky looked at his reward. He had four milk glasses filled.
"Four! That's all I get, after all that hard work! I'm going to starve to death! Become a homeless guy with no arms or legs, and it's all because of you!" Sky slapped Betsy's rear. As a result, Betsy reared up her hind legs and kicked him, causing him to fly against the opposite wall.
"Why you little—" He paused, suddenly realizing something. "Hey, you're a cow!" He exclaimed.
"Duh." Betsy said.
"That means that I can send you to a slaughter house to become a nice steak!" He jumped up with glee that he would not die of starvation, or become a homeless man with no arms or legs.
"Moo!" Complained Betsy.
"Ah, don't worry, I'll save you for later. I've got enough chickens to last me a lifetime. Now, I am going to go into town." This would be the first time he went to town. For one thing, the town was all the way down a ridiculously annoying hill. Plus, the town folk were scary.
Finally reaching the 'town', Sky decided to explore for a bit. He decided to let his feet take control. He had long learned to master the art of having his brain shut down and let his feet take him where to go. Most of the time people failed at this task and often fell off cliffs, but not Sky. He was the master.
He ended up at a mansion on top of another ridiculously annoying hill. Inside he could hear the sound of a piano playing. Curious, Sky crept inside the mansion.
"Meroooowwww!" Suddenly, Sky was mauled over by a ferocious kitty!
"Ow! Ow! GET IT OFF ME! HELP! HELP! CALL THE AMBULANCE! I WANT MY MOMMY!" Sky finally managed to kick the cat with his foot and sent it flying through the air, but not before his clothes were reduced to tattered ruins and his face was scratched like he had just jumped into a thorn bush.
The piano music stopped, and a girl came running over too him. The girl had light brown hair and bright brown eyes. She would have been cute if she was a little older, she looked half Sky's age.
"I'm sorry. Kill does that a lot."
"Kill? Is that the cat's name?"
"Yeah, Romana named it. I'm Lumina." The girl looked at his scratches. "Oh dear, here, let me help you!" She said and instantly ran off into the kitchen.
"Hmph! I don't need some kid's help. I can handle myself." Sky complained, only to get up and feel as if his entire body was put into a microwave oven. He sat back down and cursed in several different ways. When Lumina returned, Sky had run out of very dirty words to say.
"I'm sorry if it hurts. Normally Kill is very friendly."
"Then why the heck is it called Kill?"
"It's short for Linkillia." Lumina said, as if it were obvious. "So your Sky, right, the crazed boy who lives on the old farm?"
"HEY, I'M NOT CRAZED!" Sky shouted, then reconsidered it. "Well, maybe I am. But aren't we all these days?"
"True. Like that pet crab Sebastian keeps." Lumina muttered. She began to bandage all of Sky's cuts, which was a very unpleasant process. Sky swore that people halfway across the world could hear his shouts.
Sky noticed that a crowd of cats had surrounded them during this process. All of them were hissing and fighting each other while watching Lumina. It was like a mini cat-war going on. Lumina seemed to not notice a thing, although more than once she had ducked as a cat jumped over her head.
"Are all theses yours?" Sky asked.
"No, I'm allergic to cats. Theses are Romana's."
"How can you live in a house full of cats if you're allergic?"
"I learned to not breathe a long time ago. There, all done!" Lumina said, and Sky stood up and flexed his muscles. He felt no pain, he was invincible, he was Superman, he was.
Suddenly Kill jumped up and hissed, flying straight towards him. Screaming like a little girl, Sky ran as hard as he could and hid under his bed back at the farm.