Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters

A/N: I see this story is on quite a few alert and favourite lists. Thank you for that. Since I'm relatively new in the Gilmore universe, I really would like to get your feedback on this one so I'll know what I can do better with the next story. Please review.

And now, on goes the tale:

X

"What?" Lorelai was sure she'd heard him wrong.

"I want to know, how much longer you were going to let me go on," Luke said, still stroking her hair lightly.

"I don't understand." Lorelai was confused.

She couldn't bear to meet his gaze. This wasn't going the way she'd planned.

"I thought you wanted to…" she whispered.

"More than you'll ever know," he confirmed, "but this is not going to be the way it should be, as long as you are scared."

Lorelai sat up and tucked the blanket around her. "I'm not scared." She did the best she could to sound convincing.

Luke gently ran a hand down her back.

"Yes, you are." He sat up too and reached out to make her face him. "Tell me what's going on."

Lorelai couldn't look at him. He knew her far better than she had expected. But how could she tell him? How could she tell him what she had refused to admit to herself most of the time?

Luke didn't move. He needed her to talk to him. And he knew how difficult it would be to make her, if she didn't want to.

"Lorelai, listen. I want to be with you in every possible way. I want to be your partner, your lover, your companion, I want it all. But I need to know what's on your mind. I need to know why you're scared to make love with me."

"I'm not…"

"Stop it. And if you really want to tell me that you are not scared, then look at me when you do."

Lorelai knew she was defeated. And as she had so many times before, she chose to strike first, to defend herself.

"I don't want to talk about it. Why did you have to bring this up? Everything was going well. I was doing okay, I had everything under control. Why did you stop?"

There we go,´ Luke thought.

He kept his voice even, when he answered: "I stopped because I don't want to hurt you, and I don't want to scare you. I stopped because I know something is wrong and I just can't pretend it isn't.

You said that you had everything under control. It doesn't work that way, Lorelai. Not when you're with me. If you want someone who can ignore the fact that the woman he loves and makes love to needs all her willpower to keep from running, you'll have to find someone else.

I can't do that. Talk to me, Lorelai. We can work it out. Whatever it is, we'll find a way to deal with it. But talk to me, please."

Lorelai felt dizzy. Her eyesight was blurred with tears that were welling up. How does your defence work, when you're not being attacked?

She didn't want him to see her cry, and she couldn't tell him. If she did, who knew if he would still want to be with her? She needed to get out of here, needed to think.

Lorelai got up and started to get dressed.

Luke just watched her silently. He wanted to get up and stop her from leaving. He wanted to hold her and comfort her and tell her everything was okay.

But it wasn't. How could he give her what she needed, when she didn't trust him enough to tell him what she feared?

Lorelai somehow got home. Her head was spinning and she couldn't think.

'I should feel bad,' she thought. But she didn't feel anything at all. On her way to the kitchen to get a glass of water, she saw the light on the answering machine blink and absentmindedly pushed the button.

"Lorelai."

Luke's voice stopped her in her tracks.

"Letting you leave like this was the hardest thing I ever had to do. I need you to know that I'm still in. I want this, want us to happen. And nothing you could possibly tell me would change that. So, when you're ready to talk, you know where to find me."

Lorelai went on to the kitchen, drank a glass of water and then went upstairs and to bed. She needed sleep. Sleep would be good.

But as soon as she closed her eyes, she could feel Luke's hands on her skin. Touching her so tenderly, feeling so wonderful. And she could see the sad expression in his eyes. She'd made him sad. She had never wanted to.

And suddenly she knew the reason why she had persistently refused to believe that Luke could want to be more than a friend. She just couldn't risk taking the chance with him. She couldn't tell him and maybe have to face the fact that he didn't want to be with her anymore.

Now you're being stupid,' she told herself. You'll never have the chance to be with him if you don't tell him.'

True, but this way, she could have him around as a friend, and she could fantasize about how things could be.

Yeah, but if you gave it a try, what you dreamed about could come true,' she challenged herself.

And to be honest, she had already made her mind up about this a while ago. She even remembered the exact moment when she suddenly had known that she wanted to be with Luke. That he could be the one worth giving up her disguise for.

She just hadn't thought it would be so hard. Had tried to cheat a little, to pretend everything was okay and hope to find out it was.

But now she had to admit, that this never had a chance to work out. Even if everything had gone as she had planned, there would still be something standing between her and Luke. And she would still be afraid that someday he would find out. And she…

Lorelai jumped out of her bed and into her clothes. She hurried back to the diner, not giving herself the chance to change her mind again.

She reached up and took the key down from over the door. Then she stood in front of his apartment door.

She took a deep breath and knocked.

She could hear him approach the door. He opened and looked at her questioningly.

She forced herself to look him in the eyes. She wanted to step forward and have him hold her and make her feel safe, but something else had to be done first.

"I want to talk. I want you to know, and I don't want to be scared anymore."

There you go. It was out.

Luke stepped back and held the door open for her to enter.

"Come in," he said.

Tbc