Crossed Wire

Ross had tried to mend the phone and couldn't, but he thought he'd just leave it and wait for the others to notice. It still worked, sort of. That was what mattered. They shouldn't make phones so fragile so that the least bit of wear and tear made them crack apart. Anyway what was so important about a phone when you came down to it?

His life was falling apart here. Emily was getting married again, not that he cared about that so much, because he was over her, after all. If she could get over him, he could get over her, and much better than she could, that was for sure. But anyone was entitled to feel shaken at the idea that that their ex was getting married again, after such a short time. Married? Actually married? Just like that? And what did she have to say about it? Only that 'We're divorced now.' Oh yes, they were divorced now, sure, but was that any reason to just suddenly get married again? He could grab someone off the street this afternoon and go to city hall, if being divorced now was a reason enough.

But that wasn't it. She must have fallen in love with someone else and that meant that she had fallen out of love with him, and so for the first hour after the call, he felt as though he didn't want to see anyone. They didn't want to see him anyone, he thought. Everyone had abandoned him. They were keeping away from him because he was the stupid guy who said the wrong name and kept doing stupid things. He was a drag. They, like Emily, were all getting on with their lives while he was just stuck.

Of course, he thought suddenly, Emily could be trying to call back, to explain herself. But she couldn't call back if the phone was broke.

He checked the phone to see whether it had a dial tone. It did, although the receiver had to be held in two hands. Stupid of him, he thought to himself. What would she call him for? A second time? She wasn't going to change her mind, and she certainly wasn't going to call to say that it was a joke. She could do jokes, of a kind, but everything had become deadly serious after the wedding. Her news had been no prank. If she called again, it would be sure to be some other dreadful news like she was expecting triplets – no, they'd already had that with Phoebe – or that the guy she was marrying someone like his uncle or something.

The phone rang and he raced to answer it. It was his uncle! He let out an involuntary scream.

'Huh?' his uncle said into the phone. 'Are you alright? You want I should call an ambulance or something?'

'No, no, I'm fine,' Ross said. Just his uncle. It was just a coincidence that he was on the phone, just as he was thinking some dreadful thought about him that was completely ridiculous anyway.

'People have been saying you've been going a bit bananas,' remarked his uncle.

'Who me?' Ross said. He was good at anger and it flared up again. How dared people gossip about him. There was nothing wrong with him at all! He had a slight anger management problem, but wouldn't anyone have a slight problem if they'd been through all the troubles he had been through. In fact, he was probably doing even better than average. He could bet that Chandler or Joey would not be handling it so well, if they'd been through what he'd been through…

'You know where your parents are? I've been trying to get a hold of them.'

'Er no, I don't. Maybe they went away for the weekend.' He avoided contact with his parents; his father just wanted to complain about the expense, and his mother just wanted to set him up.

'Could be. I've got some news. Guess one person in this family's got to make a success of a wedding,' his uncle said. Ross stifled another scream. It sounded like he was choking. 'Are you sure you're all right?' his uncle inquired. 'You don't sound too good.'

'I – I'm fine,' Ross croaked. This couldn't be happening, it just couldn't.

'I've heard there's a bug going round.'

'Really, I'm fine.'

'I really don't understand you,' his uncle said reflectively, 'English girls are real cute,' his uncle said, sounding pleased with himself. 'I wouldn't have let yours go so easily.' Easily? He thought Ross had let Emily go easily? 'I'm marrying a girl from England.' How could his uncle be saying such things to him? He just didn't want to know these kinds of things. Ross's family weren't noted for their sensitivity and tact, but this was going too far. If his uncle was getting married to some English woman there was no need for him to call Ross with the details. A card when it was about to happen was quite enough disclosure.

'You know her of course,' his uncle continued, sending Ross into a state of near shock. First she had said that she was getting married again and then…

'What!' Did his uncle think he'd be remotely pleased to hear a thing like this? The idea of someone like his uncle, middle aged, overweight, hairy with someone young like Emily was grotesque.

'Don't sound so surprised, there's a lot of go in me still,' his uncle chortled.

'Don't you think the age difference matters?' Ross asked, incredulously.

'Well if I don't mind, and she don't mind, I don't see that it's anyone else's business,' his uncle said haughtily. 'I won't hear a word against Cynthia.' The name was a blank to Ross until an elderly aged face with dyed red hair came into mind.

'Oh, Cynthia,' Ross said, more relieved than he could have imagined. Cynthia must be fifteen years older than his uncle of course, but he had no objections, no objections at all.

'That's who I said, Cynthia,' his uncle said, as though he was simple minded, 'Are you sure you're okay? I can get someone sent around to see you.'

'I'm fine, just fine,' Ross said, almost laughing hysterically. He'd been so preoccupied with Emily that he'd foolishly assumed that the conversation was about her. 'You two have a great life, congratulations.'

After he hung up he sat for a moment, absorbing this. Cynthia, not Emily. Have a great life. He wished he could have a great life. Or even a life. Instead he was twice divorced, living on sufferance in someone else's apartment…

He still had friends. Chandler and Joey might not be happy about the phone, but until they found out, he'd been okay with them, and maybe some of the others would be at Central Perk…