Disclaimer: See Chapter I

Also, I'd like to thank those of you who have taken some time to read and review my work (you know who you are). Your kind words have been felt and hope the wait hasn't been too long for this next installment as I'm trying to update my work every three chapters or roughly once every ten days. One final bit of thanks to the Harry Potter Lexicon that is quite the resource for anything Harry Potter related. Please note that this work should now be considered AU since Bk V has hit the streets.

Speaking of which, I believe I said in one of my earlier chapters that I was going to say as close to canon as possible. Now, I realize writing an AU fanfic of a year that has already been covered I shouldn't be too concerned in regards to canon, yet nonetheless I am. It is for that reason I've decided to incorporate elements of Book V along with the outline of events I drew up for my work. Hopefully, this won't disappoint people but I'm sure some of you may have noticed already some details from Bk. V. I won't say what they are, since I don't want to ruin anything for anyone, so just stay alert and read Book V as soon as possible to figure out where canon and fanfic meet. To be quite truthful, there are portions where my work and canon can dovetail quite easily and well, and I intend on using them.

One final note: if anyone reading this is also a fan artist, please feel free to draw any character from this work in any way you feel like going at it. Just make sure you drop a review telling where the image can be viewed.

Anyhow, without further trouble, the next chapter.

Warning: Chapter has talk of VD (STDs) and crude humor, along with the sundry bad language. Viewer discretion advised, etc.

Chapter XXI: Vengeance of the Weasleys

Harry awoke the next morning with a headache after a dreamless sleep and went to wash. After the session in the Potions classroom, Harry had showered, and crashed out as soon as he hit the bed. Yet, the analytical part of his mind was wondering if Voldemort knew of the connection between them, for Harry hadn't had anything concrete in his dreams in a long time outside of the nightmares, and those had stopped a while back. While part of Harry was glad that Voldemort might be too busy concentrating on Harry prying into his thoughts, Harry hoped it worked both ways. That Voldemort wouldn't see his memories of the summer…or the present moments he was having with Ginny.

Leaning under the showerhead, Harry practiced emptying his mind of thought, and emotion. This wasn't just for Occlumency; wand-less magic required much the same thing. He did this for about thirty minutes before he shut the water off.

Another ten minutes later, Harry went over to the War Room where the morning briefing was over rather quickly, as the only thing that was happening was the first Quidditch games were to be played within the week. Ironhammer was all in a lather to try out a series of new charm detection equipment on the broomsticks before the match, and Alex was apparently quite impressed with the Weasley twins during their detentions with him, for he declared during the meeting that the two would be working for him on a series of projects, and that any discipline actions against them would be done by him and him alone.

McGonagall, who had been sitting in on the briefing that morning with Figg, Alex, and Snape (Moody had had to make a trip to London) asked, "Just what precisely have those two created that you want them working on for you, and with the indirect blessing of the school?"

Alex grinned, and pulled what looked a stethoscope without the metal disk, and said, "This is one of their more…peaceful inventions. It's the magical equivalent of a boom microphone, and allows people to listen in to conversations to be listened in on without having to be directly at or near the conversation. I myself tested them out last night." He smiled, "Amazing some of the things that are said about the faculty in places like the boy's washroom, and the quidditch locker room."

Harry was impressed with them, and was gladdened when he was handed one by Alex. Putting on the earpieces, Harry moved the ends towards the outside door, and could hear the faint noises of people arising and getting ready for the day. A smile came over his face as he could see the usages of these devices.

After that, he left the meeting and was heading over to breakfast when he heard a whisper from one of the corners. "Harry?" Turning, he saw it was a very unhappy looking Neville Longbottom, and Colin Creevey, who seemed to be ashamed and embarrassed. "Yeah, Nev, what's up?"

"Harry," Neville began, "you were better then I was when it came to medicine and first aid back when we were in Wales, right?"

"Yeah, what's wrong?"

"Colin here came to me saying he was having this strange rash, and…other problems. From the symptoms, it sounds like something I want to ask you about."

"All right the, where's the rash?"

"Colin, you tell Harry."

Colin looked at his feet and said, "My stomach, legs, and…" Colin seemed to have lost his voice, and trailed off.

Harry suddenly had a sneaky suspicion of what was ailing Mr. Creevey. Without another word, he grabbed him by the shoulder, and marched him to the nearest bathroom, where he had Neville watch the door before he turned to Colin and told him curtly, "All right, drop your trousers." Creevey looked up at him shocked. Harry scowled, "What's the matter with you, Creevey? If you want me to figure out what the fuck is wrong with you, drop them. You worried I swing towards boys? Don't. I swing one way and one way only, and you, sir, are not the way." Colin grimaced, and unbuttoned and lowered his trousers.

