Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters.
X
For now she was glad that Luke didn't seem to expect an answer.
For the rest of the evening, Lorelai tried to push the unsettling thoughts of what she would have to do later
aside. She enjoyed the Champaign, a nice meal and Luke's company.
Every now and then, she caught him looking at her in a way that made her feel special and wanted, and it made
her nervous at the same time.
But she did okay. She wouldn't let her past spoil her future, her future with Luke. Now – that sounded nice.
Her future with Luke.
Luke found Lorelai to be uncommonly quiet and thoughtful. She tried not to let it show, but he knew her well
enough, he could tell. And even though he really wanted to know what was on her mind, he respected her
effort to turn this into a nice evening. So he played along and didn't ask. He wanted her to be comfortable and
happy.
On their way back to Stars Hollow Lorelai started to get nervous again.
"Now stop this," she reasoned, "you wanted this. It will be okay."
This would be her personal mantra for the rest of the night.
"It's Luke, it will be okay," that should work. She could do this.
Luke had parked in front of the diner. He looked at her and she knew he asked her if she wanted to come in.
He understood her unspoken answer and got out of the car, came to her door and opened it for her. He
locked the doors and hand in hand they crossed the street.
Lorelai could feel and hear her heart beat loud as a drum. This was exiting. Exiting in a wonderful and
disturbing way. Luke unlocked the door and let her enter before him.
"Do you want coffee?" he asked.
"No, thanks."
Lorelai was afraid that her heart, already going at something like 200 beats per minute, would start to misfire if
she added caffeine to the mixture of want and love and hope and fear that was boiling inside of her.
Luke was standing right in front of her and looking at her in a way that made her melt. No one had ever looked
at her the way he did. She had never felt the way she did when he looked at her.
Luke opened his arms for her and with a soft sigh she came to him and he held her the way that only he did.
He was all around her. She leaned against his broad chest and smelled his masculine scent.
"How often in one lifetime can one person melt?" she wondered.
"And how can a simple embrace make you feel so safe and loved and cared for?"
The wonders of being with Luke.
Luke placed a light kiss on her hair that made her look up. Their eyes met and she was lost in the warmth and
affection she saw.
"Are you feeling alright?" he asked with this deep soft voice she loved to hear so much.
"How can this not be a dream?" she thought, her emotions boiling up. She couldn't talk so she just nodded
her head.
He came closer to her face and brushed her lips with is. Lorelai closed her eyes and savoured the delicate
feeling. When Luke started nibbling her lower lip she couldn't help but respond. Giving and taking, lost in a
world of their own, their kissing grew more and more passionate.
Eventually they had to part to catch some air. Luke still held Lorelai close and she could feel his heart beat at
almost the same pace as hers. This was so good, it felt so right. She couldn't think of any possible way to be
happier than she was right now.
"Do you want to join me upstairs?"
He caught himself holding his breath while he awaited her answer. He knew what he wanted. He wanted to
make love to her, wanted to give her all the tenderness and pleasure she deserved, wanted to let her feel how
much he loved her.
But he also knew he only wanted this if she did too. If she wasn't ready for this next step in their relationship
yet, he would of course respect that. He would need a long, cold shower, but he'd rather take that than make
her do something she didn't really want. And there had been hints of her not being completely comfortable
with the physical aspects of a relationship. He wanted to give her the chance to leave right now if she wanted
to.
Lorelai almost hadn't heard him, so low was his voice. Before her mind could even process what he had said,
she felt an iron clamp clutch her heart.
"It's Luke, it will be okay. It's Luke, it will be okay. It's Luke, it will be okay," she tried to keep her mind
from switching to auto-pilot.
"I want this. I want to be with Luke. I can do this."
She nodded her approval and Luke led her upstairs. Once they were in his apartment and the door was closed
again, he turned her to face him.
He didn't touch her, held her with his eyes.
"You sure you want this?" he asked, wanting to touch and feel her so badly it almost hurt.
