Changes Chapter 9 He'll always stay with us, a higher ground fanfic

Disclaimer: I don't own Higher Ground or any of its original characters. I do own Carla.

AN: In case you were wondering: starting with the next chapter, I will work in the Cliffhangers a bit more. I don't know whether the Khmer Rouge really left a lot of mines in Cambodia, but Encarta tells me there's an unknown number of mines in that country, so I just assume they did (artistic license, right?). Also, I'm not sure Robin's behaviour really fits his age (9), I don't have a lot of experience with children.

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The next morning, Carla and Sophie went running together. When they reached the point Sophie usually turned around at, she challenged Carla. "Race you back to the cabin? Loser makes breakfast."

Carla grinned, sure she'd win. "Alright. One…. Two…. Three!" And off they went.

Carla reached the cabin first. When she turned around to face Sophie, she also didn't breath as hard as her. "Not bad for someone who runs just to keep fit!"

"Ha, ha, very funny. You don't run professional, either, do you?" Sophie didn't like losing.

"I don't run professional, no; but I used to run with forty pounds on my back and I still run with weights most of the time. I also run every marathon that's not too far away. You ever tried that?"

"Marathon? No." – "You'd probably manage even without additional training. With training, you could get a good ranking. You should try."

"Maybe I will, someday. Do you want your eggs scrambled?" – "Yes, please. And could I use your telephone? I want to call my son." – "Of course, go ahead. I'll call you when breakfast's ready."

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Telephone ringing.

"Hello?"

"Hi Cerise, Carla here. How are you?"

"Fine, just fine. I'm glad to have Robin here. It makes me feel young again."

"You're not that old!"

"Yes, I am. I guess you want to speak with the little one? – I'll put him on."

"Thanks."

… … …

"Hi, mama!"

"Good morning, Rob. Did you sleep well?"

"No… I had a nightmare!"

"Bad?"

"Very bad! I saw,…. I saw Daddy falling into a void and I was standing next to it and I couldn't help him and I couldn't reach him, he was just falling and falling and falling, and I tried to go after him, and I couldn't…"

"Oh, dear, that must have been bad. Didn't you wake up?"

"Yeah, I did, and then I wanted to get up and see if Daddy's alright, and then…" Carla heard quiet sobs. "…and then I remembered he wasn't there anymore; and everything wasn't a nightmare, but it was true…"

Silent tears had started to run down Carla's cheeks. "I know, Robin, it's very hard. Did you tell your grandmother about the dream?"

"No, I wanted to tell you – mama, what happened to Daddy?"

"He died."

"But why? It's unfair!"

"Yes, it is…"

"Why! I wanna know what happened!"

"Right now?"

"Yeah, I want to know!"

Making a conscious effort not to let her voice tremble, Carla answered. "He stepped on a mine – " Here she was interrupted.

"A mine? Where they get gold out of the earth?"

"No, a land mine. That's a bomb they put in the earth. When someone steps on it, it explodes."

Silence. Then. "Are they everywhere? Are they here?" His voice was frightened. Only now did Carla notce that tears were streaming down her face.

"No, there aren't any in America."

"So why did Daddy step on them?"

"What do you know about Cambodia?"

"It's in Asia. People are poor there. Something called Khmer Rouge…"

"You know a lot."

"Daddy taught me." That gave her another stab right into the heart.

"The Khmer Rouge aren't there anymore, but they were bad people and they also put these mines into the earth. Daddy went there to destroy the mines."

"But why did he go there?"

"It was his job. He was a specialist and he wanted to destroy them so kids could go out playing safely again."

"So he helped save children?"

"Yes, he did. Every mine he destroyed is a bit more safety for the people there."

"But it's unfair he died!" That he said forcefully, almost as if he hoped that if it was unfair, it couldn't be true.

"I know it is, Robin, but sometimes life isn't fair." More like most of the time. – Don't think like that, it's depressing!

"How can we live without him?"

The answer she gave, in a gentle voice, was something she told herself almost every day. "We don't live without him, Robin. As long as we remember him, a part of him will always be with us. Only if we forget, he will be gone completely."

"I will always remember Dad!" Carla almost smiled at the sincerity in his voice.

"I'm sure you will, Rob. Are you ok? Should I come back earlier?"

"No, mama, I'm alright. I like it here with grandma. … Good bye!"

"Bye, Rob!"

When she put down the phone, Carla realized that her right hand was clenched into a tight fist. She willed her fingers to open, which was pretty difficult as they seemed to be frozen into their position. After they finally obeyed her brain's commands, she discovered that her nails had left bloody cuts in the palm of her hand. I forgot to cut them. Again. She turned to go to the bathroom and wash the blood from her hand, but froze when she saw Sophie standing in the doorway. She felt her face go hot. She was furious at Sophie for listening, for seeing her like this. But her fury was soon covered by resignation. …to bear what we can't change…

Apparently, the emotions had shown on her face, because Sophie snapped out of her petrified state. "Look, I'm sorry, I didn't want to eavesdrop, I just came to tell you breakfast is ready -" Just then she noticed the silent tears still streaming down Carla's face. "Oh my, can I help you somehow?"

The answer was accompanied by a sad smile. "How about turning back time or … making him alive again?"

"I'm afraid I'm not able to do either of that. But if you want to talk about it…"

A sigh. Then a shrug. "There's not much to talk about. I always knew he had a risky job. I mean, both of us did. We had to expect death anytime. But when it hit, it was still unexpected and… painful beyond belief. … and then Robin…" She drew in a shaky breath. "Robin was very close to Rich. I mean he's close to me, too, of course, but it was not like in some families, where there's barely any relationship between father and children. ….. Before today, he never asked how it happened. It's hard – hard to see him in pain."

"What you told him, about part of his father staying as long as he remembers; I thought that was really beautiful."

"It's what I believe. – I don't think I should stay for a week now. I'll leave Tuesday evening. Is that alright with you?"

"Of course. – Do you want to have breakfast now?"

Carla paused, contemplating whether she would be able to eat anything. "Yes, alright. And then I need to go for a run."

Sophie frowned at that. "A run? But we just had one."

"I know. But some solitude, only trees around me and physical exercise is what I need right now.", Carla stated matter-of-factly.

"You know, you can't run away from your problems."

"I'm aware of that. Problems are like your shadow, they always stay with you. But if you run with your face to the sun, you don't see them."