Taking one look, Harry had to squint, to make sure he was seeing correctly, hoping for Creevey's sake he wasn't. Apparently he was seeing correctly for Neville started laughing. "Colin, you shit, you got the clap!" Harry turned and said to Neville, "Nev, stuff it." Turning back to Creevey, he ordered him, "All right, pull them back up." Harry felt the urge to vomit after having seen the reddened mess and greenish puss that was the mess of Colin's genitalia. Creevey did so and asked, "Uh, Harry what have I got?" Harry looked at him coolly and then said, "Colin, before I answer that I need some more answers. Now: it hurt real bad when you piss?"

"Yeah, like…"

"A lot of pus comes out of your dick?"

"Er…yeah."

"Clear or green or both?"

"Just green."

Harry sighed, and wiped his glasses. Shaking his head, he told him, "Colin, what you have is a really bad case of the clap, also known as gonorrhea." Colin looked at him blankly, and Harry decided the soft touch wouldn't do. He scowled, and added icily, "It means your dick will dissolve from the inside out, you prat!" This, while it might not have been entirely the truth, was close enough, and it did its purpose of getting Colin's attention. Colin looked worried, and yelled to Neville shrilly, "I thought you said he knew how to cure me!" Neville looked at him and answered scathingly, "All I said was he was better at healing then I was. Tell me, do you even know how you get gonorrhea?"

"No"

"Let me ask you this then Colin, and do give me an honest answer. How many women have you fucked within, oh, the last three months?"

Harry could swear he could hear the gears turning in Colin's brain. After a minute of thought, he said, "As many as you." Neville gave a low whistle and Harry looked at Colin, thinking, dumb shit would fuck the crack of dawn if given half a chance…Course, before Gin I probably was much the same way!

Harry asked Colin, "Tell me, how often have you used anti-VD charms and/or the Eros potion?"

No light bulb. Harry asked again, "How about condoms, you know, rubbers and the lot?"

Still no light bulb. Harry started to get pissed and yelled at Colin, "You fucking dolt! If you want to sleep around, then you have to wear protection, both for your own and the girl's sake!"

"What's going on, Harry?" Harry could feel a migraine approaching as he heard the sound of Fred's voice asking in curiosity. Turning, he was about to tell something, anything to ensure they didn't find out about Creevey's situation (God knew what the twins were going to use with it) but Neville blurted out, "Colin's got gonorrhea, and it looks like his dick will fall off." Fred looked at Colin, and said, "Really?" George came in, and now Harry was wondering if putting Neville as door guard was such a good thing when he could have, should have, probably wedged it shut using one of the soap bars at the sink.

George asked, "What's wrong?" Fred answered, "Colin over there has a case of gonorrhea, whatever that is." George looked over at Harry and asked, "What is that?" Harry was starting to wonder if the Wizard World taught sex ed.; it was rapidly appearing not to be the case. Just as he was about to explain, Colin asked Harry, "So what can I do, Harry?"

Harry answered Colin first, "The muggle cure is two weeks or so of tetracycline, this super antibiotic out there, but here in the wizard world…I'll have to talk to my uncle, so go breakfast, and try not to take a piss for a while." Looking glum, Colin hurriedly exited the bathroom, and Fred asked, "Care to tell me what that dumb bastard has?" Harry didn't want to give even the slightest bit away to the twins (for all he knew they were still actively plotting vengeance on Creevey; Doc Detibedeux, who had been drawn into some of twin's planning, said their efforts were reminiscent of the attempts on the life of Fidel Castro: part genius, part macabre, and all lunacy.), but shrugged and told them as briefly and dispassionately as he could what gonorrhea was and what damage it caused.

Fred and George looked at each other, and Fred asked, "So…One of the symptoms is that it hurts when he takes a piss, eh?"

Harry was starting to get suspicious as the twins looked as though Christmas came early. "Yeah, it supposed to hurt as though he were pissing pins and needles, but I can't say as I was always careful enough to take a draught of Eros before I had any women."

