Wedlock
Thousands of years ago, Lucifer and God (who preferred to be called Ed) ran the realms of Hell and Heaven respectively, with both of them sharing custody of Earth. They bickered over every little thing. Though their hatred of each other was exaggerated for the purpose of Earth literature, it was true that they disliked each other too much to ever work or live together. But then, because everything ends, Lucifer and Ed eventually grew old. By the end of their long lives, the fire that had sparked their earlier arguments had dissipated. The harsh borders between the realms grew more lax. Rules weren't as enforced as they used to be.
And so they died and their bodies became clouds as all the bodies of angels and demons do. Ed left Heaven to the archangels and Lucifer left Hell to the Seven Deadly Sins. Each giant left his empire to the most capable team possible.
Wufei looked around at Hell's council of diplomats, the people who ruled Hell, the Seven Deadly Sins...and he wasn't impressed. First of all, when he'd walked in, he had been greeted with only six of them.
Wufei stood at the head of the conference table, holding his white wings proudly. There was an empty chair nearest him and next to it sat Vanity. Zechs had again taken his glinting silver helmet off and was currently checking his reflection, smiling at himself all the while.
To Zechs' right sat Sloth. Howard appeared utterly exhausted. His arm was hooked around Quatre's neck and he was snoring into his chest. Despite the pointy sunglasses poking into him, Quatre smiled tolerantly and gently unwound himself.
From Quatre's other side, Envy glowered at Howard as he flopped forward onto the large conference table and immediately fell into a deep sleep. Quatre caught Trowa's eyes and the green glare softened.
Dorothy had been staring at Zechs and drooling slightly but then she noticed Quatre and Trowa's meaningful stares.
"Oh please..." She muttered to herself.
She then climbed out of her chair and onto the conference table in her short dress. Greed whistled at the view as she crawled over to where Quatre and Trowa were sitting. She ignored the whistle and put a hand behind each of Quatre and Trowa's heads before calmly pushing them together. When their lips met, Dorothy sat back on her haunches. Her brief touch of lust meant that the liplock would continue. And it did. The two boys' eyes slid closed, their heads tilted, and their arms wrapped around each other. Dorothy smirked and wiggled her way back into her seat.
Between Dorothy and Trowa sat Wrath. Catherine looked rather bored and kept toying with her knives, throwing them into the ceiling and catching them as they fell back down. Leaning back casually in her chair, she stared up at the knife she'd thrown. When it dropped, she caught it deftly and leaned over to prod Quatre's back with it. She kept prodding until he surfaced from the kiss. He looked at her from under half-lidded eyes.
"You break his heart and I'll make you eat every knife I own," she said casually.
Wufei shuddered at the threat in her voice but Quatre just nodded dreamily and allowed Trowa to capture his attention again.
Greed was on Wrath's other side and also next to Wufei. Currently, he was scrutinizing the archangel through his miniscule glasses.
"So..." J said at last, folding his arms and peering at Wufei. "I take it there's a problem?"
Wufei nodded and then started yelling. "Attention everyone! Vanity stop checking your reflection--you look gorgeous. Wrath, please stop the knife-throwing. Howard? HOWARD! SLOTH!"
Howard was fast asleep on the desk and was using his clipboard as a pillow on his folded arms. He snored at the screaming of his name but that was about it.
Wufei rubbed his temples as his wings twitched.
"Quatre, please?" The archangel said tiredly.
Quatre pulled away from Trowa reluctantly. Envy kept a possessive hand on Quatre's hip as Quatre poked his mentor a few times. Eventually, he shrugged and said that he'd take over for today.
"That's allowed, is it?" Wufei asked.
"Well, sure," Quatre said as he gently coaxed Howard's clipboard out from under him. "I am taking over as Sloth starting next year. So I'm positive it won't be a problem. I might as well start somewhere, right?"
As Quatre placed the clipboard in front of him and gave it a cursory glance, Wufei marvelled that such a polite creature was heir to 1/7 of Hell. Just goes to show you...
"Where's Gluttony?"
At that moment, Treize ambled in. "Sorry," he said unapologetically as he took his seat. "I was taking a bath. I do have a taste for long baths."
"Ugh!" Wufei growled. "We have a serious problem here!"
"Then where's the rest of the Heaven Council?" Treize said smoothly as he rested his elbows on the table.
Wufei scowled and replied, "Trying to control the chaos up there. You know what happened with the conception. We will have the first heir but the complications caused a ripple. Several laws were rendered useless and broken, some beyond repair. The HHC is reconstructing the few that can be fixed from Heaven's side of things."
