Disclaimer: I don't own Higher ground or any characters from the show. I do own Carla.
AN: Thanks for your kind reviews, everyone!
Ghostwriter: I can't help you there. I tried it, but when you search for higher ground on msn, all you get are christian groups, that tell you to elevate your soul to higher ground...
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At seeing who the school's headmaster was, a painfully intense stream of contradicting feelings rushed through Carla. After the initial surprise she was consumed by a wave of joy and relief, for she had almost given up hope at ever seeing him again. But in less than a second the realization came crashing down on her: everything had just turned much more complicated. As anxiety began to creep into heart, she quickly averted her eyes, hoping that Peter couldn't read her feelings. Had she known that her face showed little more than shocked surprise, she would have been thankful for this small favour.
Carla was the first of the two to move again. She went closer as Peter began to move too and they shared a quick hug. "We meet again. I have to admit, I'm surprised.", Carla said with a genuine smile on her face.
Peter still wore a confused look on his face. "Same here.", he said.
Through all that, Sophie had watched silently. "So I take it you already know each other?"
"Yeah." Carla and Peter looked at each other. When she nodded slightly, he said: "We met when we both lived on the streets of Seattle." He seemed to be a bit uncomfortable.
In answer to a surprised look from Sophie, Carla explained: "A party with my superiors and colleagues is not the place to talk about a troubled past. The infighting in the Navy is complicated enough." Someone listening closely would have dected an apologetic note in her tone. But Sophie wasn't listening closely. Instead, her eyes jumped from Carla, to Peter and back at Carla. Could it be possible that these two...? She tried to fight the jealousy that was overcoming her, but wasn't very successful.
Watching Sophie, Carla quickly realized what was bothering her. She made a mental note to talk to her later, alone. Or maybe...maybe she could avoid the upcoming conflicts altogether? "If you have second thoughts about inviting me here, I'll leave, no problem. I don't want to disturb anyone." She saw that Peter was about to protest, but her eyes told him to shut up and he complied.
"Of course I don't want you to leave. I didn't tell you my whole life, either. I was just ... taken by surprise." Carla's offer had told her two things: one, she had been too quick to become jealous; two, her feelings had been obvious.
Now Peter jumped in. "You should really stay here. We have a lot of things to talk about. For example, why you disappeared from one day to the next..." He had clearly been hurt by that.
Carla turned to Sophie and joked: "See, that's why I offered you to leave right away. I'm not eager to face all this..." turning to Peter: "Do you have time now? We could talk later. I'm here for a week or so." She was loath to face the past, but knew that she had to do it. Besides, this would be the easy part.
"Do you want some privacy?" Sophie asked, sensing the growing tension.
Carla considered that for a second or two, then shook her head "As far as I'm concerned, you can stay." Only half joking she continued "it might be good to have a third party present, in case one of us suddenly feels the need to kill the other one."
Peter reluctantly agreed to Sophie's staying, too. He realized that now he'd have to talk about his relationship with Carla anyway.
"So, your question was, why did I disappear from one day to the next?" When Peter nodded, Carla continued. "Well, that's easy. I was arrested. I spent the next ten months in one of these prison-booth-camp things they use for first offenders." She wore a sarcastic smile like a mask.
Both Peter and Sophie were immensely surprised by that. "I knew that you did a lot of shoplifting and stuff, but ten months...?", Perer asked, but he actually wanted to ask: What did you do to deserve that?
Catching on to the implied question, Carla hesitated. Then: "You remember how I always used to get into fights? Well, that wasn't a problem as long as I fought with people living on the street too. After we were done fighting, each would crawl back into whatever crack in the pavement we came from and lick our wounds. But one day, there was this girl...; I don't know, I should have noticed earlier, I mean her clothes were just crumpled and dirty, not rags. Anyway, we got into an argument, something stupid; I think it was about a joint Shorty had just given me. You remember Shorty?" Peter nodded. Shorty had been a dealer, selling all kinds of drugs in Seattle. It wasn't something he liked to remember. "So, we got into an argument. I hadn't had a fight in a long time and was actually looking forward to it. She was high from whatever drugs she was on. Stupid verbal argument soon turned into fistfight. I don't think she had been in fights before. In the end, I had a few scratches, but I gotta admit, I beat her pretty bad. Like a few broken ribs and a lot of bruises..." there she was interrupted by the sound of Sophie gasping in shock.
Carla looked at Sophie, the left corner of her mouth drawn down. "Guess now you'll think twice about inviting someone you barely know." Her tone was hostile. She knew that everyone would hate her after hearing about her brutality. She had actually liked Sophie, wanted her as a friend...well, tough luck, girl! She told herself.