Fred and George were all smiles, and hurried out of the bathroom. Harry looked at Neville and said, "I shudder to think what they are going to do." Neville shrugged, "That's Creevey's fuck-up for dicking another girl while he was going out with Ginny. She's too nice of a girl to be treated that way…" Cocking his head, he asked Harry inquisitively, "You know, why don't you ask her out? She's lonely, and I think she still has that crush on you…" Harry shook his head, and answered, "As I already told everyone, me and her being an item is the fastest way to get her killed. Shit! She's probably already in the death seat as it is considering she's Ron's sister, and he's a friend of mine." Wanting to put that bit of conversation away as soon as possible, he asked Neville sarcastically, "No doubt it was a brilliant idea to let Fred, and George know about his little problem, eh?"

Neville laughed, "I wouldn't say it was little, I mean did you see how far that rash was going?"

Harry groaned and shook his head. The migraine was starting to hit was a vengeance as he told Neville he was going over to see his uncle and was going to skip breakfast. Neville told him he would see him in class, and didn't say he blamed him for skipping breakfast after seeing Colin's clap.

Leaving, Harry went up to the History of Magic classroom, where he found his uncle, wearing his trademark suit and Gryffindor tie, reading several scrolls of parchment. "Hey, Harry. What brings up here so early?" Alex asked, a smile on his face as he sipped from a cup of tea. Harry asked, "Uncle, you got any tetracycline?" Alex frowned, "You got the clap, Harry? Or the pox?" Harry shook his head furiously, "No, no, not me! One of my friends asked me to take a look at this kid, year younger, who had this rash and had green shit coming out of his dick. Looked like the clap so I'm going to need enough to fix him up." Alex looked at him for a minute, shrugged, and reached into his desk. Pulling out a small scrub brush (with a sponge on it as well as a brush), Alex had also pulled out a small, dark brown glass bottle that said HYDROGEN PEROXIDE on the side. He explained to Harry, "Don't have any with me, but this brush and the peroxide should be used for the rash. Let me go into my room, see if I still have any. Though…" Alex paused, and then continued, "the wizard cure is much quicker, takes only a couple of days to work and you won't have to worry about the bug building an immunity to it. Course, since Professor Snape pretty much owns the potions, any work we do would have to involve him."

Harry sighed, and said, "I think the tetracycline will have to be used. Just give me enough to cure him. Week's dose?" Alex thought for moment, "Yeah sounds about right if there is a rash and drip. Out of curiosity, you know if this lad fuck anybody in the school recently?"  Harry responded, "Yeah, I caught him with his trousers around his ankles during the Halloween ball a few days ago." Alex, who had been about to go to the door and to his quarters stopped and swore violently. Turning to Harry, he said, "Harry, I wish you hadn't said that. Goddamnit!"  Going over to one of the fireplaces in the classroom, he opened a jar of Floo powder on the mantle, and spoke into the flames, "Headmaster, could you please come here for a moment?" Within a second, Dumbledore was dusting his robes as he stepped from the flames into the History of Magic classroom, "Good morning Harry. You too Alex, and what issue is it that requires my presence before breakfast." Dumbledore seemed amused, but his amusement was quickly dashed as Alex quickly explained how at least one, possibly more, students had gonorrhea.

Alex concluded with, "Sir, if we do not move fast, we could easily have an epidemic of venereal disease throughout the school." Dumbledore sighed, and started speaking, "I'm going to have to bring in Minerva, Severus, and Madame Pomfrey at the least." He turned to Harry, and asked for the names of the couple he had caught beneath the stairs. Harry answered, "Colin Creevey and Parvati Patil." Dumbledore shook his head, "While they aren't the first to use those closets, this certainly is the first I've heard of anyone catching anything. Heaven's knows I myself used have used those broom closets when I was their age…" Harry had a ludicrous vision of Dumbledore with some tart in Victorian era garb coupling in one of the broom closets and had to restrain a smile.

Alex answered, "Yes sir, as have I, and no doubt Professor McGonagall and Madame Pomfrey and Professor Flitwick, and three-quarters of all graduates during their time here. Probably Snape too, but you and I digress. We have to move fast on this, sir." He must have then remembered Harry was still there, for he turned to Harry and told him, "Go have some breakfast. We'll get back to you and your friends soon." The tone he spoke in indicated he would brook no discussion over it.

Harry nodded, and went out into the hallway, intending on having at least a slice of toast ever since his stomach had settled down some. Yet, once again he was stopped as this time he saw Creevey burst out of the bathroom, ashen faced, wincing and limping slightly. Harry was about to go ask him what was wrong when he heard the voice of Fred call out, "Hurts when you piss, eh?" The twins were coming from behind a suit of armor and were smirking at Creevey, who groaned and went back into the bathroom. Harry ran over to the twins and asked, "What the fuck did you two do to him?" Fred laughed, and George answered, "Nothing too terrible. Just fed him a bit Weasley Bathroom Powder. Designed to make a person have the sudden urge to constantly take a piss. Innocent, but effective for our needs."

