A/N: I don't own the characters...

Letting him in

Lorelai stepped into the apartment. Luke closed the door behind her and went over to the kitchen table.

"Want to sit?" he asked.

"No…I'm too nervous to sit." Lorelai tried to gather her thoughts.

"Luke, I don't know how to do this."

Luke reached out and pulled her into his arms. He wished he could make this easier for her.

"Just spew. I'll make sense of it, don't worry."

Lorelai stayed in his arms for a few moments longer, trying to draw strength from his warm embrace.

Then she stepped back. "Can I ask you something first?"

"Anything!"

She went over to the sink and looked trough the window into the dark for a while, before she turned around.

"How did you know?"

Luke sat down at the table.

"I won't say I knew. It was more like an inkling. I saw you with Max and Jason. You always seemed to have

something like an invisible wall around you."

Lorelai turned back to the window.

"And more than once I saw you smile a smile that never reached your eyes. You always keep people at a

distance.

But none of that would have led me to think that you were scared. I don't know how I know. I was never sure.

I could have also been wrong. I sure wish I was."

Luke wished he could explain it better. He wished he could find the words to tell her how many times he had

seen her pain, how many times he had wanted to hold her and tell her he was there and it would be okay. And

how he had known he couldn't do that because it would break the balance between weakness and pride, self-

preservation and self-deception, that she spent so much effort keeping up.

Lorelai thought about Luke's words for a moment. He was by far more observant than she had expected. And

he added up the little things he saw and that way knew more about her than she had wanted anybody to know.

But maybe it was good the way it was. No, it definitely was good.

She knew she couldn't have lasted like this much longer. She had kept going for Rory. But her daughter was

grown-up now, didn't need her as much as she used to anymore.

And even though she liked her life, her job, her friends, her home, she couldn't fight back the nagging feeling

of something missing anymore.

She wanted to belong to somebody. Wanted it so badly, it hurt. Rory belonged to her, but she belonged to

nobody.

"It happened when Rory was 19 months old."

She spoke matter-of-factly, wondering when she had decided to start talking.

And then she told him about that evening that changed not only her life, but changed her. Changed her from

being strong, rebellious and hungry for life, to being a mere survivor.

She told him how, on her way back home from work, the attacker had held a knife against her throat from

behind and forced her into his car. How he had driven to an abandoned property out of town, how he had

touched her and humiliated her and raped her, and about how all the time she just thought that she had to

survive this. She had to survive for her daughter, for Rory.

And survive she did.

She told him how she had been able to push all thoughts of what had happened away at first. How then

loneliness had become a constant in her life.

She talked about how she later had started to flirt again, even to date, just to make believe everything could be

back to normal again for a while. Of course she'd had to end each of these relationships as soon as they came

to a point where she would have had to explain what she even didn't fully understand herself. And she had felt

bad, knowing how unfair she'd treated the men in her life.

She explained how her rule of not bringing her dates home had helped her keep the picture right for Rory.

Because she didn't want her problem to affect her daughter's future relationships.

She told him how every time she had a fight with Emily, she had not only been mad because of whatever the

fight was about, but also because she felt that her mother should have been the one she could talk to. But, the

way things had gone, that of course was not an option.

"I don't know how much longer I can go on, Luke," she admitted. "It's like my life is shattered and I put the

pieces back together, but I don't have glue, so I have to hold the pieces in place with my hands.

I have to be heedful all the time, because the slightest slack of attention would mean that everything, that I,

would fall apart. It's hard, so hard."

Lorelai closed her eyes. It was over. Now he knew who she really was. And all that was left for her to do was

to wait for his reaction.

"Maybe a second pair of hands could help," Luke softly said.

Lorelai couldn't tell when he had come to stand behind her, his arms wrapped around her, his hands now

holding hers. And she didn't know when she had started to cry.

"You mean you still want…" her voice trailed off.

Luke took one step back and turned her around to face him. Their eyes met and Lorelai could see the answer.

The way he looked at her planted a new feeling in her heart. There still was fear, but there now also was joy

and hope.

Lorelai turned her eyes down and took a deep breath.

"Make love to me, Luke," she said, hardly above a whisper.

Luke took her hands again and kissed them.

"Shhh, take it easy. There's no need to hurry…"

"No," Lorelai interrupted him, "I don't want to wait. I don't want to be scared anymore. I want to sleep with

you, unless you…."

"Don't go there!" Luke's voice was harsh. "Do you really think I am that kind of person?"

"No, I'm sorry! This is a new situation for me. Makes me say strange things. Things that I don't want to say,

that I don't even want to think. I know you're not like that Luke, I really do."

Luke released her hands and took a few steps away from her.

"So, you're not scared anymore?" he asked.

"I don't want to be," Lorelai answered, but she knew she didn't sound too convincing.

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes, yes I do." This time she could at least believe what she said herself.

Luke turned a chair around, sat down and studied her with a thoughtful expression.

Lorelai felt like she was being mind-scanned. The way he looked at her, she was sure he could read her

thoughts.

