Ranma was written by Takahashi Rumiko and published as an anime by Kitty Films - Fuji TV and Viz Communications, Inc.
Sailor Moon was published as an anime by Toei Animation and Geneon Entertainment
Ah! My Goddess was written by Kosuke Fujishima and published as an anime by AIC and AnimEgo
They own their own characters and other such trademarks, only characters that I make are owned by me.
Chapter 1 – I'm a what now?
Ranma had been deep in thought, as deep as he could be anyway, for the last month. After that month of careful thinking he had realized that his Amazon problem broke down into a few component parts; Shampoo and her laws, Mousse and his jealously, and Cologne and her retaliation.
It had struck him like a punch from Ryoga how to fix the first two problems. Ranma thought, 'First all I have to do is get Mousse to beat Shampoo. But with his bad eyesight he often mistook my girl side for Shampoo.' He got a lot worse with that after Jusendo. 'Worse yet whenever Mousse fights Shampoo he always held back too much.' Ranma pondered this problem some more, then he realized that if Mousse could mistake him/herself for Shampoo, why not the other way around? 'That might actually work,' he thought happily until he realized a problem, 'the problem will be the Old Ghoul.'
Cologne would take all the time that was necessary to get Ranma to marry Shampoo. But he needed something to distract her, something that would keep her occupied, something so annoying, so dangerous, so distracting, that she could not help but take her mind off of him. Then he was suddenly splashed and heard a battle cry of 'SWEETO!'
A quick pounding of the pervert later and it was time for supper. Ranma ate with his usual gusto and, just after he finished, he thought about how much of a pest Happosai was. Then it clicked. 'The answer to all my prayers, the solution to my worst problem. My savior… Happosai!' He grinned a very Nabiki like grin.
Akane noticed the grin and screamed, "Why are you grinning like my sister! Ranma-no-baka!" A loud resounding 'Thud' was heard as Ranma was slammed with Mallet-sama. Nabiki, after realizing that he was up to something, ran upstairs and called her contacts. After Ranma awoke he began planning.
Two weeks later it happened, he had put his plan into action. Akane was out shopping with her friends, the fathers were out drinking, Nabiki was out scamming, and Kasumi was out shopping. Ranma looked at the clock and thought, 'If I'm right then Shampoo will make a new door in about,' his thoughts were interrupted by an early door builder making an entrance.
Ranma had to be careful, he wanted Shampoo to cooperate, however he knew he could not lie even slightly. It had taken nine days to get this dialogue correct, so he would not be lying; he needed to convince Shampoo at this time or the entire plan would crumble. The Gambling King fiasco taught him he had no poker face.
After the initial awkwardness of her usual glomping he looked to her and asked, "Do you care for me Shampoo?" She nodded an affirmative and looked confused. Ranma continued, "I do not know who I love," technically true, after Akane became more violent five months ago he had begun having doubts. "I know I care for myself but nobody has done anything for me, only things like feeding me drugged, or poisoned food, or trying to guilt me into doing things." Shampoo was both happy and confused, he was confiding in her, but at the mention of drugged food she pushed the ramen box out of sight carefully not to be noticed.
She was listening when Ranma asked a question that set off all her warning senses. He asked, "Since I only know that I care for myself, perhaps you should dress up as me, I might be inclined for a date if you do." The defining word that kept this particular line true was 'might' this is what took a week's worth of secret practice on.
Shampoo was skeptical but eventually accepted; she could change back when she got home.
An hour later, she noticed the time. She had to get back to the Nekohanten for the dinner rush, time was getting short so she left still dressed as Ranma, her hair was even in a pigtail, actually a braid, but it looked close enough. Ranma also had Shampoo do a quick dye job on her hair. She walked home worried, she would have to talk to her great grandmother, something was wrong with Ranma.
As she entered the Nekohanten, she heard a line she would remember for the rest of her life. Sure she heard it many times before, but now she learned what it felt like to have it directed at her. There was Mousse running at her screaming, "Saotome, you fiend. I will kill you for trying to take my Shampoo away from me!" This time he had his glasses on, and even if he was not blind anyone could have made the mistake. Cologne just got downstairs fast enough to see Mousse standing over a knocked out Shampoo.
