Chapter Fourteen: Why Things Burn

It is nearly the middle of the day. Sky stared at the sun.

The sun…it was burning…so brightly…so…beautiful…

He reached his hands up dramatically and tried to grab the sun.

He missed and fell into the dirt.

"Hey!" He cried and showed his fist to the sun, "You're mean!" He shouted.

The sun laughed.

"Some day, sun, I will get you, mark my words!" Sky threatened evilly.

Ali was chomping happily on the grass outside the barn, still unable to produce milk or do anything generally useful. When Sky looked at her she mooed happily.

"You're in league with Betsy, aren't you?" Sky asked.

"Absolutely." Ali said and continued eating.

Apple, who was eating an apple, walked to the edge of the fence next to Sky. It glared at Sky maniacally.

Sky burst into tears, "What do you want from me!" He wailed. "You guys are all against me!"

Apple glared at him.

"Oh…" He straightened up and suddenly looked very professional, "I was supposed to visit the Pyro Twins today?"

Apple neighed.

"Okay, fine, no need to be hasty!" Sky snapped. Suddenly Apple leaped over the fence, bent it's head down and scooped Sky up like a kitten and placed Sky on his back. "AHHH!" Sky screamed.

The mad horse kicked its legs and went into a run down the hill.

The sun was still laughing as Sky clung to the horse's neck like his life depended on it. (And it did.) As they went pass the sparkling river, he saw Flora talking to Dr. Carter, talking pleasantly while looking over an ancient map leading to the lost Ancient Golden Temple of the Monkey. When Sky saw her he nearly fell of his horse. That, of course, would be totally un-cool and so Sky forced himself to remain upright and wave foolishly as he passed.

The horse was mad at him.

"Hey! I do have a love life!" Sky yelled at the horse.

Apple neighed again.

"Oh, just those three girls? Fine, whatever." He grumbled angrily.

Soon they arrived at what appeared to be a tree house…without the tree. You have the tree and then the house…and then you get rid of the tree and all you have is a house on stilts. This is what now stood before Sky. A tree-less brown house.

Apple bent low and threw him off his back. Sky let out an "oomph!" as he was tossed face first into the dirt.

"You know, Apple, we really do need to work on your manners. You forget that I am your master."

Apple lifted up a hoof, placed it on top of Sky's chest, and neighed. "Say that again and I shall kill you." Apple said through the neigh.

"Hey! Man, what is it with you today? See what I mean, manners!" Sky forced himself out from under the hoof and found the small ladder leading up to the home of the Pyro Twins. Then he used his bodybuilder muscles to hoist himself up the ladder.

It took him about twelve tries to get to the top, but the first eleven did not count.

When he got up he saw two midget people who looked exactly alike looking over a strange schematic formula on the floor. And behind the miniature people stood Nami, smiling happily.

"Oh! Hi, Sky! I did not know you were one of Us. This is so cool! I knew it was smart to start stalking you." Nami giggled delightfully. The twin small people, Kassey and Patrick, looked up at him curiously. Since Sky could not tell which was which, he decided to randomly pick a name for one of the random two Pyro twins.

"Greetings, victim." The twin-who-Sky-called-Kassey said and gave a toothy smile.

"Whoa! No way! I went to the dentist last week." Sky shouted, taking a step backwards. He nearly fell down the ladder but gracefully managed to not fall down the ladder.

"Forget-Me-Not Valley doesn't have a dentist." Nami pointed out.

Sky smiled brightly in the randomly placed mirror next to him. "Oh. That explains a lot. Except…who did I pay a hundred hard-earned white flowers to do my teeth?" The world may never know this answer.

"As we were saying." The twin-who-Sky-called-Patrick said as he rolled his eyes. "Greetings, victim, to Pyromaniacs Anonymous."

Sky blinked. His nose was beginning to itch but somehow he had this feeling that if he moved his hand to scratch it, he would become a victim of spontaneous human combustion. Therefore he restrained himself.

"I'm so happy that you've come to join us! So, what have you burned today?" Nami asked eagerly.

"My toast." Sky declared.

Everyone gasped. "Ouch." Kassey winced. "You go to far, Sky! You desperately need to attend more of our meetings. So, come and stay for our meeting right now."

"Sit, sit!" Nami went over and forced him to sit down next to the Pyro Twins.

Then Patrick stood up and walked to the center of the shack. "Welcome to Pyromaniacs Anon. Today we shall begin with a simple lesson." He held up a randomly placed spoon. "Why do things burn?"

Nami instantly raised her hand in the air. "Yes, Nami?" Patrick said.

"Because they can!" Nami declared.

"That's a good answer, but I am afraid it is incorrect." Patrick said. "Because the truth is, as we watch this wooden spoon catch on fire, we realize that the spoon is not burning at all." Patrick sighed. "The truth is, it is not the spoon that burns but us. Because, in the end, there is no spoon."

This speech sounded strangely familiar to Sky, but he could not put his finger on exactly why.

"Of course there's no spoon! It's been burned to little bitty ashes!" Nami shouted.

"She has a point. The spoon would cease to exist once the flame began to burn." Kassey said.

Patrick nodded his head. "Okay, lesson learned. Let's start with some statements. Nami, you go first since you've been melting away over there in that corner."

Nami stood up and walked to the center of the shack. "I," Nami said loudly, "Have not burned anything in over five minutes." There was a round of applause from the crowd. Sky was clapping the loudest. "Bravo, Nami, bravo!" Then Sky stood up to do his turn.

Kassey stopped him. "Do not frighten us, Sky! You are far beyond help, toast-burner. There is no point in you making a statement."

"Okay, statements over. Let's play a game." Patrick said and they looked down at the strange-looking jumble of lines and circles that was supposedly something you could play.

"There is no game." Kassey reminded Patrick.

"Oh, right. Okay, Pyromaniacs Anon meeting is officially over. Everyone leave so that I can burn all the items that you have touched."

"I touched the ladder." Sky proudly said. But Kassey was already pouring gasoline over the ladder and lit it afire with a match. Everyone watched as the ladder ceased to exist.

"NOOOOOOO!" Sky squealed and rushed over to the non-existent ladder. "MY FREEDOM!" He wailed, "IT'S GONE!" This was bad.

"Come play our non-existent game with us, Sky." The Pyro Twins said simultaneously.

"I'm going Somewhere." Nami said as she walked over to the collapsed Sky.

"Where?"

"Somewhere."

"As in…Somewhere away from here?"

"Yeah. I'm leaving in three days. I thought you should know."

"No one's going anywhere. Roaches check in, but they don't check out." Sky stared at the dead cockroach by his nose.

They stared at each other for a few hours and then Nami said. "Oh! Someone left a present for you." Nami reached into her bag and pulled out a box.

"Oooh! I completely thought it was my birthday!" Sky was shocked at forgetting such a momentous day.

"It's not." Nami replied, "But some alien named Betsy told me to give this to you."

Sky opened up the box and inside was a folding ladder. He smiled brightly. "Good ol' Betsy. If she wasn't a man-eating alien trying to invade Earth, I would probably be milking her to earn money right now."

Sky stepped off the pier of the tree-less house and crashed onto the ground.

"Umm, Sky? You were supposed to use the ladder Betsy just gave you." Nami pointed out.

"I meant to do that!" Sky said angrily.

"No you didn't." Apple said.

"Shut up. You're not even supposed to be talking."

He rode home.