"Luke, I am here, right? And I didn't have to ask you to…you know what, if I didn't want to. What else can I

do?" Lorelai felt slightly irritated. She shouldn't have to talk him into this.

"Show me that you trust me…"

"How…?" Lorelai didn't know what she was supposed to do. Did he want her to make the first move? Or

didn't he believe that she really wanted to sleep with him?

Luke interrupted her thoughts: "Take your clothes off."

His voice was controlled and calm.

'Wow,' Lorelai thought, 'he can't be serious.'

She looked at Luke, who sat at the table and watched her with this intense gaze that she had always liked, and

that now was a little scary.

"What?" Maybe she had heard him wrong.

"You said that you trust me…"

Lorelai shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, I do."

"Then take your clothes off," Luke repeated, sounding more demanding this time.

Lorelai swallowed hard. For a moment, she thought about leaving. But she wouldn't. She hadn't come this far

to quit now and his posture didn't show any sign of aggression or anger. She could do this, she wanted to do

this, she would.

She slowly took off her cardigan. Then she unbuttoned her jeans, not surprised to find her hands trembling.

When she had stepped out of the pants, she looked at Luke again, hoping he would do or say something to

break the tension.

But he just sat there watching her, his facial expression not giving away what he thought.

"Luke, I…"

"Shh, don't talk. Undress." His voice was still calm.

Lorelai took a deep breath and took off her t-shirt. Then she opened her bra and slowly stripped it off too.

She felt vulnerable and exposed. Her face was burning and she was slightly embarrassed.

'You're being stupid,' she reasoned with herself, 'this is Luke, the man you want to make love to. It should

feel okay.'

She forced herself to stay calm and removed the last piece of clothing.

And then she stood there in front of him, waiting and naked.

Luke got up and came to her. He let his eyes wander over her body, slowly, taking in every detail.

Lorelai could feel his gaze on her skin. A trace of warmth following the path his eyes took.

Luke nodded approvingly. "Perfect," he said.

Then he went to the bed and removed the comforters.

"Come here, lay down," his voice still was even and controlled.

Lorelai didn't know what to think anymore, but he obviously had cast some kind of spell over her, and before

she knew how she'd gotten there, she lay on the bed.

Luke stood at the foot of the bed and looked down at her. He knew had put her on the edge. He was playing a

dangerous game, taking a risk that she would leave and never give it a try again.

But he also knew that if she stayed now, they would really have a chance to work things out.

Lorelai had trouble breathing. The air felt thick and Luke's reticence added to her discomfort. She wanted to

ask him, to beg him to talk to her, but couldn't get a word out.

So she just lay there, paralysed by his stare and watched him watch her for what seemed to be forever.

Then, Luke slowly began to undress. Lorelai couldn't take her eyes off him. Standing there at her feet,

towering over her, he looked even taller than he already was.

In another situation, she would have marvelled at his well-muscled body. Now, she couldn't help but think of

what he could use his obvious physical strength for.

Now he moved, pushing one knee between her legs and leaned forward. He braced his hands on both sides of

her head and supported his weight on his arms and legs.

Their hips touched and Lorelai felt an immense heat eradiate from where their bodies met.

Lorelai held her breath. Luke's legs and arms immobilized her and his upper body hovering over her made her

feel helpless and small.

She searched his eyes, now almost black, vainly hoping to find comfort and encouragement.

She closed her eyes again and just when she thought she couldn't take it anymore, she heard Luke's voice,

soft and warm.

"Still scared?"

She felt relief. Spooky Luke had almost been too much for her.

"N…yes. Yes a little."

Luke's faint smile rewarded her for being honest.

"You were scary, all silent and unreadable," she continued, each word taking away some of the tension that

had been so hard to bear.

Luke looked down at her, his eyes now revealing his emotions.

"I would never hurt you."

"I know." And she really knew. He would never use his strength to harm her.

Luke lowered his head and kissed her. Then he rolled over to lay by her side. He started to explore her body

with his hands and lips. His gentle caress fired her senses, made her feel warm and accepted.

Lorelai laid there, eyes closed, and enjoyed the way he made her feel. She wanted to give something back, to

make him feel good too, but she was so occupied taking in all these new sensations that she could hardly

move.

The pleasurable tension that was building up became almost too much to bear. Instinctively, she knew where

relief would come from.

"Luke, please…" she pleaded.

He looked at her with a knowing smile.

"What do you want me to do?" he teased.

"I…I want you to…" she blushed. "I can't say…"

"I never thought I would hear something like that from you," Luke said with a smile in his voice.

"You're not exactly comfortable talking about intimate things either, mister," she argued.

"Not in public, that is true. But here, in a relationship, when it's just you and me, one on one," they both had

to smile when they noticed the double meaning of his words, "there's no such thing as a taboo. Everything

can be said, there's nothing to be ashamed of, okay?"

A wave of unfathomable love for this strong, gentle and empathetic man washed over Lorelai.

"I want to feel you…feel you inside me," she said under her breath.

And Luke kissed her deep and passionately before he moved to make her wish come true.

Tbc