Don't own now, unlikely to in the foreseeable future.
Sneakers and Middle Earth and Timing
Sneakers. I could rhapsodise about my sneakers all day. Especially my blue Colorado sneakers. There's just something wonderful about them. I've owned many pairs of sneakers in my time, ranging from no-name brands to Nike and let me just say, Colorado sneakers have blown them all away. Maybe it's the fact that they're blue and don't look annoyingly white against blue denim, or that from day one they've never given me blisters, even if I wear them without socks. (Mainly when I go to state cricket games. Go the Blues!)
Clearly I love my sneakers. It's something about the fact that you can float down the Yarra River on a lilo while wearing them without the fear of your bare feet touching something icky. That they can double as boating shoes so when your canoe capsizes you have something to kick your at fault canoeing partner with. And if you have to run away from Orcs, in my eyes there's nothing better than a pair of sneakers. But the getting wet and muddy and honours should never be forced upon my blue Colorado sneakers. They've had enough to deal with since having smoked salmon smeared on them by someone who shall remain an annoying relative of mine. I can't quite decide yet if I want my beloved Colorado sneakers to have to be subjected to Middle Earth. Maybe my Puma sneakers would do. I don't mind so much if they have to go through water and mud, getting wet and mangled and muddy and almost completely destroyed. But if I figure the odds, I'd most likely be wearing my blue Colorado sneakers, jeans and a tank top. And possibly horribly patterned socks.
But enough about my sneakers. I'm betting you think that I secretly work for a major shoe corporation by now, possibly Colorado. I don't. I don't even really consider myself a shoe person. I'm an English tutor, but that's a different story. So instead I'm going to take a minute or two to talk about coincidence. It's a huge coincidence that lots of girls who get dropped into Middle Earth happen to be going camping with lots of stuff that's incredibly handy to ensure extended survival in Middle Earth (Like the bow and arrows because "I might get a chance to practice" Bleh, that's believable) Life doesn't work like that. I wouldn't be going camping, knowing my luck I'd be in the shower. Wouldn't that be fan-bloody-tastic.
It's also a massive coincidence that most people tend arrive at about the time of Elrond's council. I'm a bigger fan of people trapped in Moria myself. There's several thousand years of history in Middle Earth and we're talking about (according to movie-Frodo time) a very small window of about a year or so. Throwing in six months either side, so that people trust you by the time the quest rolls around and you've got about two years. Hell of a target to hit. I'd wind up there two hundred years before anything significant (we're talking quest-wise here) happened. A problem for me since none of the males I like would be around. I'm not really a fan of Legolas, thought through fanfic and non-appearances in the movies I have major soft spots for Glorfindel, Elladan and Elrohir. But overall I'm more into the Rohirrim and Gondorians.
But some of the standard rules apply, hygiene issues, possible language barrier, social attitudes you get the picture. And unless I wrote it down and convinced someone long-lifed that I wasn't incredibly insane, what I know about the ring would probably die with me. Although I could become a wandering storyteller retelling the Last Alliance stories so that someone would at least be open to the idea that the ring could resurface. I just like the storyteller idea anyway, imagine all the stories I know that no one would have heard. Star Wars would be fun to tell (minus the technobabble obviously), the Narnia stories, King Arthur, Dracula, many many Disney or Brothers Grimm tales.The list is beginning tosound like a movie marathon. At least storytelling and the making up of stories is something I can do. No worries about being trained for absolutely nothing then. The wandering part of the idea is where it kinda falls apart. They still had orcs two hundred years ago. And to date I am still not a sword fighting champion.
But the storyteller idea could, conceivably, lead to the cardinal sin of self-insertion, changing canon. Maybe. It would be tempting to track down Gandalf and warn him about Saruman. But he probably wouldn't believe me anyway. If some weirdo showed up and said that a very respected leader and friend was, or would be, in league with one of the greatest evils your world had ever known, would you believe them? Just as I thought. Especially if they added the fun little detail that you were going to be killed by a balrog, but get better. I'd have to admit I wouldn't believe me either. If I were a wizard I'd turn me into something.
If you were living Middle Earth 200 years before the quest your options would be fairly limited. I figure I'd wind up growing turnips on a farm in a no-name village for the ancestor of some guy who won't even get a line's worth of description in Tolkien's work. Or you could try to make it to one of the elf territories, they might believe you and maybe you could get to meet the elf of your choice. Maybe that's why Haldir's the way he is. He fell in love with you, but you lived out your mortal life and died, breaking his heart, but making sure that he swore he wouldn't fade and die so he'd be there to be snarky to the Fellowship. (And yes those would probably be my exact words) It would explain his attitude.
Imagine living in Gondor 200 years before Boromir and Faramir were kicking around. You could set your sights on a completely different Steward's son, marry them, and become their ancestor instead. It might not even disturb canon to do that. But it would cringeworthy to discover you were a fangirl of your great-great-great-grandson. (Try working out the greats for anyone with any elvish blood, who the hell knows how long any of them lived for before having children) Depending on which generation of the Hurins you meet, you might be able to finally settle the dispute of what kind of man Ecthelion was. Or just really irritate Aragorn while he's in Gondor as Thorongil. But then you wouldn't be there 200 years ago, and to be there 200 years early justsounds cooler.
Sanity wise I think it would be smarter to seek out someone you've actually heard of. So you hold on to something familiar and not feel so isolated and abandoned. In Hitchhiker Arthur Dent notes that he'd feel perfectly safe on a alien spaceship surrounded by aliens one of whom is trying to put a fish in his ear, if he could only see a box of cornflakes. I think the same principle applies here. Hanging around with elves might also prevent the slight superiority complex I occasionally worry about getting. You know, the "I know how to program the clock on my video recorder and the clock on the microwave and I can spell DNA, so I clearly know more than you, you pre-industrial person." It's hard to feel that was when elves are lounging around being better than you at everything. (Incidentally I can program the clock on the video recorder and microwave, I can even set timer record too. I am also the only one in the house who knows what all the buttons on the various remotes actually do. I tend to have sole possession of the remote controls a lot and I am unlikely to give up that position of power. Around here is where the strange little power-drunk laugh would go.)
I do actually worry about that. I don't consider myself an arrogant person and hopefully I don't some across as one, but would that happen? Would I consider myself superior to other people that I'd meet there just because I know things about the world that they don't? I hope not. Although if I wind up a turnip farmer or something there's a lot I don't know about that. Hard to be arrogant I figure when you don't know Jack. Come to think of it, despite the apparent popularity of the name Jack (check out any movie, usually there's a Jack in there somewhere), I've never met a Jack. Weird. It's highly unlikely I'd meet a Jack in Middle Earth either.
Please review should the mood take you and thanks to all those who did review.