*Ring*
…
*Ring*
John turned over in bed, trying very hard to ignore the nagging sound coming from the telephone on his nightstand.
*Ring*
Groaning and swearing under his breath, he rolled back over and picked up the cursed contraption.
"Hello?" he said antagonistically into the receiver.
"Good morning to you too," came a voice he hadn't heard in a while.
"Jess?" he asked, waking up just a little more. "Do you know what time it is?"
"Eight twenty-five," Jess replied with some amusement. "Get your lazy ass up."
"My lazy ass?" John asked incredulously. "Who was too lazy to call his best friend for three days after, all of a sudden, being shipped out of the damn state?"
"Too busy is more like it," Jess said. "I haven't really had time to relax in the last few days."
"That uncle you were telling me about put you to work already?" John asked, a twinge of satisfaction in his voice.
"Yeah," Jess replied, and John could hear a smile in his voice, "but that's not what I was busy with."
"Dammit, Mariano," John said belligerently. "Don't tell me you got a girl already. I am not going to be the one to tell Rory."
"I don't think she'll mind," he laughed, confusing John to no end.
"Meaning?"
"You'll never guess where my uncle lives," Jess said. "Ever heard of a place called Stars Hollow, Connecticut?"
"No shit!" John said, sitting straight up in bed, a smile on his face. "You have got to be kidding me."
"I promise you, I'm not," Jess laughed.
"Is she there right now?" John asked. He really wanted to talk to Rory.
"John," Jess deadpanned, "it's 8:25 on a Saturday morning. Do you think she's up right now?"
"Good point," John replied. He chuckled to himself. "Damn! I'm happy for you man. Did you guys hook up again right away?"
"Yeah," Jess practically beamed right through the phone. "When she first saw me, I thought she was going to faint or scream or something, but after that it was all pretty good."
"I so need to talk to her about this," John said, the smile never leaving his face. "So I'm guessing that you're out of the sickening brooding funk you were in before?"
"Completely cured," Jess replied. "It happens when you're happy."
"Well," John told him, "everything I said when you were together here still stands. You hurt her, and I'll come out there and kick you ass all the way back here."
"Duly noted," Jess chuckled. "And I wish we could keep talking so you could go over all the rules again, but this is long distance so I'm gonna go."
"Okay man," John said. "Take care of yourself out there in Sunnyville and tell Rory I said hi."
"Will do," Jess replied. "Later."
"Later."
John hung up the phone and rested back in bed. For once he was glad he had picked it up.
"So," Jess said as he met up with Rory later that morning, "you ready for that one-on-one yet or are you planning on pushing me in again?"
She looked turned her gaze away from the water and smiled up at him. "What, you didn't enjoy the cool-down?"
"It's not that," he said as she stood up. "I'm good with the water routine as long as you're down there with me."
"I think we'll skip it," she replied with a chuckle. "So what are we doing today?"
"Just some basic emergency tactics," he told her. "What to do if you're grabbed from behind, if he has a weapon. Stuff like that."
"Fun," she said looking away for a moment, her voice sarcastic and slightly melancholy.
"But essential," he pointed out seriously, his voice low and poignant. "You're a pretty girl, Rory. You have no idea what goes through some guys' heads when they see a girl like you. You don't want to know."
She looked down, unsure of what she should say to that. It sounded more like a curse than a compliment.
"Look," he said taking her face in his hands when he sensed her unease, "I'm not trying to scare you; just trying to make you understand. I lived in New York for a long time, and I know that things happen. I just want to make sure you're safe."
"I understand," she said finally, and they stood in silence for a moment before either of them spoke. "So," she said stepping back and rocking on her feet, "where do we start?"
"Okay," he said nodding as he moved to the task at hand. "You know that your first defense is obviously to scream, but it's not a good idea if the guy has a weapon. In that case, it's more likely to get you hurt or killed than anything." She seemed to be paying close attention to his every word. "Also, never scream rape. People don't want to mess with stuff like that. If you scream fire, you're more likely to get a response. I don't really know why; I guess everyone just loves to see property damage."
