Cyclops's Bad Medicine
Disclaimer: "You are dead to me." – Dale Gribble, King of the Hill
Chapter 9: Crash!
Destro's Armory
"Wow! Amazing! Simply amazing!" The bald-headed animal skin-wearing black-mustachioed Australian Dreadnok called Gnawgayde grinned. He and his teenage American cousin, the crocodile-like dark-haired mutant called Leathersuit, were looking around in Destro's armory. Being a weapons-maker, it was only natural that the steel-masked Scotsman would keep an impressive collection of weapons himself. The armory also contained examples of weapons used in the past, such as flintlocks and musket rifles. It was a testament to the Destro family's long history of making weaponry. "You know, sport, I heard that Destro was thinking of making this into a museum."
"Hunh." Leathersuit snorted.
"Yup." Gnawgahyde nodded. "Look at all this stuff, sport. You see, this is a family tradition with these Destros."
"I know another bloody family with their own bloody legacy." Leathersuit grumbled.
"I know a couple of elephants who could use a nice kiss in the head with that little number." A grinning Gnawgahyde pointed at a nasty-looking rifle.
"I guess." Leathersuit sighed with a shrug.
"Ooh!" Gnawgahyde looked at a bazooka. "I'd like one of those for Christmas! I'd be the happiest little Australian poacher boy on Earth!"
"Yeah, whatever." Leathersuit sighed.
"Hey…" Gnawgahyde put his hand on Leathersuit's shoulder comfortingly. They may have been mercs, but they were also family. "What's got you down, sport? Something buggin' ya?" Leathersuit sighed.
"Well…" Leathersuit sighed. "It's just…this place doesn't really appeal to me, you know, Uncle Gnawgahyde."
"Oh yeah…" Gnawgahyde nodded in understanding. "You never liked firearms much."
"You know me." Leathersuit nodded. "I prefer using steel chairs, lead pipes, chains, 2X4s with barbed wire wrapped around them, and stuff like that. But most of all, I prefer to make people feel lots of pain with my bare hands. I like to wrestle with my opponents. I like to bust people up with my hands. Makes me feel like I accomplished something, you know? Like I did something great after working hard."
"Ah, I see." Gnawgahyde grinned. "Yeah. Tell you what, sport. How about after we finish checking this place out, you and I can go to that bar in town and have ourselves a nice old-fashioned fight, alright?" Leathersuit smiled. "There we go, sport! I knew a brawl would get a smile out of me favorite nephew!" Gnawgahyde picked up the bazooka he was looking at earlier. "Feels good, mate. Good thing this thing isn't loaded-" He accidentally pressed the fire button. The bazooka fired, sending a rocket into the opposing wall, which blew a big hole in it. Gnawgahyde and Leathersuit's jaws dropped. Gnawgahyde dropped the bazooka.
"Uh oh…" The two Dreadnoks uttered in unison.
"Who leaves a bloody loaded bazooka lying around like this?" Gnawgahyde exclaimed. He looked at it. "Especially with the safety off!" Leathersuit shrugged.
"Beats me." The reptilian teenage mutant replied. Noise was heard from outside. "What the-?" The two Dreadnoks turned their heads towards the hole in the wall.
"WHEEEEEEEEEEE!" Destro squealed happily as he rolled by on a gurney.
"DESTRO! GET BACK HERE!" A screeching Baroness ran by. Gnawgahyde and Leathersuit.
"We had better get out of here." Gnawgahyde suggested. Leathersuit nodded in agreement. The two Dreadnoks then raced out of the armory like they were on fire.
Senator Kelly's House
Bring bring! Bring bring! Senator Kelly's phone rang. Bring bring! Bring bring!
"Ugh…" The ever-beleaguered senator groaned as he walked to the phone and answered it. "Hello?"
"Yes, do you have any Grey Poupon?" The voice of Todd Tolensky inquired in an English-accented voice.
"What?" Kelly blinked. "Who is this? YIIIIII!" Suddenly, a big electrical current shocked Kelly through the phone. "YIIIIWAHBOOLABOOGIEBOOGIEBOOGIEYEEHAW!" Kelly fell to the floor, twitching. Giggling was heard from the phone.
