I know I need to update What If? And I got chapter 4 of that about half way finished and I intend to have it finished either tomorrow or later tonight but I've got some Homework to get done first

I lay there in the silence of my room holding the sharp weapon in my hand, the same weapon I sliced Faith with all those years ago. I want it to end; I want all of it to end. I can't end it though, I don't have the strength. Only a small part of me wants this, but that small part has taken over. I don't want to live. I feel so dead inside and so wrong and twisted. I'm not happy here, I'm not loved here.

That's what we all want, to be loved. They all say they love me, but I don't feel it. Willow, Tara, Dawn, Xander, and Spike, all tell me how much they love me, but I don't feel it. I haven't felt loved since mom died. Mom loved me like no one else, no matter how many times I screwed up she always loved me, she always made it better. Ever since she died things were wrong. It still hurts and it will never stop hurting, because she meant the world to me. My heart hurts without her.

Only one other has made me feel loved and he's gone. My Angel, he was always my Angel. I need him. All these feelings are bottled up inside and I can't make them stop. The feelings will kill me before this dagger.

I want to feel loved and I don't and it's killing me inside. If no one here loves me then no one will care if I'm gone. I want to make the pain stop, but I can't bring myself to it, to take my own life. The pain can only stop if he's here if he makes it go away. I rush out of my room dropping the dagger. I grab the keys to the car and I drive to LA. He'll make everything better.

I remember where Angel was staying now from the last time we talked. He's at some hotel called the Hyperion. I find the place and I'm about to walk inside when Angel, Wesley, and this other guy came walking out.

"Buffy what are you doing here?" Angel and Wesley ask at the same time.

"Nothing," I answer. "Do you guys need help with anything?" I ask.

"I think we've got this under control Buffy," Angel says. "Why don't you go inside I'll be back shortly," He adds.

I listen and walk inside. Cordelia is filing something when she notices me.

"What brings you here Buffy?" She asks.

"I needed to see Angel about something, but he was off to save the world I guess," I reply.

Cordelia looks at me strangely. I feel like she can see something inside of me and it is really freaking me out. Then she snaps out of it.

"Are you okay Buffy?" She asks.

"Yeah, I'm fine Cordy," I answer.

She walked over to me and examined my wrists. I was incredibly freaked as she did this.

"Cordy?" I ask.

"Cryptic vision much," she says randomly.

"Huh?" I ask.

"I had a vision. You wanted to die and Angel's supposed to save you," She whispers. "That's why you're here."

"You know Cordelia you're free to go home if you want," Angel says as he walks in.

Cordelia walked away to grab her coat before walking off.

"Is there any particular reason as to why you're here Buffy?" He asks. I smirk at him.

"What I need a reason to come visit my favorite vampire?" I say teasingly.

"Very funny Buffy," He says sarcastically. "Why are you really here?"

Why I was really there was a mystery to the both of us. He didn't know because I hadn't told him yet and I just didn't know. I rack my mind asking myself why I had come here and I find the answer. I lock our eyes.

"I'm here because I need you, because I miss you, and because you love me," I answer. He takes me into his arms and kisses my forehead.

"It's okay," He whispers sweetly as I cry.

"I love you," I murmur into his shoulder.

"I love you too Buffy," he whispers.

"I know, you're the only one that does," I whisper. He doesn't correct me he just holds me. After a while he lifts me up and carries me into his room. He places me softly on his bed and tells me to go to sleep.

I stand and walk over to him. I look into his eyes before softly grabbing his lips to mine. One kiss turns into many and before we know it we're both undressing each other. We stop and stare at each other.

"We can't Buffy," He whispers.

I stare at him. I know we can't, but I don't care. My mind goes back to a song I heard on the radio before. I can't remember what it was called but it seems to fit in here. Oh god now it's gonna bother me.

"I don't care Angel," I whisper.

'Cause I don't care no more
Give me the truth
'Cause I don't care no more, no

The words from the song go through my mind, and I say the first thing that hits me.

"That song was called"The Truth" wow," I whisper.

Angel laughs at me. I know he is thinking that that was kinda random.

I grab his lips to mine again. I realize that I really don't care anymore. I was so close to ending my entire existence earlier because I didn't care anymore. I think to myself as Angel and I undress each other. If he goes evil will I care? I say I won't now, but will I care later?

He's gentle with me. We don't, he just holds me, and I've got what I wanted what I needed, I feel loved again. Angel gives me that warm piece that I needed the only missing piece to the Buffy puzzle is back and I'm in place again. It feels so good.

"I love you," I whisper before falling into a deep sleep. I know he replied but I was too busy snuggling my head in his shoulder to hear the words.

The brief song part is from Good Charlotte's song The Truth which I totally love

PLEASE Review

Also I want to challenge anyone who read this to find a song that relates to their life in some way