Rory smiled a little at that. "Okay, got the screaming thing down. Then what?"
"Now you learn what to do if you were ever actually attacked," he said. "We already went over the frontal defense tactics, so let's work on an attack from behind." He moved behind her and she looked around at him uncertainly. "Here's what we're going to do. I'm going to grab you, and you do whatever you think would make me let go, okay?"
"Are you sure?" she asked, a hint of worry in her voice.
"Don't even worry about hurting me," he replied smiling a little. "Just do what you have to." Then as a side note, "Except screaming. Don't do that. I'd rather not have the Rory Patrol out here hauling my ass into jail."
She smiled a little, picturing Taylor dragging him off for hooliganism, but the situation brought her back. "Okay," she said tentatively and faced forward, waiting nervously for him to "attack" her.
Suddenly, she felt Jess's arm shoot out and around her shoulders, his other securing her waist. For a moment, she didn't really know what to do; she was kind of shaken by how much this felt like that night in the alley. Then, coming back to herself, she began to fight.
The first thing she did was regain her footing, making it harder for him to pull her backward. She tried to step on his foot, but he shifted out of the way, still holding her easily. The next thing she could think of was to elbow him in the gut, but she couldn't move her arms that well with him holding her shoulders, and she wasn't strong enough to make much of a dent in him.
She tried to twist and bent to get her arms free, but he retained his hold. As a last resort, she dug her fingernails into his arm, but still he didn't give. Finally, she just let herself relax in surrender.
"I give," she said with some annoyance. "I give in."
"Okay," he said letting her go.
"What could I have done?" she asked as she spun to face him. "I tried everything I could think of."
"Here's the thing," he said taking her hands. "You can't lose your head. You have to use it. Like what you did, trying to step on my foot and hit me in the stomach. That was smart. That could work, but you just have to know how to do it."
"Meaning?" she asked.
"Look," he said moving behind her and wrapping his arm around her waist again, pressing his entire body against hers. "When I hold you like this, I can feel every movement of your body. I can feel everything you're going to do even before I see it."
It was making sense to her, but his current position was becoming a serious distraction. "What do I do then?" she asked casually, wondering if he could feel her heart racing as well.
"You have to be able to move without me feeling it," Jess replied. "You have to put some space between my body and yours."
"How?"
"One way," he explained, "is to break the grip of the arm around your shoulders. If I don't have you there, I have less of a hold overall and you can move more freely. You also have more leverage with your arms so that elbow to the gut will be much more effective. Here's what you do."
He demonstrated how to pull her arms up through his and push it away without much force. After a few minutes, she got the hang of it, practicing a couple times with his weak grip on her shoulders and then with his full strength. Both ways, she found the maneuver quite useful and not too difficult.
"I got it," she said with pride as she performed the technique one last time.
"Yes you do," he said with a little pride as well. He liked the idea of his girlfriend being able to take care of herself. "Has anyone ever told you that you're a really quick study?"
"Yes," she replied honestly. "That's why I go to the smart school."
"Ah," he smirked wrapping his arms around her waist. "And here I thought Lorelei slept with the Principal."
Rory's eyes widened and she smacked him in the stomach. "You do know that this is my mother you're talking about?"
"I wasn't aware," he teased. "So that's why she's always hanging around."
"Has anyone ever told you that you're a total smartass?" she asked him.
"Yes," he replied with a lopsided grin. "That's why I don't go to the smart school."
"Okay," she said smiling. "What's next?"
"Weapons," he said, his voice turning serious again. "Most muggers would either have a knife or a gun, if anything. Now in either case, there's very little you can do, but there are a couple things that might keep you alive."
"Like?"
"Well, a general rule is to never duck or curl up," he replied. "It just exposes too much of you and makes you a good target. Instead, turn to the side. That way, you make a thinner target and most of what's exposed is bone."
"Makes sense," she said, taking it all in.
