Disclaimer: I don't own Higher Ground or any of it's original characters. I do own Carla. And Robin. And Cerise, and Richard.

AN: Thanks to everyone who took the time to review! One of these days, I mentally checked everything I want to happen in this story and I realized that I'm not even halfway through. I hope you'll stay with me, though!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Later that evening, when it was already dark, Carla was sitting in the gazebo, waiting for Peter and Sophie to join her. Staring into the flickering fire, she thought back to the afternoon. Sophie had won their little competition. Not that this was unexpected. After all, Sophie had a lot more practice, living here in the mountains like she did. Still, Carla had to admit to herself that she was disappointed. Stop being so childish, she chided herself. At least you won the little race this morning. That thought made her wince. This morning hadn't been exactly painless. Of course she had always known that there would come a day when Robin would want to know more about Richard's death. But she had allowed herself to forget about it. She had told herself to cross that bridge when she came to it. So, this morning she had been taken by surprise. And over the phone! It would have been better to tell him in person, be there for him. Or maybe not. He needs me to be strong for him. Crying in front of him just wouldn't do. I just hope he is okay…

"Is the fire that interesting?"

Carla looked up to see Peter standing there. "Sure. If you stare into it long enough, you start seeing things."

"Ugh. I don't even want to know."

"So where's Sophie?"

"She's in the girls' dorm. That gives us some time alone. We have some catching up to do."

"Catching up?" Carla raised her eyebrows.

"You said it yourself yesterday. We don't know anything about each other. Time to change that."

Didn't you just say you didn't want to know what I see in the fire? That is something about me! Carla screamed in her mind. But she decided to play along anyway. "Yeah, why not. So what did you do before you ended up in Seattle? You sound east coast to me."

"Wall Street. I worked in my father's company."

That was a surprise. "Really? I don't doubt you have the intelligence, I just didn't think you were into money."

Peter shrugged. "People change. So what about you?"

"I got a BA from UCLA. Even started for my master's."

"What subject?"

"East Asian Studies and Japanese."

"Double Major?" Carla nodded. "Wow."

"Just because I fucked up my life at one point doesn't mean I'm uneducated." There was resentment in her voice.

"I didn't mean it like that. I'd be impressed at anyone who studied these subjects, especially as a double major. By the way, do you still cut?"

That got her attention. "What?" Does my mind play tricks on me? He can't have asked what I thought he did. That's completely off the subject!

"You thought I never noticed?"

"No. I just didn't think you'd bring it up." I obviously was delusional…

"Well, I didn't think you'd bring up my drug use either."

"Oh, so this is payback? Why did you react so much anyway? Sophie obviously already knew about it, so that couldn't have been your concern…"

"I…uh…some weeks ago I had a relapse…" He looked ashamed and embarrassed.

"Oh, I'm sorry. Are you alright now?"

"Yes, more or less. But you didn't answer my question."

So much for my ability to successfully change the subject… "No I don't. I stopped when I noticed I was pregnant. I did cut…twice after Robin was born, but not for four years now."

"Really?" Peter managed to put a lot of doubt in his voice.

The implied accusation made Carla angry. So angry in fact, that she didn't dare to speak. She was sure that if she opened her mouth only obscenities would come out. So she clenched her teeth and stared in the fire.

To Peter, this reaction looked a lot like guilt. "Show me your arms." He said in a commanding tone.

Carla looked at him incredulously. "Just who do you think you are? I'm not one of your students. I don't lie deliberately. I accepted your word that you are okay after your last relapse. Why can't you accept my word?"

"Don't understand me wrong… Sophie told me you had a lot of…stress this morning. She told me you clenched your fist so hard you got your palm bleeding…"

Take some deep breaths, stay calm.. She looked at the scabbed over cuts in her right palm. "Alright, I can see where this is coming from. But this morning…it was a completely unconscious reaction. I only noticed when I ended the call. It doesn't have anything to do with cutting."

"So, if you have nothing to hide, why not show me your arms?" Peter was very insistent.

Giving in, Carla slowly pushed the sleeves of her sweater up to over her elbows. God, this feels so humiliating…why am I actually doing this? Oh, yeah I know, it wouldn't do to get completely on Peter's bad side… Then she turned her arms around so he could see every side of them. "Satisfied?"

Peter got a bit closer to look at the arms. They were covered with old scars, some prominent, some barely visible. But nothing that looked recent. But then…"What's that?" He pointed to a big scar on her left forearm. I didn't look like a cut…

She traced the scar lightly with her fingertips as she answered. "'That' is from a bullet. It only grazed me, so it wasn't anything serious."

"Listen, I'm sorry. It wasn't about payback. I was really concerned." Only honesty was in his voice, as well as in his eyes. His eyes…his face was close to hers. Almost uncomfortably close. Almost as if…No, he isn't going to kiss me, right? He came even closer. Yes, he is! A short moment of panic. How should I react? – Well, why not just go along with it and enjoy? You haven't had a real kiss for…uh, don't think about that. So she closed her eyes and waited for his lips to touch her own. Behind her closed eyelids, an image of Richard emerged slowly. His intense, dark eyes, his curly hair, his full lips… Then her lips met his. And she was shocked. That's not Richard! She opened her eyes just to see Peter's face up close. What the hell did you get yourself into? She put her hands flat on his chest and pushed him away.

