Disclaimer: I don't own ABC or AMC. If I did, do you think the show would be in the state that it is? Plus, it would be Zendall 24/7!
Title: The Dance That We Do
Author: Jayta
Rating: PG13
Show: All My Children
A/N: Ooooh puuuurdy:plays with mesmerizing shiny:
A/N 2: Holla to Zach and Kendall readers/posters! You guys totally rock and keep me amused. Even if you don't know you're doing it!
A/N 3: FYI, I have created a Zendall fanfic community over at Please come over and join or enjoy. If you have an account there, I wouldn't mind some 'staff' :hehehe: to help me manage and find some good fics to add. Oh, and just know that I try to keep the ratings below NC-17. Yeah, keep your boos to yourself. Dirty girls...

Chapter Five: A Reprieve of Sorts

She had been staring out that window for the past fifteen minutes. He had been watching her doing that for the past fifteen minutes. There had been no words during the car ride home. Dr. Mulatto had released her the day after. They had been handed pamphlets about grief and 'the loss of a child'. Condescending bastards. They knew nothing about it.

"Kendall," he said, finally managing to find his voice. "What did Greenlee say to you?"

Against his advice and pleading, Kendall insisted that Greenlee should be phoned. It had been after she had settled down from the breakdown over the news of the miscarriage. He had left the room, promising to give her privacy throughout the conversation. And he kept his promises.

However, he did watch anxiously through the narrow glass pane, that allowed doctors (and himself in this case) to peer in on the patient. The conversation had begun softly and solemnly. The tears began to flow two words into the call. He watched Kendall cradle the phone in her hand, as if somehow to comfort Greenlee who was hundreds of thousands of miles away; and then the questions began. Zach was sure they were more like accusations. There were animated gestures along with more tears.

All the while, he never approached the door. He had no idea how he did it. It was amazing the amount of self-restraint he had. Sometimes it surprised him. It took everything in him not to barge into the room and order Greenlee to stop interrogating the most amazing and generous woman that lived.

"Hm?" There was no other response.

Zach slowly made his way across the room, until he stood behind his wife. She wore a loose aquamarine wrap dress that he had bought her when they discharged her that day, since she did not have a change of clothing. Raising his hands, they hovered inches away from her bare arms,but he could not bring himself to touch her. Ever since she had crumbled into his arms at the hospital, Kendall had refused any human touch - any comfort. "What did Greenlee say to you?" he asked softly. "Did she...hurt you?"

This caught Kendall's attention. She turned around to face him - only inches away from him. "Did she hurt me?" Her tone was quizzical, laced with a hint of anger. "Zach, I was the one who killed her child," she said calmly. "How could she hurt me?"

"Kendall, you couldn't have known," he said soothingly. "You heard what Dr. Mulatto said, the way the baby was positioned, no one knew the cord had been slightly severed; nevertheless, know that the cord would tear. Even Dr. Madden's trained eye did not see it."

There was no way for the baby to survive. It lacked the nourishment it needed to develop and mature. He blamed Dr. Madden for this all. He had stuck this crazy idea in Kendall's head - for her to carry Ryan and Greenlee's child. And now Kendall was alone, dealing with the loss of a child and also Greenlee's fury.

"But I should have known!" Kendall hissed. "It was inside of me. It was a part of me. How could I have not known something wasn't wrong?"

"Kendall, you were only a few weeks into the pregnancy," Zach said in disbelief. "You are not responsible for what happened."

"If I hadn't argued with Greenlee in that fire," she whispered distantly. "Then this wouldn't have happened."

"Stop this," he grabbed her, forcing her to look into his eyes. "You are not responsible. You stayed in there because you loved Greenlee and she was trapped, frightened, and alone."

"What do you understand?" Her eyes were dark and clouded. He could not see a light at the end of her tunnel. She was spiraling down from the tragedy. "Do you know what it is like to want to give someone such a selfless gift?" she spat. "Do you know what it's like to know that your best friend and someone you love is hurting so much worse than you are? As if that was humanly possible?"

What could he say to that? She was hurting. And there wasn't a damn thing he could do.

--&--

Empty. Now she truly knew what the meaning of the word was. She had thought she had felt empty when she lost Ryan to Greenlee. She had thought she had felt empty when Erica rejected her time and time again. But no, that wasn't even quite there. This was empty. This was an empty void.

She wanted to just crawl up into a ball and die. Though she hadn't truly known the child - felt it kick or move inside of her - there was a sense of loss. Kendall couldn't imagine what it would have been like if it was further in the pregnancy.

What am I supposed to do now? Greenlee was insanely angry at her. Her only consolation was the fact that Ryan was there with her. She had Ryan there to console her. Who do I have?

She glanced into the other room, where Zach was pacing back and forth, talking on his cell phone. He retreated quickly when she had freaked out at him. Part of her felt horrible for blaming him. Kendall could not voice how grateful she was that he had been there for her. Closing her eyes, she felt herself bogged down with feelings of anger and grief. She let out a deep breath. He probably did it out of a sense of obligation.