"One thing you have to remember," he said stressing every word, "is that it's better to let a guy win than to get yourself killed. If some guy has a gun against your temple, there's nothing you're going to be able to do to stop him. Better to live long enough to call the cops later."
She didn't say anything, but nodded her understanding. She didn't like the tone in his voice right then. It felt too real to her.
"I think we need a break," he said sitting on the edge of the bridge, and she sat next to him a moment later. "How are you doing with all this?" he asked her.
"I'm fine," she replied taking his hand in hers. "I mean, it's a little scary thinking about some guy pulling a gun on me, but I like knowing what to do if it ever happened. And it's not very likely, considering that we're in Stars Hollow and a mugging here has never happened, but I like just knowing."
"Me too," he said leaning over and kissing her on the mouth. "I don't want anything to ever happen to you like it did in New York."
"Nothing will," she promised. "As you said, this isn't New York. Not even close. I'm perfectly safe. I can even walk alone at night."
"I've never been in a place like that," he admitted, his eyes trained on the water. "I'm not used to it yet."
"I know," she said leaning her head on his shoulder. "But it'll grow on you. Trust me, it will."
"I'll take your word for it," he said stroking her hair and kissing her on the forehead.
"Hey Luke," Rory said as they walked into the diner a while later. "Food please."
"What do you want?" he asked.
"Can I get a grilled cheese and onion rings?" she asked, sitting on a stool as Jess went upstairs to shower and get changed before his shift started again.
"Coming up," Luke replied putting in the order. "So, no lake this time?"
"Not this time," she smirked. "I'll try again tomorrow if you wanna come get a peek."
"I'll keep that in mind," he smiled back before going to take another order.
"Luke!" Rory turned as she heard her mother's voice.
"Hey Mom," she greeted her as Lorelei sat down beside her.
"Hey babe," Lorelei replied, then turned her attention back to her coffee man. "Luke! I need coffee!"
"What you need is to relax," Luke grumbled. "Didn't your doctor tell you to cut down on this stuff?"
"What does he know?" she scoffed as a cup was placed in front of her.
"Okay," he said, "but I won't be at all surprised when it kills you someday."
"It'll have to get in line," she said, drawing looks from both her daughter and Luke. "What?" she asked. "It's my condition. I'm allowed to joke about it!"
"So not funny Lorelei," Luke said seriously.
"Aw, lighten up," she said drinking her coffee.
"So how are you doing?" he asked her, suddenly unaware of the rest of the diner patrons.
"I'm good," she replied quickly, avoiding his eyes by taking another sip. "Couldn't be better."
"Okay," he said, worry still apparent in his voice. "Just let me know if you need anything, okay? Day or night."
"I will," she said smiling genuinely with a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Promise."
"Make sure she holds to that," he said to Rory before going back to the rest of his customers.
"I will," Rory replied to no one in particular. She smiled over at her mother. "I will."
Later that night, Rory lay on her bed, wondering what to do. Lorelei had decided to go to bed early, tired from the full week of work, and Jess had to close that night. Lane was at a convention with her mother the entire weekend so there was nothing to do. She'd tried watching TV, but then she got worried about waking Lorelei. Her mom really needed the rest. She'd read a little, but she couldn't really concentrate.
Finally, she went over to her laptop and flipped it open. She turned it on and waited impatiently for it to boot up. After a few moments, her wallpaper filled the page and her buddy list came into view.
"ToughGuyNY," she read, smiling as saw the name. "John John."
She typed in a message.
BookwormBaby: Hey cuz
ToughGuyNY: Hey you ;)
BookwormBaby: What have you been up to?
ToughGuyNY: Not much. Work. Mom. Steve. It's all good. Talked to Jess this morning. Wink wink
BookwormBaby: He tell you?
ToughGuyNY: Yeah he told me. Good for you.
BookwormBaby: Thanks :D
ToughGuyNY: He been behaving?
BookwormBaby: Yeah, he's teaching me self-defense
ToughGuyNY: Coolness. As long as he's behaving, he can keep all his limbs
BookwormBaby: Don't worry. I can take care of myself now.
