American Idol: Hogwarts Style!, a harry potter fanfic

Disclaimer: Don't even think about asking…

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Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, the Weasley twins, and Fred's girlfriend, Janie Sanderson, were bored.

"Janie, I'm booooooooooooooooooooored!" Fred whined to his girlfriend as he braided her waist length auburn hair. She looked up at him, her silvery eyes shining from behind her rectangular glasses.

"Well, find a way to entertain yourself, then," she said, grinning, and went back to her book. Ron was sitting on an armchair, his eyes glazed over. Hermione's nose was buried in an enormous book. Harry's already messy, jet-black hair was even more messed up, as he had been running his fingers through it in pure boredom. Then he had an idea.

"I've got it!" he yelled to the almost empty Common Room, as it was Christmas Holidays. "We should have our own American Idol thingy!"

"'American Idol?'" the Weasleys asked incredulously. Hermione looked up from her book.

"American Idol is a show on the telly that has people come from around the U.S. to compete to get a record label," she said. Janie and Harry nodded.

"If you're wondering, a record label is a thing that lets people record songs and release them on CDs and the radio," Janie added.

"AWESOME!" Fred and George yelled.

"Let's DO IT!" Ron exclaimed, jumping up. Harry grinned, waved his wand, and the Common Room turned into the American Idol tryout room, complete with judges.

"Where are Paula, Simon, and Randy?" Hermione asked, confused. The woman shook back her long, stereotype Barbie-blonde hair and giggled a silvery laugh.

"They work in, like, America, silly! I'm, like, you know, Stacey!" she said in a British valley-girl accent.

"Yeah, dawgs! I'm Andy!" said the large black man.

"Completely and utterly brainless," muttered the Goth at the end of the table. He sighed. "Let's get this over with, please. I'm Jonathan."

Janie frowned.

"Depressed much?" she whispered to Hermione, who smiled and nodded. Andy took out a list and said, "The dawgette we have up here is Ms. Janie Sanderson, singing, 'Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous' by Good Charlotte!"

Janie, confused, walked onstage.

When did I decide that? she wondered. But when the music started, she stopped worrying and started singing.

Always see it on tv or
Read it in the magazines
Celebrities want sympathy

I'd like to see them spend the week
Livin' life out on the street
I don't think they would survive

But they could spend a day or two
Walking in someone else's shoes
I think they'd stumble and they'd fall
They would fall, fall, fall, fall

Lifestyles of the rich and the famous
They're always complainin'
Always complainin'
If money is such a problem
Well, they got mansions
think we should rob them

Stacey and Andy were dancing in there seats. They were clearly enjoying this, and so were the other 'contestants'.

Did you know when you're famous you could Kill your wife
And there's no such thing as 25 to life
As long as you got the cash to pay for Cochran

And did you know if you were caught and You were smokin' crack
McDonald's wouldn't even wanna take you back
You could always just run for mayor of D.C.

Lifestyles of the rich and the famous
They're always complainin'
Always complainin'
If money is such a problem
Well, they got mansions
Think we should rob them

Lifestyles of the rich and the famous
we'll take your clothes, cash, cards, and homes
Just stop complaining
Lifestyles of the rich and famous
Lifestyles of the rich and famous
Lifestyles of the rich and famous

She smiled and bowed.

"You, like, rock out loud, you know?" Stacey squealed.

"You do your thang, dawgette! You are on FIRE!" Andy said, waving his arms around.

"I suggest you try to get a record label with 'Idiots Singing, Inc.' as they're the only ones who'd have you," Jonathan said, leaning back in his chair. Janie just smirked at him.

"Next up is, like, Hermy Granger!" Stacey said, flinging her arms out. "She'll be singing, like, 'I'm Like a Bird' by Nelly Furtado!"

Harry then shoved Hermione on stage. She froze, and then the music started. She smiled, and sang her heart out.

You're beautiful, that's for sure
You'll never ever fade
You're lovely but it's not for sure
That I won't ever change
And though my love is rare
Though my love is true

I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is
(and baby all I need for you to know is)
I'm like a bird, I'll only fly away
I don't know where my soul is, I don't know where my home is
All I need for you to know is

Janie grinned as Harry gaped at her.

"Ask her out," she muttered.

It's not that I wanna say goodbye
It's just that every time you try to tell me that you love me
Each and every single day I know
I'm going to have to eventually give you away
And though my love is rare
And though my love is true
Hey I'm just scared
That we may fall through

"Ahmegawd, you GO girl!" Stacey squealed.

"Yeah! You da dawgette!" Andy yelled, clapping.

"Complete and utter rubbish," Jonathan muttered. He sighed. "Next is Fred Weasley. He will be singing, and this song is idiotic, 'American Idiot.' by Green Day"

Fred jumped onstage just as the music started. He started to sing.

Don't wanna be an American idiot.

Don't want a nation under the new media.

And can you hear the sound of hysteria?

The subliminal mindf--- America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.

All across the alien nation.

Everything isn't meant to be okay.