Harry shook his head and had to laugh. Turning around, he saw Creevey limping out of the bathroom, looking the worse for wear. Harry wasn't sure if he pitied him, or what, as the man looked downright pathetic. Still, Harry thought to himself, Fred and George got it right, serves him right for getting something by fucking dumb.

                        *          *          *

"You know, Nev, I can't say I'm surprised, considering it was my uncle whom I went and talked to about Creevey's getting the clap."

"Well then, damn you, damn your uncle, and damn Creevey for fucking anything that moves! Make it double for doing so without protection, the fucking dumb shit!"

Harry laughed, and watched his breath steam in the air. Neville was still raging, the west county accent of his getting more and more guttural by the second, "You know, I can't understand why your fucking uncle…for that matter, Dumbledore…couldn't have this goddamn inspection upstairs in the Great Hall or some place less like a goddamn freezer."

"Nev, don't you remember Courtenay's rules? Ladies first?"

"And Courtenay didn't have the family jewels getting frozen off down here now did he?"

Harry laughed and twisted his neck. Around him was the male student body of Hogwarts, fourth years and up. They all looked physically different, but at the moment all were freezing as they were lined up in two ranks in the rather long dungeon, and all were naked from the waist down, waiting for a medical inspection of their nether regions. Instead of going to their morning classes (in Harry's case it would have been History of Magic) the school faculty had divided the student body from fourth year up into two groups (boy and girl) and marched them off. The girls had stayed in the Great Hall while the boys had been marched off by Filch down into one of the dungeons, curtly told to strip, and made to wait.

A few (mostly the younger guys, 4th years) were trying to cover their genitals, but most of the lads were doing the standard teenage boy routine: poking fun at each other over their manhood, lack of hair down there, the usual.

It was then Harry remembered something from standing in formation in Wales. He turned to Neville, who was on his left while Ron was on his right, and said, "Nev, you remember the game we played whenever we had a stupid fucking formation?" Neville's eyes suddenly lightened as he asked, "Yeah, you game?" Harry nodded, and it was then both of them turned, and while yelling, "Glass-balls!" either backhanded or punched their neighbor's crotch. Ron yelped and shouted at Harry, "What the fuck was that for?" Harry quickly explained the game of Glass-balls, which was used to determine who had Balls of Steels (i.e. they didn't yell or complain much when the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy, their anatomy, came into contact with blunt trauma) or Balls of Glass (they screamed, cried, moaned painfully, etc.). The game was soon enthusiastically being played by pretty much everyone in the room, except for Malfoy (and his cohorts) who was shrilly screaming for people not to lay a finger on him.

"If you are done playing with each other, this medical inspection can begin." Alex's voice, trained by the best in Britain's Army, boomed out and brought the young fools' attention back to the immediate. Alex was standing at the door with an amused smile on his face. Behind him was short Professor Flitwick, who seemed to be shaking his head; while on Alex's right was Professor Snape, who looked ready to kill anyone who so much as coughed. Everyone shut up and straightened up, even the twins (who, after seven years of raising hell in Hogwarts had very little respect for authority in Hogwarts) and Malfoy (with Snape nearby, he quickly went on his best behavior).

Alex walked towards the table set in the center of the room; Snape following nearby with a glass flask full of a pink liquid that Harry was reminded of an antacid he had drunk once, Flitwick was carrying a stack of paper cups. Flitwick set the cups down as Snape started filling them. Not breaking step, Alex started explaining, "Right, now, each once of you will come up here and grab a cup of the potion Professor Snape is filling as we speak. At the same time, you will take one of the empty cups with you when you get back in line. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT, drink the potion until Professor Snape tells you to." With that, he motioned Lee Jordan to go and get his cup.

Soon, everyone in the room was holding one cup of potion in one hand, and an empty one in his other. Snape stepped forward in front of the table and curtly commanded, "Drink the potion. Every last drop." Everyone did so, and Snape explained, "The potion you are drinking is known as the Venereal Searcher, for in about thirty seconds you will feel the urge to urinate. Do so in the empty paper cup. Your urine, the color of it, will tell us what precisely you have infected yourself with." Harry could tell he was telling the truth for he felt the sudden pressure in his pressure, and relieved it into the cup. Looking down, Harry saw that his urine didn't look any different then it normally did: crystal clear.