ToughGuyNY: Glad to hear it. How's your mom?
BookwormBaby: Pretty good. She went in for initial exams a week ago so we're getting the results tomorrow and, if all's good, she starts treatment up again on Monday.
ToughGuyNY: Send her our love. Mom says hi and she misses you.
BookwormBaby: I miss her too, and you. When are you going to come out here and visit me?
ToughGuyNY: I have senior year starting up the next week. When are you coming to visit me?
BookwormBaby: I have Chilton starting up next week.
ToughGuyNY: I guess I'll see you during Christmas or something
BookwormBaby: That sucks. :(
ToughGuyNY: I think you'll live
BookwormBaby: Just barely. lol
ToughGuyNY: I gotta go. Talk to you later.
BookwormBaby: Bye big cuz
ToughGuyNY: Bye little cuz. Hi to loverboy for me
BookwormBaby: Will do. Bye.
ToughGuyNY signed off at 8:46 pm
Rory smiled, watching his name disappear from her buddy list. She missed him.
"So," Rory said as they stood anxiously in front of a large, glass door the next morning, "are you ready?"
"I don't know," her mother replied. "You think I have a chance?"
"I'm pretty sure," Rory replied nodding her head. "I mean, today seems to be going well so far. I think you'll be fine."
"You think so?" Lorelei asked again. "I mean, he looks mean."
"You'll never know if you don't open the door," Rory sighed, "and if you don't open the door, then we'll never make it to your doctor's appointment on time."
"Fine," Lorelei relented and opened the door to Luke's, putting on her best 'Give me Coffee' face. "Luke!"
"No," he said before she even asked.
"But I need my coffee!" she wailed. "It's way too early in the morning and I have to be in Hartford in 45 minutes. This coffee is my lifeline!"
"Why are you going to Hartford?" he asked as he filled her a to-go cup.
"Doctor's appointment," she replied simply. Then seeing the hint of panic in his eyes, "I'm just getting some test results back before I start up on treatment again tomorrow. Perfectly routine."
"Good to know," he said, handing her two coffees and a bag with a couple danishes. "Let me know how things go, okay?"
"Sure thing," she said winking at him in her usual Lorelei fashion. "Thanks."
"No problem," he said, waving a goodbye as the Gilmore girls headed out to the car and drove out of site.
Thirty minutes later they walked into the doctor's office, Lorelei completely cool while Rory fidgeted with the hem of her sleeve. Lorelei checked in and they both sat down in the comfortable arm chairs in the waiting room.
"Calm down, sweetie," Lorelei said to Rory as she saw her daughter biting her bottom lip. "This is just routine. We're going to be in and out."
"I know," Rory said, trying to convince herself more than her mother.
"You know, you didn't have to come," Lorelei told her. "You don't have to be here now. I'm fine here by myself if you want to go get a cup of coffee or something."
"I want to be here," she said firmly. "I want to know everything that's going to happen in your treatment."
"Okay babe," Lorelei patted her daughter's knee. "Hey look, there's the doctor." She stood up and Rory did as well. They grasped each other's hands. "Let's go."
The inside of the doctor's office was nothing like the exam room Lorelei had seen before. This room was homier, more comforting. Picture frames hung on the wall among the doctor's degrees, and a bouquet of fresh irises was arranged in a vase on top of one of the filing cabinets. The doctor, Dr. Martina Fergus, sat behind a somewhat organized desk across from the two chairs Lorelei and Rory now sat in.
It would have been a very comforting environment if not for the frown on Dr. Fergus's face at the moment.
"I'm afraid I have some bad news," the woman said, her voice steady and serious. Rory's hand tightened around her mother's. "The cancer that your specialists contained in London seems to have found a way to spread through the tissue. It hasn't reached any other organs yet, but now, I do believe, surgery is critical."
"Are you sure the chemo won't work by itself?" Lorelei asked with a stable voice. "Surgery is absolutely necessary?"