Television dreams of tomorrow.

We're not the ones who're meant to follow.

Well that's enough to argue.

Janie laughed. It was exactly something that Fred would've picked.

Don't wanna be an American idiot.

One nation controlled by the media.

Information nation of hysteria.

It's going out to idiot America.

Welcome to a new kind of tension.

All across the alien nation.

Everything isn't meant to be okay.

Television dreams of tomorrow.

We're not the ones who're meant to follow.

Well that's enough to argue

"WHEEEEE!" Stacey cried. "The hottie rocks!"

"Back off, girl!" Janie warned her. "He's mine!"

"Yeah, dawg!" Andy said. "Keep rockin'!"

"Stupid," Jonathan said.

"The dawg up next is the G-man, George Weasley!" Andy said. "He's singing that timeless classic, 'DOA' by Foo Fighters!"

George jumped onstage and, doing the moonwalk over to the microphone, jumped around and sang his heart out.

Oh you know I did it

It's over and I feel fine

Nothing you could say is gonna change my mind

Waiting and I wait at the longest night

Nothing like the taste to sweet decline

It's a shame we have to die my dear

No ones getting out of here, alive

This time

What a way to go, they have no fear

No ones getting out of here, alive

This time

"Go hot guy!" Stacey cheered.

Ain't no way, DOA

It's a shame we have to disappear

No ones getting out of here, alive

This time

"Yea, dawg!" Andy said. "Go!"

"You, like, totally rock!" Stacey said happily.

"Euch," Jonathan said.

"Now we have, like, Ron Weasley, singing, 'Invisible'! Wheeeee!" Stacey squeed.

Ron grinned and leapt onstage.

Whatcha' doin' tonight
I wish I could be a fly on your wall
Are you really alone
Who's stealin' your dreams
Why can't I bring you into my life
What would it take to make you see that I'm alive

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I could just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait. I already am)

"Why is he singing CLAY AIKEN?" Janie whispered to Fred, whose arms were wrapped around her waist.

"I don't know," he whispered back.

I reach out
But you don't even see me
Even when I'm scream out
Baby, you don't hear me
I am nothing without you
Just a shadow passing through...

If I was invisible
Then I could just watch you in your room
If I was invincible
I'd make you mine tonight
If hearts were unbreakable
Then I can just tell you where I stand
I would be the smartest man
If I was invisible
(Wait. I already am)

"Keep it up, yo!" Andy said.

"Awesome!" Stacey squealed.

"Nasty," Jonathan said. "Last and most probably least, we have Mr. Harry Potter, singing, 'Someday' by Nickleback. Rah."

Harry walked onstage and over to the microphone. When the music started, he took a deep breath and sang his lungs out.

How the hell did we wind up like this
Why weren't we able
To see the signs that we missed
And try to turn the tables

I wish you'd unclench your fists
And unpack your suitcase
Lately there's been too much of this
Don't think its too late

Nothin's wrong
just as long as
you know that someday I will

Someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it alright but not right now
I know you're wondering when

"Ahmegawd! He, like, you know, rocks!" Stacey squealed.

Well i hoped that since we're here anyway
We could end up saying
Things we've always needed to say
So we could end up stringing
Now the story's played out like this
Just like a paperback novel
Lets rewrite an ending that fits
Instead of a Hollywood horror

Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
Someday, somehow
gonna make it allright but not right now
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when
(You're the only one who knows that)
I know you're wondering when

"You go, dawg! You are on fire, man!" Andy said.

"Like, oh my gosh! You are so good!" Stacey said.

"Disgusting."

"Now we have to, like, have a little meeting and decide the, you know, winner!" Stacey cheered. The three judges immediately went into a huddle.

"Good luck, everyone," Janie said, taking Fred's hand.

"WE'RE READY!" Stacey cheered. "YAY READINESS!"

They walked up to the microphone, holding two envelopes.

"The runner up is," Andy paused, and opened the envelope. "My dawgette, JANIE SANDERSON!"

Janie squealed and ran onstage.

"The winner, like, is one of the cute guys!" Stacey said, and opened the envelope. She took it out upside-down. "I, like, can't read it!" she complained. Jonathan looked at it and sighed. He took it from her and turned it right side up.

"The winner is Mr. Fred Weasley," he said. "Yippee."

Fred ran onstage and grabbed Janie into a bear hug. He twirled her around.

"You know," he mused. "This is a perfect Christmas gift."

He then pointed above them with his wand. Janie looked up and smiled.

"Mistletoe," she said, and kissed him. Everyone sighed, and Harry stood in front of Hermione.

"Mione, I love you," he said, and kissed her. She kissed back. As everyone broke apart (everyone who was kissing) they all looked at each other and shouted, "MERRY CHRISTMAS, HOGWARTS!

A/N: Wow. This is one LONG oneshot. Typed in one night, if you'll believe that. It's late, I know. Just don't hurt me. And, just so you know, I have absolutely nothing against blondes, seeing as I'm one myself.