After Mousse got a better look and was crying both in joy and in terror, he beat Shampoo, but she was hurt. Shampoo awoke and saw Cologne, who shook her head. Shampoo slumped her shoulders and said, "Wo Ai Ne, Arien!" And gave him the kiss of marriage.
Under normal circumstances, and had this happened a year ago, Mousse would not have been given the kiss of marriage. This is because the kiss of Marriage was an 'outsider' law. However since recently Shampoo was sure she would win Ranma, she had Cologne pressure the Amazon leaders to kick Mousse out of the tribe. The result was an unexpected situation where he was considered fair game to the outsider laws. Mousse, having been an idiot, had not realized that the 'outsiders' law' did not affect him prior to his coming to Nerima, nor did he realize that they applied now that he was no longer a member of the tribe. Thus despite his idiocy he actually ended up getting the kiss of marriage that he sought.
As Mousse and Shampoo fought, Ranma was talking to Happosai.
Ranma said to Happosai, "I am sure that the old ghoul has a cure for this curse, after all her tribe lives next to Jusenkyo. I am surprised she hasn't offered it to me yet to marry Shampoo." He mentally added 'temporary' right before the word cure. Happosai used his Ki sense and looked for Cologne.
Cologne was running to the Tendo household to find out if Ranma was behind the sudden turn of events. Happosai detected her approach and assumed she was coming with a cure. He shrieked in fury and ran to intercept Cologne thinking she was bringing the alleged cure for Ranma's Jusenkyo curse. He yelled while on route, "I will not stand for the desecration of a 'National Treasure'." He was, of course, referring to Ranma's girl form, which to Happosai was worth protecting. Happosai wanted Ranma to be his heir, but the girl form was too cute for the perverted old master to let be destroyed.
As soon as he saw Cologne he attacked screaming, "You will not take away the lovely Ranma-chan!"
Ranma had arrived at the tail end of the battle along with a sore and tired looking Shampoo, in her usual clothing and hair style, and an elated Mousse. The dye had been washed out apparently, but it was a quick job and there were still a few red spots left.
When he focused in on the battle he saw Cologne doing the 'Splitting Cat Hair' technique, she yelled to Happosai, "What is this about you old fool, I have been trying to get Ranma into the tribe all along. Why fight so hard against it now?"
She had not realized it but her choice of wording was poor. The way she meant it was as a question in general, however to Happosai it only served to confirm that she had a cure and was going to use it to lure Ranma into the tribe. In truth he did not care if Ranma joined the Amazons, as long as he was his heir, and that Ranma would pass on his knowledge. But to deprive an old man of his last joys was an ultimate low for her to try.
Cologne was thinking too hard, and it showed in her after images. She was far too distracted and Happosai decided to capitalize on it. He threw an unannounced 'Happo fire burst' at Cologne and caught her off guard.
After Cologne awoke she had realizing her defeat and Happosai looked smug and said to her, "Well Cologne-chan what do you have to say now?"
Cologne sighed then cooed, "Wo Ai Ne, Arien!" as she gave him the kiss of marriage.
Happosai was dumbfounded; this happened to Ranma not him. He followed usual Nerimanian thinking, and started threaten Ranma, "Ranma this is all your fault!" However, before he could do anything Cologne glomped him.
Happosai panicked dropped another bomb and took off toward the Dojo. Cologne took off after him after ordering the other two newlyweds to close the restaurant and pack their stuff.
Ranma had snuck away when Happosai took off, but did not miss the order to close the Nekohanten; when he got home later he found that Happosai's room was cleaned out. He smirked as he figured that not even Kasumi would have noticed, even she avoided that particular part of the house.
That evening at supper Soun asked, "So what did everyone do today?"
Kasumi answered, "I went shopping and got some much needed cleaning and kitchen supplies."
Nabiki responded, "Oh, this and that, nothing much really."
Akane said, "I hung out with my friends at the mall."
Genma announced, in false bravado, "As you know, old friend, we went out to meditate on Ranma's current problems and how to solve them."
Soun nodded and replied, "Quite right old friend"
Ranma, Nabiki, and Akane snorted at that, they didn't believe it for a second.