Though her consolation was that her child, hers and Greenlee's, was not the last chance Greenlee could have at a family with Ryan. Vasectomies had been reversed. And Greenlee was still producing eggs...However, the light that shined upon the idea of offering to be the surrogate had somehow dimmed. She could not fathom offering in the near future. After losing this one, she could hardly think straight - let alone try to replace it with another child.

So what was she to do? I should go back to Pine Valley, and help Greenlee plan a memorial or something. The thought brought her to near tears. Shaking her head, Kendall tightly hugged the pillow she had against her body. She couldn't deal with the drama that was about to ensue. Greenlee, Ryan, Erica, and Jack...she needed time to think.

Only 32 hours ago she had been the ecstatic host for a miracle. Now she was devoid - a mere shell. She had no purpose anymore.

--&--

Sitting on the veranda, Kendall stared mindlessly at the brilliant waves of blue that lapped up on the shore. Though life had ended just the night before, the world still kept turning. It didn't cloud over the bright rays of the sun; everything moved on.

"Hey." Though he was only an arms length away, he could have been in Pine Valley at that moment. "Are you..."

"If you say 'fine' one more time I'm going to climb one of those trees myself," she pointed to the unwavering towering groves, "and knock you up side the head with a coconut."

"Okay." The corner of his lip curled at her unexpected little quips. "No health questions," he chuckled. Pulling a chair up along side her, Zach sat down, staring at her. She was stunning. Even in misery, Kendall Hart was beautiful.

"What are you doing?" He always did that. Zach had this nasty habit of staring at her. It wouldn't have annoyed her so, except his piercing dark eyes, even though nothing physical, reached out and touched her. It was unnerving at best.

"I'm just sitting here," he replied with a shrug. "Is that a problem?"

A problem? No. No problem at all. Except the man that she loved, but hated, was staring at her. And the fact that part of her was craving it and hating it at the same time.

Of course he wanted her to say there was a problem. Zach loved to watch her explode and torment her, until she blurted out her innermost secrets and exploded into oblivion. "No problem." She mimicked him, shrugging, and feigned disinterest, keeping her focus on the rolling waves, as she watched him out of the corner of her eye.

"So do you think you'll be leaving today?" The question almost caught in his throat. He wanted her to stay. Zach wanted her to want to stay with him. Here, he could shield her from the insanity that was abounding in a town that could have been a million miles away right then.

"You want me to leave?" She turned her head slightly, her eyes shifting briefly over at him.

"No," he answered without hesitation. He couldn't answer any other way. It was the truth - something she wanted more than anything from those in her life; yet ironically it was something she couldn't hold to. "But it isn't about what I want, right?"

"R-Right." Kendall ignored the implied question. She turned her attention back to the ocean before her. "And I don't think I should leave just yet," she declared matter-of-factly. "Dr. Mulatto says I should avoid any stress during my recovery."

"Will wonders never cease, Kendall Hart following orders," he chuckled, leaning back in his chair.

"Slater." She closed her eyes as she realized her unwitting mistake.

"Wh-what?"

"Kendall Hart Slater," she breathed, her eyes remaining shut. "It's Kendall Hart Slater."

"Right," Zach said slowly. Part of him wanted to smile at how logistical she was being. But part of him was not quite sure what that meant. A certain red-headed broad would have said that it was an unexpressed desire on Kendall's part. "You're right."

She forced herself to look at him. He wasn't smirking as she would have expected. Instead, he was just staring...again. It was the same thoughtful expression he had when they were both trying to predict Ryan's reaction to Greenlee's news. He seemed slightly puzzled or confused. "Of course I'm right," she said gruffly. "Haven't you learned that little tid-bit yet, dear husband of mine?"

"Oh, I knew," he nodded absent-mindedly. "It just slipped my mind for a moment."

"Zach," she said, turning to him, as the moment turned serious. "I n-need time...time to process."

"Of course." He hadn't expected anything less. But what surprised him was how well she was taking it. His thoughts trailed back to the morning he had told her about the baby. Maybe that was all she needed to let it go?

Inwardly, he rolled his eyes at himself. Who was he kidding? Kendall hadn't even scratched the surface of her grief. But instead, she showed her resilience by handling her pain with grace and strength - a trait that showed itself at the most unexpected times.

"So this divorce," she whispered. Kendall turned to face him once again.

'Why are you doing this? What is the reason? Why stay?' a voice questioned shrilly.

Kendall closed her eyes, as if that would shut out the accusing voices in her head.

"Yeah?" he said expectantly. Was she going to push forward with it today of all days?

"I...I," she stammered, shifting uncomfortably in her seat. "I want to postpone it."

Postpone. That he never saw coming. Part of him rejoiced at the reprieve. "Postpone?"

"Is this a problem?" Kendall's head spun around, her uncertain gaze met his waiting gaze. Had she made a selfish mistake? Of course, why would he want to postphone...Just take it back. Take it back. "Because we could..."

"No." He smiled softly. He let out a slow even breath, unaware that he had been holding it. "This is good," Zach answered, rubbing his hands together. "We'll postpone the divorce."