Hands
Chapter 5
I never really knew Wakka that well before Kairi jumped. Even though we were truest friends, I'd never seen him cry, never seen him hurt, never seen him show weakness. But I knew now why I had never known him. It was because the only thing that could even begin to affect him physically and emotionally was seeing Kairi hurt. When we told him that it was no accident that had occurred—that she had jumped—the look was there, behind his eyes. He held it back as the two of us stood there for what seemed like hours, my green eyes boring into his brown, until he finally cracked and disintegrated into tears on the floor. I kneeled down beside him and tried to take him into my arms, but I could feel the resistance in his body. He couldn't even trust another male human being, even now, years after those horrible nights.
"Wakka," I said. "It's okay. Please. I want to help you."
"Get away from me!" He said, lashing out at me with a thrust of his elbow. I held his arm fast, and pushed it back to its place at his side.
"You need to trust me." I said, still wary of him. "I'm going to tell you everything that has happened without your knowing, and I mean everything. No more secrets, no more lies. You need to know the truth. And furthermore, you need to understand."
"What do I need to understand? Do I need to understand why she jumped? Do I need to understand why everyone I trusted in my life is either dead, trying to die, or insane!"
"No," I said sternly. "You need to understand how your misinformation is affecting those around you." My tone softened. "You also need to understand that it is time to let go. Some people around you need you now more than ever."
"Who needs me? Kairi apparently doesn't, or she wouldn't have taken matters into her own hands and tried to…" His voice cracked.
"Sora and Kairi need you. Surely you know that. But maybe you do not know that I need you."
He looked confused.
"Wakka," I looked away, closed my eyes and took a deep breath. "I know that what your father did was wrong. You never deserved to go through that. No one deserves to go through that. You've been my friend as long as I can remember. We have trained together, eaten together, slept under the stars together, and built a great friendship. But it may yet be a ruined friendship. Because, according to Kairi, what I am about to tell you may change your view of me altogether." I looked him straight in the eyes and said, "I am in love with Sora. I am gay."
His face became stern. He looked at me with disgust for a moment. Then, as though he had just realized what he was doing, his creased face relaxed and his eyes widened.
"I promise you," I said, hoping, praying, "That I would never do what your father did. And I am not a pervert because I am in love with him. I love him, truly and dearly. Just like you love Kairi."
That seemed to be a true weight in the situation. He took a moment, and then laughed.
"Jeez. What am I doing? That must've been why Kairi jumped…wasn't it? She knew and I didn't?"
"Yeah," I said, my heart lightening. "So, why don't you go see her? Oh, and here…" I pulled a paopu from my pocket. "I hear these are great pick-me-ups if you share them with the right person." I winked at him.
He took it from me, and hesitated, as though he were going to say something. Then he gave me a quick hug and walked away.
Sora strolled back down the hall towards me, and I took him into my arms and kissed him until he was laughing and yelling, "Help! It's the PDA monster!" When I stopped and looked up, I realized that Wakka was still standing in the hallway. Sora looked like a ton of bricks had hit him, but Wakka just laughed and said, "Geez, get a room." Before going into Kairi's room.
Sora looked relieved. But I had seen it. The slight cringe. Wakka was our friend. Wakka would do anything for us. But people don't change in a day. Wakka was going to need some time. And he was going to find that time in Kairi.