2nd Visit with Dr. MacKenzie:
"Major Carter, thank you for coming to see me again."
"Dr. MacKenzie," I replied as I shook his hand.
"Please, have a seat."
"Thank you." I did so, and I had a strong urge to just run.
"Did you write the entry?"
I knew he was going to ask me if I wrote in my journal.
"Yes, I did."
"And did that bring up any questions that you would like us to discuss?"
I don't really want to be discussing anything… "Well, yes. Why is it that whenever I think about what happened to…Dr. Fraiser, that it's accompanied by the visual of what happened with to the Colonel?"
"Your mind may be transferring the image from one traumatic event that you witnessed to the other traumatic event that occurred at the same time, but that you did not witness. In fact, I believe that to make headway with your feelings about Dr. Fraiser and her death, you must explore your feelings about what happened to the Colonel."
Uh-oh…I can't really tell him what I was thinking when I saw the Colonel get hit…lying there…It's happening all over again.
"Sir!"Jack, you can't die on me! Not yet! I haven't even told you how I really feel…
"Major?"
I shook my head. "I'm sorry, Doctor. What was your question?"
"Have you been able to sleep lately?" He asked, studying me.
"No. Not really…but I'll be fine." I confessed.
"I'd like to prescribe a sedative for you. However, before I do that, have you been having any nightmares that keep you awake?"
"I just can't get that image out of my mind…" I whispered.
"What image?"
"Colonel O'Neill falling. He's dead…he's got to be dead." I looked back up at him. "The worst thing is that I know he isn't, but I…I just can't believe it when I'm watching it play over and over again in my mind."
He was quiet as he contemplated my answers. "I'll get you a prescription, and then, I'd like you to come in every week. Try to fill up that journal with your thoughts- preferably one entry every day- whenever and wherever you feel like writing it. I assure you, I won't look at it…unless I feel like you're holding anything back."
Blackmail…
"Until you have something more in that journal, my hands are tied. But if you need to talk before our next appointment, my door is open."
"Thank you." I replied, trying to stay professional. I don't need to be in counseling, I thought. I just need a few more days to work out my grief.
Then, the Colonel's face flashed in my mind. He wouldn't ask me to do this if he didn't think it was absolutely necessary.
"I'll be here next week same time?" I asked.
"I'll be here." He handed me the prescription. "Take that down to the infirmary, and they'll get you set up."
"Thanks." I said, as I hurry to my quarters. I just need to have a good cry…and I can't be a good little soldier with mascara running down my cheeks.