Disclaimer: I don't own Higher Ground or any of it's original characters. I do own Carla.
AN: Thanks for reviewing, Queen of Shadows, Ghostwriter and mary-023! Sorry this chapter is a bit short...
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Today is as good a time as any. That was definitely true. One part of her mind even told her that today, now, was better than the days before. It was the part that had made her afraid and, yes jealous, from the moment Peter said he and Carla knew each other. Afraid, that Peter would rather go back to Carla. She knew that it wasn't good to feel relieved at someone else's misery, but when she heard Carla telling Peter that she couldn't have any kids she felt like weights had been lifted off her. She would tell him today, but later. First, she wanted to tease him a little.
"I leave you alone with her for half an hour and already you manage to fight." She said in a voice like a mother who is disappointed in her son.
"If you think that was a fight, you should have seen her hit me earlier." Peter said absentmindedly. He wondered what was wrong with him. Everything he had said seemed to anger Carla. Maybe there was truth to her words that there was just no understanding each other for them.
"She hit you?" There was alarm in Sophie's voice. "Are you okay?"
"Umm, well…, I think I even deserved it. And yes, I'm okay. But it's nice to hear that you're worried about me." He said with a lopsided grin.
"I do care about you, you know." Sophie was sincere.
Peter decided to risk asking once more. "Do you care enough to finally give me an answer as to why you turned down my proposal?" His eyes were pleading with her not to push him away again.
Sophie sighed. "Look, caring about you doesn't have anything to do with that. I was just afraid…" Actually, she still was.
"Afraid of what?" he couldn't think of any reason, but he was relieved that she was ready to talk to him.
"Afraid that I would have to tell you…things, and then you would reject me." She didn't look him in the eye, afraid to let him see the tears that pooled there.
"I would never reject you, Soph. I love you too much. You can tell me everything."
She looked at him for what seemed to be a long time. "Peter…do you,…do you want kids?"
Peter didn't know what she was driving at, but he chuckled. "Yes, of course! Of course I want kids."
His reply was so enthusiastic. Sophie felt her hopes sinking. She turned away from him. "You see, that's the problem. You want kids, but I – I can't give them to you. Or to me, for that matter." Now she couldn't hold back the tears anymore.
Peter stood there, dumbfounded. "What do you mean?"
Sophie almost shouted now. "For god's sake, why don't you get it? I can't have kids. That's it." Tears were streaming down her face.
Peter told himself to say something, to do something, before it was too late for them. So he tried to shake the shock that had gripped him. He pulled Sophie into a close embrace, murmuring in her ear. "The only thing I want even more than kids is you, Sophie Becker."
As if that had been the magical words the tension left her body. She leaned into Peter trustingly, once again completely at ease with him.
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On Monday morning they had done their running in mutual silence. Both Carla and Sophie had been lost in their own thoughts. That's why Carla was a bit startled when they arrived back at the cabin and suddenly, out of the blue, Sophie said "Thanks."
"Huh?" not sure if she had heard correctly, or if the word had been aimed at her at all, Carla pretended not to have understood.
"You were right."
"Can you be even more cryptic? Right about what?" Carla really didn't know what Sophie was talking about.
Sophie looked at Carla and concluded that her thoughts must have been somewhere else completely. Surely she couldn't already have forgotten what she told her yesterday and the day before. "About Peter, that he wouldn't reject me because of my…problem."
Click! Of course, what else would she be talking about. You're so thick sometimes! "So you talked with him?"
"Yes, thanks to you. You helped me get the courage."
"Don't make too much of that. Sooner or later you would have come around to it on your own. At most, I helped speed up the process a bit."
"Still, I owe you thanks."
Carla grinned. "You're welcome. So. It's my turn cooking breakfast today, right?"
"What? Why?"
"I lost our competition yesterday, remember?" And I don't want to keep talking about Peter…
"Oh. Well, I won't keep you from making breakfast, just don't trash my kitchen. I'm taking a shower." And off she went.
"Trash your kitchen, my ass! I'm probably a better cook than you are." Carla muttered under her breath.
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Peter was already in his office, thinking back to the evening before. I can't have kids. Sophie's words had been a shock for him. But there was no doubt in his mind that he had done the right thing. He'd rather live with the woman he loved, without kids, than living without kids because there was no-one for him to have them with.
He also thought of Carla, and how they always ended up fighting when they were in the same place for more than a few minutes. He wondered what had changed. He thought back…and realized that he couldn't remember ever really having talked to her. He remembered them sharing, yes, but not talking. Sharing food, sharing shelter, sometimes sharing drugs although she wasn't too interested in them. And they had shared their bodies. He remembered an abandoned warehouse, the park, a few times even motel rooms – he still wondered how she'd paid for them…
His thoughts were interrupted by the fax machine coming to life. On the sheet that was printed out, he saw the Army letterhead and wondered what that was about. When he was done reading the text, he closed his eyes and cursed silently.
After standing there for another while he finally sighed and went to the cafeteria.
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