Peter stumbled back, gasping in surprise. "What's the matter?"

Isn't that obvious? "The matter is, that it's not a good idea for us to kiss each other. I am married and you are in a steady relationship."

Peter looked at her strangely. "You are not married, you are widowed. And I –"

Without thinking, Carla drove her fist into his gut. With a certain satisfaction she watched as he doubled over in pain and gasped for air. "Thank you very much for reminding me of that. It's not like I am painfully aware of my situation every day, hell, every hour of every day, isn't it?" Her voice was full of sarcasm, trying to hide just how deep Peter's remark had cut.

Peter felt as if all the air was expelled from his lungs. He knew that his remark had been a little insensitive, but he hadn't expected this. He had never been able to fully understand her; and now it became clear that this wouldn't change. When he was finally able to breathe again, he looked at Carla. He saw only anger. He knew that he was on thin ice, so to speak, but he had to ask the question that just popped into his mind. "So did our relationship never mean anything to you?"

Carla stared into his eyes, almost as if she didn't look at him, but through him. Finally her anger evaporated as she realized that he was actually insecure, asking this question. She sat down again and sighed heavily. "Peter, back then, meeting you was the best thing that could have happened to me. But it was never meant to last forever. The way we never talked about our pasts, the way we never made plans for the future, the way I took notice of your drug use but didn't really care, the same with you and my cutting." She shook her head. "You gotta admit that we never really understood each other. And this evening has just shown that that isn't likely to change. We just don't fit. Your relationship with Sophie on the other hand…why would you want to throw it away so easily?"

"We…have some problems." Peter said tentatively.

Carla almost laughed at that. "Yes, I can see that, I'm not blind. But I, personally, think that you probably wouldn't propose marriage to a woman you didn't really love."

Peter was shocked. "She…she told you?"

Carla nodded, her face getting serious. "So why did you just try to kiss me?"

Peter stared at her as he realized that he couldn't think of any reason. "This is going to sound real strange, but I don't know. I really don't know."

Having suspected something like that, Carla nodded once more. "In that case…I'm just going to forget it, we pretend it never happened and go on with our Q&A session. Sound good to you?"

Since Peter seemed to be lost in thought, Carla went on without him having said anything. "So, did you grow up in New York?"

"Yeah, but I never liked the city too much. My favourite part of it was Central Park." He said with a small smile. "What about you? LA?"

"No, I grew up in St. Louis. I went to LA because I wanted to study Japanese. There are a lot of Japanese immigrants at the West Coast, so it's easier to find a native speaker to help you with the language." Besides, LA is a lot more fun than St. Louis…

"And your parents? They were from Russia?"

"Russia? No. Why?" She could barely contain a smirk. Why does everyone have to have this particular misconception?

"Your last name. It sounds Russian…"

"Radzilovich? No it doesn't. It sounds Polish. And yes, my father was a third generation American with roots in Poland. They even raised me bilingual. But now it's my turn again. You are way ahead with the questions. So tell me, how did you get to this?" She indicated the campus with a broad gesture of her left hand.

"Frank, who built up this school helped me to my feet again after an OD landed me in hospital. When I was okay again, I decided to stay here and help others."

"So that was true…" Carla was lost in memories.

"What was true?"

"I told you I went back to Seattle and searched for you, right? Well, everyone I asked told a different story. One of these stories was that you survived an OD and disappeared."

"What about you? Why did you join the Navy? I always thought you had a problem with authority."

"I do have a problem with that. But when Robin was born, I decided that I couldn't go on like that. Fucking up my own life, that was my problem. But living on the street with a little child…" she shook her head. "I remembered the judge suggesting the Army for 'channeling my violence to a good cause'. So I applied for Annapolis. The Navy provides free medical treatment for me and my son, childcare facilities, and I was able to get another degree. B.Sc. in Marine Engineering. It made a lot of sense at that time."

"So you have just one child?"

Carla studied Peter's face closely, searching for some clue for what he was aiming at. When she didn't find anything, she answered cautiously. "Yes."

"You do know that it's better for children to grow up with siblings?"

"I am well aware of that, yes." Don't you dare accuse me of not having more kids. I might just hit you again.

But Peter isn't psychic, so he did just that. "So why don't you have more kids? I thought you only wanted the best for your son?"

While drawing in a deep breath and trying to come up with an answer that didn't include the use of her fists, Carla sensed motion out of the corner of her eye. That can only be Sophie…Oh well, just get it done with. "I do, and once I had dreams of at least three kids. But you know what? A hysterectomy tends to make you reconsider your family plans." Try as she might, she couldn't keep the anger out of her voice. She was surprised when she felt a reassuring hand on her shoulder. When she looked up, Sophie was standing there.

Peter clearly was at loss for words. "I'm sorry, uh…I…" he trailed off.

"Oh, you don't have to be sorry. It wasn't your fault." The anger was mostly gone. Now she only felt tired and spent. "Sophie, I'm going back to your cabin, see if I can get some sleep." Leaning closer, she whispered. "Today is as good a time as any." Louder: "Good night!"

And so she left Peter and Sophie, both of them thinking about what they had just heard, but for different reasons.