As soon as everyone appeared to be done, Snape continued, "Now, Professor Evans and myself shall be conducting the inspection of your urine, and of your genitalia to see if you are infected."

"In…"

"I am not taking questions, Mr. Weasley, so kindly close that hole in the middle of your head you call a mouth."

Within a minute, Snape and Alex were going to each student, and conducted the inspection. The inspection was quite similar to the monthly VD check Harry had seen back in Wales, which was where the Battalion surgeon and a male nurse had gone around checking for dripping, rashes, chancres, and other signs to see if a more thorough examination was needed. Harry had only seen the second examination done once, and that had been enough for him to be an enthusiastic customer of Trojans and later the Eros Potion.

Doc Detibedeux must have seen or heard similar for Harry heard him mutter next to Neville, "I'm damn glad they aren't rodding us, man. My dad told me that's how they check for the clap back when I was just learning about women and stuff, and that talk was more then enough for me to be a regular user of rubbers…"

"What's that, Doc?" Ron was asking.

"It's called a urethral examination, Ron, and believe me, you don't want to go through it." Harry answered.

"Urethral examination?"

"It's where they take a cotton swab and insert it into your urethra, the tip of your cock in other words."

"Ah, that would hurt! Why?"

"Most venereal diseases are bacteria based and the tip is where the initial, er, contact with it usually is. So, that is where the strongest concentration of the bacteria will usually be so…" Harry shrugged. Snape and Alex were about halfway done, since the only one who looked like his shit was infected was Creevey, who seemed to be hoping for death. Harry doubted if he would be so lucky, and once word of this reached the student body…

The dumb shit won't get laid even if he were to walk into Meg's with a bag of galleons around his head. Harry thought.

Apparently working as fast as they could, they came before Harry, and after looking briefly at his cup of urine, Snape looked at his genitalia, and asked him, "Any rashes, scabs, or chancres, Potter?"

"No, sir"

Grunting, Snape and Alex continued on down the line, Alex taking only time to burn the cups of urine with the incindio spell. As soon as they were done (only Creevey had a problem, his urine a green Harry had only seen in a lemon-lime sports drink before, and his nether regions its mess of rash), Alex began speaking, "Right, the purpose of this inspection was quite simple, but it will take a moment to explain. So put your trousers on as I speak." Everyone was doing so as Alex continued, "Now, all of you here are starting to notice, or already have noticed, girls. Right?" There were nods, and acknowledgements throughout the room. "So, we all have a pretty good idea of sex, yes?" A few nods, a bunch of blushing, and even a few headshakes greeted Alex this time. Alex smiled, "Let me see if I'm up to the slang then: shagging, fucking, diddling…" He went on a few more minutes as more and more people started nodding their heads.

"Now then, I want those of you who are sexually active, to include masturbation or whacking off to raise your hands." Most people were back to blushing and looking around for someone to raise their hand first. Alex grinned and started catcalling, "What, shy bunch are we? Tell you what, I was whacking off when I was ten, had my first woman when I was fifteen, and caught the clap for the first and last time after a wild night pulling leave on a training deployment to Belize. Aye, I'm in the same company as Hemingway, Churchill's dad, and countless troopers down through the ages in joining the Clap club. Now, come on, don't be bashful, we are all men here."

Harry laughed, and saw that soon pretty much every boy in the room had his hand raised. Alex then started going on a lesson, explaining the male and female reproductive systems, sex, and contraception. Harry had heard the same before, over the summertime, for Alex explained it in a gruff, no-nonsense manner typical of a soldier the ways of women. Snape and Flitwick gave smaller lectures on the various charms and potions used to protect themselves and whoever they were having sex with. Harry could tell the class was paying attention, as soon the class came to an end with what would have been the bell to signal the end of the morning classes and thus lunch, and everyone looked disgruntled as they moved out the classroom. Lee Jordan went so far as to say, "Harry, your uncle has to be the coolest fucking teacher we've in all my seven years here."

Well, everyone moved out of the dungeon except for Colin, who was being acidly informed by Snape to drink a foul looking potion, else, "your penis, however miniscule it may be, shall dissolve from the inside out."

Fred, George and Ron, of course were all smiles as they heard this.

Harry only hoped that this silly game of vengeance was over, but part of him had a sneaky suspicion it wasn't.