Kasumi said, "Oh my! Does meditation include running up a tab at a local bar and getting kicked out now? I had no idea. I guess it is a good thing I am not a powerful martial artist."
Everyone stared at the misty Tendo girl. She was either as clueless as she seemed or much better at insults then Ranma was on his worst days. Since this was Kasumi they dared not to venture a guess.
Ranma stated, "I got rid of the Amazons and Happosai today."
Nabiki whipped out her cell to prove otherwise, after all there was no way he could have. But the contact she called confirmed the sudden closure and sale of the Nekohanten.
The Dopey Duo, also known as Fatman and Gusherguy, also known as Genma and Soun were up looking in on Happosai's now empty room. They were then back in the dining room in a flash.
Kasumi had returned from the kitchen with more tea, and Akane was in shock along with the Dopey Duo. Everyone came to focus on Ranma. Nabiki asked, "So Saotome care to tell us how you pulled off this stunt, I bet it has to do with the new door Kasumi had to remove today."
Ranma thought on how he could answer this question, he decided to do it in a way he wanted to do for a while, but never got a chance. It was inspired by an anime he saw recently when Akane was watching TV. The program was Slayers and the character was Xellos, so he put his index finger to his mouth and said, "That… is a secret." The house shook with the resultant face faults.
Ranma decided to celebrate by taking a training trip into the mountains. After a long argument he managed to go alone, or so he thought. He was in the mountains for a full day, which he enjoyed the freedom it promised, before Nerima fell on top of him.
Nabiki wanting to make some quick and easy Yen, decided to sell information on Ranma's whereabouts to Ukyo, and Kuno. After a quick call to Ucchan's she told her for a price where to find him, Ukyo wanted to make sure that 'her' Ran-chan was well fed.
Nabiki then approached Kuno in the park and started to speak, "So Kuno baby, do you want to know where your pig tailed goddess and Saotome are right now?"
"Where is the foul sorcerer so that I might smite him in holy wrath?" Came the predictable as the tides response.
Nabiki held out her hand and demanded, "6000 yen!"
After he paid her, and spoke a few choice words mentally, which he would never speak aloud for reasons of raised prices, she told him, "They are in the mountains," she gave him a piece of paper, "this is a map of where you can find them." Kodachi overheard, and the Kunos raced home to prepare to free their loves from their enslavers.
Of course Nabiki sold the information to the fathers about Ukyo and Kuno, she did not know about Kodachi, going to see Ranma, which Akane took badly and started cursing the 'unfaithful baka' and his 'floozy tramps'.
After seeing Akane's reaction the fathers started celebrating and talking about the next wedding attempt. This had set Akane off even more. Nodoka was off in 'grandchild land', the place where every mother visits at least once or, like Nodoka, every hour.
Early the next day everyone set out. Ironically the four parties never encountered each other. They all made their way there to Ranma's camp. Ranma was relaxing by a stream in a picturesque scene enjoying the quiet when he suddenly got a feeling of dread. Normally this is not unusual as he got these feelings all the time, but that was in Nerima, not here.
When the doom parties arrived Ranma was in the middle of a clearing next to his fire making himself dinner. What happened next can only be described as 'chaos evolved', Murphy, a minor god of ironic law and chaos, must have been watching the situation and manipulating it in its entirety. First on the scene was Kodachi, who latched onto Ranma's right arm, then Ukyo grabbed his left arm and began a tug of war, and name calling. Akane arrived on the scene and malleted Ranma into a tree for cheating on her.
Soun showed up with Genma; immediately Soun began crying about the schools not being joined, and a suddenly human turned panda Genma attacked intending on pounding some honor into his dishonorable son. Soun's crying also ruined Ranma's meal. Kuno showed up at this time and joined the two-on-one screaming that he would, 'help the fair Akane defeat the foul mage Saotome!'
This was the first time that Ranma could remember Akane attacking him with Genma, and Kuno's help. While dodging and looking for an opening he suddenly tripped over something small and black, and it nearly cost him. Akane grew furious as she screamed, "Quit picking on P-chan!"
Things suddenly got unusual, for Ranma anyway, as Kodachi captured P-chan in her ribbon and threw him at Ukyo, Ukyo then deflected him into Soun, who he bounced off of and into the side of the pot of ramen, which Ranma was cooking when everyone arrived. P-chan was flying at Akane and the pot suddenly spilled on him giving Akane a good look at the transformation.
