It always ends this way.

The screams are always caught in my chest, gritting my teeth, arching never releasing. You never speak, never, all you do is open the door and close it quietly. You ordered me not to scream the first time, you didn't have to tell me twice…I always try to follow orders after all. I jerk slightly and clamp my teeth on your shoulder, biting and scratching like the dog im told I am.

You give one last thrust and your body jerks, your face screws in ecstasy and your mouth opens a gasp falling from your lips. You collapse over me, your breath playing over my sweat soaked skin snaking back to play with my hair. I swallow words im too nervous… too cowardly to say. You wouldn't listen even if I did tell you, you would probably think im making it up, lying to you… any excuse to deny what I've said. You never believe me or show me any respect… maybe you do… I just don't see it.

After awhile you lift your hands from my skin, trailing over my hips and chest before you place them beside me, using them to lever yourself into an upright position. You disentangle yourself from the blankets and my own form, turning your back on me. The teeth marks on your shoulder and the nail prints do nothing for me, not now, not now that your leaving. Unknowingly, by staring I make you flinch. You suddenly stand

"Stop that!" you snap at me.

In the light coming from the open window you dress. First picking up the underwear you discarded last, I don't know how it got onto my chair. You don't look at me at all, and, as you buckle your belt I know you never will, not till we see each other in the crowded halls, or in another's presence, you've never looked at me that way. Possibly if you want to you will come again tomorrow… possibly. Im never the one who decides when and where these couplings will take place, neither what happens in them. All im certain of is one thing.

You always take control.

I don't know why you do, perhaps you love it. Enjoy it possibly, after all, its just another way of putting me in my place right? But… how should I know, im just a child compared to you. I don't claim to be a mind reader, and your far more complicated than most people I've had the pleasure (or displeasure) to meet. I always hope that maybe someday I can figure you out, maybe someday.

You walk towards the door, now safe in the knowledge that you wont be speaking to me I sigh and turn on my side, pulling the covers around me. Wincing slightly as my spine screams in protest then I relax, lying still. You've stopped moving, the doors not opening. Your still here. I shiver and curl in tighter, refusing myself to even look at you, I scrunch my closed eyes tighter but the tears continue to will themselves to fall soaking into my pillow. I hear you move closer and in a fit of frustration whip the pillow from beneath my head, whirling around and chucking it in your direction.

"GET OUT!" I yell as it hits you in the face, or maybe not, you lower it slightly and look at me "DON'T JUST STAND THERE YOU TWAT! MOVE!" I choke out a gasp before flinging myself back into the pillows hugging one to my chest in a vain attempt to stop shaking. Yes… im shaking, that's how much you scare me, That's how much you thrill me, what just a simple look can do. Under the right circumstances, needless to say that was one of them and you didn't even speak to me. You never speak to me.

The bed creaks slightly as you sit down, I slide backwards into the dip you've made, your arms curling around my waist, you lift me up into your lap. Like a rag doll, I remain limp, I know better than to refuse you. You smile slightly and cradle me against your chest.

"You know you don't really mean that don't you?" your voice is soft, I don't think I've actually ever heard it this way before. I sniff lightly and bury my head in your uniform shirt, Im still crying, tears silently falling down my face. When I don't answer you hold me away from you slightly, a confused, upset look over your features. "you- you don't. Do you?" I lift my head and look you in the eyes you look so afraid… I smile softly and laugh hollowly "you know I don't…" you smile and pull me close. I sigh softly and lift my arms clinging around your neck, crying again… what's the matter with me? You let out a relieved sigh and make to stand up. I clutch you tighter. You struggle slightly and let out a moan of discomfort.

"I need to go-"

"stay" I plead gasping slightly as you move again "please, just- just a little longer… like this, I wont bother you anymore if you do"

You relax slightly your arms returning to their previous position. You bury your head in the crux of my neck and sigh deeply. I feel you begin to trace patterns on my skin and I relax under your touch, the covers wrapped round me are pulled a tad lower as your hand circles lower. Warmth trails from your fingertips, my tiered nerves loosing their locked positions, I sag slightly.

"you've never done this before" I manage to say, you laugh lightly something that vibrates down to my toes… the human ones anyway.

"You've never asked me to stay" I swallow and gently press my lips to your pulse point, you inhale sharply.

"I didn't think you would listen… or know that you wanted to" I sigh "all I knew is that you never looked at me, you never spoke from beyond that first time, afterwards it was just… as if I- as if I wasn't needed anymore"

You loosen your grip on me as I pull back staring you in your eyes… those dark midnight blue eyes…

"am I needed? Can you tell me?"

I look down at you, those amber eyes that ive learned I cant refuse. Are you needed? Are you so insecure that you don't know the answer to that one? You of all people should know that, being as young as you are… as brave… as… amazing.

Okay

I swore myself never to speak to you in a friendly tone.

I swore never to let you get hurt again.

I swore that somehow I would get you to be happy continuously.

I wanted to make you hate this position so badly that you would give up alchemy and become a normal person, so you would never have to fight again. So you would never have to see death ever again.

I promised myself that I would look after you and keep my distance.

Needless to say I failed on all accounts, though I suppose you would be dead five hundred times over if you hadn't been with us here.

Then I decided, if I couldn't have what I wanted from you I would take the smallest amount I could. I wouldn't take your love, I wouldn't take your touch, I above all would not involve you in any of my affairs. What is so ironic is that you want all this, you want all this as bad as I do. You want me, you want who I am. I can tell, you are just that easy to read, your always so open. Im sorry if I have been so cold… it was the only way I could stay sane. Im sorry I forbade you to scream… I would have lost myself so completely with you if it had been so.

I smile softly, lean closer till my nose touches yours. Your eyes are wide, afraid, apprehensive and above all full of need, of want, something so primal that I liken your eyes to that of a predator before I remember your waiting for an answer.

I kiss you gently and after hesitation you melt into my arms.

"Always"