Disclaimer: I do not own DA. If I did there would have been more blue towels and the shower - I mean the show would still be running.

A/N: Okay, last chapter was supposed to show what's going on in Max's head, to an extent. The first draft was very different and much worse - but couldn't stomach it. Incidentally, this is not pretty, the title is par for the course. I have been thinking that the fic would work better without the prologue. Let me know what you think.

Oh and this () means flashback. Only one I need, I promise, just couldn't fit it in any other way.

Loss of innocence

A long time later, Alec rubbed his tired eyes, trying to get the grittiness from them. Blearily he looked around his apartment and realised that at some time while he was guarding Max's sleep, dusk had fallen.

A quiet knock alerted him to visitors.

Staring down at Max, lying in his bed as if merely sleeping, Alec couldn't help but think that the peace was fleeting at best.

'At least she hasn't had another episode.'

Another sounded through the apartment, and kept repeating, forcing him to his feet and into the lounge.

"Yeah, I'm coming. Keep your shirt on." He ripped open the door and a wave of frustration, anger and sorrow hit him straight in the chest, causing his eyes to sting and blur. Blinking furiously, he focussed on Biggs and Cece.

'Biggs is furious, I can smell it and Cece looks like she's been crying.'

Biggs was the first to break the silence. "We've come for debriefing, Alec."

Wordlessly Alec stepped aside, closing the door behind them. Together they made their way to the kitchen nook, Cece slumping into a chair as soon as possible. Alec raised an eyebrow. Something had really gotten to her at Logan's place and he had the feeling he was really not going to like whatever it was. 'I'm going to kill that bastard. First max and now Cece.'

"We made it into the flat no problem. That place has got about as much security as a gumball machine. We spread out. Cece and I took the office. My girl cracked the system in less than a minute." A wry grin flitted over Alec's face, echoed on Biggs'.

"John and Jane took the bedroom and the bathroom. They found the first stash." Biggs looked slightly ill at this point and obviously struggled for words. "They found pictures." He stopped again, now not only looking disgusted, but furious as well.

"Pictures of what?" Alec prompted, already knowing but needing the confirmation.

"Of Max, Alec!" Cece burst out. "Hoverdrone pictures, surveillance cams and real photos, professional like. On most of them she's in heat, with random guys. Sorry, please excuse me…" She trailed off, rushing to the bathroom, seconds later Biggs and Alec shared a grim look as they heard the unmistakable sounds of her throwing up.

Rage blinded him and Alec had to ruthlessly battle it down, force it into a box and close the door on it. He would let it all out later. After Max was back. Later.

"There's more isn't there?"

"Yeah." Biggs dragged a tired hand over his face. "Cece and I found the rest. That dumb prick kept hardcopy files of everything he has ever done as Eyes Only and a couple of other less legal activates and we found his diary behind a painting in the office. Cece cracked the safe in seconds. We brought everything. Some transgenics are going to be enjoying a lovely bottle of wine tonight. Pre-pulse of course." He smiled wryly. "I flicked through the last couple of entries in the diary. That man wrote down everything I'm telling you." Biggs stopped, unsure how to continue.

"Well, go on. You wouldn't have mentioned it if you hadn't found something. So spill."

Biggs dragged a restless hand through his hair. "I heard about what Max said before she fainted in Command. You know what everybody here is like. Talk about grapevine, more like an entire vineyard. Anyway, I heard about her calling out about Zach. Thing is, she's right. Logan mentioned Zach coming to him yesterday morning. In a bad shape, otherwise he would never have let his guard down enough to let Logan tranq him. Then that bastard phoned an e-Manticore lab tech, who was only too happy to deal with the pesky virus in return for a maimed transgenic. Probably wants to gain Brownie points with whoever is his new boss."

Alec's jaw dropped. Of everything he had heard, this was the most shocking news. Despite his dislike of the man, Max had always trusted Logan and to a certain extent so had he. Logan had helped them in the past when they needed it, although as often as not he had been the cause of the trouble in the first place. But Alec had never thought Logan could be ruthless enough to sell out one of Max's brothers just to have his own way! It smacked of a level of calculation Alec had never thought him capable of. Did Logan honestly think that Max would never find out. Alec checked himself, the plan was almost foolproof. There was no reason to believe that Zach would ever come back, Max had told them all the story about how Zach had sacrificed himself to give her a new heart. For all intents and purposes, Max's brother was dead. Logan couldn't have counted on Max having the kind of reaction to his news that she had had, somehow just knowing something was wrong with Zach.

"I anticipated your orders on this one, Alec." Biggs' voice brought him back to the present. "I've scrambled two teams to retrieve Zach from his last known location. The tech can't have had a lot of time to send him on. And even if he has the teams have orders to pursue until they do find him."

"No prisoners!" Alec added, harshly.

"No prisoners." Biggs nodded. "The thing that gets to me though. The whole thing with Zach started yesterday and ended this morning when Logan handed him over." He trailed off unwilling to put into words what they were both thinking. Alec did it for him.

"How did she know?"

Alec paced back and forth, A quick glance at his bed showed Max still lost in dreamland. She was fitfully opening and closing her fists, her forehead wrinkled.

'She hasn't woken up in thirty-six hours, not even when we brought Zach in here.' Alec reflected. 'I never thought I'd see an X-5 brought down so low. He was so happy to see Max alive and so sad when she just didn't respond.' Not responding was an understatement. After only a couple of seconds of Zach sitting by her bed, Max had gone into convulsions, whimpering fretfully, weakly thrashing around. Zach had almost cried when he saw that and left immediately, to be taken to the infirmary. It had taken Alec a long time to calm her down.