Ryoga landed on Akane in an awkward position, quite perverted too. Akane wasted no time in pounding Ryoga, who quickly learned that 'Akane in pound the pervert mode' was better endurance training then boulders in the breaking point training. Ironically Akane in her final swing knocked Kuno into his sister with the backswing. This gave Ranma the chance to thoroughly pound his father/family pet, for being an idiot.
Ukyo at the same time won the fight between her and Kodachi moments before she got nailed by her brother. It was lucky that she was in such good condition as she needed to help Ranma drag the others down the mountain. Sasuke was able to call for a helicopter to bring in a doctor and to take the Kuno's home. By sheer coincidence it was Dr. Tofu who was lifted in.
Tofu was visiting Tokyo general hospital when the call for a paramedic was made. Since he was available he offered to go.
On the way home Ranma, who now sported a cast over his injured arm, Genma, who wore similar casts on both his arms and bandages over bruised ribs, Ryoga, who was in a full body cast, he was also in a wheel chair being pushed by an unhappy Ukyo. Ukyo and a very uncute tomboy were not saying anything to each other. The Kuno's had gone home themselves in a helicopter.
Ranma went on ahead of the group, via the roof tops. Genma tried to go with him but was stopped by his pain. Ukyo would have gone with him except she promised the Doctor to make sure that Ryoga was looked after. Soun, who was not badly injured, meekly followed behind Genma, he may not have needed any bandages but he was still winded by all the activity.
Three days later Ranma was trying to come up with another plan, he was also having a bad day. He was attacked by Kuno, then in mid battle a brief cloud burst, which only seemed to happen to him, turned him into his shorter form. He, while in girl form, told Kuno to climb a flag pole. Kuno, surprising, did comply and sat there for two hours.
After getting back to the school, Ranma made a quick stop at the cafeteria. There was a thermos with hot water in it waiting for him. He had arranged it so the thermos was kept hot and available, on the deal that he helped out with the dinner rush on Friday's. He had done enough of that kind of work before that he quickly agreed to do it. Today was Tuesday, so he did not 'work' today.
When gym finally came around Ranma thoroughly enjoyed it, it was his favorite time of day after all. But then it came to his most hated time of day, the point of day that he had to take a 'public' shower. Meaning he was naked in a room full of guys with access to cold water. Ranma wondered who the 'baka of the day' was. Today it was Daisuke. After three showers (two hot and a cold one), two gender changes, and one pounding of a pervert later, Ranma was redressed and heading home.
It was just after midnight, and Ranma kept thinking of how easy it was to get Kuno to do what he wanted when in his girl form. He wondered if he could simply tell him to go away. It was night and he was staring up at a full moon, he did not notice but a stray black cat ran around the dojo 13 times looking for mice to prey on, it was also Friday the 13th, the day of luck inversion. To Ranma who lived a life of very bad luck this meant very good luck. It suddenly hit him like Akane's mallet. He would do just that, he would simply tell Kuno to go away.
Even as late as it was Nabiki was still up, and, with Nabiki's help he composed a letter to Kuno, it was addressed from the pigtailed girl of course, it said: 'The foul mage Saotome has kidnapped me and taken me to Brazil, please help me! But do not hurt the look-alikes he left in our place, they are victims that you can save by finding us and beating him in honorable combat.' Nabiki agreed because she could keep stringing him along with false leads.
Ranma was in female form mailing the letter when Daisuke crashed into her, knocking her to the ground, his hands were about to be broken for their chosen landing positions when she heard a cackle.
The voice laughed "Ho Ho Ho Ho Ho", but it was not a jolly old man in a red suit here to deliver presents. Kodachi demanded, "You red headed harlot give me my Daisuke-sama"
Ranma looked at the pervert on top of her, smirked and shouted back, "Sure thing!" She picked up Daisuke and whispered in his ear, "This is for all those locker room 'accidents'. And that landing a moment ago." and she flung Daisuke at Kodachi.
