Chapter Thirteen: The Trouble with Muffy
Something was thrown at his head.
His carefully-trained reactions caused him to sit upright, an invisible knife in his hands. "Show yourself, you vile villain!" He shouted through a gigantic yawn.
An acorn was thrown at him, this time hitting him in the nose.
He yelped and dropped his invisible knife, clutching his nose. "Ouch! Hey…that hurt!" He cried.
"Wake up, you pinhead!" A squeaky voice said.
Sky looked down at his feet and saw three tiny creatures with horrible glowing red eyes staring at him.
Sky really hoped he was dreaming. "No, not the elves!" He groaned.
"Hey! We're Harvest Sprites! Get it right, for once!" Nik yelled.
"Whaddaya you guys want now?" Sky said through another yawn. He checked his invisible cloak and saw that it was 2 am in the morning. Didn't elves ever sleep?
"We want you to get married!"
"Have children!"
"Run a farm!"
"Have an actual life!"
"Have a horrible gushy ending to the story of your life!" Each one of them said.
Sky blinked, trying to process all this then… "Hey…I do have a life!"
"Not a very good one." Flak said.
"Hey, stop giving me flak!"
"We have come to inform you that you have only two years left until the end of the year." Nak said, and all three of them folded their tiny arms menacingly.
"Yeah, I know, get married in two months or my life is over. I've heard this already." Sky said, purposely trying to act like it was no big deal.
"You can act all big and tough now, but just remember we can make you cry with one word." Nak said.
"Oh, yeah? What word is that?"
"Cabbage." Nak said.
"AK!" Sky jumped into the sky and back onto his wooden board-that-is-called-a-bed-for-the-purpose-of-making-things-simple. The wooden bed cracked and Sky ran into the corner, rocking back and forth in utter fear. He pictured the cabbage…it was coming towards him…the evil cabbage…they wanted to suck his blood!
He cowered in fear.
"Much better." Nik said.
"How did you know my secret weakness!" Sky cried.
"We know everything, it's a general rule." Nak said.
"And we know that your blue feather is still rotting in your tool shed." Flak said.
"Use it…"
"…and the girl will marry you!"
"We've just come here to tell you this simple reminder." Nak finished, and with a swirling dust devil, they were gone.
Ten minutes later there was a knock on his door.
Since it was 2:10am in the morning, and Forget-Me-Not Valley had forgotten about the invention of electricity, Sky managed to trip over a lamp that mysteriously appeared under his feat, trip over a cat that managed to appear somehow in his house, and forget 5 of the words on his Very Dirty Word List v2. while he was at it.
"Does anyone in this valley know the meaning of 'middle-of-the-night'!" Sky yelled instead of the 5 Very Dirty Words.
"Open the door, you big dope!" A female voice said from outside.
He opened the door and saw Muffy before him. She walked bolding into his house without him even saying anything.
"Someone is stalking me, I want you to protect me." She said simply with her hands on her hips.
Sky stared at her, dumbstruck. "Uhh…"
Muffy frowned. "Hello? Someone is stalking me. As a so-called boy, you are supposed to protect me from the evil stalker."
At the words 'protect' and 'stalker' the James Bond music instantly turned on and Sky resumed the secret pose of protection.
Crickets chirped.
"Uhh…"
"He'll come eventually, that's what stalkers do! They follow you until your alone and they…" Muffy let out a cry.
Crickets chirped.
Sky had an itch on his nose from where the little elves hit him with the acorn, but because he was in his secret pose of protection, he could not scratch it. It was starting to itch really bad…
There was a rustle in the bushes outside.
Sky's dog, Ripper, let out a howl and Sky heard him running for the hills.
Crickets chirped.
His nose was really itching…
The cricket was suddenly violently killed and replaced by a chicken.
He really needed to itch his nose…
The chicken squawked.
He itched his nose.
The door suddenly swung open, letting the howling wind enter his shack-that-shall-be-called-a-home-so-to-make-things-simpler. A dark shadow stood looming over them.
Muffy let out a shrill high-pitched scream.
Griffin stepped into the shack-now-called-house. "Ah, there you are, Muffy." He said cheerfully, shutting the door to stop the howling wind.
Both of them stood frozen then…
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING, YOU DOPE!" Muffy cried. "DON'T YOU KNOW ITS AGAINST THE LAW TO STALK PEOPLE?"
Griffin frowned, "But I was just having a little fun—"
"I COULD HAVE DIED! I HAD TO RUN ALL THE WAY TO THIS DOPE'S FARM AND HIDE LIKE A LITTLE GIRL!" Muffy yelled.
Sky was still itching his nose delightfully.
Griffin straightened his Elvis-style hair. "Now, Muffy, be reasonable…"
"I SHOULD SET NAMI ON YOU! YOU KNOW THAT SHE'S BEEN WANTING TO BURN DOWN THE BLUE BAR FOR MONTHS!"
"YOU JUST FORGOT YOUR COAT!" Griffin said, now shouting on an equal level.
Muffy stopped shouting and smiled. "Oh?"
"Yes! And I figured that I would use my training to sneak up on you and quietly slip the coat onto you."
Muffy laughed. "Oh, well in that case." She snatched the coat from him. "Bye, Sky!" Muffy said and with a maniacal laugh she left with Griffin in toe.
Sky had stopped itching his nose and was now scratching his head.
He walked outside and the wind howled around him. Muffy and Griffin were nowhere to be seen.
Suddenly there was a big flash of green light hovering over the field next to the barn. Sky was too tired to jump, as he had certain rules about doing any sort of activity before 4am in the morning. He watched the light hover there for a moment and then speak.
"I just thought you to know that if you wanted to make a move on her, that was the time." Betsy said through a holographic voice.
"How do you know about human love affairs?" Sky asked curiously.
"I know everything, it's a general rule."
"Oh…well is there anything else you wanted to tell me?" Sky asked.
"Yeah, go visit the Pyro Twins tomorrow, Kassey and Patrick. I left a surprise for you there."
"Really?" Sky hated surprises. "Anything else?"
"Well, there is one more thing…"
"What?"
"This is the part where you run away."
"Oh…" He looked at the hovering green light and began to scream. "AHH!" He runs away.