She turned to speak again. She had to get it out fast or she wouldn't get it out at all. "Anyway, that girl, her name was Jenny, went straight to Mommy and Daddy. Turns out she was a college student from a good family. She only came to our part of town for kicks. Next day, the police arrests me. That fast because Jenny recognized my mug shot. Also, I didn't think of running, I didn't think that fight was different from all the others I had been in. When they took me to the police station, they also found some pot on me and a wallet I had stolen some days earlier. I admitted having done everything I was accused of. The judge really looked surprised when I pleaded guilty; doesn't happen too often, I guess. Well, that's it." By now her face was devoid of emotions, so as not to show them how the last few minutes had hurt her.
In contrast to Sophie, Peter didn't seem too shocked by what he had heard. Something else was bothering him. "And you never even thought of notifying me? As far as I knew, you could have beeen dead!"
"Dear Peter, how do you think I should have 'notified' you? It's not like you owned a phone and I could have called you. It's not like anyone would have bailed me out and I could have told you. Besides, when I got out again, I went to Seattle, looking for you, but I couldn't find you. Also, if your worry got too much for you, I'm sure you had a lot of 'things' to help you." Her tone was mock serious.
Peter was speechless. Everyone in the room knew that Carla was hinting at his addiction to heroin and barbiturates. Sophie went to Peter and took his hand. She knew that especially after what happened not long ago, Carla's words must have hurt him. She was angry at Carla and angry at herself, for she felt responsible for this situation. "That was a low blow!", she hissed at Carla.
Before they could go on hurting each other, there was a knock on the door. Sophie called for whoever it was to come in, since Peter still seemed unable to speak. It was Ezra. He looked worried. When Carla felt his gaze on her, she turned to go. "I better give you some privacy." She said, smiling at Ezra. She was actually relieved to get out of this room. Going straight to her car, she knew that she had to face Peter sooner or later, but now that she knew where he lived, she could come back anytime. She felt guilty. It was pretty clear that Peter and Sophie were a couple, but they seemed to have some difficulties. She knew that she had just made everything even more complicated for them. It's the reverse Midas touch, she told herself. Everything I touch doesn't turn to gold but to ash.
-----------------------------------------------------
In Peter's office, Ezra noticed that Peter was tense and lost in thought, while Sophie stared at the closed door angrily. He thought about coming back later, when suddenly, Peter snapped out of it. "Do you want to talk to Sophie or to me?"
"Either of you is ok." Ezra said, confused. Carla had seemed nice when he met her earlier, but clearly she had a disturbing effect on both of his councellors.
Peter was already at the door. "Be back in a few.", he murmured.
------------------------------------------------------
Carla was startled to hear footsteps coming after her. When she turned, she saw Peter. "Where are you going?", he shouted.
She couldn't look him in the eye, so she stared at the ground. Now, she wouldn't get away easily. He'd want to talk about everything. That's what he always told others to do, being a councellor. He had reached her and was standing in front of her. Still not looking up she spoke, barely above a whisper: "Back to San Diego. I should never have come here. I only do damage."
When Peter didn't say anything, she finally worked up the courage to look at him. You can't undo the damage you've done, but at least try! A voice in her mind cried. "I'm sorry for what I said to you. I'm sure you have come a long way and it couldn't have been easy. Sophie was right, it was a cruel thing to say. But I... I can't even say that I didn't mean it, or that I didn't want to hurt you." She couldn't bear looking into the face she had once loved, so she looked down again. "Because, as much as I want to say it, it'd be a lie. In that moment... I wanted to hurt you. ...I'm sorry. I know it's not much, but it's all I can do."
When she felt Peter's hand on her arm, she was surprised. Then she heard his soft voice: "It's ok. I understand." Suddenly she was angry again. "I'm not one of your students! Don't get all shrinky on me! Don't say anything you don't really mean!", she hissed at him.
Seeing that they had attracted quite a crowd, Peter turned to the students. "Could you give us some privacy?" Everyone knew that it was not a question, but a request. "Only yesterday you were happy to have this day off and to not have to see much of me." Reluctantly, all the students went back to what they were doing. To Carla, Peter said: "Let's go into an empty office and talk there."
Carla didn't think that was a good idea. As much as she tried, she couldn't keep a sarcastic smile out of her face. "Not good. In case you didn't notice, Sophie has a pretty good idea what our relationship was back then. I already made things complicated enough for you two; being alone in an empty office with you won't make anything any better. If you really want to talk, what about these picnic tables?"