Kodachi caught him and wrapped him in her ribbon, then said, "Much thanks Red-san, since Ranma is yours now I guess there is no need to waste useful energy fighting, right Daisuke-sama?" With that said she grinned at her captive. Daisuke could only gulp as she carried him away. Ranma did not know what happened to cause Kodachi to change her target, nor did she care. Perhaps now Daisuke would leave him alone about his curse.
The day after he got the letter Kuno disappeared and left ways for Nabiki to contact him, by phone or lackey ninja, with leads.
The next on the hit list was Ukyo, and here there was a problem. Ukyo was not stupid, deranged, insane, or controlled by ancient obscure laws. In other words she was a very good martial artist with a slow but violent temper. Akane had a fast temper, but she was quick to dissipate it. Besides he could find a way to get away from Akane sometime later.
Ranma hadn't figured out a way to do get out of the engagements, to Akane or Ukyo, by the time the celebration was forced upon him. It was timed, by Genma and Soun, so Ukyo would be away from Nerima visiting her father.
The wedding was planned and started flawlessly. Both Akane and Ranma stood before the priest in full proper wedding kimonos. The entire Dojo was full of people, mostly family and friends from high school. Of course with Kuno out of the country, Kodachi not interested in Ranma anymore, Shampoo and Mousse off with Cologne chasing Happosai, and Ukyo off with her father, Genma and Soun felt that all their bases were covered.
They even congratulated each other in getting rid of the master and the amazons. Soun had even taken public credit for stopping the underwear thief. The rest of the family knew the truth.
As the priest started his service he was worried about the groom, but this was an arranged marriage so he shrugged off the near inability of the groom to stand up straight as him being simply drunk. The wedding was being done as a Shinto ceremony instead of the western style that was done a year ago; however there were to be some western elements to it, since this was not a Shinto Shrine.
Akane was drugged as well; however, nobody could notice that she had a wooden support inside her kimono. Ranma however was so strong that even a steel one could not support his muscle mass without being visible. Ranma was drugged into a state where he was vulnerable to suggestion, thus he was going along with the wedding because he was technically not at home in his own mind. Akane was simply out cold.
The wedding was going along perfectly, they were nearing the end and both sets of parents thought, 'Nothing can go wrong now.' Nabiki felt a shiver, 'That feels like someone just rigged a betting pool, but I am not running one. So who?' What Nabiki actually felt was the winds of Fate deciding to blow the chaos in a new direction. Or it could have been a draft in the Dojo, well in the end it didn't matter.
Her attention refocused on the ceremony, the priest had just asked for Amaterasu's blessing and lit the ceremonial candle to symbolize the union. Suddenly the candle flickered out. The priest tried again and repeated his words, same results. Suddenly the candle he was holding flared up and flew out of his hands. The flame grew to six feet before receding as the candle came to rest on the floor in an upright position. Before the flame died a woman seemed to materialize behind the candle.
The woman was tall, about 5'9", she had long black hair that flowed to the middle of her back. She wore a long flowing yellow and regal looking kimono. Her eyes were a deep brown in color that showed wisdom beyond her years and fury at something that her face would not reveal. She also seemed to move with an elegance of long practice. She looked about early thirties in age.
For a moment nobody spoke then the stranger said, "I find this 'marriage' offensive." One could almost see the sneer on the word 'marriage' drop from her lips and coat the floor, almost.
Soun, in a high and mighty moment, yelled out while projecting a demon head, "Who are you and why are you interrupting the ceremony?"
The stranger merely smirked and said, "I am Amaterasu, Class One, Category One, Unlimited. And I am here to rescue my avatar from an early death at the hands of that girl you call a daughter."
Enter Gusherguy. Soun moaned that the Kami are taking vengeance for something, but since he was in waterworks mode nobody was about to ask what. However, Nabiki and Kasumi could swear that they heard him bemoaning something about Happosai and some woman named Urd.
Nodoka, of course, being a very religious, traditional, and respectful woman, was kneeling in respect. Genma was being smart, debatably; he had run off upon hearing that name, all that went through his mind was 'How was I to know that she really was Amaterasu back then?'
The Sun goddess walked around to stand between Ranma and Akane, she then, with a wave of her hand, moved Ranma a bit to the side. After she felt there was enough room around him she touched his forehead then spoke, "Awake and remember." A soft glow surrounded Ranma then he woke up and looked at the woman before him.