"Fuck! I hate seeing her this weak and I can't do anything. She's had four more episodes since Zach left and we are no closer to waking her up than before. At least one thing seems to calm her down. I never would have thought she would welcome me into her bed.'

()

Alec started awake. All seemed quiet.

"No! Not Seth!"

'Damn, another one.' Alec quickly stood up from his chair beside the bed. Moving to her side, he dropped down on one knee, stroking her hair from her sweaty face.

"Ssshhh, Maxie, everything's going to be okay." She was really starting to thrash around now.

'I hope she doesn't misunderstand this, when she wakes up.' he thought, pulling off his shoes and shirt.

'She needs to feel safe.'

Quickly he slid into bed beside her, one hand holding both of hers, his leg thrown over both of her to stop her moving around so much. Several long minutes later, Max moved ever so slightly, aligning her body with his and taking a deep breath fell back into unconsciousness.

Alec flopped down into an armchair by the window, pulling at his hair in frustration, searching for any solution. At this point the was so worried he would have gladly called Lydecker if there was a chance he could help Max. Dex was still trying to persuade him to call in the psy-ops people, who had presumably snuck into Terminal City at some point. Although he understood why nobody had told him or Max, he was not happy. Psy-ops could not be trusted. After the Simon thing, he had held on to the memory of Rachel through reindoctrination and torture, solitary and the tank. Nothing had been able to wrest the image of her from him, until Sally. Sally had waltzed into his cell one day, cute as a button. She had been wearing a little yellow pinafore dress for crying out loud. Not to mention the bright red lollypop she was holding tightly in one pudgy little hand. After another episode in the tank, Alec had been unable to do anything more than raise his eyebrow inquisitively. Sally had smiled at him and said: "Mama Renfrew says you've been bad." Then he had known no more, forgotten Rachel as if she had never been, until the day Max had dragged him back to the scene of the crime and all the memories that came with it.

There was no way Alec would let one of those monsters in disguise come anywhere near his Max. The price would be too high, too high for anyone of them to pay.

Gradually another presence impinged on his consciousness. Turning to the door, he was unsurprised to see Biggs leaning against the frame - looking sheepish and worried.

"What's up Biggs?"

There was something disturbingly comical about a transgenic shuffling his feet like a three-year old caught with his hand in the cookie jar. "Promise not to bite my head off."

"Biggs! What a half-assed thing to say. Are you three or something. You know full well that if you start spouting stuff like that I just know you've done something I am not going to like."

"Well, I know you don't like them - hate them really. And I can't blame you. After what they did to you,. I mean I would probably feel the same. I found them a week a go. By accident, totally. I mean they're pretty good at hiding. I didn't tell you. Well, first because I knew you'd be pissed and then there was Max and the mission to get Zack - it was just never the time."

"You're babbling." Alec stated. "Why does that strike me as not good?"

"Because I know that you really, really don't like these guys - but they're okay. They've been here two months and no trouble."

Alec remained confused. "Why would I mind. Unless…" Biggs shrugged and Alec exploded. "PSY-OPS! You brought fucking psy-ops into my city." Ruthlessly he reigned in his anger, reminding himself that Max needed him. "You let psy-ops into this place - after all they did to us?"

"HEY! I didn't let anything. They came here by themselves, no me involved. And they're not really psy-ops. They were in the post-traumatic stress department. Well, one of them was - the others are different."

"There's more than one?" Alec stated flatly.

Biggs shrugged, failing miserably at the smile. "Three I've met. Another two I know of. Thalia came to me the other day. Said she can help. I'm inclined to believe her."

"Well, you would, wouldn't you?" Alec interjected sarcastically. "That's the joy of psy-ops."

"All I'm saying is maybe you should talk to her. She is very nice - And before you say anything I know that she could make me feel that way. But I have never seen her with the psy-ops people. Think about it. Nothing Dex does is bringing Max any closer to waking up and we have to run an IV twice a day just to make sure she doesn't die. Think about it, okay. That's all I'm asking. The choice is yours."

As he turned to leave, Biggs glanced back one last time. "But think of this as well. We both know that if you don't do everything to help her, you will never forgive yourself."

He shrugged and left, leaving Alec to stew in his thoughts.

"Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn. What am I going to do?"

Restlessly Alec paced the length of his apartment, pausing in the door to his bedroom on every round to see if Max's condition had changed.

152 and a half rounds later, he was still no closer to reaching a decision. Psy-ops were not to be trusted. Whether they called themselves that or not. They had ways of taking everything you were and leaving nothing.

Sighing he sat back down in the chair beside his bed, string down at the occupant. Reaching out slowly, he took one of her limp hands in his, stroking the backs with his thumbs, following the lines of her face with his eyes. Worried when she frowned. Relieved when the lines smoothed. Fretting when she fretted. Resting when she did.

"C'mon Maxie. Wake up. I thought you had shark DNA. Always saying how you don't need more than three hours sleep. I'd say you've more than made up for that now."

Still no response and Alec's flippancy faded as if it had never been, leaving behind the more serious persona that had established itself in the last couple of days.

"Maxie, it's time you wake up. Mole's head is getting to big for his shoulders. He wont fit through doors soon. The transgenics need you and I probably need a good ass-kicking." His winsome smile faded as Max still showed no response.

Frustration briefly gained the upper hand, causing green eyes to flash with annoyance.

"Enough. Max. Wake up. We need you. Stop sleeping and wake up, damn it."

Gently Alec reached out and tucked an errant strand of hair back behind her ear, continuing the movement to stroke her face.

"Please come back. We miss you."

"I miss you."