Chapter Sixteen: An Apple a Day

"So…Sky?"

"Yeah?"

"We're married."

"I noticed."

"I should call you something."

"Are you trying to insult me or something?"

"No. I mean a code name. We've got to have code names. What should yours be?"

"Umm…how about…blank panther?"

"Dull."

"Yellow Eagle?"

"Even duller."

"How about…Sky?"

"Brilliant! I should have thought of that sooner!"

"Okay. I'm Sky. What's your code name?"

"I don't have a code name, silly. Either call me ma'am…or Nami. Just don't call me honey."

"Sure thing. Yep. No honey here."

"Oh…and Sky?"

"Yeah?"

"We're going to have a baby."

A sudden thump! Caused Sky to jump to the Sky. But for once in his unnaturally long life, he did not jump from his bed but rather from the chair in the newly-installed kitchen. The kitchen was by far the coolest addition to his shack, which was no longer a shack but a hovel. The kitchen had the most important thing…food. Lots of it. They had cabbage, and apples, and cobwebs! And there were two doors in the kitchen, leading to two completely separate rooms for going to the bathroom and taking a shower. Sky would rather not recall how he did those things last time.

"What was that?" Sky exclaimed.

"Sorry, Sky, I'm hammering up here." Nami yelled back from the roof.

"Hammering? What was with all the 'thud' stuff?"

"I missed."

"You missed!" Sky suddenly felt paranoid. "How could you miss?"

"It's a long story. Better go ahead and feed Pyro his apple. We don't want him hungry."

Sky turned down to the little red-haired boy in blue stripped overalls by his feet. In one year, the baby had mysterious grown to the size of a toddler. He was sitting on the dusty kitchen floor, messing with a cockroach named Bob.

"Save me! Save me!" Bob pleaded.

"Hey, kid." Sky addressed Pyro. "You need to eat your apple."

Pyro looked up at Sky with a frown. "Don' want apple." The toddler complained.

Sky walked over to the refrigerator that magically appeared even though he never paid for it and took out a bright red apple. He brought it over to Pyro. "Now, now, remember what I told you? Eat an apple a day or the doctor comes to play." He handed the apple to Pyro, who took it and proceeded to bang it against the table.

His mission complete, Sky left his shack-turned-hovel and out into a gloriously, ridiculously hot summer day. Apple was wandering around near the chicken coop, trying to eat a chicken with one swallow. Ali, who had mysterious not grown an inch in an entire year, was in the pasture eating.

Sky went up to Ali. "Can I milk you yet?"

Ali went on munching.

"Please?"

Munch, munch.

"Pretty please with a giant cherry and a chainsaw thrown in?"

Munch, munch, munch.

"Fine!" Sky cried, "Reject me!" He folded his arms and stomped over to his non-existent vegetable patch. He kicked some dead pumpkin leaves and smashed some rotten watermelons. The watermelon burst everywhere, covering Sky in red slime.

He sighed and left the farm. He went up the hill to a pretty glade with a pretty pond with pretty flowers surrounding a beautiful tree with a beautiful collection of disgusting mushrooms next to it.

Sky threw a rock in the water. He watched it ripple, then suddenly heard a voice.

"Come closer…"

"Ahh!" Sky jumped back from the pond.

"Come closer…" The voice urged him. Sky was mystified by the pretty voice…calling to him…so pretty…a fairy voice…

"Come closer…"

Sky leaned over the top of the water so that his face was getting sprinkled by the clear blue liquid.

"Yes…that's it…closer…" Sky's nose was an inch from the water.

Out of nowhere, the rock he had thrown into the pond shot out and hit him on the head. Sky yelped and flew backwards. A big knot began to form on his head. Sky glared at the pond, "That wasn't very nice!" Sky complained.

The fish laughed at him.

Sky went back to the farm, grumbling the whole way.

When he got back into his former-shack, Nami was inside looking frantic. She had Pyro in her arms. "Sky! Pyro never ate his apple!" Nami cried in terror.

"What?" Sky looked at the uneaten apple lying on the ground. "But I gave it to him!"

"He never ate it." Nami stroked Pyro's hair, "Now the doctor is going to come and play!"

All at once, the blue sky vanished and was replaced by a dark, nightmarish sky. Thunder rolled through the afternoon, lightening crackled across the sky. Bob the cockroach fell over and died of a heart attack. A fist rammed on the hovel door, shaking the entire foundation.

"He's here!" Nami exclaimed.

"What's happening? What do you mean by 'play'?" Sky yelled over the bellowing sky.

The door was thrown open, and Dr. Hardy stood under the dark sky. Lighting flashed and illuminated his face. In his hand was a doctor's bag. "The doctor is here to play." Dr. Hardy proclaimed.

In unison, the three of them gasped.

Sky looked around for his Secret Compartment of Awesome and Really Extreme Dynamite (SCARED for short) but found it nowhere to be seen. He picked up his stick and held it in a baseball pose. "What do you want?" Sky demanded of the doctor.

Dr. Hardy looked confused. "To play." Dr. Hardy said innocently. He sat down in doctor bag and began to open it.

"Oh no! Don't you use those Deadly and Interesting Experiments (DIE for short) on little Pyro!" Sky yelled.

Dr. Hardy ignored him and extended his hand into the bag. The suspense was terrible. Slowly…Dr. Hardy rustled around in the bag…a vulture flew down and settled on the roof of the hovel…Dr. Hardy moved his hand out of the bag and brought out…

A teddy bear.

"What is that?" Sky asked.

"Teddy!" Dr. Hardy exclaimed and laughed a deep laugh that vague reminded Sky of Frankenstein. "C'mon, let me play with the boy!" The good doctor ran over to Pyro with the teddy bear armed and ready for combat. Outside, the thunder and lightening stopped. The sky cleared and all was bright and miserably sunny again. Dr. Hardy was about to launch the teddy bear at Pyro, but then abruptly stopped, "Hey…something isn't right here." Dr. Hardy's big eyes looked down at Pyro. "We have a serious issue here." Dr. Hardy said. "Your son has been diagnosed with Noafunophobia."

"Geseundheit?"

"It's quite similar to your Silliophobia, Sky." Dr. Hardy pointed out.

"I do NOT have Silliophobia!" Sky disagreed, folding his arms firmly.

Dr. Hardy threw the teddy bear in front of Sky. Sky quickly scampered away from the teddy bear like it was an infectious disease. He ran over and cowered in the corner near Nami. He would protect her.

"I stand by my statement." Dr. Hardy said with satisfactory. "You have Silliophobia, and your son has Noafunophobia."
"And what is that?" Nami asked. "Does it burn?"

"If it is not treated in time, yes." Dr. Hardy said. "Noafunophobia is the fear of not having fun. And your son is a major victim."

By their feet, Pyro began blowing bubbles.

"What should we do about it?" Nami asked.

"If it's medicine, then you can forget it!" Sky said from his cowering position in the corner.

"No, thankfully, the cure for this phobia is fun."

"Pyro has fun all the time!"

"And yet I do not see any toys here in this shack." Dr. Hardy looked around the hovel.

"We'll get him some then." Nami said.

"Good, because I cannot play until your son has toys too. I shall return when his Noafunophobia is cured. Farewell." Dr. Hardy saluted them and left the hovel.

Nami turned to Sky, who was slowly getting to his feet. "You heard the good doctor." Nami said. "Go and get Pyro something from Van. He can play with some matches, okay?"

"Uhh…sure." Sky said, scratching his head.

He stood there, scratching his head for a moment, and then Nami shoved him out the door. "Go on, quickly!" She slammed the door shut behind him.