"You can get a second opinion if you choose, but I do believe that it is the only effective course of action at this point."
Lorelei was silent, her mouth pressed into a straight line. Rory could tell that she was trying to figure things out. This was not what was supposed to happen.
"When?" Rory heard her mother ask finally.
"We'll put you on a one-week round of chemo to re-contain the cancer as much as possible, and then, depending on how that works, I'd say we could schedule surgery for two weeks from yesterday."
"And this will get rid of it?" Rory jumped in, her voice shaky.
"Nothing's a sure thing," the doctor replied sadly. "There is a chance that it could come back again down the road, even if we get it all out now, but this is the best we can do for the time being."
Lorelei nodded, her head bowed in defeat. "Okay," she said. "When do I start?"
"Tomorrow. Say, noon?"
"I'll be here," Lorelei said.
The doctor went on to explain the procedure and the risks of surgery, but Rory really didn't hear any of it. There was this blaring in her head, like a person standing too close to the ocean on a stormy night when the waves are crashing so loud that it hurts. She barely noticed when her mother stood up to leave.
"Thank you, doctor." Lorelei shook the woman's hand and Rory followed her slowly out of the building.
Most of the car ride home was completely silent. When the quiet became so thick that Rory felt like she was going to choke on it, she switched on the radio, turning it up as loud as it took to drown the thoughts screaming through her head, and Lorelei didn't argue.
When they neared the square, Rory asked if she could be dropped off in town, and her mother complied without response before driving on toward the house. Rory stumbled down the street, not seeing or hearing anything around her. She didn't even know how she was still moving. She felt like she was standing still as the world spun around her, never ceasing or slowing or letting up. She felt like she could die.
Eventually, she found herself at the bridge, where else? She sat down with her feet dangling over the edge, still not really seeing anything. The water drifted past her eyes, and then she couldn't tell the difference between it and the water pouring down her face. She wondered when she had started to cry.
Reality seemed to shift around her as she curled up on the wooden surface. She drifted in and out of consciousness for an indefinite amount of time, sobs racking her body every second. Finally, she settled into a restless but steady sleep. She had no idea how long she lay there before he found her.
"Rory," he said softly, pushing the hair out of her face as he kneeled down beside her. "Rory, wake up."
She opened her swollen eyes. "Jess?" she cried, her throat scratchy.
"I'm here," he said stroking her cheek with his hand. "I'm here, baby."
"She's not fine," she said, her voice small. She sat up just enough to lean her head on his chest as her tears started again.
"Okay," he replied, his voice soft as he held her close.
Then there was nothing else to say. He knew that nothing right then would make her feel better. He didn't even really know what was going on, but by Rory's reaction to whatever it was, he was sure he couldn't fix it with empty reassurance.
What seemed like hours later for the both of them, Rory sat up, wiping the tears from her cheeks.
"I have to go home," she mumbled, her gaze set on the bridge.
"If you want you can get cleaned up at Luke's first," he offered as he helped her stand. She still seemed really shaky, like she could just fall over from the weight on her shoulders.
"Yeah," she nodded after a few moments, leaning on him as they walked. "I don't want Mom to see me like this. She has enough to worry about right now."
Her voice and eyes were distant as he almost led her down the streets she had grown up on. She didn't seem to recognize them, as if they had suddenly shifted out of place with the rest of her coherent thought. She was utterly lost. It was as though the world was no longer her own.
Jess didn't press. He knew she would talk about it when she was ready, but he silently wondered what had happened. What was so horrible that it could drive her to this much raw pain? It killed him to see her like this. He knew it was Lorelei, something with Lorelei and her condition, but he didn't want to assume the worst. Not yet.
When they walked into the diner, everything went silent. Rory looked up to see half of the town staring at her. Luke was dead still, his coffeepot suspending in air as he saw the look on her face. Rory buried her face in Jess's shirt, trying to hide from the unwanted attention.
"Everybody out!" Luke shouted, snapping into action. "Come on! Hurry up! Food's on me! Out!"