"You certainly got a…shocking call, Senator." Trinity was heard chiming in unified sing-song voices.
Bayville Comic-Con
"Pardon me…excuse me…" Scott pushed and weaved his way through the crowd of sci-fi and comic fans. "This can't be!" He mumbled to himself. "Dr. Blinder must have alerted the League of Evil to my location! And knowing those devious villains, they must have lined their costumes with lead, which can neutralize my Laser Vision, the only power I still have! It was his plan all along to somehow strip me of my vision powers except for my Laser Vision and then bring in the rest of the League of Evil with lead-lined costumes to finish me off!"
"Scott!" Jean ran after him. "Scott, wait! We don't want to hurt you!"
"Speak for yourself." Bobby grumbled. "I want to kill him for putting us through this garbage!"
"What is he blabbering about?" Amara wondered. "He called us the League of Evil."
"Evidently Scott must believe that we're also characters in his delusions." Storm deduced. "Jean, you must enter his mind, and try to reason with him."
"I tried." Jean answered. "His mind is too chaotic."
"Sugar and caffeine will do that to you." Bobby quipped.
Outside
"Heh heh…" Duncan Matthews snickered. He and the rest of Bayville High's football team, the Hawks, were standing outside. "First nerd that comes out, we whup him."
"Yeahhhhh…" A wild-eyed blond tackle grinned madly. "Stomp the nerds! Stomp the nerds! Make nerds pay for making us feel stupid! Even though we are stupid!"
"Hey shut up, man!" Another tackle smacked the blond tackle upside the head.
"Yeah, you're going to wreck the whole thing! You'll cause those nerds to find out we're here, and out to pound them!' A halfback snapped. Meanwhile, inside, Scott was reaching the same door that the football team was hiding behind.
"No time! I have no choice but to blast the door down! I will repay for the damages later!" Scott let rip with one of his patented optic blasts. A rather big optic blast. It hit the door, knocking it right off its hinges. The two halves of the door slammed into the football team, scattering them.
"Whoa!"
"What the-?"
"Oh my God!"
"Flying door!"
"Man, this is insane!"
"You haven't been in this town long, have you?"
"Dang, dude! I should've taped this…oh yeah, I did! Heh heh."
"HORSE!"
"AGH!" Duncan screamed as the door hit him and knocked him flat. "Ohhhhh…Oh dear God, doors hurt…OW!" A fleeing Scott stepped on the door that was on top of him as he raced out of the auditorium. He ran into a wooded area near the auditorium.
"He went that way!" Jean hovered out of the auditorium, followed by the others on an ice slide. Duncan threw the door off him, only to end up frozen as part of one of the support structures in Bobby's ice slide.
Aw God, as if my day cannot get any worse… Duncan moaned. I better shut up before things do get worse. Meanwhile, the heroic mutants raced into the woods, Todd, Amara, and Starchild using Bobby's ice-slide, while Storm was using her weather-controlling powers to create a wind to let her glide, and Jean was flying with her TK.
"I sense him!" Jean announced. "I sense him! He's over there!" She pointed ahead. Paul and Amara jumped off the ice-slide.
"Amara, can you let go of my waist, please?" Paul asked. The Nova Roman princess had her arms around Paul's waist and her head on his shoulder.
"Nope." Amara sighed happily. "I'll never let you go, my royal consort."
"Oh, brother." Bobby groaned, rolling his eyes.
"I found him." Jean and Storm carried a moaning Scott out of the woods.
"He looks terrible." Storm looked at Scott sadly.
"He must be crashing from the sugar high." Paul shook his head.
"Ohhhh, my head…" Scott moaned. "My head…oog…" Scott's face turned green and he puked all over himself. "Ohhh…"
"Aw God!" Jean exclaimed.
"Oh dear…" Storm winced.
"Oh, he's doing more than crashing. He's just crashed and burned." Bobby shook his head sadly.
Well, well, well! Looks like the madness has finally come to an end! Will there be anymore insanity? How will Scott recover from this? Who'll get some laughs? Will Kelly and Duncan ever get a break? Find out in the next chapter! Suggestions needed badly!