Lorelai looked down. Her mind was spinning.
"Yes…no…yes. It's Luke, it will be okay."
She looked up at him again.
"Yes, yes I'm sure," she said barely above a whisper.
And then, not trusting her willpower to maintain control much longer, she made the step that closed the gap
between them, wrapped her arms around Luke's neck and kissed him. Kissing was good. Kissing was
common ground. She loved to kiss Luke. She loved the way he held her when they kissed, the way he held her
now.
Luke didn't need more of an invitation. He placed soft kisses all over her face, trailed down to the side of her
neck, then up to nibble at her ear.
His hands moved up and down her back and then to the sides of her breasts. He looked up to see how she
reacted.
Lorelai's eyes were closed. She enjoyed the sensation his roaming hands and lips caused. When she noticed
he didn't move anymore she opened them and saw hunger and want in his gaze. His eyes were dark with
desire and she felt a familiar, yet unwelcome unease crawl up her spine.
"It's Luke, it will be okay," she silently recited.
Not giving herself the chance to change her mind, she kissed him again. And then, pushing her limits, she
started to unbutton his shirt.
They took turns undressing each other, kissing, caressing and exploring each newly exposed part of their
bodies.
Whenever Lorelai felt her insecurities trying to grab a hold of her again, she repeated her mantra.
This way they made it to the bed where they lay side by side. Luke had his head propped on his arm and
looked down at her.
"God, she's so beautiful," he thought, wondering what he had done to deserve the privilege to be with her.
Touching her only with his fingertips, he trailed over her brows, her nose, the delicate line of her lips and down
along her neck. Then he cupped her left breast with his large hand. Letting it rest there and feeling her nipple
grow hard under his palm, he looked into her face.
Her eyes were closed, she didn't move.
"You're a goddess," he whispered with a voice trembling with held back passion.
Lorelai was lost. She felt like she was on a roller coaster ride. Luke's hands felt so good against her skin. And
the ghosts from her past warned her that this was just an illusion. She wanted to feel and touch Luke, wanted
him to keep on exploring her body and feed the tingling feeling inside her stomach. And she wanted to jump
and scream and run, to get back to the safety of Luke being her buddy, her platonic friend again.
"It's Luke, it will be okay."
She opened her eyes, needed confirmation it really was Luke. The way he looked at her made her happy and
gave her the reassurance she needed.
She reached up and put her hand over his, still resting on her breast. Then she trailed up along his arm, feeling
his muscles and wondering how someone so strong could be so gentle.
Encouraged by her action, Luke started to gently caress her left breast with his hand while kissing and gently
sucking the other.
Lorelai felt like she was having an out of body experience. While she still was fighting to keep bad memories
from torturing her, her body developed a life of its own. She kind of watched herself arch up against his hand
and lips.
Now Luke's hand moved further south and while some part of her couldn't wait for him to touch her where
she felt she needed him most, she felt her mind losing the battle to fight back fear.
When his hand reached its destination, he felt her tense. He wouldn't have noticed if he hadn't secretly
expected something like this to happen.
She had been unusually quiet the whole evening, and every now and then, when their eyes had met he had
meant to have seen something that could only be described as fear. But it never had been there long enough
for him to be sure.
He looked up to study her facial expression now and there it was. He closed his eyes for a moment to calm
him. Then he reached up and gently caressed her hair.
It took a few moments before Lorelai realised that she was back on safer grounds. She opened her eyes to
find out, what was going on and found Luke look at her in a way that almost made her cry.
He stopped stroking her hair and just laid watching her for a while. Then he leaned in and gave her the softest
kiss.
"What's wrong?" she asked, not sure of what was happening.
Luke still held her gaze and his eyes showed warmth and want and tenderness and something else. Sadness, he
looked sad.
"Luke?"
He reached out and began to stroke her hair again.
"When did you want to stop me?"
Tbc