Catherine leaned even further back in her chair and Wufei worried that she would tip over. Well actually, he was worried that she would tip over and in her humiliation start chucking knives at people, namely him. And yet, Wufei thought. This is still less tedious than dealing with the elder archangels.
"Shouldn't the two Queens be here?" Catherine asked offhandedly as she stared at the new holes in the ceiling.
"It's late January," J said matter-of-factly. "They're not due to return to Hell until after Relena's child is born."
"We need to discuss which laws..."
Dorothy tuned Wufei out and winked at Trowa. He stared at her until she glanced at Quatre, indicating the blonde's concentration on what Wufei was saying. Dorothy raised her eyebrows and Trowa gave her a small smile. The hand Trowa had quietly kept on Quatre's hip began inching its way along Quatre's belt.
"Dorothy!"
Wufei's bark drew Dorothy away from the two in front of her. "Hmm?" She asked, looking over.
"Pay attention, woman. We're trying to figure out how much damage was irreversible."
Dorothy rolled her eyes. "What was the question?"
"Have there been any fluxes within your department recently?"
"A few. Levels on Earth have been steadily rising but that's not unusual what with the approach of Valentines Day."
Wufei marked down something on his gold, shiny clipboard and then proceeded to ask numerous other analytical questions. No one noticed when Quatre began breathing a bit heavier. He gripped the edge of the table and tried to keep his breathing quiet so as not to be rude.
Only two people knew what was happening under the table. One, of course, was Trowa, who was smirking nonchalantly as his hand ran up and down the bulge in the front of Quatre's khakis. The other one was Dorothy, who kept tabs on everyone's bedroom careers. It was her job, after all. Boy, did she enjoy it.
She answered another of Wufei's questions on the Lust histograms. She was watching the two lovebirds (make that lustbirds) from the corner of her eye when Wufei said something that caught her attention.
"It's affected angels."
Dorothy perked up. "Oh really? We've never broken into that market. Too much red tape and holy law to work through... How's it taking?" She asked curiously, leaning forward. She had spent a fair amount of her time wondering what it would be like to get an angel in bed. Now she had a chance to find out.
Wufei sighed. "The elder members of the council aren't too happy. Though they're starting to feel the effects of gluttony. I'll assume we can thank you for that?" He said pointedly, turning to Treize.
Gluttony smiled. "Fascinating," he merely said. "Not my intentions, but fascinating."
Unnoticed by all, Trowa undid Quatre's fly and slid his hand inside to get a firmer grip. Quatre's eyes squeezed shut and his mouth opened slightly. Wufei continued speaking, oblivious.
"Several rules need to be restored through Hell's domain. For example, the lust and gluttony that are permeating all the way to Heaven can be adjusted down here. And there are many other minor laws that need adjustments. For example, the ruling that angels shouldn't wear tennis shoes is deteriorating."
"We've got teams working on the adjustments already," J said haughtily. "Many of the minor laws that were only bent have already been reinstated. But there are several large ones that are just...gone." Greed paused, a small sneer forming on his old face. "I'm afraid that the rules barring angels from lust and gluttony have been utterly obliterated. The only possible way to reverse that would be to murder Relena's child and even then, there's no guarantee."
Wufei stared at him. "Well...damn."
Greed smiled terribly. "You can either keep Heaven pristine or keep peace. The ball's in the angels' court."
Wufei scribbled something onto his clipboard. There was a sudden groan and Quatre slammed the palm of his hand into the side of the table. Wufei glanced up and curiously peered at a blushing Quatre but was then several loud thunks quickly drew his attention elsewhere. He looked over to see all of Catherine's throwing knives embedded in the ceiling above her.
Wrath winked at her younger brother.
"It's not a bad idea," Zechs said, finally tearing his eyes away from his reflection. "Make Heaven loosen up a bit."
There was a chorus of agreement from the rest of the Sins. Except Quatre, who was still coming down from his high. Wufei resisted the urge to smash his forehead with the clipboard.
"You idiots! It isn't a one way street! It's all fun and games when angels go loopy but the mystic channels are open. How long do you think you have until ideals from Heaven start coming down here?"
There was a long pause as everyone got a mental image of demons practicing chastity and holding doors open for little old ladies. Finally, Vanity spoke up.
"Right. Let's get to work."
Author's Note: Thank you so much to (?) and Omnicatfor the reviews. And Ellen, it's never too much work. ;)