Ranma whispered, "Ama-san?"
When she first met Ranma she insisted that instead of the full formal name the familiar be used, however 'san' was as informal as he was willing to be.
She smiled and replied, "Yes, now I have things to do here. You should visit your new teammates, they are waiting for you."
Ranma looked confused but with a flick of her wrist he was suspended in the air a foot and a half off the ground, and in a sitting position.
Then she smirked and said, "You better go in uniform." With another flick of her wrist he was in girl form, his clothes changed into a white leotard, with an indecently short red with black trimmed skirt, there was a bow on her chest and one on her back, and both were black. The bow on her chest had a red heart in the middle of it. The sailor collar on the leotard was the same as the skirt, red with black trim. Her hair was now down to her waist and tied up in a high pony tail with a red ribbon. The joints on her gloves were red, as were the knee high slipper like boots on her feet, they were more like socks, but had a semi hard pad on the bottom. Her tiara was golden with a red stone and black outline around it. The choker was black with the usual gold star in the middle of the throat. And worse yet, from Ranma's perspective, she had pierced ear earrings. The earrings were studs that had the symbol of the sun on them. The symbol was a black circle and dot in the center with red background. She was also surrounded by a glow that prevented anyone from seeing her, except Amaterasu.
After Ranma realized what she was wearing she glared at Ama-san. Who merely smirked and said, "What? You don't like it?" She then pouted, "And I worked so hard to make it." Ranma stopped glaring and looked still upset and pouting cutely, as if there was another way for her to look. Ama-san smirked and continued, "Well since you don't object," which earned a look that meant she did but was not about to complain now, "We will leave it as it is."
Nabiki, although she was not able to see Ranma, because of the glow that surrounded him, was wishing she had a picture of whatever he was wearing. 'After all,' she thought, 'if Ranma did not like it, it has to be very feminine.'
Inside Ranma-chan's mind she was thinking, 'We are going to talk about this later, after I get out here.'
Amaterasu then smiled and said, "To change back just will it." With a smirk and a final flick of her wrist Ranma disappeared.
She then glared at the priest and he took off, then she cracked her knuckles, looked at the crowd. "Now for you lot."
Setsuna had just finished with the explanation for their sudden new recruit, at least as far as she was told. Kami can be hard to read sometimes, but at least they were behind them on the idea of 'Crystal Tokyo.' She also explained about Ranma's curse and had a glass of hot water handy.
Suddenly with a flash, Sailor Sun appeared, and dropped to the ground in a sitting position. When she realized the others were not in "uniform" she reverted back to her normal tangs as Amaterasu had said. She was then handed a glass of hot water, which she accepted but gave the green haired woman a questioning look, and after a quick gender change, he took a good look around the room.
Ranma did not know who the girls and guy were but saw the looks on their faces; intrigued (Ami), perverted grin (Minako), happy (Usagi), confused (Mamoru), amused (Rei), another perverted grin (Makoto), happy (Hotaru), amused (both Haruka and Michiru) and unreadable (Setsuna).
The perverted grins worried him; girls who used that look usually meant trouble. He scratched the back of his head and said, "Hi! I'm Ranma. Sorry about this." The girls shared a confused glance at each other then returned to smiles.
Author's Notes:
"The Dopey Duo, also known as Fatman, and Gusherguy"; originally this was meant to be Fatman and Blubberguy, a parody of Fatman and Blubberboy, who were a parody of Batman and Robin, Robin had the nick name of the boy wonder, which when reversed you can understand where Blubberboy came from. They were as their names implied slightly (extremely) overweight. But blubber also can mean crying. However at a prereader's recommendation I changed it. I wanted to note this minor detail however as I found the names from that parody too funny to ignore.
It may appear that I am fixing all of Ranma's problems, but I am not; there is still Ukyo and Ranma's new job, and except for the Kunos, Shampoo, and Mousse there is no guaranteed removal. Even then it may be only temporary. This will be a fic intended for humor, I am not overly worried about a few OOCs here and there but I will keep IC as best as I can. I fully intend on causing more trouble, I just need to get rid of certain elements, ones that I find hard to use properly. Trust me there are going to be problems enough to fill the void in the coming chapters.