Within moments, the diner was clear despite the groans coming from Kirk and Taylor. Miss Patty tried to sneak behind the curtain so she could eavesdrop on the conversation, but Luke shooed her away as well. Jess led Rory up to the apartment and Luke slowly followed.
"The bathroom's in there," Jess said, and Rory tentative walked in and closed the door.
"What the hell is going on?" Luke asked, lowering his voice so Rory wouldn't hear. "Why does she look like her dog just died? They don't even own pet, and if they did, I would expect them dying to be a regular occurrence."
"I honestly don't know what happened," Jess replied. "I found her sleeping on the bridge, completely out of it. She wouldn't even really talk; she just said, 'She's not fine.'"
"Lorelei," Luke said, his voice almost haunting.
"That's what I figured," Jess said, running his fingers through his hair. "She hasn't said much else so I have no idea what's wrong."
Luke didn't say anything. He really didn't have anything to say. He hated not knowing what was wrong with Lorelei. Right then, all he could see was the look in Rory's eyes when she had walked into the diner, and that alone was enough to send him into a panic.
A few minutes later, Rory emerged from the bathroom. Her cheeks had been washed clean of tears and her hair was no longer matted from sleeping on the bridge. Her posture and ability to hold herself up seemed to have come back to her. She almost seemed normal. She would have fooled anyone else into thinking that everything was fine, but Jess and Luke could still see it in her eyes. They were broken.
"Do you want me to walk you home?" Jess offered, his voice still deeply concerned.
"I'll be fine," she assured him quietly. "I just have to talk to my mom. I need to make sure…"
She trailed off, not really knowing how she was supposed to end that sentence. Of course she couldn't make sure her mother was okay, because she already knew that it wasn't true. Maybe she just needed to see that she was still there. That Lorelei still existed. Rory knew that she wasn't really thinking clearly, but it seemed to make sense in her head.
"I'll talk to you later," she said to Jess before heading toward the door.
"Wait," Luke said abruptly, and she turned to look at him. His voice was controlled but a touch of fear bled through as he asked, "How bad is it?"
"The cancer spread," she said finally, her voice holding little emotion as if she was purposely trying to remain aloof. "She needs surgery."
Hearing the words as they came out of her own mouth, Rory thought it sounded almost simple. As if it was no big deal. It's just surgery. Just a simple procedure where her mother would be cut open, torn apart. No big deal. She felt that she might cry again.
"I'll see you tomorrow," she said again, oblivious to the shock on their faces as she walked downstairs and out onto the road.
The whole way home, she stared straight ahead, not noticing the whispering going on around her. She just went over and over what she wanted to say to her mother, not trusting her mouth without a concrete plan. She had to be there for her. She had to be the strong one.
When she entered the house, everything was silent. It was almost noon and the sun coming from the windows was the only light in the house. Everything seemed dim. Walking upstairs, Rory gripped the railing, trying to steady herself as she went over the plan again.
Her mother's door was hanging halfway open, casting a trail of light into the otherwise dark room. The curtains were drawn to block out the sun. Rory pushed the door the rest of the way, trying to be as quiet as possible.
Lorelei was lying on her bed, still fully clothed. Her eyes were closed tightly, trying to block out the images dancing in front of her vision in a restless sleep. Her face was contorted in what looked like pain, her cheeks stained with still wet tears as the light from the hall danced over her features. Soft noises escaped her lips every so often. Cries of protest to the visions she was wrapped in were accompanied by the sporadic turning of her head or flailing of her arms. She was trapped in a nightmare.
Rory sat on the edge of her mother's bed, brushing the hair gently out of her face. "Mom," she said softly, her voice silky and smooth like she remembered her mother's to be when she'd had nightmares as a child. "It's okay Mommy."
Lorelei's face softened a little as she breathed a deep sigh. Rory sat there for the rest of the day, just watching her mother sleep and brushing the hair almost reverently from her face. Eventually, she fell too asleep next to Lorelei and escaped into her own restless web of dreams.